The Raving Queen

"I Mean, Even 'Cream Of Wheat' Has Lumps!!!!!!!"

2012-02-15T08:26:00.000-08:00

That line, darlings, was not heard in last night's reworking of "Merrily We Roll Along" at ENCORES, City Center, but it has always been one of my favorites, so I could not resist. Let it be said no one can accuse The Raving Queen of being without timing, because, when Monsieur and I bought the tickets originally, we did so, thinking it would be a nice thing to do on Valentine's Day, especially considering my special relationship to this show.

So, before discussing last night, let's start there.

Back in 1981, I was working on my Master's in Drama, at NYU. While there, I worked by day in the bookstore, where also worked a young student by the name of Maryrose Wood. Definitely talented and theatrically bound, but none of us could imagine how fast. Well, word got out, as it did, that Maryrose would disappear on certain days because she was off "auditioning for something." As time drew closer, and the publicity mills started grinding, it turned out the project was this new Harold Prince-Stephen Sondheim show, to be called "Merrily We Roll Along." I remember the day Maryrose told everyone she was cast! I was so excited--that someone of such youthfulness could be bound for Broadway. It would have been like had I been discovered sitting at a soda fountain, like Lana Turner!!!!!!!!

So, off Maryrose went on her Broadway adventure. With my interest in theater, anyway, and actually knowing someone in a Broadway show (the first time experiencing this!!!!!) I followed every story and rumor pertaining to this show. So, when I kept hearing that people were consistently walking out on the most aniticpated theater event of that season--in previews, yet!!!!--I wondered what was going on, and had to find out.

I first saw 'Merrily' on Halloween night, 1981!!!!!!!!!! Trick or treat, darlings. It changed my life in an important way; behind me, in line getting tickets at the Alvin, was a man named David Semonin. We started talking, and that was the beginning of a friendship that lasted 29 years, until David departed from this life in 2010. If any show could be called "our show", it was 'Merrily.' David and I worked on shows together ourselves--"Merton Of The Movies," 20 years ago at the Atlantic, which was written by 'Merrily's' orginal playwright--one of them at least--George S. Kaufman, whose play of the same name was the basis for the musical.

Confused? OK, back to David; the other thing I attribute to him is my coming out; he gave me the courage and conviction to do so. Which I do not regret for a minute, darlings; you better believe it.

Years later, I found out another gent, whom I later became acquainted with, and still am, Tom DiMaggio, was at the same performance!!!!!!! Serendipity just surrounds me with this show.

By the time I saw the Halloween preview, Jim Walton was now playing Franklin Shepard. And when I saw it again, two weeks later, after it opened, and before it closed, what I saw pretty much matched my preview performance, which meant the show was pretty set then. At least, as much as I can recall, going back 31 years.

I remember when Intermission broke, right after "Now, Yoo Know!" everyone was talking about Ann Morrison!!!!!!! Here was the Star Of My Generation, darlings!!! Well, about a year later, for something that I was writing for a class, I contacted Ann, who graciously sat withh me to chat about 'Merrily'; something for which I am forever grateful. A lovelier person in the biz I have yet to encounter.
And I did see her in "Goblin Market," which was brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!

I was of a performer bent, from the time I could walk, but thanks to the inspiration of the show, David and Ann, I followed my theatrical path, which took me through voice lessons, HB, and an appearance in the VLOG production of "The Pajama Game" a decade back. I recall singing "Not A Day Goes By" at a friend's Memorial Service, and, for awhile, could not face singing it. I was not looking to be Meryl Streep, so I have to see my theatrical adventures contented me.

And remember, dears, it ain't over, till it's over! So, who knows?

But back to 'Merrily.' In some ways, I feel with this show, as my parents' generation must have when they first went to "Follies" originally, in 1971. This may very well be "Follies" for baby boomers.

What a difference 31 years can make in one's reaction to a show.
I was overjoyed by the Original; I embraced "Opening Doors" and "Our Time," as though speaking to me and for me. I was young enough (25) back then to have been in 'Merrily', and looking a lot younger then, who knows?

Last night's performance was so heartfelt. I was glad my beloved
Monsieur was with me, to guide me. When the Overture segued into "Good Thing Going," I am telling you, I cried REAL tears!!!!!!!!! And when I heard "Opening Doors" and "Our Time," with all MY life experience behind me, they broke my heart in ways that would not have been possible before. Hearing the score, that orchestra, the actors, was a magical experience, capped off by something I had only heard about the day before.

It was Kismet, for me, I guess. For at last night's performance, a good many of the show's Original Cast was to be there, and join the current onstage at the close, for a rendition of "Old Friends." Yes, the show's Holy Trinity--Jim Walton, Ann Morrison, and Lonny Price were there. And so, too, darlings, was Mr. Sondheim!!!!!!! I even passed Lonny in the men's room line; a ritual I hardly pay attention to, but he would stand out, anywhere!

I sailed home on a cloud, and like Liza Doolittle, who "Could Have Danced All Night," it took yours truly a bit to wind down. I just had to send an email to Ann Morrison, who looked so smashing last eve, and,, honestly, when the casts began singing, I could clearly hear her voice. And I was upstairs, darlings!!!!!!

So, 'Merrily' was, and will continue to be, special for me in ways other shows cannot. And now I hear Lonny Price is doing a documentary film on the cast and its growth over the years. Hey, Lonny, as I am sure you know, "Merrily' has a tremendous fan base!!!!!! If you want to use viewers of the Original for the project I am more than willing!!!!!!!!!!!

Ready for my close-up, Mr. Price!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whatever.

So, thank you, 'Merrily', past and present! May we keep going along, and may the dreams never die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I Simply Could NOT Watch This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-15T07:55:00.000-08:00

Now, darlings, I admit I never thought "The Lovely Bones" was a world beater as a book or film. BUT, Alice Sebold's writing, and some of the film's performers, (Stanley Tucci and Rose McGiver in particular) gave the film some emotional resonance.

So, I have to admit I was intrigued by the prospect of the Investigation Discovery Program, "Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets," which, conceptually is "The Lovely Bones", with a different case, redesigined as a weekly TV show.

You would think this would be a sure fire thing. I have to admit the concept ostensibly pressed all my buttons. But a major mistake is made, which does not prevent the show from working. The bottom line, is, this show is done on the cheap, and it needs a bigger budget, for reasons I will explain.

All of these true crime shows involve some sort of dramatic reenactments. They are usually done by unknown, and not very good, actors, and are a series of quick, flashy sketches. Which is fine, if the presentation is limited.

BUT when the whole show is, basically a reenactment. and you are using, basically unknown, and not very, shall we say, skilled actors, for the entire duration, the show falls flat. "Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets" COULD work; it could be a cross between, again, "The Lovely Bones," or "Touched By An Angel," but, in order to achieve that, you have to employ A-list, solidly skilled actors, to make you empathize with the killers, victims and their families. The situation is emotionally engrossing enough, but with mediocre actors, it does not have the emotional resonance it should. I caught the case of Laura Salmon, who was murdered on May 13, 1984. She had been beaten to death by a jilted boyfriend, in one of those "if-I can't-have-her-no-one-else-will" scenarios. I found out this by doing some research on the case, because, after about 20 minutes of the program (or maybe 15; up till the first commercial) I knew I could not watch this. The dramatic execution (no pun intended) was unsatisfactory.

Which is why 'SVU' is still such a Gold Standard. The high calibre of actors appearing on that show, and on something like "Cold Case", made those shows work. The makers of 'Stolen Voices' have a great formula, but they need to surround themselves with higher calibre talent, or else this show will tank!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, it takes a lot for a true crime show to disengage ME. This show achieves that distinction, and, darlings that is NOT a compliment!!!!!!!!!!

Get your act (and ACTORS) together, folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, My God, Girls!!!!!!!!!!! Quelle Catastrophe!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-14T11:12:00.000-08:00

Darlings, if I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would never have believed it!!!!!!!!!! On her way up to the stage, to collect another of the many awards she has received for her film, "The Iron Lady," Meryl Strep, La Divine Meryl, tripped, lost her shoe, but had it slipped back on, in true Cinderella fashion, by that Prince Charming of a guy, Mr. Colin Firth.

If I had been Meryl, honey, I would have tripped just to have Colin fit my foot!!!!!!!

But what does this mean????????? That the Divine Meryl is human????????? Perish the thought! After all, La Divinity Herself, consults with ALL Things Divine; like Mary--that's right, darlings, THE MARY, Queen Of Peace, Queen Of ALL--who talks over world affairs AND fashions with Miss Streep!!!!!!!! And both learn a lot in the process!!!!!!!

I am telling you, tonight being Valentine's Day, lots of my girls are going to follow Meryl's example--shoes are going to slip off, and then go right back on!!!!!!

Only the Divinity that is Meryl could get away with such a thing, darlings!!!!!!!!

The rest of us, including yours truly, simply aren't THAT Divine. Which means when we receive our awards, our shoes had better be secured!!!!!!!!!!

I think I will wear Gucci, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some Valentine's Psycho Slashers, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-14T08:31:00.000-08:00

Girls, I know Valentine's Day is the time for Romance, and there are SO many genre classics to choose from--epics like "Gone With The Wind" or "Doctor Zhivago;" simpler favorites such as "Annie Hall" or "Moonstruck;" even, for those inclined, "Sleepless In Seattle" or "When Harry Met Sally."

Or how about "Fatal Attraction," or "Play Misty For Me?" Two sides of the same coin, I say, but to watch them, on this day, is a bit masochistic. I should know; I used to watch "Fatal Attraction" figuring love was hopeless for me. But this Cinderella, darlings, found his Prince; so persevere, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naturally, I want to remain offbeat, so I would like to recommend two vehicles, suited to this day. One is a film; the other is a book, which was filmed, but the film used only the novel's title, and had nothing to do with the story at hand.

The film is the Original 1981 "My Bloody Valentine," (not the 2009 remake!!!!) and the Tom Savage novel, entitled "Valentine." If you have no plans tonight, darlings, curl up with one of these, some champagne and a box of chocolates, and your Valentine's Day will be complete!!!!!!!!!!

Let's start with "My Bloody Valentine." This film came out in 1981, at the height of the slasher craze that began with "Halloween" in 1978, and continued with such classics as the Original 1980 "Friday, The 13th," "Prom Night," and "Terror Train." The gimmick of setting a slasher at Valentine's Day is actually a stroke of genius.

Here is how it goes--

There is the obligatory pre-credit sequence, detailing the why of the story. On Valentine's Day, 1960, in a Canadian mining town, five miners were killed in a methane gas explosion, which all five of the foremen escaped, going off to a local Valentine's Day party, forcing their underlings to work. Apparently, there was one survivor, Harry Warden, who emerges alive, but insane, having survived by eating his coworkers!!!!!! Nice, huh?????????? Harry is dispatached off to the lccal loony bin, but escapes the follwing Valentine's Day, returns to town, kills the foremen, and shows up at the dance, dressed as a miner, delivering a heart shaped box--with one of the foremen's hearts inside!!!!!!!! A real classic moment, loves!!!!!!!!

Harry gets sent back, but his stunt becomes the stuff of town legend, especially since right after, all Valentine's Day dances and parties are banned in this town. But, twenty years later, it is a new generation, and so the tradition is to be revived. But someone who does not want it to finds out, and before you know it, bodies are dropping all over the place!!!!!! The best is the woman in the local laundromat, who ends up in the dryer!!!!!!!!! You better believe she is freshly blown!!!!!!!

I won't tell you anything more, lambs, except to say that if you ingest enough chocolate, and drink enough champagne, by the time the film gets to its climax, you won't give a rat's ass, and shouldn't, because this film is so trashy, anyway!!!!!!! Which is what makes it fun, and makes for a fun evening!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, reading "Valentine" by Tom Savage, takes a little more attention and concentration, being that it is a better story, and, had it been filmed correctly, would have made a terrific film double feature with the above.

The book opens with a young woman, Cass, being murdered by a man she met. It appears the killer has some kind of agenda, and that the next of his intended victims is a successful New York novelist, Jill Talbot. The why is not revealed until midway. It seems that Jill and three other women (who end up being murdered!!!!), when they were in college, pulled a horrible prank on a student they should have avoided, on Valentine's Day, with disastrous consequences for all. Jill's part in this was only peripheral; she was not even present in the room when the prank was sprung, and things began to go wrong. And, to her credit, she lashes out at the pranksters. The pathology of the student picked on is revealed, though what remains to be figured out is which of the adult men in the present time is this former student. I have to confess the first time I read this, I was taken by surprise, though on a second reading it all comes together nicely. But the story is unputdownable!!!!!

And, once having read it, darlings, you will never listen to the song "My Funny Valentine" in quite the same way, again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You might want to stay sober for this one, dears, as you need all your faculties to catch the strategy employed by Tom Savage as a writer. And if you just suspend disbelief and go with it, the ride is exciting, and will make for a lovely, though not so conventional, Valentine's Day.

I am only going to mention the St. Valentine's Day Massacre in passing, as there is nothing romantic about a bunch of thugs gunning down each other!!!!! If you stick to the psycho slashers above, you will have a fabulous time, so that, next year, when the Fairy Godmother appears, you can be whisked off to the Ball in your coach!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you at the Prince's castle, tonight, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let Me Call You Sweetheart, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-14T03:41:00.001-08:00

Girls, can you believe we have made it to another Valentine's Day???? So, I want to be the first to send greetings to everyone out there. Liza must be in her glory today, where Red is the color of choice, but, of course, with all the pharmaceuticals she is on, EVERY day must seem like Valentine's Day.

Monsieur gave me the loveliest card and box of Lilac Chocolates, while I gave him a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and a heartfelt card tribute. And tonight, we are going to City Center to see the ENCORES production of "Merrily We Roll Along!" Which would be exciting and emotional enough for me, but, thanks to fortunate timing, is going to be REALLY special. Because 21 of that show's ORIGINAL 1981 cast will be in attendance tonight--including Jim Walton, Ann Morrison, Lonny Price, Liz Callaway, Maryrose Wood, David Loud and others--and will join the current onstage at Closing for a rendition of "Old Friends." And I knew Maryrose way back when, and was acquainted with Ann, so it should be exciting!!!! This show has so much personal resonance for me, so a better celebration thereof there could not be!!!! Rest assured, you will hear ALL about it tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!

However you celebrate this lovely day, make sure it is heartfelt with gratitude for any loved ones in your life!!!!!!

"A Fine Romance", darlings!!!! Hope you are like those hot tomatoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, This Was A Day None Of Us Raised In Highland Park Will Ever Forget!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-13T07:24:00.000-08:00

Darlings, for those of us of a certain age, raised in this small New Jersey town, this day back in 1965--that is now 47 years!!!!!--marked in some ways one of the benchmark signs ending our innocence.

On that Saturday afternoon, back then, Ann Rubenstein, 41, and her daughter Mae, 11, were found murdered in their home at 437 South Third Avenue. As I recall, I was in the fourth grade--the year of Norma Brodsky--and it was a big deal!!!!!!!!!!!!

And remains such, because, to this day, it has never been conclusively solved! A New Jersey news website--NJ.com--I believe--last year did a story on famous cold cases throughout the state, of which this is one of the more prominent.

The way things went, so we have been told, was this.

Mrs. Rubenstein's husband and son were working in town that day at the Star Lumber Company. She had gone out to do grocery shopping, and her 11-year-old daughter, Mae, a sixth grader at Lafayette School, was home by herself, and talking on the phone to a friend. Theirs was a two family house, and they were on the first floor. There was a small foyer, leading in, so I understood, and when the daughter heard the door open, she said, "I have to go, now; I hear my mother coming." Which there was no reason for her not to think otherwise. But whomever she opened the door to, turned out to be the attacker, who stabbed her multiple times with a long bladed kitchen knife. Apparently, the attacker, sensing others were out, but might return, hid, and so, when Ann Rubenstein entered, and found her daughter, slain and bleeding on the floor, she confronted the attacker, with unfortunately also fatal results!!!!!!!!

The upstairs neighbor later said she heard noises downstairs. Things really developed, when Mrs. Rubenstein's nephew, Maurice Feller, also in 4th grade (and later a high school classmate of mine) went in to the house, a common practice, to get a drink of water. He saw the bodies, and went upstairs, saying something, so I recall, about his aunt, having "fallen down." The neighbor went, grasped the situation, and called the police.

Now, I did not hear this till the next morning, which also happened to be Valentine's Day. I had arisen early, as was my habit, to watch, most likely, "Davey and Goliath" on TV. Our telephone rang, surprisingly early. I answered, and a maniacal voice said, "This is a murderer!!!!!!!" Of course, I was scared. But it just turned out to be my Uncle Tom, married to my father's sister, Aunt Agnes. They lived one town over from us, in Edison, and he had seen the story in the local paper. I got my father up, we retrieved the paper, and, over the breakfast table, all read the horrifying story.

"It really changed the innocence of Highland Park," said Rubenstein's niece (and, I believe, Maurice's sister, Aviva LaGrasse). Indeed, it did. Murder was something we heard about happening in far off places like Newark, or over the Hudson, in New York City. By fourth grade, with TV and radio, I had come to expect that. But in Highland Park??????? A sleepy little town???????? This was unheard of, and my parents had a time quelling my hysteria. If murder, I thought, could happen in this town, it could happen anywhere, and who was safe?????????

Of course, I got over this. But the actuality of never being completely safe can be traced back to this day and incident.

To this day, it remains unsolved. And there was never a murder weapon found. As late (or as far back) as when I was still living in Highland Park, in the early 1980s, nearly twenty years later, two theories were popular.

The first was it was a "hit" on the Rubenstein family. Especially, with no sexual trauma to the bodies, or signs of a robbery--there was over $100, then a considerable sum, in the house--this seemed likely. But the word that got out was that whomever got the wrong family; that there was s family similarly named on North Fourth Avenue, and they were the intended targets.

The other, more enigmatic theory, is that it is known who did it, but the records are sealed, as said perp was/is mentally ill, and was shortly thereafter institutionalized. This would be great if more could be found out, but it never was.
As such, this sounds more like an outtake from John Carpenter's "Halloween."

With almost 50 years having gone by, I doubt if the answer will ever be known, though so many of us out there would like to know. Still, when this date rolls around each year, I remember this incident well.

Remember, girls, only on TV is murder exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Uncle Ernest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-13T07:04:00.001-08:00

"Stop calling! Stop calling!
I don't want to think anymore!
I left my heart on the dance floor!"
--Lady Gaga

Today, girls, happens to be the 81st (though he bills himself as "66 plus") birthday of my beloved Monsieur's Uncle Ernest!!!!!! Who is quite a character. You better believe his heart is on the dance floor, because he is the geriatric version of John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever," with his weekly excursions to dance clubs, where he cuts up a rug, and dance classes during the week, to perfect his moves.

Despite some eccentricities that make him a character, Uncle Ernest seems pretty hearty, is full functioning, and conducts some mean surveys on the website "Answerolgoy." Oh, my God, darlings, you just would not believe it.

As an outsider, with no prior family history here, I can view Uncle Ernest with respect and some detached amusement. Which escapes Monsieur a bit (same with myself and Cousin Judy!!!!), though I think I have helped ease some tensions there.

Who knows what he will do to celebrate????? But next Monday, our day off, we are going to take him to the Second Avenue Deli--his place of choice--for a celebration!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Uncle Ernest! You've made it through another one, and let us hope you make it through many more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Biirthday, Uncle Ernest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-13T07:04:00.000-08:00

I Would Be Remiss If I Did Not Say Something, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-12T07:36:00.000-08:00

Would you believe that, last night, at the height of the party in Jersey I just recounted, we learned that former Jersey girl, herself, Whitney Houston, had died????

It was shocking enough, darlings, to stop the action for several minutes!!!!!

Now, I cannot say I was a Whitney fan. I admired her talent; she had an impressive instrument, but let's just say I took issue with how she used it. That God awful wailing on "And I Will Always Love You" rankled me as much as Celine Dion's screeching out, "My Heart Will Go On!!!!!"

But Whitney was Dionne Warwick's niece, and Cissy's daughter, so the gene pool of talent was impressive. And who knows, maybe if she had gone on, she would have morphed into a different style, not unlike say, what Linda Ronstadt did, during her "What's New?" period.

It is sad saying farewell to Houston, who was only 48!!!! And ME, only 24!!!!!
I was always more partial to her other song, "With Somebody To Love Tonight!"

Let us pray, girls that Whitney is now with whom she loves, and who love her!!!!!

But to those who loved her here on Earth, she will be missed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What A Day, Darlings!!!!!!!!!! From Broadway, To Bellville!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-12T07:08:00.000-08:00

Girls, this was one of the fastest paced Saturdays I have endured in a long time!!! I got up early, because I had to go to work, and put in a full day!!! On this evening, one of the coldest yet this Winter, Monsieur and I had to go out to where I have never been--Bellville, New Jersey--because my friend, Joe, was being given a Surprise 50th Birthday Party!!!!

Actually, Joe does not officially turn 50, until this coming Friday, the 17th!!!!!
But he and his partner, Norman, are planning to spend the birthday weekend in Montreal, a city Joe loves, and which he had planned to do all along, wanting to downplay reaching this milestone age!!!!!!!!

However, his simply lovely niece, Maeve, daughter of his brother, Johnny and his wife Bridget, had planned this for him, so when Tom, my cherub, called me earlier this past week to inform me, there was no question, on ether Monsieur's or my, parts, that we would be there!!!! This was not to be missed.

So, last night found us at Port Authority, trying to get a bus out to Bellville. We literally just MISSED the 6:30 bus, which was pulling out, as we arrived!!!!! Shit!!!!!!!!! Of course, I misread the bus schedule, thinking there was
another one at 6:40. Thankfully, Monsieur was with me, to straighten all this out, and it turned out we had an hour's wait--the next Bellville bound bus was 7:30!!!!!
So, wait we did!!!! And with Monsieur, and a book, the time went fast!!! Tom called to find out what was going on, and I told him what bus we were getting, the time to arrive, and to meet us on the corner of Rutgers and Washington Roads, which is near The Motorcycle Mall, which, darlings, you have just got to SEE to believe!!!! It could only be in New Jersey!!!! Let me tell you, Bellville is a lovely town, but its idea of Saturday night action was far different from what this Town Princess is used to!!!!

Tom picked us up, drove us to Johnny;s house, where Maeve proved to be a lovely and gracious host!!!! It was great seeing all Joe's siblings and their families; his partner, Norman and I, got to do some Theater Queen Chat, Mike Ditore and I got to do some movie chat, and Gary, with his partner, Byron, were charming and gracious, as always. There was wine (home made, darlings!!!! I could have been tanked!!!!), lasagna (just like what Liza made for Michael Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor,and Halston!!!!), sausage and peppers, salad, a big chocolate cake, coffee, and Italian pastries and cookies!!!! The house was charming, and the layout, reminded me of Joe's!!!!

Soon, it was 11PM, and, honey, this Cinderella had to get back to the City fast!!!! As Tom drove us through Bellville to get to Newark Penn Station (so we could take the PATH back) we actually saw a skunk in the street!!!! A REAL skunk!!!!! In Bellville???? Guess I am only used to the two legged, corporate ones, in Manhattan!!!!!

We did not walk in the door till 12:30!!!!!! What a day!!!! I would not have missed it for the world!!!!! As I said to Joe, in his card, I cannot believe he has reached 50!!!! Where has the time gone??????

Happy Birthday, Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's Talk About Misplaced Anger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-12T06:21:00.000-08:00

The image above, girls, needs no introduction. When it comes to misplaced anger, "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" is a story that takes it to the extreme. All of us, especially those in family units, have experienced it at one time or another. But, as Monsieur pointed out to me, in a recent discussion, it is how you handle it, and proper placement thereof, that counts.

For example, with April on the horizon, and my father's birthday coming up, it is time to think about a celebration. Especially since, this year, he will be 97!!!!!!!!!!!

Which means we have to invite Cousin Judy, and her ilk. Actually, it isn't the ilk that is the problem; none of the five other siblings seem to have the issues, or carry the war between my family and hers that began with her no good father, like Judy. Although Billy and Peggy's son, Billy DID throw the hubcap off a lawnmower in my eye, back on Memorial Day, 1967, which I do not forget, but have really never held against Billy or Peggy. Unlike Judy, the rest of this group are not prone to interfere. Judy is.

The best example was two years ago, when we were planning to have the birthday celebration, near my sister's, at Chadwick's. Which we did not, as my father became overwhelmed by illness. And made a quick recovery from. It was like that scene in "Annie Hall," where the ailing Alvy Singer, once released from the burden of delivering a speech in L.A., began to chow down on a platter full of chicken!!!!!!

Anyway, the celebration had been planned, the table arranged, and Billy and Peggy, who have to travel a great distance, from New Jersey, were on their way!!!!
My father was beginning to manifest signs of illness, my sister and I knew what lie ahead, when the phone rang. It was Judy, asking--at the last minute, darlings!!! how CRASS!!!!!--if her son Christopher, and his wife, Dawn, could be included, as they wanted to come.

Aside from this being in poor taste, which, being Judy, would not bother her, as she has no class, since she is the child most like her rotten father, I am not so sure how much truth there was to her request.

Several years before, when my father reached 93, Judy had the celebration at her town's (Doylestown, PA) country club!!!!! Christopher, Dawn, and their two boys, rushed in at the last minute, and I got the impression Christopher (whom I have no issues with, though, if push came to shove, I am sure is a big old homophobe!!!!) did not want to be there. He and his mother were giving each other looks that could kill. My conclusion was they had been summoned to this at the last minute, by Judy, as a Command Performance. Which they really did not have to attend. They are a young married couple, fortyish or so, with two growing boys, and, guess what Judy????
They have LIVES OF THEIR OWN!!!! Which does not mean a thing to Judy, because it is all about her!!!!! Of course, what Judy has NEVER been able to understand, but, believe me, honey, sometime she WILL, is that it is all about ME!!!!!!!! If I had been Christopher, I would have told her off over the phone, and then gone on to live MY life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes, I lump Judy's behavior, and her siblings, together, which is where the misplaced anger comes. I am not angry with them. I am angry at Judy's father, who I cannot do anything about, as he is now sludge at the ocean's bottom, and I am angry at Judy, for attitudes going back to 1978, and which I am sure she harbored before. What she has absolutely NO idea--because she is so stupid and obtuse--is that I harbor this anger towards her, I know what her father did to ME, and to my family, and SOMEDAY, honey, just like Baby Jane gave it to Blanche, I am going to give it to HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monsieur is right; misplaced anger is wrong, as the issue is not with the siblings, but with Judy!!!! (And, of course, as long as my father seems to enjoy this company, it shall beheld in check, because I would do nothing to upset him!!!!) Who will find out, soon enough!!!!!!

And why is that? Repeat after me, girls!!! One-Two-Three!!!!!!!!!

"I won't forget. You BET I won't forget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Darlings, Carry Me Off To This Castle In The Clouds!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-11T11:24:00.000-08:00

This castle, girls, happens to be the Oaks Bed And Breakfast, located in Saluda, North Carolina!!!!!!!! Just look at it, darlings!!!!!! I want to be whisked off there at once, so I have to go to work on Monsieur to make this a possibility. It resurrects my fantasy---the fantasy that all us girls had, you better believe it, honey--when we first saw "Gone With The Wind," and wanted to be carried up the red stairs by Rhett, like Scarlett!!!!!!!! Of course, these days, even if Monsieur and I go, there will be no carrying up stairs. A simple walk up, or elevator ride, will do!!!!!!!!!!!!

But doesn't this look like some creamy dream castle, loves??????? How come I have not heard about this; you would think every queen from up North would be flocking here. Well, they will, after reading this; though, maybe, girls, you should wait till I go, so you can get my report if the quality of service and such matches the scrumptiousness of the picture. But the website suggests it has the potential for doing so!!!!!!!!

Everyone needs their own cozy little weekend getaway. Personally, I would prefer the Monteleone Hotel in New Orleans, but as a halfway point, I think this place might do.

And, to think, you wake up in Carolina In The Morning, loves!!!!!!!!!

Nothin' could be finah'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It Touched Us, And Suddenly, Nothing Is The Same!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-11T09:39:00.000-08:00

My recent posting about the possible closing of Manatus made me realize some important things about the inevitability of change. Generally speaking, I have not been much for embracing such, being a creature of habit, but I do have to acknowledge a number of things I have achieved that would have been impossible without some kind of change--living in New York, having Monsieur in my life, writing this blog, preaching homilies at Dignity (though I know there are some deceased relations who must roll in their graves, each time I speak!!!!), or seeing all the New York theater I have been fortunate to see.

So, change is not necessarily anything to turns one's back on, as it can have all kinds of benefits, some which may not be even known, at the time.

But there is also a sad component to change, and nowhere is this more apparent, than when you live in a city like New York. While the Broadway theaters of my dreams still stand, primarily, the bill of fare has evolved and changed to the point where the reasons I used to go to the theater hardly exist anymore. So many of the creators, performers, or choreographers who enriched my theater going over the years have either aged out, passed on, or simply retired from the biz.

And so it goes with landmarks. Rumplemayer's, that haven of the sophisticates for us sophisticated ice cream lovers, is but a memory for those of us who cling to it. Likewise, the original Palm Court at the Plaza Hotel, Le Cirque when it was next to the Mayfair Regent, or Lutece, right across from Sondheim and Katherine Hepburn, in Turtle Bay. And there are lesser things--the transformation of 8th Street into a kind of middle class mini mall, with not even the famous Hagen Dasz that dwelt there for so many years, and which I could not pass without purchasing something, as I got on the N Or R at 8th, to go home to Bay Ridge. Where I no longer live, being I reside in Woodside. And that is only occasionally these days.

Then there are changing attitudes. New York has always been a crowded place, with everyone the center of their own universe, but the Entitlement notch has gone up considerably with the advent of cell phones, blackberries, or the like, which pretty much convinces users they are the only ones in the world, so God forbid, if you are behind them trying to get on or off a subway. And if they are behind you, forget it; they will just shove you out of the way!!!!! I have said this before, and I will say it again, as the quality of technology increases, so decreases the quality of communication, and the quality of thought.

I honestly don't know how young people start out in New York these days. But, then, I remember an article 24 years before, where Blythe Danner said the same thing. The fact is the city changes a little each day we live in it, and the changes that come to us over time have been happening before our very eyes, only we have not been aware of them. So that, when we finally are, it seems like culture shock.

Is New York the same city baby boomers my age fled to for career and personal solace, when young???? Not at all!!!!!!!!! And while there are many things about that I will mourn--like Rumpelmayer's!!!!!!-- there are others, like the improved differences in me now from when I arrived that I cannot regret.

And there is still much to be enjoyed!!!!!!! I mean, Three Lives is still going strong, and more power to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This city offers more excitement than most any other. And there is still excitement out there to be had.

It should not stop generations of youth from coming here! It hasn't seemed to, yet!!!!!!!! But keep in mind, the city that you arrive in, when young, will differ for you from the city you will be living in 30 years later!!!!!!!!

I mean, even those "Sex And The City" hags aged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Let Us Go Fourth, Like "The Four Brooklyn Ladies!!!!!!!!"

2012-02-11T08:11:00.000-08:00

Girls, you have to understand, until I saw--again and again--the MJHS commercial, about the Brooklyn hospice, I always thought the Four Brooklyn Ladies were--Barbara Stanwyck, Susan Hayward, Barbra Streisand, and Marissa Tomei!!!!!!! But, then, you know ME, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

Seeing this commercial as often as I have, that picture emblazoned in my mind, has heightened my humanitarian sense in a manner unseen since first viewing Sister Peg on 'SVU'. I have suggested to Monsieur (though he is not wild about the idea) that we should open up our own hospice of compassionate care, for gay men in need of comfort and ease on the journey out.

Now, maybe the living room is not such a good place; I mean, I wouldn't want it to look like Tara when Scarlett and Company were holing up injured soldiers. So maybe a more apt venue--is the building that was the Brooklyn disco Spectrum still standing??? Now, that would be a perfect spot, in counterpart and counterpoint, to the Four Brooklyn Ladies (I would love to know their names; anyone out there reading this, who knows, please tell me!!!!). And believe me, with its "Saturday Night Fever" disco history, the Spectrum IS a gay icon!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodness just flows from my heart, lambs, even if I am NOT a saint!!!!!! Want to make a donation to this cause???????? I'll take such right here!!!!!! That way, the living rooms can be saved!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But the really important thing to remember, darlings, is the next time you see this commercial, with these ladies, heed the advice to do something--no matter how little--even if it is someone who just needs to be visited. In its own small way, that is like being one of the Four Brooklyn Ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine, if Streisand made visits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"On February 11, 1858"

2012-02-11T07:39:00.001-08:00

Darlings, I could not begin my chronicling, without acknowledging the vast personal importance of this day. From the bar, and the picture above, you are alerted that this is the 154th Anniversary of the Apparitions At Lourdes, which did so much for so many, not to mention yours truly, and a young woman from Tulsa Oklahoma, named Phyllis Isley, who became Jennifer Jones, when she starred in a film about these events, titled, "The Song Of Bernadette"!!!!!!!!!

Which, as you know, is my Easter film of choice, every year, and has been for the past 20+ years!!!!!!!!!!!! If it wasn't an Easter choice, I could watch it on this day, and I am sure there are some out there who will, and, girls, I am not about to stop you; go right ahead, as this is a film one cannot view too many times!!!!!!!!!

So that is the first thing I want to say.

The second is that this day ALSO happens to be the Anniversary (2 years, now) of the passing of my late friend, David Semonin. I recall when I got word of his passing, my first thought was he was somehow blessed, for, as I said to myself, "He died on Bernadette's day." Not her Feast Day (which is April 16), but you know what I mean.

Not the best picture of David, but, then, darlings, he was never a fashion icon, even though he arrived in New York by way of a prominent Realtor family in Louisville, Kentucky.

David and I met unexpectedly on Halloween night, back in 1981, when both of us were in line at the then Alvin Theatre box-office, getting tickets to see that evening a show called......."Merrily We Roll Along." This is the fist of many personal associations with this show, which I will record further, after seeing the ENCORES production this Tuesday.

Over the years, we worked many a Sunday at the Drama Book Shop, did a show together ("Merton Of The Movies', in 1992--20 years ago, this year!!!!!), had countless Friday morning breakfasts at the now defunct Lincoln Square Cafe, and saw many shows together. Two of the most memorable evenings was the 1994 "Carousel" at Lincoln Center, and the original production of "The Normal Heart" at the Public.

We were two sides of the same coin; when it came to theater, culture, or the arts, what one of us did NOT know, the other did. And we used that to both our advantages. We were also both devoted to the Brooke Hayward memoir, "Haywire," and derived much solace from it. Being older, David saw a lot more theater, and more vintage theater, than I, and, while I always joked about him seeing Maude Adams in "Peter Pan," or Alla Nazimova in "Ghosts," I was always impressed that his FIRST Broadway show, was the 1950 "Peter Pan," with Jean Arthur and Boris Karloff!!!!!!! Imagine!!!! It preceded Disney's cartoon, featuring a pubescent Bobby Driscoll as the voice of Peter, and the version we all know--with Mary Martin!!!!!--by four!!!!!!! Bet the producers and creators of the incoming "Peter And The Starcatcher" would be impressed!!!!! I always was!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Besides, MY first Broadway show was "Walking Happy" in 1967. My critical sense was already active, and while it was not a bad show, I recognized it was not a classic. What impressed me the most, at the time, was that I was sitting in the Lunt Fontanne theater, where "The Sound Of Music" had originally played.

So, on this day, I remember both David and Bernadette. Since this was his departure date, I knew David would be in good hands with Bernadette!!!!!!

Drink from the Spring, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Nightmare PROVES I Need A Day Off!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-10T06:25:00.000-08:00

Darlings, have you ever seen the film, "Dracula's Daughter?" I haven't seen it in years, but when I was a child, Channel 9 showed it all the time on their "Movie Of The Week" (the same film, five days in a row, shown from 5:30-7:00 PM!!!!). To this day, I recall the beautiful imagery, and the weird relationship between the title character (named Countess Marya Zaleska) and her lackey, Sandor (played by Irving Pichel, who, 14 years later went on to direct the 1950 groundbreaking sci-fi classic, "Destination Moon"), who was a hoot, with his pre-Sixties Nehru look, and slicked back hair, parted center, like Lon Chaney in "The Phantom Of The Opera."

But so much of this film--chock full of lesbianism and sadomasochism--went over my head. I mean, back then, what did I know???? I have not seen the film in its entirety since, but have seen enough key clips in adulthood, to recognize what I had been missing, back then!!!! If only the Film Forum would show this one!!!!!

I am not waxing rhapsodic on this film for a think piece, right now, but because it formed the basis for a nightmare I had last night, that proves beyond doubt I need some time off!!!! Even Monsieur said as much, when I told him!!!!!

The dream involved the film, "Dracula's Daughter." Like that movie, it was in creamy black and white. The compositional shot involved me standing in the castle room with the short staircase, facing Gloria Holden (Countess Zareska), with her lackey, Sandor, standing on the stairs. Dracula's Daughter was trying to hypnotize me, to turn me into a vampire, because her goal was the world wide domination of librarians!!!!! That is right; she wanted to turn all the world's librarians, into vampires!!!!!

"Why librarians?" I thought, when I awoke. "Why not bill servers, or tax collectors? After all, they are the REAL bloodsuckers!!!!!"

And I swear, darlings, I never read a WORD of "Twilight." I mean, come on; do you think I would read THAT crap?????

But this is what was happening. And, in the dream, I fought back. I stood rigid, clutching my arms at each side, clenching my fists, fixing as hypnotic a stare as Gloria Holden was fixing upon me. Sandor just stood there, on the stairs, poised, like he was ready to attack, but, let me tell you, honey, with that phony faux fashion look, he would not have stood a chance!!!!!

Facing the Countess, I hissed vehemently at her, "I will NOT be dominated by any librarian, and I will NOT be dominated by you!!!!!!"

Then, I woke up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If this does not indicate I need a vacation, nothing does!!!!! It sure makes me want to see "Dracula's Daughter" now! It is interesting that the Zareska-Sandor relationship dynamic is the same as the one between Andreas and Armand Tesla (Bela Lugosi) in the 1944 film, "The Return Of The Vampire!" Both Andreas and Sandor are promised immortality by their enslavers, as a way of keeping each bound to them. Both are betrayed, and kill their dominators; Andreas miraculously finds a crucifix in the dirt, hears, in his head, the voice of Frieda Inescourt, as Lady Jane Ainsley (which would be enough for anyone to act on!!!!), shoves the cross in Tesla's face, and forces him out into the sunlight, where he crumbles. At least, this vampire is being destroyed accurately. In "Dracula's Daughter," the betrayed Sandor shoots Zareska with an arrow, piercing her in the heart, with her falling and dying, like any mortal!!!! Not the way to kill a vampire, darlings!!!!!!

Yes, even in childhood, I was already a purist and critic!!!! But if this dream doesn't mean I need a vacation, before I am hauled off to the loony bin, like Blanche Du Bois, I don't know what proves it!!!!!

And I can tell you this much--IF I were a vampire, coffin by day or not, I would have had more stylish digs, and a hotter lackey than Sandor!!!! Gloria Holden's glam queen look was just too good, for either!!!!!!!

See what overwork can do, darlings?????????????????????

Hope your dreams are sweeter than mine, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, There Is SO Much To Do On My Day Off!!!!!

2012-02-10T05:24:00.000-08:00

I should be so lucky as the leopard, pictured above. For most, a day off means chores, but some down time, rest and relaxation.

Not when one is the Raving Queen, darlings!!!!!!!!!!! I guess this is the price I have to pay!!!!!!

I need some serious down time, I can tell you, but today is not it. I have to go and get a birthday card and gift for my friend Joe, whose last minute surprise (hope you are NOT reading this, Joe!!!!) 50th birthday party Monsieur and I are going to, tomorrow night. After I put in a full work day, no less. And out in the wilds of Bellville, New Jersey, where neither one of us has ever been, and I pray we emerge from, alive!!!!! I also have to get out the Word to my girls, which I am doing right now. Then I have to get showered, dressed, and bundled up to go out, because I have to hole up at a library nearby, where I can work on this Sermon (you heard me, darlings!!!!) I happen to be working on for March 4, the Second Sunday in Lent. This is for my Dignity Chapter, loves; I have NOT joined the clergy!!!! I have to preach from a set of readings I have been given, so, I have to go through them, take some notes, and lay the groundwork for whatever it is I am going to say. Meaning there is no time today, which I need, to go apartment hunting, for Monsieur and myself!!!!! Forget it!!!!!
If I get the reading/note taking done on a timely enough basis, I MAY have some free reading time, which my fast paced life has had an impact on. At the present time, I am reading "A Gate At The Stairs," by Lorrie Moore, a New York Times Ten Best Winner several years back, and, darlings, it is SO lyrical!!! It prove to me Lorrie is a better novelist than short story writer, because I was hardly blown away by her signature collection, "Birds Of America," though everyone else was!!!! But, maybe that's ME--I do prefer a novel to a short story collection, overall!!!!

Added to which, when I am done with all this, I have to shop, come home, and make dinner, because I have been promising such all week. I am going to try a new pasta recipe a friend recommended, which does not sound too difficult, and will be a change from what I usually make.

Then the table gets cleared, things get washed, and put away. I will be lucky if I have some TV time tonight, though I may fall asleep again, just like I did Wednesday, with 'SVU'.

After that, the alarm will ring, and then I have to go to work!!!!!!!!!!

What ever happened to the day off? Has my life become so frenetic, that such things are impossible, anymore???? Have all of ours??????

Things are certainly taking a toll!!! If my body is not "pain wracked from stone floors" now, it will be, by day's end!!!! As to the effect all this is having, wait till you read the next post, which indicates I DO need a vacation!!!!!!!

Maybe I will be ORDERED to take some time off, girls!!!! Like Cragen does with Olivia, on 'SVU'!!!!!!!!!!!

I should be so lucky, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Rock A Bye, Sweet Brother James!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-09T11:37:00.001-08:00

Well, girls, he is too old--26--to be called a baby, and he is not MY brother, but the rest of the Taylor lyric applies to Tyler Clementi's older brother, James.

After reading his piece on Tyler in OUT Magazine, and then catching an audio interview on "The Takeaway," and a media one (audio and visual) on CNN, with Anderson Cooper, James comes off as the poised, articulate, and compassionate young man, as presented in his written piece.

It was moving to actually hear him speak, not only of Tyler, but of his own personal struggles in the wake of his brother's passing. I was especially struck by his account of how Tyler was happy and expectant about the college years ahead, until what was done caused him to feel made a laughing stock and joke, which James feels is what drove him to his irrevocable choice.

I am in complete accordance with his statement that IF Tyler had been able to get through that one "dark night of his soul," he would be here, today. And I cannot stress the importance, nor can James, as he repeated again, of recognizing that your life is your most precious commodity, and not to be thrown away.

So, hats off to James, as he continues to speak out! And God bless!

As we all pray for justice and accountability in the upcoming trial!!!!!!!!

Look What They've Done To My Street, Ma!!!!!!!!

2012-02-09T11:07:00.000-08:00

Darlings, if Melanie Safka herself (yes, girls, THE "Melanie", singer of songs in the 1960s) were to walk down Bleecker Street today, she might very well sing this lyric. First of all, I am sure Melanie walked down the street in her day, but what has happened lately has become truly disgusting.

First, all the cute little stores, like, say, "Condomania," left, replaced by boutiques and chi chi places that have transformed Bleecker from a pleasant little West Village street, into a faux (EXTREMELY faux!!!!!) Upper East Side esplanade. Gag me with a spoon, darlings!!!!!!!!!! If I want the Upper East Side, I can damn well go there!!!!!!!!!

I am particularly incensed today, because one of my sources informs me that the prospect of Manatus closing is a very real possibility. I have always known this eatery by this name; those even older than I, or who have truly lived in the nabe, remember when it was a place called "Clyde's."

Especially, with the sad departure of the Tiffany Diner, a block West, this remained the only reasonably priced eatery in the area. You have to go a bit North to get to the Waverly Diner, Village Den, the Chelsea Gallery, or the Good Stuff Diner. So, if Manatus goes, that will be the end of reasonably priced cuisine in the heart of the West Village. It may even be the end of any kind of eatery at all, for I doubt the space afterwards will be used as such; look at Rag and Bone on Christopher (which I cannot believe is still in operation!!!!!). That used to be the Factory, a wonderful coffee bar, where people could sit and schmooze, read, or write--an oasis of civilization. Forget about that, now!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know if there is a movement about to preserve Manatus, but if not I am urging those out there to start one. Enough with this frou frou stuff on Bleecker!!!!!! I love fashion and glamour, as much as anyone, but go to the Upper East Side, or Anna's offices, at Conde Nast!!!!!!! Why should anyone on Bleecker Street pay fifteen thousand dollars, or such, for anything??????????

And get rid of Marc Jacobs Books!!!!!!!! What a joke!!!!!!!!!!!

Before you know it, darlings, they will be charging the same prices at the Magnolia Bakery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I Am Telling You, Some Things DO Improve With Age!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-09T10:35:00.001-08:00

Back when I was in high school--which, by this vantage point now, is getting closer to the Pelopensian wars--there were three authors who were very much "in vogue"--Herman Hesse, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Kurt Vonnegut, then known as Vonnegut, Jr. Because, even back then, I was so concerned about being "on the cutting edge", I read many of these authors, then. Of course, I read "The Hobbit" and "The Lord Of The Rings;" of Hesse, I remember reading "Steepnwolf" and "Siddhartha," while I recall reading a lot of Vonnegut--"Slaughterhouse Five," "Cat's Cradle," "The Sirens Of Titan," and my favorite, at the time, "Breakfast At Champions," which, back around the time of "Nashville" (1975), Robert Altman had planned to do as a movie. Regrettably, that did not come to pass.

I had not given much thought to Vonnegut recently, until I started looking at contemporary authors' (especially male authors) list of their all-time favoirte books.So many of them listed "Slaughterhouse Five," and I started to wonder why. What I recalled of it was a distinctly non linear book that did not quite do it for me, at the time, being more based in strong, linear works of literature, like those of Dickens and the Brontes, not to mention "Gone With The Wind." Next to these, Vonnegut was WAY out of my comfort zone. Not that I did not venture out once in awhile, but I have to confess, looking back, that I realized now, I probably did not get as much out of the book as I could now, with age and experience.

By the way, the covers pictured represent the editions I read, at the time. The red background, with the skull and crossbones, is what I just finished, while the other is the Dell Paperback edition I read, back in high school.

So, I picked up a copy of "Slaughterhouse Five", and reread it. I won't say it will go on my list of faves, BUT what a difference reading it close to 40 years later. I mean, what did I know about the bombing of Dresden???? Or time travel???? Or, outside of "Rebecca," (which fit the Romantic mold of the works mentioned earlier) books with omniscient narrators???? This book has all this, and fuses it together in a compelling, and surprisingly moving fashion. This has always been touted as a great anti-war novel, now I can see and concede the point. It is distinctively Vonnegut, but its denunciation of war is quite impacting, and Billy Pilgrim, the book's hero, is a true literary icon.

Reading the book is like watching a movie; it is a series of sharp vignettes that pass through the mind like quick edits in a film. The book is surprisingly short, but long on scope and insight, so that you feel you have read a longer novel than it is. I don't mean that it drags, rather that it covers much more ground than one realizes at the time one is reading it.

If you haven't read it, I recommend it. If, like me, you haven't opened it since high school, I urge you to go back. You are in for a startling surprise!!!!!!!

As starling as me wearing mauve at the next Masked Ball, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I Felt Just Like Liza Minnelli!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

Well, girls, I am telling you, it was just another Wednesday--midweek slump, no particular crazies to deal with; just an ordinary day. It has been MY turn for awhile to make dinner, at home (which is no problem, loves!!!!), but something has always seemed to come up!!!!! And it happened again, last eve!!!!!!

The day was winding down, it was nearing what we all call "Quittin' Time!" (just like they do at Tara, darlings!!!!) when I got a voicemail message from Monsieur. He was coming uptown to meet me after work, because he had to go to Gracious Homes to pickup a lamp he was having repaired. (So exciting, darlings!!!!! Especially if you had seen the lamp!!!!!) We did, and he expressed a craving for Chinese, which was fine with me, meaning in this neighborhood, we ended up at Empire Szechuan, which is always good. And guess what we both had????????????

That's right, lambs!!!!! The Liza Minnelli Special! Moo Shu Pork!!!!!!!!!!

Too bad I was not in my red Halston, when I was dining, but then I had no idea I would be, until the moment's notice!!!!! I guess I could keep an extra wardrobe on hand here at work, but, honestly, there just isn't any acceptable closet space.

This particular style of Moo Shu was individually wrapped into four pancakes of each, plus filling and sauce, extra. The Peking sauce was, well, Peking sauce, but I was surprised how mild the pork and veggie concoction was. Not as spicy as I have had it in other places. Guess Liza must have been here, because it would have satisfied her Senior Citizen stomach.

And I was feeling like the Carefree Liza, of "Cabaret," not the doleful one of "The Sterile Cuckoo," or, worse, "Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon!" I almost wish Liza had walked in on us; what a coffee klatch that would have been, loves. Or tea, as the case may be!!!!!!!!!!

It just goes to show, girls, you never know what your evening is going to bring. So make sure you keep some extra Halston, Adolfo, or Givenchy on hand! If not in the closet, at least in your hand bag!!!!!!!!!!

I was honored, representing Liza last night, dears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, This Bitch Beat Out My First Choice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-09T04:02:00.001-08:00

I won't tell you who that choice was, darlings--save it for another week-- BUT when I first read about Alyssa Bustamante, this week's winner of the Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award, I knew this piece of cheap baggage would make the cut.

Bustamante, of Jefferson County, Missouri, was sentenced to a Life sentence, with possible parole (which she does not deserve, darlings!!!) for the slaying of her nine year old neighbor, Elizabeth Olten.

This appears to be another thrill killing of a juvenile sociopath, who slipped through the cracks!!!!! Elizabeth left her home one October evening in 2009, to play with Bustamante's younger sister. But Alyssa, then 15, found her, and lured Elizabeth into the woods nearby, saying she had a surprise. The "surprise" was that she strangled the little girl, and then slit her throat, with a knife, which she later wrote about gleefully!!!! Then, guess what she did after that, darlings???? Alyssa went home, and wrote in her journal of what an "amazing " experience it was, and how "enjoyable" it had been!!!! Sick bitch!
Then this THING laughed, and--get this!--went off tho church!!!!!

I am telling you, girls, she is NO Bernadette!!!! Not even Bernadette Peters!!!!!!!!!!! The bitch has even copped a deal, having been first charged with first-degree murder (which should have stayed), but pleading down to lesser charges, in order to avoid a trial (because she would have been fried!!!!!) and life in adult prison, with no chance for parole.

Well, hear it from me!!!! This bitch will kill again!!!! If she gets released, she will; mark my words!!!! Just like Jake O'Hara on that 'Criminal Intent' episode!!!!! Alyssa seems to me the female equivalent off Sam Manzie. Prosecutors painted a similar picture of a distinctively troubled teen who needed help, never got it, and Elizabeth's death was the result!!!!!!

A better choice for Bitch Of The Week there could not be!!!! So congrats, of a sort, Alyssa, and off to the slammer you go!!!!! I hope the gals there cut off your hair until you are bald!!!!! Have a nice Life Term, darling!!!!!!!!!!!!

See, girls???? Bitches always come crawling out of the woodwork!!!!!

Now, crawl back to your Hole, Alyssa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As Long As We Are On A Catholic Theme, Girls!!!!!!!!

2012-02-08T10:35:00.000-08:00

Occasionally, Catholicism and Theater Queenship do mix! And the most famous of these combinations happened the night of November 16, 1959 (just two days before my fifth birthday, loves!!!!!) when "The Sound Of Music" opened on Broadway at the Lunt Fontanne Theatre!!!!!!!

Now, you all read my postings, sometime back, concerning the Broadway children, where I was sad to discover that one of them, Marilyn Rogers (the original Brigitta) passed away in 2010, at the age of 63!!!!!!!!!! Naturally, I had thought all the adults in the show had passed on--and for the most part, I was right-- but lo and behold! what did I recently discover that just this past January 24, one surviving adult--and a TONY winner to boot--from the show had passed on.

That was Patricia Neway, the original Mother Abbess, who thrilled audiences every night, with her literally shattering rendition of "Climb Ev'ry Mountain."

My late friend, David Semonin (who will have been gone two years, come Saturday!!!!) was old enough--or young enough, as the case may be--to have experienced this, first hand. He told me how thrilling it was. Patricia and Mary (Martin) stood towards Center, Patricia sang the song, and as she hit that final note, holding it forever, on "dream", the music built, and Mary slowly reached behind her to remove her veil, and walk towards the Reverend Mother, as the curtain came down!!!!! What a finish!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know something of this myself, for, in the 1998 revival, with Rebecca Luker (Maria) and Patti Conohour (Mother Abbess), the same staging was used, though the chandeliers did not quite shatter, as they would with Patricia!!!!!!!!!

She went on to win a TONY for this performance, and was long beloved to a generation of older, and even more vicious, Opera Queens!!!!!!!!

Miss Neway was 92, and long out of the public eye, so it is not surprising her departure caught me by surprise; I imagined she had been gone before this.

But no matter, another Legend Of The Musical Stage has left us!!!!!!
Thank God for Goddard Lieberson. Thanks to him, so many of these classic audio moments are preserved on Columbia Original Cast recordings, many of which he produced.

So, in memory of Patricia Neway, I am calling on all Theater Queens out there, when you have a chance, to play your "Sound OF Music" Broadway Cast Album. When you get to "Climb Ev'ry Mountain," crank up the volume, and let it rip; to hell with the neighbors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who wants to hear their crap, anyway; especially if it is NOT Broadway????????????

Follow every rainbow, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Here Is A "New Age" Model For Catholics!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-08T08:50:00.000-08:00

After reading my post on "Crazy Catholics," Monsieur asked me what ever possessed me (no pun intended) to write it in the first place. I had to admit it was the recent discovery I made that none other than Lady Gaga had at least been a good Catholic girl, being she was a graduate of New York's Convent Of The Sacred Heart!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe we should all enroll at Sacred Heart, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is right, darlings; you better believe it!!!!! Forget Madonna; that tramp would gave been thrown out of private school!!!!!!!! With this new found knowledge, Catholics now have a role model they can truly embrace--one who will prove to be a spiritual, fashion, and glamour guide. The last being something a good many practicing Catholics need.

My sources tell me a recent broadcast she did was filmed--or at least some of it was--at her former alma mater!!!!!! One wonders what will follow. Perhaps we will go on to see on air reportage by Lady Gaga from Fatima!!!!!!!!!! Wouldn't that be exciting, loves?????

I have spoken to my Dignity chapter about trying to get her as a speaker, which would certainly create quite a turnout!!!!!!! And would turn the heads those young priests (queens, or not!!!!!) everywhere!!!!!!! The older ones, throughout the world, alas, as seems to have been proven, would still be ogling the altar boys!!!!!!!!!

Now, I never even made altar boy, darlings, but as a gay Catholic, I can tell you Lady Gaga is the new inspiration!!!!!!! Whether it is bingo, bake sale, a pancake breakfast or a spaghetti dinner, she is sure to enliven any Catholic occasion!!!!!!!! Think what she would do for Baptisms!!!!!!!

So, darlings, the next time you are nodding off over your pastor's sermon, think of Lady Gaga!!!!!!!!! It could be the dawning of the Aquairian Age for the Roman Catholic Church!!!!!!!!!

Let the sun shine in, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, It Was "Like Buttah"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

Darlings, when you say "Lafayette Street" to me, the first and only thing that comes to my mind is, of course, the Joseph Papp Public Theatre, where such classics as "HAIR," "A Chorus Line," and "Runaways," began, and which boasted such noteworthy vehicles as David Mamet's "Boston Marriage," wherein a chaste kiss between Kate Burton and Martha Plimpton was enough to make staid New Yorkers gasp!!!!!!!!!

But, as for what else resides on that thoroughfare, your guess is as good as mine. I know Blue Man Group is across the street, and I think an Equinox Gym, and some car repair places, which is all I can recall.

Who would think a reasonably decent restaurant would be located here????? Well, darlings, I am happy to report, it is, though you have to really look for it, or you will just pass it by. I did, my first time out!!!!!!!!!

The restaurant is called "Butter," and, in the immortal words of Linda Richmond, it IS "like buttah"!!!!!!!!!! It is cavernous, dark and romantic, and boasts a somewhat trendy crowd, but the cuisine is superb. I had a smooth butter squash soup that went down easy, followed by a luscious ravioli in mushroom sauce with cheese that was so creamy (I am sure butter was used!!!) yet satisfying enough not to leave me stuffed. For desert, I opted for a toffee pudding that was so good, yet not as rich as one would expect. Would I go back??? You better believe it, darlings!!!!!! Especially if I am catching a show nearby at the Public.

The particular occasion in question happened to be the birthday of Monsieur's friend, Ellen, of Bay Ridge, and the most fabulous party giver since Mame Dennis. Ellen looked fabulous, bedecked in an orange outfit, her smooth hair and cream complexion complimenting her wardrobe superbly. The uniform rating of the place by all was superb--Monsieur had a fish dish he said was great, and, honey, he is as fussy as I am. Well, not quite; after all, he is not the Raving Queen, but close!!!!!!

Still, we all had a marvelous time, the conversation flowed, and the coffee was SO good and SO electric in strength, I thought I was going to be wired all night!
If you need a high, darlings, when in this nabe, check out Butter!!!!!!!!!!

The experience will just melt in your mouth, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, This Is A Casting Coup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-07T12:04:00.001-08:00

You may recall, awhile back, girls, I did a post--several, actually--on actresses playing the role of Miss Havisham in "Great Expectations. How fitting this topic comes up again, as today is Dickens' 200th birthday!!!!!!!!

It occurred to me there is a perfect candidate out there for the role. Though she is hardly the seasoned actress that Gillian Anderson and Helena Bonham Carter are, I can think of no better choice to play this role than.....Joan Didion?????????

That's right, honey, you heard it; Joan Didion, the writer!

She certainly is seasoned! Hell, she is pickled! Just look at her!!!!! She looks so much like she is ready to play Miss H (let alone being ready for the glue factory) that she makes Miss Havisham seem like Betty Grable in pinup mode. With strong direction, she could pull it off, though I don't think Dickens envisioned her with cigarettes and liquor in her hands.

Which, no doubt, is how Joan would play it. It kind of reminds me of that part in the title song "Cabaret," when Sally sings of her friend Elsie, from Chelsea-- "The day she died, the neighbors came to snicker.
Well, that's what comes from too much pills and liquor."

When Liza sang this 40 years ago, one could not help but be reminded of her mother. But, just look at Joan these days!!!!!!!! For sheer grotesquerie, she outdoes even Tallulah Bankhead in "Die!Die! My Darling!"

And Joan used to be reasonably good looking, back in the 70's, in that bohemian way! But, lambchops, that was then, and this is NOW!!!!!!!!!

Now, I certainly have nothing against Joan, save for reading her books, but as long as she is looking so grotesque, she may as well put it to good use. Granted, while it might be fun to have another Joan (Rivers) play Miss Havisham, that would only work if Satis House were located near the ruins of what once was Grossinger's in the Catskills! Which I am sure is not what Dickens had in mind!!!!!!!!

So, as long as we have Miss Havishams crawling out of the woodwork, let me recommend MY choice, Joan Didion!!!!!!! What a hoot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See what pills and liquor can do to one, girls???? Watch out!!!!!!!!!!!

"You Crazy Catholics"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

This succinct remark, darlings, was stated by Monsieur last Easter, at the conclusion of my annual, and his initial, screening, of "The Song OF Bernadette." (No, darlings, we are not there yet, though the time is drawing close!!!!) As the film ended, and I laid there, heaving and sobbing tremulously, Monsieur uttered the above. I told him, he does not know the half of it!!!!!!!!!

Growing up in any faith has its own brand of theatrics, but Catholicism is certainly unique. Nowhere is placed such a premium on suffering; I am always quoting Gladys Cooper's line in 'Bernadette', "My body is pain wracked from stone floors," when pleading exhaustion.

Then there is Mary Magdalene, carrying the spices to the tomb to anoint the body of Jesus on Easter morning. No matter how the books confirm it, the idea still persists that she was a prostitute. This is due not only to sexism within the hierarchy, but to those of us clinging to the hope that if a "woman of sin" can be sanctified and heaven bound, then hope is possible for any of us!!!!!!

Every actress worth their salt has played a nun--from Jennifer Jones to Meryl Streep. It is almost a litmus test for acting. And even some men--there was a company of Dan Goggin's musical, "Nunsense," that had all the nuns as men in drag!!!!!! Despite that I would have LOVED to have been in this, it is interesting to note that the results, which I saw, did not come off as humorously as they ought.
Maybe things need to be revved up a notch--like "The Sound Of Music," with Charles Busch or Brini Maxwell as Maria, and Harvey Fierstein as Mother Abbess!!!!!! What a rendition of "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" that would be.

Saints, mystics, visionaries, possessed--we have them all!!!!!!!!! And the Pope's jewel collection is perhaps the only one to outdo Elizabeth Taylor's!!!!!!!!!

My approach and prescription for Catholicism has always been a good strong dose of Jennifer Jones, backed up a dollop of my all-time favorite cleric, Father Guido ("'Ay, how you doin'?") Sarducci!!!!!!!!!!! No confession would shock HIM, loves!!!!!!!!

So, yes, I guess Monsieur is right, we ARE a bit crazy!!!!!! I, personally would not have it any other way!!!!!!!!!!

We're hazy, we're crazy--GET USED TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Have You Made This Downtown Discovery?????

2012-02-07T07:29:00.001-08:00

Darlings, guess, like the song says, I'm just an Uptown Girl, living in my Uptown world!!!!!!
Because, until last week, I had never heard of Neal Medlyn, and now, it seems, he is all over the place!!!!!!!!

My first exposure to Neal came in the recent "Next" magazine, the gay events publication. There was a photo of him, and publicity for, his recent "Wicked Clown Love" show at The Kitchen, which only ran two nights--February 3 and 4. I am sorry I missed it.

Born on May 21, 1975, Neal is from Palestine, Texas, and has been a model, go-go dancer, and performance artist here in town, since about the late 1990s. early 2,00's.
One thing that is apparent, girls, which is one reason why I know we all want to seek out Neal, is that, given his experience, he seems totally at ease with his body, meaning he has no qualms displaying as much of it as possible, when necessary. That "Wicked Clowns" photo is interesting; it makes Neal seem shorter than he is. My initial impression of him was that he reminded me of my friend, John, a short, sweet thing, who is hotter than a firecracker and is one cat who just will not stay on HIS hot tin roof!!!!!!!! I get that same vibe from Neal. So, I think all my girls would have lots of fun, checking him out.

He has his own site, giving much more info than I can. On February 29--Leap Year Day, and my sister's REAL birthday--he is going to be doing a show at Joe's Pub with two other performers, spoofing the "Hit Parade" shows of the 1950s, but focusing on contemporary music. It might be a good idea to check Neal out here. And you can also see him in action, to get a taste, on YouTube.

How have I missed not discovering Neal????? Like I said, I am just not a Downtown Girl. But, girls everywhere, I am telling you to flock to Neal. The performer/exhibitionist in him would just love it!!!!!!!!!!

And keep your clothes on, you queens!!!!!!!! Remember, this is Neal's show, not yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Charles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

Today just happens to be the 200th birthday of Charles Dickens, one of my favorite authors, who has been with me, one way or another, since early childhood. I won't repeat the famous "David Copperfield" story with Norma Brodsky, but rest assured they are inextricably linked.

Too bad I don't happen to be reading Dickens right now. I should have planned ahead. And Monsieur and I are looking for something Dickensian to do this eve; I hope some of the cable channels are showing some Dickens based movies. My choice would be the David Lean "Great Expectations"!!!!!!!!!!!

Ironically, were she alive, this would have been the 98th birthday of my father's sister, and sibling before him, Aunt Kathleen, whom we all called Katty. She was a living saint, darlings, and at the end she suffered from Alzheimer's, which my father maintained was due to her never reading. Katty kept abreast of things via newspapers, magazines, and television, but full length novels or non fiction books were not her thing. Besides, she was one of those people who could not sit still; she constantly had to be doing something, so she had neither the time nor temperament for serious reading.

As I have said to my father, Iris Murdoch disproves his theory. She was not only a reader, but wrote some of the most brilliant books, both fiction and philosophy, out there. Yet she succumbed to Alzheimer's.

Which I personally find very scary, so I am reading as much as I can now, because one never knows!!!!!!!!!!

But a Happy 200th to Charles Dickens. I will never forget, being in the Dickens Museum, in London, back in 2006, and seeing, encased in glass, all the issues of the magazine he used to serialize all his works in. I wanted to pull each one off the stuff, and read them serially, just as the original readers must have.

I wish you another 200 years, Charles. And, while we may not be here for you 400th birthday, I have no doubt your books will still be read then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some Yorkshire Pudding to celebrate, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, There Is No Getting Around It; I Have To Address Demi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

I know, darlings, there are some of you out there, who must be asking, when am I going to address the situation of Demi?????? Demi Moore, that is!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, let me start. Poor Demi. You have to feel a bit sorry for her. Her earnestness is so heartfelt it must be like a lead weight, because it is so obvious she has been trying all these years to have a career--that she, I think, to some extent, views herself on the level of Meryl Streep, even though she most likely has never appeared on a stage ever, let alone read a word of Chekhov. And Demi has gone to some lengths that Meryl would not even contemplate!!!!!!!! Not for a second!!!!!!!!!!!

She seemed somewhat grounded when she was married to Bruce Willis. Now, I don't know whose hormones ended that marriage, loves, but I can tell you, as soon as she was a free woman, Demi's hormones heated up plenty fast!!!!!!!! Who knew Demi liked boy toys?????? Or maybe she was trying to do the Blanche Du Bois thing, recapturing her youth, with sweet young things!!!!!!! Hell, Tired Old Queens have been trying that for years!!!!!!!!! Just look at the Silverdaddies webiste.

So Demi took up with Ashton Kutcher, who must have loved Demi's name, prestige factor, and experience. I am sure things were pretty hot and heavy for a time, but Ashton, being younger and randier; honey, it was inevitable he would seek more verdant pastures!!!!!!!!! Demi, these days, certainly isn't looking verdant. Not as bad as some, but not the best she has looked.

Hospitalization, exhaustion, anorexia, it is all part of the showbiz downslide, which, in many cases, results in some kind of career comeback. But what kind of a career does Demi have to come back to????? It has always involved being more of a Celebrity than a Performer, and, honey, if you do not work the Circuit, or vanish from it, no one is going to remember YOU!!!!!!! So Demi needs to fall back on acting skills.

Now, darlings, you may not believe what I am going to say next, but the fact of the matter is, she has them!!!!!!!!! Acting skills, I mean. They were only displayed once, and, in a short film, but Demi showed, given strong direction and working within her limits, that she could act!!!!!!!!!

Sixteen years ago, Demi and Cher became partners in production with HBO and produced a now famous film, called "If These Walls Could Talk." I remember the myriad of posters publicizing it, leading up to its initial airing. They were all over town, especially at subway stations. The pulse of the advertising beat, as far as I am concerned!!!!!!!!!

The concept was simple. It concerned one house, over three generational periods, the people/women living there, and how each, in their respective time, dealt with the issue of abortion. It was set in three different years, each being the segment's title--1952, 1974, and 1996.

Demi's segment--and the best--was "1952." Which was set in the worst era possible for abortions--what is known as the Knitting Needle era. And what was meant by this was graphically depicted, which was one of many moments in this short film that truly upset me, and gave me nightmares.

Demi played Claire Donnelly, a nurse of the day, married to a young man, who, six months before, was killed overseas in the Korean war. She is lonely, but has has a lovely house, a job to support herself, and her husband's family seem to be tender and solicitous toward her. However, Claire is hiding a secret. She is pregnant, unmarried, and does not know what to do about it. She is in a jam. She cannot go away and put the baby up for adoption, because she cannot leave her job, let alone allow anyone to find out what happened. But time is running out. Her clothes are starting not to fit, and before you know it, she will be showing. She reaches out to the doctor she works for, but he brushes her off with a moral lecture, and the warning that he has known the Donnellys for a long time. She has heard rumors of such things taking place at some abandoned houses on--you guessed it, darlings--the Wrong Side Of The Tracks--goes there, but cannot bring herself to enter. Then she gets a tip from a colleague (marvelously played by CCH Pounder) who knows of someone who knows how to go about getting such a procedure safely. But it involves a trip to Puerto Rico, and, while it would be safe, Claire cannot take time off, nor she can afford the price of the plane and the procedure.

Things are getting pretty desperate. A Thanksgiving dinner at the Donnellys turns out to be disturbing, for, beneath the veneer of family solidarity they project, one senses avarice, distaste and arch conservatism lurking beneath. When Claire, after doing the knitting needle bit, bur failing, confides in her sister-in-law, Becky, played by Catherine Keener, the cruelty of this woman is devastating--it is all about the Donnellys, and what this would do to them!!!!!!! Becky is morally appalled that Demi would even sleep with anyone just six months after her brother's death. But Claire has even more to hide from the Donnellys--for the father of this child turns out to be the Donnellys' younger son, Kevin (well acted by Jason London). That is right; she slept with, and has been impregnated by, her husband's brother, and I can tell you, if the Donnellys found this out, they would burn her for a witch as fast as the people of Whitewood did Elizabeth Selwyn!!!!!!!!

Hope intervenes, when the woman Claire had called before recommends a man named Tom, who comes to the home, and does the procedure there. This sequence is extremely uncomfortable to watch, what with the callous nature of the abortionist, who very likely is not a doctor, is doing this strictly for the money, and cannot be bothered with such niceties as sterilizing the instruments. Seeing Demi position herself on the kitchen table and enduring this butchery, tasteful as it is filmed, is distinctly unpleasant. The procedure is done, and the guy leaves, without so much as a fare thee well.

Some time later, it is dark, the camera pans the room slowly, till we spot red on the floor, which becomes apparent is blood. Claire, bleeding from a hemorrhage, is kneeling on the floor, trying to call for help. She collapses, and dies.

I always wondered about the aftermath of this. What would happen, when Claire's body is found? Becky would know immediately what she had died from. So would everyone else. Kevin would know it was his child that had been aborted, and for which Claire died. How would he face that, in the wake of the oppressive times and his ogre-ish family????? I have always wondered how such a scenario might have played out.

But Demi Moore, I am telling you, does the best acting job I have ever seen her do. And that she pulled it off, proves she has it in her. Too bad, because, given more opportunities like this, she might have avoided the dilemma she is in now. Not so much the Ashton/boy toy thing, but maybe the plight of the Actress Without A Career, which she now faces!!!!!!!!!

So, that is my take on Demi, darlings, and I do feel sorry for her. But if you haven't, already, take a look at "If These Walls Could Talk." Demi's segment will amaze you!!!!!!!!

And, girls, just for the record, I never considered posing for magazine covers when pregnant. Though if I had, IF I had been pregnant, I might have had a whole new career!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe Demi needs hormone replacement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, What A Weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

Never let it be said I am not dedicated to my girls, darlings!!!!!! Here I am sitting, with a functional (which I hope it stays) migraine, because I just have to tell you all about the amazing weekend Monsieur and I had in the scenic wilds of Pennsylvania.

Let me just say something. Pennsylvania has always been known as "the Keystone State," but if they do not watch out, they are going to become "the movie history state," because, who knew ex-Baby Jane, Julie Allred, was living not that far from my sister in Blue Bell?????? Not to mention Downingtown, which is where some of the 1958 classic "The Blob" was shot, especially the famous movie theater scene, with that theater still standing. I saw it with my own eyes, loves. And somewhere in the area lives the guy who devised the globby mass that was immortalized onscreen as "The Blob," and he still owns it, and keeps it in his garage!!!!!!!!!!! I bet it makes appearances sometimes at the annual Blob Festival in Summer. I have got to get down there, sometimes.

Near my sister's residence is an eatery that was used in M. Night Shyamalan's 2008 film, "The Happening," and just a few neighborhoods over is where much of "The Lovely Bones" was filmed, including the house where Stanley Tucci's character, serial killer George Harvey, lived. I am told people are still riding past that house, and, darlings, you better believe I want to see it!!!!!!!

So, there is more to Pennsylvania than Philly cheese steak, and some high end colleges. Well, this weekend, Monsieur and I were down there to visit my father, who is currently in residence at Villa St. Martha, not far from Downingtown (and my nephew, Jonathan, his wife, and their children!!!!), which is so bucolic and charming, that, honey, Monsieur and I are ready to move in there right away. But how can I, darlings, when I am still an ingenue??????

First, we had to contend with the Bus Trip From Hell. We managed to make the 6PM Bieber bus out of New York City, to Norristown, but it was so jam packed, with everyone listening to their crappy music and voicing their personal business on their phones and texters, which, I, for one, could not give a hoot about, any more than I would expect them to give a hoot about mine, unless they read it on here!!!!!!!! At least we had air, and it gave me a chance to rest, because, let me tell you, when you travel by bus at night, those overhead lights do NOT offer enough illumination to read by. And Norristown--what a burg!!!!!! The pizza places and laundromats are the classiest spots in town!!!!!! It is like a Pennsylvania version of Goat Alley, except the different regional architectural styles make it somewhat more picturesque.

We arrived at my sister's palatial manse in Audubon, where we were served homemade chicken, and ham and rice, soup. I must get those recipes, or maybe, Monsieur should, since he is the cook in the household. I mean, I can whip up something when time warrants it, but I am much better spotting social deviants, which I have picked up from my reading, and constant viewings of "Law And Order."

After a comfortable night, we arose, whereupon I had my absolutely crucial coffee, and before we knew it, we were on the road to Villa St. Martha. Its charm is inescapable, and so is the fetid heat in my father's apartment; being elderly, he feels the cold more, so he has to keep the temp up, so he thinks, which it often is, at 75 or 76 degrees. Who needs a sauna, darlings, when you can just go right here?????

My father said he had some gift certificates from Christmas he wanted to put to use, so it was decided to journey to the World Famous King Of Prussia Mall, which Monsieur was SO excited about going to. Which tells me, I have to get him out more, because there is really nothing that exciting about going to a mall. Though, having seen this one over the years usually at Christmas time, I will say they do themselves proud, decoratively, during that Season. This was one of the few times I was there out of said season.

I know times are hard, so it was sad to see some corridors actually closed down!!!!!! And, would you believe, not a single book or music store in the place???????? God forbid if one was a teenager; what would you do there??????? No wonder teen misbehavior is on the rise, when even the malls don't prove focal points of interest, anymore!!!!!!

We walked just about every inch of that place, at my father's 96-year-old insistence. My back was near broke. I was EMOTIONALLY exhausted, when we were done, though the day was capped off by a visit to a nearby Barnes and Noble, where I managed to purchase a copy of Ann Patchett's "The Patron Saint Of Liars," and Eleanor Henderson's novel, "Ten Thousand Saints" which turned up on the New York Times' Ten Best List, last year!!!!!!!!!! Monsieur, at the mall, bought the most charming Snow White spatula!!!!!!!!!!!! Too bad I could not find one with the Wicked Queen!!!!!!!!

But why would I need that, with the amount of wicked queens I know???????

From there, we lounged at my sister's, where I at least got my daily dose of "Law And Order," and Stephanie March!!!!!!!!!!!! We dined at Bertucci's, a local Italian spot that is one of the hot places to go on Saturday night, because it was packed!!!!!! We didn't have to wait that long, though (maybe they knew I was the Raving Queen), and the meal there was superb. Monsieur and I shared a Caesar Salad (but he ate the anchovies!!!!!!) while, for the main course, he had a pasta dish, while I opted for the Filet Mignon with potatoes and asparagus. And a glass of red wine, because, darlings, after being walked off my feet by my supposedly geriatric father, I needed a DRINK!!!!!!!!! My father had Eggplant Parmigiana, which was not breaded, which you do not see in THIS town, let me tell you--and it is more healthy. My sister had grilled chicken in balsamic dressing, which was what I was thinking of ordering, but will next time. The veggies were roasted and crisp, which proved to be discomfiting for my father, who, harking back to the 50's, likes everything boiled to mush with the flavor removed. The way all us baby boomers were raised on cooked veggies!!!!!!! No wonder so many of us, including yours truly, did not like them, as children!!!!!!!! After a meal like that, who could eat desert, but you better believe I had my coffee when we got home!!!! That is, after returning my father to Villa St. Martha, where, despite being glad for the visit with us, I feel he was genuinely glad to return to. And while he walked, I noticed he does so a bit slower. It is like up here he is accepting his age, because here he is allowed to accept it, whereas, while in Florida, he had to put up this act of the independent man who could do everything on his own!!!!!!! And it was getting to be a tough act to maintain!!!!!

He seems happy, for which I am grateful. So far, neither I nor anyone has heard from him a longing to be back in Florida!!!!!!!! Thank God!!!!!!!!!

How did the rest of the weekend fare???????????????

Monsieur and I bussed back to the city, where we rested, I attended Mass at Dignity, where I was welcomed by many I had not seen, and where I learned,sadly we are soon to lose our wonderful choir director, who has only been with us about two and one half years!!!!!!!! Nuts!!!!!!!!!!!

I returned home to a nice meal with Monsieur, television, bed, and a whole new week at hand. Is it any wonder I have a migraine, between traveling through two states, and all the running around we did?????????

It was worth it, darlings!!!!!!!!!! And it is all in the way of being the Raving Queen!!!!!!!!!

See you on the next excursion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, For The Days Of Cheesy Fiction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-06T09:05:00.000-08:00

Girls, I just finished reading McSweeney's anthology of pulp fiction tales called "Astonishing Stories," which seeks to duplicate the pulp era of the 30s and 40s, as epitomized by such mags as "Weird Tales" and "Amazing Stories." The previous one I read, "Thrilling Tales," was indeed that, and while this collection is shorter, it is not as satisfying a compilation, as, by the time I got to the last two stories, I wanted the whole thing to end.

Part of that, darlings, is that I am more comfortable reading full length novels than short fiction collections. A novel is structured and worked out; with a collection, things are rarely perfectly structured, meaning, you can have some stories that are riveting, and others that you wish had not been included.

The stories that are good, are REALLY good. The opener, Margaret Atwood's "Lustus Naturae," the sort of thing I would not expect from this author at all, is a meditation on the supernatural and handicapped, that recalled to me, with great poignancy, Jerome Bixby's short story, "The Young One." Stephen King's "Lisey And The Madman" is a shortened, working formatted version of what became his novel, "Lisey's Story." It tells me that still he is sometimes best in the shorter form; I tried reading "Lisey's Story," when it came out, (it actually made the cover that week of the New York Times Book Review, a first for both King and that publication!!!!!) but I don't think I got much past page 50. But his story is riveting!!!!!!!!! Aylet Waldman's "Minnow" cries out for dramatization; if Rod Serling or his like were around, this would be dramatized on "The Twilight Zone" or some like minded anthology show. It is one of the most disturbing meditations on parental trauma I have ever read. The same could be said of Heidi Julavits' "The Miniaturist," but, with its beautifully built up suspense, this was easily MY favorite of the collection. The author named Poppy z. Brite (suggesting either a stripper, or the carnival character played by Sylvia Miles in the Tobe Hooper film, "The Funhouse'!!!!) writes a wonderful tale, "The Devil Of Delery Street, set in New Orleans, and, having been there, I could visualize it fully!!!!!!!!!

If only the entire book had been THIS good. Though I will admit, I grimaced when I saw the name Joyce Carol Oates included in the collection. But her story, "The Fabled Lighthouse Of Vina Del Mar," starts blandly, but builds to a disturbing, supernatural, Poe-like quality that, while not as good as those listed above, comes darn close.

Hell, it comes lots closer than those I could have done without. The most glaring omission should have been "Reports Of Certain Events In London," by China Mieville, which I frankly considered a waste of my time. Charles D'Ambrosio's "The Scheme Of Things" threw out interesting possibilities, but in the end, became derivative and predictable, influenced by everything from Terrence Malick's film "Badlands," to Robert Altman's 1974 "Thieves Like Us."

When I saw the last story was by Peter Straub, whom I have admired for years, I thought they might be saving the best for last. So I began "Mr. Aickman's Air Rifle" with great anticipation, and, while I can't say it was unsatisfying, it was not up to the gold standard of some of Straub's previous work. Pretty much the way I felt when I read his most recent a novel, "A Dark Matter." It just did not rate a place alongside something like, say "Koko."

But the idea of these anthologies, with their replicated period covers, is tantalizing, and I hope--indeed, I urge--McSweeney's to put out another one. Darlings, if such mags were still in vogue, you might see me in there, for my "Miss T" stories (which begin with "The Feminine Predator") would have grist for their mill.

Well, who knows???? Maybe I will submit one of those tales to McSweeney's, or suggest they use one in a future anthology.

Meanwhile, "Astonishing Stories" is worth reading, and while not all of the stories astonish as much as they should, the ones that DO make you hunger for this kind of fiction!!!!!!!!!

Even the one written by Joyce Carol Oates, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moo Shu Pork!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-06T06:10:00.000-08:00

Girls, I am telling you, so much has been going on, that I wouldn't want anyone out there to think I am not up on things. So, let me just say, that, while I have not reported it yet, I have known, since February 1, that Piper Laurie was in the audience at the first preview performance of "Carrie."

Imagine--the original Margaret White!!!!! Bet Piper got a kick out of this one, darlings. "Carrie," as some may know, was a legendary 1988 Broadway flop that was so BAD I am sorry I missed seeing it. I know many who have, and, along with "Got Tu Go Disco," this is the flop I wished I could have seen!!!!

Downtown, at the Lortel Theatre, on Christopher Street (somehow, that is SO appropriate, darlings!!!!) the musical is being reworked, in collaboration with the Manhattan Theater Club. Musical theater veteran Marin Mazzie is playing Margaret White, which should be very interesting, and the show promises to be so scaled down--not a drop of blood--yet still retain the story's impact. This I have got to see, and, just to reassure you, girls, I am!!!! Monsieur and I are seeing this on the 18th, and let me tell you I will give a full report!!!!!

But you didn't think I would miss the beat, not knowing Piper was in town, at this show???? Sweeties, don't even consider that possibility, because, I am telling you, hardly anything escapes the Raving Queen.

Which brings me now to Liza Minnelli!!!!!!

Poor Liza!!!!! It has now gotten to the point, thanks to Christine Pedi's brilliant impersonation, that people now think Christine IS Liza, while Liza herself is some impostor!!!! Even I, darlings!!!! I mean, I just love when Christine/Liza says, "Two hips, two legs...one of these is mine!!!" Priceless, darlings!!!!! And I am telling you, Moo Shu Pork is destined to become now the most frequently ordered item on Chinese restaurant menus here in town!!!!!

But wait! Because the insanity is about to get worse. As some of my girls MUST know, there is a biopic in the works on Judy Garland (as long as there is money to be made, the poor woman is not allowed to rest in peace), with Judy being played by Ann Hathaway, which makes sense, as I can see it. Hathaway has both the voice and the acting chops, so she should do a credible job. But the question of who will play Liza's father, Papa Vincente Minnelli, has yet to be decided. Well, girls, I wouldn't want to start any rumors, now (Are you kidding???), but the word on the street is that Liza, in drag, is going to play her father!!!! And I do mean Liza, not Christine!!!! Though, eventually, I can picture Christine doing a spot on impersonation of Liza playing Vincente!!!!!

I think this casting is perfect!!! Someone recently asked me, "How many gay men has Liza married?" Well, honey, the answer should be obvious to anyone--it hardly matters, because Liza IS a gay man!!!! I have known that for years, darling!!!!!!!

So, keep your eyes and ears peeled, girls, because, if this does happen, remember where you heard it first!!!!!! I, for one, can't wait to see Liza play her father!!!!!

Just like I cannot wait for the next installment in the Christine/Liza saga!!!!!

And remember, darlings, Red is the new Navy Blue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What A Sad Discovery, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-06T05:33:00.000-08:00

Girls, no sooner had we gotten home Thursday night from the 'Baby Jane' screening, and, after I had finished dancing and flouncing about the room, in my best Bette Davis/Baby Jane manner, then Monsieur asked me how many people from this film are still alive, fifty years later.

Not many, I imagined. And, as I scanned IMDB, noting all the adult actors from this classic who had passed on, I thought to myself,"I guess only the children (those playing Jane and Blanche, at the start) are still alive!"

Was I wrong!!!!! For I discovered, that, only this past December 29, one of those children, Julie Allred, who played Baby Jane Hudson as a child, had died, at the age of 57, from what was said to be diabetes.

The first thing I wondered, girls, was how IMDB got wind of this, because, I am telling you, at the time, I saw no reports of this anywhere!!!!! Which, considering the iconic nature of both the film, and Julie's role, was inexcusable!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How shocked I was to find Julie and I were close to the same age. Who could forget her crying out, in the film, "I don't care! I want an ice cream!!!!"????? And don't you just know I can play this scene and role perfectly????? Monsieur says I do it every day, girls!!!!!

Julie Allred was born in Philadelphia, PA. She won some sort of contest, which lead to her being cast in 'Baby Jane'. She was terrific, and fortunate. For this turned out to be one of these one-time efforts (like Harper Lee, with "To Kill A
Mockingbird", or Margaret Mitchell with "Gone With The Wind") that, though it was the only thing she did, she would forever be remembered for it. And so she is!!!!

Her parents did not allow her to do any more movies, due to their religious beliefs. Which does make me wonder--how the hell did they let her do THIS???? But thank God, we have Julie's classic performance preserved on film.

As she got older, I guess normality beckoned, so Julie ended up living out her life in a Pennsylvania suburb, Blue Bell, marrying, and raising four children, whom, with her husband, she unfortunately leaves behind. But wait till you hear THIS, girls!!!! When filming was finished, Julie was given one of the actual Baby Jane dolls to keep. And kept it she did, for the rest of her life, right up to her final days in Blue Bell!!!! Let's hope the family has sense enough not to get rid of this.
Or perhaps put it in a community museum, where thousands of queens, and their consorts, could come and pay homage. How I have always wanted to have a genuine Baby Jane doll!! I know Bette had one, but who knows where hers went?????

It was strange, that past Thursday, because, as I watched the opening sequence of the film, I could feel myself concentrating more on Julie Allred's performance, and musing about her, "Hmmm...where is she now? She must be in her sixties," as if somehow psychically sensing, but not completely, that she had passed!!!!!!

Which leaves Gina Gillespie, who played the child Blanche, not only the surviving child, but the film's ONLY surviving cast member, fifty years later!!!!! Go, Gina!!!!!!

Darlings, the loss of Julie Allred is sad indeed. I can think of no better final tribute to her than to paraphrase her screen sibling's penultimate line---

We won't forget, Julie!!!!!!!!!! You BET we won't forget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Could I Possibly Be Blanche???????????

2012-02-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

No, girls, I am not talking about Blanche Du Bois of "A Streetcar Named Desire," which, I assure you, I could nail like you would not believe. I am talking about Blanche Hudson, the Joan Crawford role in "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?", which Monsieur and I attended last eve at Chelsea Classics, hosted, of course, by Hedda Lettuce, in what turned out to be a Special 50th Anniversary Film Screening.

After all that time, the film remains as fresh and exciting as ever. But there is still that nagging Blanche question, for me. Not that I have ever viewed myself as Joan Crawford--not for a second. And, of course, the role of Baby Jane is tailored for a more theatrical type, and, God help me, if it is one thing I can be called, it is theatrical.

Nevertheless, there is that one apocryphal moment and line towards the beginning, that gives me pause. It is spoken by Gina Gillespie (the film's only surviving cast member; more on that, darlings!!!!!) as the child Blanche.

Having been unduly reprimanded by her father, Blanche is seething with hurt and resentment. Her mother (the great Ann Barton) tells the tearful child that someday she will be the lucky one, because she will be the bigger star, getting all the attention. Despite Mother's passive willingness to allow her husband to allow them all to sponge off their talented daughter, she understands that Jane's stardom is going to be short-lived. So she urges Blanche, when older, to be kinder to Jane and her father than they are to her, now. Pretty tall order, I say. When asked to remember, Blanche speaks those immortal words into the camera, which set the tone for the rest of what follows--

"I won't forget. You BET I won't forget!"

For so many years, this was MY mantra. It was, all during Junior and Senior high, and if you read past blog entries, you will find, that, while I have not tortured anyone, I have gotten out some of my resentments towards past figures on here. But am I capable, for those who know the film, of harboring a secret for 30 years, and using it to intentionally ruin someone else's life?????

No way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which is why, for those who know the film so well--and if you are one of MY girls, you damn well better--I have always felt sorry for Jane. Jane was no angel, but you have to consider, what happens to Blanche, right up to the scene on the beach, is all brought on by herself. Though there is that moment where she says to Jane, "You weren't ugly, then. I made you that way. I even did that." I disagree. Jane was a hardcore alcoholic by the time of the accident, so time would have taken its toll. Blanche may have thrown Jane's life away, but Jane's alcoholism would have happened, minus the accident; once she was no longer Top Dog, that was it, and she needed something to smooth that over. Like gin.

And while I may have my theatrical moments, I am in no danger of becoming a rabid alcoholic. Two drinks, and that is it for me. Sometimes I fall asleep. Just call me a cheap date!!!!!!!! Well,not really; I want the high end places, you better believe it.

But there is so much one can learn from 'Baby Jane," no matter how many times it is viewed! But me, Blanche?????????? No way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This star plays second fiddle to no one!!!!!!!!!!!

Love you all, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Blythe!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-03T07:48:00.001-08:00

From Groundhog Day, we move to celebrating the birthday of one of our most treasured actresses--Blythe Danner. Blythe, who has been the definitive interpreter of Tennessee Williams' characters for many years, has also been, with her stunning looks, pegged by moi as the Grace Kelly of our generation. Which is highly fitting, considering both were very much Main Line, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

But Blythe never let it get in the way of acting, or raising a family. And her work in ecology is highly well known.

Today, hard as it is to believe, Blythe turns 69!!!! To think that next year she will be 70!!!! Can you believe it??????

What cake would be most appropriate for Blythe???? Coconut??? Angel Food???
Red Velvet???? You tell me, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

So let us salute the birthday and brilliance of the magnificent Blythe Danner. I still want to know where she gets her hair done, darlings, so I can go there, and look my most Blythe like!!!!!!!!!

I mean, do you know how frustrating it is to do a rigorous beauty regimen each morning, knowing one can never look like Blythe Danner, because only Blythe can??????

Happy Birthday, Blythe!!!!!!! We like Gwyneth, but she cannot hold a candle to YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"But 'Cha ARE, Blanche"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-02T11:07:00.001-08:00

Darlings, since Joan was given her due, last week, via "Strait-Jacket", it is only fair Bette be given hers. Which is my way of saying that Monsieur and I will be at this week's Chelsea Classics' screening of the signature classic, "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?", hosted, of course, by Hedda Lettuce!!!!!!!!!

And this happens to be an Anniversary Screening, of sorts, for, this year, this renowned film reaches the age of 50. I can hardly believe it. And I am sure it will have lost none of its bite.

I know that for me, the film has changed, with me, over the ages. Or, rather, my perception of it. In 1962, when I saw just the TRAILER, it traumatized my 7-year-old self, with the idea of real people, not imaginary monsters, doing stuff to one another, and engendered, that evening, while my parents were out, and my grandmother taking care of me, the fear that Bette Davis as Baby Jane would come crashing through my bedroom door, like in the trailer!!!! I refused to go to sleep, until my parents came home.

As I got older, and more arts oriented, I tended to look at the film, especially the early part, as being the childhood of fame and adulation I so desperately wanted, thinking that fame would automatically solve my then problems. It took 13 years, and the musical "A Chorus Line," to make me re-examine this, and bring me to the ultimate conclusion, down the road, that this was not so. Added to which, going back to the film, would I want, even with a famous childhood, to be NOW a deranged alcoholic????????? First, the amount of liquor Jane drinks in this film would put me in the ER, at least. Second, if you think for one minute I would give up star status after having achieved it, you are wrong. Even if I went from child cutie to homely adult, even if I had to do horror films, I would have made some effort to keep my career going. Realistically, unlike Jane.

But that was then, and this is NOW. So I want to see all my girls out tonight at this very special, 50th Anniversary, 'Baby Jane' screening.

I want an ice cream, Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As Moving A Tribute As You Will Ever Read, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-02T08:40:00.000-08:00

Who are these boys in this photograph? When I tell you, you will say, "Of course!" but if they were never identified, I am not sure they would be recognized.
The younger one, on the left, is Tyler Clementi, and the older one, to the right, is his brother, James, also gay. In the current OUT Magazine, James writes a tribute to his brother that speaks for Tyler in a way none of us who have been can, because of something we cannot possibly possess--a familial, genetic connection.

And, darlings, just because much has not been written on here of late about Tyler, does not mean he has been absent from my mind. But with things coming to a head as they seem to, it is time to step up once again!!!!!!!!!!!

As the Clementi family slowly began stepping into the limelight, to promote their Foundation, and support the struggle of other LGBT youth out there; as the siblings, James and Brian, were known, I learned, as many did, that James, too, was gay. I remember thinking, "Well, if Tyler's older brother was gay, why didn't they talk about it?". Now, James Clementi eloquently answers that question.

The more I read about all of the Clementis, the more I come to realize what a class act they are. James writes of feeling both protective and paternal towards his baby brother. But, not having come out till he was in his early twenties, he admits he did not feel ready to be the role model Tyler needed, though incidents did force that hand. He felt Tyler would follow the same time line as he, emerging gay in his 20s. But Tyler had other ideas. As James said, he always seemed like "the stronger one," so he was a bit more ready to confront these issues of coming out and such head on.

James candidly writes of the outpouring of support and love that came to Tyler, and them, from strangers (including yours truly, who was so upset by this I felt compelled to write a note of my own!), protest rallies, and political lobbying. And he makes an interesting point--Tyler was at the start of his sexual journey, so, at 18, and libido flowing, all he wanted to do, so he said, was "hook up," get as much action as possible. Which makes sense. But James wisely knows, as we all do, that eventually it is not enough, or the novelty wears off, and one begins seeking love. James writes of how deserving Tyler was of this--much more than he realized--but I believe that, in time, Tyler would have come to this realization, and would have found someone. The joy which James writes of Tyler having brought to everyone during his brief stay on Earth speaks of the joy he would have continued to give, which was tragically snuffed out.

Mr.Clementi is unstintingly candid, writing of how he still has difficulty sleeping, holding a job, letting go, moving on. And who can blame him? I cannot urge you enough, darlings, to read this piece, and if you know someone struggling, make sure they read it. If anyone can speak for Tyler it is James, being not only a sibling, but closer to his peer group than many having written about Tyler, including, again, yours truly. Indeed, of all I have read about Tyler Clementi, none has struck me as more moving, or elicited from me tears, as this testimonial.

The most insightful thing in the entire piece is a sentence halfway through. I am certainly going to use it as a mantra for myself in times of duress, and I urge others to. It would certainly make an apt slogan on a sampler. It is when James, speaking in the piece, says to Tyler--
"You were never alone; it just felt like it."

Thanks so much, James. For those of us who have spoken out in support of both Tyler and your family, you have now become the Gold Standard!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, James!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Scum Just Never Stops Evolving!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

This post may make you gag, darlings, because the winner of this week's Bitch Of The Week Award is one sicko who takes the prize, even by the standards of deviancy. Just when you think you have heard everything, along comes something to surprise you!!!!!!!

The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is Mark Berndt!!!!!

This guy, 61 years of age, has taught in the Los Angles schools system for 30 years. He has taught third grade, and has been under police surveillance for a year. He is charged with 23 counts of lewd acts against children--standard pedophile stuff--BUT it was his predilections that really go beyond anything I have heard of, darlings!!!!!

He is charged with photographing children in acts of bondage. What I want to know is, how did he get child sized equipment????? Did he have it fashioned specifically so???? And why didn't alleged designer get suspicious????? He is also charged with feeding (brace yourselves, girls, this is GROSS) semen, which was ingested on cookies. Let's face it, children this age would not know what it was, so it is safe to say both acts were enforced by Berndt!!!!!!!!!

So much is wrong here--morally, medically--it makes one cry out!!!!!! Why couldn't this sicko simply indulge himself, and control these impulses, in the privacy of his home, jerking off to some "Mr. Bill" DVD's????????

What I find hard to believe is that it has taken three decades to oust this scum!!!!!!!! Now there are cries of outrage from parents, administrators, and the community!!!!!!! I wonder, whenever Berndt began his debauchery, if some child did not say something....but was disbelieved. If that were the case, then all the children he is charged with violating could have been saved.

But I am speaking hypothetically of course. Berndt has been arrested, placed in custody, and I see a lifetime of prison for him--either the Hole (solitary) or a scenario, where, like Jeffrey Dahmer, he will be murdered.

Mark Berndt, this week's Bitch Of The Week, breaks new ground!!!!!!! And that is NOT a compliment, darlings!!!!!!!!! Now, let's hope the legal system breaks HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Times like this, I think the Queen of Hearts in "Alice In Wonderland" had the right idea!!!!!!!!!!!

"Off with his head!"

So, We Are At The Mid-Point Of Winter, Darlings!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-02T06:54:00.000-08:00

As far as Groundhog Day goes, girls, the Gold Standard is Punxstawney Phil, from the Pennsylvania town of the same name. Unbelievable as it may seem, he DID see his shadow, and that means we are going to have six more weeks of Winter.

But, hey, so far, the first six weeks HAS been like an early Spring. If Winter continues in this fashion, I do not think there will be many complaints. But I must warn all my fair skinned girls--with so little precipitation falling this Winter, I predict the Summer of 2012 is going to be a sizzler!!!!!!! So stock up on that sun screen, as soon as we reach May 1.

Groundhog Day is just one more thing that makes February a fun month, removes it further from January's doldrums, and points toward the hope of Spring. So, thanks to everyone in PA for sponsoring and celebrating this event.

And forget about competitions from Staten Island and elsewhere, Punxstawney Phil is the REAL thing!!!!!!!!!!!

Though I just LOVED, years back, when the Staten Island Ground Hog bit Mike Bloomberg!!!!!!!!!!

Only in New York, kiddies, as Liz Smith would say!!!!!!!!!

Happy Groundhog Day, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reading Habits Alter With Life Changes!!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-01T12:17:00.001-08:00

When I was in high school, I did a lot of reading. I also had this notebook insertion about study skills, which at one point said, "You have more opportunity for reading during your school years than at any other time in your life," which even back then I knew was a crock. Because so much of the reading done was prescribed--to get into college, and then, maybe, graduate or professional school. Reading may have been fundamental, but, for many, it simply was not FUN!!!!!!!!

It never lost its magic for me. Since 1968, I have kept an index card boxed record of every book read, from 1968 on. As I got older, and school became a distancing memory, my reading time actually increased; with no school pressures, and a rather lengthy commute into the city to work, I was free to read whenever, and I made the most of it. I still set a goal of 100 books a year. Several years back, I actually topped it, at 114!!!! The really frustrating years were when I reached 95 or 97!!!!!!!!!

But not so much age, as life changes, has trimmed my reading time almost in half. Part of that is this blog, which I do as much for my girls as for myself, and I have no regrets therein. The other is Monsieur, the best reason to stop reading of all!!!! And, yes, if I am going to be honest, I must acknowledge Monsieur and cite my (as he terms it) "addiction" to the "Law And Order" franchise--be it regular, 'SVU', or 'Criminal Intent'!!!!!!! Sometimes, I just need to chill out with a nice relaxing serial killer story, or social deviant. Reading is as fundamental to me as it ever was, but it has gotten to the point when the prospect of waiting in a doctor's office, or a long plane trip turns out to be pleasant, as it will afford me sizable chunks of reading time I might not otherwise have. Generally, I would finish out January with about half a dozen books read; this year I will clock out at 4. Not bad, but not up to my usual standards. And I am not about to lament all these life changes--they have been, and are, simply wonderful. But when we gain we sometimes lose.

Of course I don't intend to stop reading, even if it comes down to me, at some point, having to use a magnifying glass. Don't get me started on Kindle or Nook; that is for another discussion. But for those of us who are serious readers, and actually have LIVES, Time becomes a precious commodity. I am reminded of that shot in "Gone With The Wind,' when it is nap time at Twelve Oaks, and there is a sun clock, with a cat sleeping beneath it, on which are emblazoned the words, "Do Not Squander Time. That Is The Stuff Life Is Made Of."

So don't squander that time, darlings!!!!!!!!!! Make the most of what you have!!!!!!!

But let me assure you, it is IMPOSSIBLE to read, during a facial!!!!! Do not even TRY it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But February Is Also The Month Of Love, Girls!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-01T07:24:00.001-08:00

Darlings, once upon a time there was a magazine I loved, devoted to the elegant style of gracious living, called "Victoria." I believe it is now defunct, but I remember that my two favorite issues--being the most Romantic--were the February and December ones!!!!!! The December issue, of course, centered upon Christmas, while February, always encased in red, concentrated on Valentine's Day. Which there are hundreds of ways to celebrate.

During my embittered spinster period, I would always watch "Fatal Attraction." It seemed to me, then, comforting, knowing I was not in any kind of danger. These days, with Monsieur, who is a dream, I would opt for something like "Moonstruck," which can be served with an nice Italian meal and bottle of wine. Fine by me. Hell, there might be those out there who prefer "Some Like It Hot," being that it IS funny and it starts with the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

But love, flowers and chocolate is what all us girls want for February, which also includes Groundhog's Day, Blythe Danner's birthday, the anniversary of the visions at Lourdes, my friend Joe's birthday, and lastly, a Leap Year, wherein my sister has another REAL birthday.

This, plus dinners and shows, and you have the recipe for a short and merry month!!!!!!! Hope your February is full of merriment and love, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

Toujours l'amour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We've Made It To Another Candlemass Eve, Darlings!!!!!

2012-02-01T07:09:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it is February 1, already????? And that means tonight is Candlemass Eve, when the Witches mock the rituals of the Church, and, at midnight, sacrifice a Virgin!!!!! Though things are getting tougher and tougher with witches these days. When it comes to mocking church rituals, they seem to be have been outdone by the international avalanche of pedophile priests. And when it comes to sacrificing a Virgin....well, where are you supposed to find one?????? Not here, darlings, I can tell you that!!!!!!!!!!

I hate to think this, but remember, in "Rosemary's Baby," when Hutch reports in 1959 that a dead infant, wrapped, was found in the Bramford????? Perhaps the witches have no choice when it comes to virgins, though I do not approve of infantile sacrifice.

Of course, the film to watch this evening is the 1960 classic, which started all this, "Horror Hotel," also known as "City Of The Dead." Patricia Jessel is a hoot as Elizabeth Selwyn/Mrs. Newless, delivering witticisms with all the aplomb as though she were appearing in a Noel Coward play!!!!!!!!! And we just LOVE that opening scene!!!!!!! And Lottie!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention the idea of Whitewood as a vacation spot!!!!! Want someplace quiet and peaceful, loves????? Want a place where you can get a lot of reading done???? There be Whitewood. Unless, of course, you are inivited to "services."

So curl up this eve with "Horror Hotel." Which can also be viewed on YouTube, by the way!!!!!! If you can't find a virgin to sacrifice, plunge a knife--or your teeth--into some red velvet cake!!!!!!! Perfect for any occasion!!!!!!!!!!

Just wait till my wedding, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodbye, January!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-31T10:00:00.000-08:00

Girls, today we can officially say farewell to my least favorite month. Despite that my favorite person out there, Monsieur, is a New Year Baby, which helps things enormously. But that post Christmas letdown in the early part of the month is a killer. Something you know you have just got to live through, but when it lifts, what a relief.

And speaking of a lift--I just got done with my taxes! So now I am free to pursue even more adventures, and report them to all my darlings.

Not that January was without adventure--dinners, 'On A Clear Day,' "We Need To Talk About Kevin," "Strait-Jacket", a strawberry martini....pretty exciting stuff for a month I posit as my least favorite.

So, darlings, we have made it through 1/12 of 2012. Hope all my girls have an exciting February!!!!!!!!!!!! Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then We Came To The Re-Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-31T07:35:00.000-08:00

Now, girls, I actually LOVE Joshua Ferris, as a writer. After all, I have read his first two books. I recall all the attendant hoopla, surrounding his first, "Then We Came To The End," and I enjoyed it thoroughly, particularly his smooth, lyric prose style.

About two years ago, when Jonathan Franzen first came out with "Freedom," there was a slew of commentary about White American male novelists; who was the Old Guard, and who the New. The New turned out to be Franzen, courtesy of "The Corrections," Michael Chabon, with 'Kavalier And Klay', Joshua Ferris with his book, and Junot Diaz, with "The Brief Life Of Oscar Wao."

After scanning all these lists, I made a note of them, and resolved to read or reread these books, to see if they were as good as purported, or whether or not they held up. Having found an inexpensive paperback copy of Ferris first book at the Strand, I decided to give it a reread, to see how I would react, now that the media frenzy over he and his book has died down.

It was interesting, to me, that the strongest memories I carried from this book, was the episode where Janine, the grief stricken mother, whose child is abducted from her bedroom a la Elizabeth Smart, but, who, unlike Smart, is not found alive, copes by going to the local McDonald's and sits in the play area amidst all the colored plastic balls. Or when a disgruntled laid-off worker, named Tom, returns to the office, toting a gun, and shoots at everyone. But what should have been an office carnage turns out to be nothing more than colored paint pellets staining people's clothes; though it does land him in the slammer on an assault charge.

Tom is also the character who got on my nerves--Mr. Straight Man, who resents that his wife left him, when maybe she had good reason. In what is supposed to be humorous, Ferris writes of a heated domestic exchange between the couple, where he says--I kid you not, and in caps, just as I will demonstrate--"I HOPE OVARIAN CANCER EATS OUT YOUR CUNT!" This, when one of the other characters, Lynn, the supervisor, is facing her own battle with breast cancer, and later passes on from ovarian. Ferris handles Lynn's situation so well and with such humanity and sensitivity that, while one may interpret Tom's remark as criticizing such blatant insensitivity, it just comes off--when you add into the mix the idea that all the women do on their weekends is shop and all the men do is watch sports on television--as too much testosterone being thrown around, just to show off. There is just a hint of homosexuality, via one, enigmatic character, but, God forbid there should be an actual one, which is ridiculous, when you consider, whether in New York or Chicago, where the novel takes place, the ad industry is bound to have a sturdy gay population. I guess Ferris was more interested in throwing around his testosterone than offering a balance to the satire.

Which is why, for me, this book did not hold up on a second reading. I admired the writing, but I just could not wait to finish the story. I really did not care about the people that much; what kept me going was Ferris' lyrical writing technique, which he honed even finer, in his better, though, not as well received, second novel, "The Unnamed."

However, the dripping testosterone is not nearly as bad here as in Joanthan Tropper's "This Is Where I Leave You," which I covered several years back.

What is it with these J writers?--
Jonathan Franzen--the King
Jonathan Lethem
Josshua Ferris
Jonathan Tropper
Jonathan Tollins--playwright
Jon Robin Baitz-playwright

If I ever publish under a REAL name, it makes me wonder if I should adopt a pseudonym with "J." Hey, my Confirmation name is "John," so there you are.
I was ahead of my time, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As the Raving Queen always should be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Isn't It Nice To Know A Lot? And A Little Bit Not"!!!!!!!

2012-01-30T10:27:00.000-08:00

Darlings, I just found this out! Can you believe that this summer will mark the 50th--yes, 50!!!!!!!!--Anniversary of Free Shakespeare In The Park, at the Delacorte Theatre???????? And just what is the NYSF going to serve up this Season?

Well, for starters, that old Shakespeare comic standby, "As You Like It."

And--this is the real reason for excitement--the Stephen Sondheim, James Lapine musical, "Into The Woods"!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, my God, girls!!!!!!!!!!! Get ready for a media feeding frenzy!!!!!!!! Because this production is going to be THE thing to see in New York THIS Summer, and the Delacorte will be THE place to be!!!!!!!!!!!! Theater Queens of all shapes, sizes, and ages, heed me well--you better stake out your waiting spot NOW, because, no matter who they cast in it, (and I am sure there will be some interesting casting choices, as every actor worth his/her salt in NYC is going to want to audition or be submitted for it!!!!!) this is going to be the HOTTEST ticket of the Summer, and the HARDEST thing in the city to get into!!!!!!!! SO, you better start calling in your favors, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

As for me, I just don't know where to begin. I am dying to audition for this--but as what????? My coworker Steve would make a perfect Baker (the Chip Zien role), and, while I can still do, verbatim, the Witch's Rap, I have always had my eye on the role of Jack, because I know I could do a heartrending rendition of "Giants In The Sky." That's right, you bitches; at my STILL professional age of 24, and with the dark, natural and unnatural lighting as only can be provided by Summer at the Delacorte, you know damn well I would make a first rate male ingenue!!!!! I would even love to do Red Riding Hood, because I LOVE her song; there are so many decisions to be made. But the decision to do this show is one of the smartest moves the Delacorte has made in recent memory, because, next to "A Little Night Music," this is the Sondheim show that would be perfection if staged outdoors!!!!!!!!!!

Naturally, I am doing my vocal warm ups, just for that important audition, but I am also calling in my connections, because if I am not IN it, I have at least got to SEE it!!!!!!!!!!

Now, some of us remember how fabulous Bernadette Peters was as the Witch, morphing from a crone to a glamour queen. I can just visualize the Beautiful Witch played by Blythe Danner, but how do you get her to look ugly???????? It is just impossible!!!!!!!! Not that Bernadette was easy--she wasn't--but Blythe?????????

Dare we dream of Martha Plimpton as the Baker's Wife?????????? At an earlier point in her career, Martha would have nailed Red Riding Hood, but I think she is ready now for the Baker's Wife.

What about Meryl??????????? She could certainly do the Witch, but would she also be willing to do a sort of cameo as Jack's Mother, the Barbara Bryne role???????

How about the Princes????????? They have to be hunky and can sing!!!!!!! Who do we have that can encompass both???????? And how about Cinderella--dare we hope for Sutton Foster???????? And how about Cinderella's Stepmother and Stepsisters--honey, I would be willing to play a bitch in drag!!!!!!!!! I do one out of drag, all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or even better, how about some of the top Drag Queens in town-_Charles Busch, Hedda Lettuce, Brini Maxwell--stepping into those roles??????????

But what a coup for the 50th Anniversary Summer!!!!!!!

"Look at your nails, look at your dress, people will laugh at you, nevertheless, you
still want to go to the Festival?"

Darlings, you BETTER believe it!!!!!!!!!! See you all there!!!!!!!!

Just Some Odds And Ends, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-30T07:14:00.001-08:00

Darlings, can you believe we have already arrived at January 30????? The slowest month, and least favorite of mine, is at an end. As of tomorrow we are officially 1/12 through 2012.

What a weekend of ups and downs it has been. If you were suburban raised, like me, I am sure your mothers got "Woman's Day" magazine (is it even still published???), which had that famous column, "It's All In A Woman's Day." Well, honey, with me, "It's All In The Life Of The Raving Queen."

We--Monsieur and I--spent the entire weekend in town. What did we do Friday night? I am not even sure. Saturday, we dined at Mappomondo, a small, nice Italian restaurant near Monsieur, which has fabulous Bruschetta, and the most fabulous salad, called, appropriately enough, the Mappomondo. Endives, artichokes, celery, apples, a delicious dressing...we always scrape the plate over this one. Monsieur had a special veal dish, while I had a wonderful pasta with Lamb ragout!!!!! Luscious! And wine, of course, darlings; after the day I had, where, at work, I felt like I was Anne Bancroft playing Annie Sullivan in "The Miracle Worker," I was drained. And at least Anne got an Oscar AND a TONY for her efforts!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, we had to get up and at 'em, because Monsieur's cousin, Jodie, was coming in from Connecticut, with her daughter, Mia!!!!!! Wouldn't you know I awoke with what turned out to be a migraine?????? Thanks to Excedrin Migraine, it turned out to be a very mild one, which enabled me to make it through the visit with Jodie and Mia, which included lunch at the Chelsea Diner, where I had the broccoli quiche, with rice, peas and carrots, and a salad. Hold that thought, for the future, darlings. After the meal, we strolled along 14th Street, going in and out of shops, making a stop at Whole Foods, where Monsieur brought some items, and then, since we were not that far, making a beeline for the Strand Bookstore. Mia made for the Children's Section, which I approved of, while I hunted for something. I hardly ever come out of the Strand empty handed, and yesterday was no exception--a hard-back copy of "In The Garden Of Beasts," by Erik Larson (author of "The Devil In The White City," which I simply adored!!!!!!!!!!!) and a paperback of "The Emigrants" by W. G.Sebald, which is highly thought of in the realm of literary fiction. Plus, years before, I had read Sebalds's "Austerlitz" so I think I know what I am in for.

After that, honey, things just caught up with me. We walked back to Monsieur's street, bidding Jodie and Mia farewell, and we went to D'Agostino's for some staples. Then we settled in for the night, when I could finally crash into bed with my migraine, while watching the "USA Law And Order SVU ADA Marathon," which featured plenty of our favorite ADA, and legal glam role model, Alex Cabot, played by Stephanie March!!!!!!!!! Girls, I am telling you, if I ever need a lawyer, and they do not look like Stephanie, that is IT!!!!!!!!!!

But it wasn't so much what happened on screen, as what happened off. Monsieur made a lovely at home dinner, which included his famous salad, cream of carrot soup (which was yummy!) chicken cutlets, couscous, and this ugly looking thing, resembling a horror movie monstrosity--a cross between "The Tingler", and one of those bat things that flew out from beneath Cucumbo in "It Conquered The World," bit them on the neck, died, but consigned their victims to alien domination. It was something called Celery Root, and,at first, I refused to eat it. But, it turned out to be edible, bland though it was.

And that was that, I thought.

But then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No sooner had I gone back to the bedroom, cozied up, and settled in, to watch more of the 'SVU' Marathon, than my stomach began to cramp up like it was nobody's business, and I curled up into a fetal position. It passed, so I thought it was just some lingering gas, but when it happened again, and I felt like an "accident" was about to happen, I made a beeline for the bathroom, and, by the time I got situated there, I was not sure if I was going to throw up, or void at the other end. The latter decided for me, and there I was, doubled over, as wave after wave of cramping and diarrhea hit me. Though I have to admit, when it was done, I felt much better, I took some Pepto before bed, and here I am today, writing to all my girls. But no Mexican tonight!!!!!!!!!

I still maintain it was that ugly Celery Root. But Monsieur ate everything I did, and not a reaction from him. On which he concluded it was the quiche, earlier in the day. But that was seven hours ago. Considering Monsieur ate the same meal and did not get ill, I have to conclude the same.

Social gallivanting, migraines, stomach attacks--it is all part of being the Raving Queen. Guess my constitution is still strong and healthy, as I am here, upright, to tell you all about it.

I also want to go back to some earlier points in January, to tell you about some equally interesting adventures (though not nearly as hazardous) which I have not yet had a chance to report.

Several Saturdays back, Monsieur and I, with the honorable Herb, dined at a fairly new nightspot, Donatella's. The cuisine was excellent--the salad delicious, the appetizers tasty, and the pizzas various, and meals in themselves. This was no street corner pizzeria, honey!!!!!!! And it was filled with trendy sorts, wannabes and hangers-on, whom this Raving Queen could not help but notice were striving to get somewhere, but, of course, were getting Nowhere fast!!!!!!!!! And while the staff steadfastly denied their Donatella was NOT Miss Versace, lambs, how many Donatellas do you know??????????? Not too many from my end, I can tell you. So I would not be a bit surprised if Miss Versace is branching out. But whomever is the real Donatella, the restaurant visit was a success.

Then there was our visit to the Hurricane Club, several Thursdays back(a really cold January night!!!!!!!) an elegant looking, Polynesian (so we were led to believe, though it seemed more to me like Pan Asian) place that was visually impressive in several ways. The subdued lighting and walled elegance, gave it a look
of depth and palatial splendor; it actually seemed larger on the inside than the outside. The crowd was young and trendy; like casting types at a cattle call for "Sex And The City." Darlings, I think we were the most mature, and sophisticated there. So, of course, the atmosphere was loud and raucous, which, with the sylph like waitresses, still managed to keep it all withing the context of "Flower Drum Song," where I expected Nancy Kwan, as Linda Lo, at any second, to walk over and pop her "evil spirits" in my face!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our hosts was this charming and quite happy gay couple--a testament to the joys of male domesticity, darlings!!!!!--whom I shall call......Mame and Vera!!!!!! Mame, whom Monsieur had known for awhile, is a good natured, ranconteurish record exec, with an outgoing personality. Vera, his partner, is equally good natured, but a bit more the passive, pensive, poet soul. Maybe this is why I cottoned to him. Imagine my amazement, once I discovered we were both writers, of a sort--he has published, online a collection of short stories, and is now working on a gay mystery novel. which I, for one, cannot wait to read. He also maintains several blogs, all of which seem to stem out of something called lgbtSr (at lgbtsr.com) which I urge you to look at. It is obvious he cares about the gay community and what is going on in the world around him, and I applaud him heartily. True, I had my reservations about whether the blog sphere was big enough for two such keyboard divas as us, BUT, hey, we each care and observe in our own distinctly different ways. Put it this way--we are as different as Hedda (Hopper, not Gabler) and Louella (Parsons). With me being Hedda, and he Louella. I can picture him on a radio show, going "Mah first excluuuuuuusive..."

But, as I said, they are a charming pair, and a good time was had by all, especially with that strawberry martini and those Samoan deviled eggs. So a good time was had by all, and I urge you to visit lgbtsr. com.

So, for such a blase month, January was hopping more than I would expect. No wonder I was felled yesterday; when you are on the social schedule I am, darlings, sooner or later, something has to give!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile check out Donatella's and The Hurricane Club. Yummy, yummy, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I Have Got To Weigh In On This!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-28T09:41:00.000-08:00

Girls, it seems like hardly any time had passed, before 'SVU' churned out an episode, based on last summer's tragic killing of little Leiby Keltzky. Now, I sense the keyboards are pounding by the second, as they work to construct a plausible scenario based on the (alleged) Greg Kelly rape!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bare bones are this. A 30-year-old unidentified office worker in Manhattan (who is also described as an aspiring model and actress--how cliche, dolls!!!!!!) claims Greg Kelly raped her. According to the woman, who already had a boyfriend, so she was two timing him, they hooked up on October 8 of last year, met for drinks, then went back to her office (notice--HERS, not HIS) since the boyfriend was at home. There was sex, which Kelly says was consensual, but she says NOT.

According to sources, it was more like an ongoing affair, with texts, and involved her having an undisclosed abortion. Undisclosed both to Kelly and the boyfriend.

Apparently, the boyfriend found out about the abortion, and this set the Wheels Of Accusation in motion. Let's hope, darlings, he had enough sense to toss her out in the street, tying, in the words of the great Helen Lawson "a can around that little broad's tail"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first thing I want to say to my girls is that rape is rape, no matter how morally lax the victim may be. Let's face it, she was no Bernadette, but then, neither was Kelly. Right now, we have a "he said, she said" situation, but you can bet Daddy Commissioner Raymond Kelly is working behind the scenes, to cover Sonny Boy's ass!!!!! And I do not mean, with a towel!!!!!!!!!!!

Ooooooh, Greg Kelly!!!!!!!!! Hunky right wing TV anchor (FOX news!!!!!)
Big tough Marine!!!!!!!! Do it to me, big boy!!!!!!!!!! Whether the encounter turns out to be rape or not, it is clear, that while our office worker is no angel, Greg is a big old pig!!!!!!! Judging from the office encounter, he definitely has some fetishes; one, apparently, is doing it in inappropriate places, where he is always at risk of being caught, because that is what gets his willy to stand at attention. And speaking of willies, I think Mr. Marine Greg is just a little too free with his. From what I have heard, his willy runs his life, and he goes with it, wherever it takes him, with no regard for the consequences.

And you know what that means, darlings!!!!!!!! It means there are at least a score or more of queens who have been pounded by Greg, though they would be the last to admit it, and they will NEVER report it, because, the stupidity of some gay men is that, even if you are violated, if your attacker was a hottie, you should feel damn lucky!!!!!!! Which is why there is such a need for the Lesbian and Gay Anti-Violence Project!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am certain Greg Kelly's mantra for sexual relations is "The Stepford Wives" by Ira Levin, which explains one reason why, at 43, he has never married. He probably fornicates with the woman under him, so he can see straight ahead to the TV screen, as he watches the Sports Channel, while the woman beneath, having been coerced, is forced to call him "Big boy!" over and over, to make him feel like a REAL man!!!!!!!!! Or what he and Daddy think is such. Because you know Daddy has controlled him, honey. I would not be surprised if he videos his encounters and sends them to Daddy to get his rocks off, because, let's face it, Ray Kelly would not even score on the Silver Daddies website, and probably can only make it with exploited, illegal immigrant girls, working as hookers!!!!!!!!!!

Or, better yet, maybe he was in the room with Sonny Boy, looking on, while pounding his pud!!!!!!! As Dorothy Parker once said, "I wouldn't be at all surprised"!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lambchops, I have not lived in this town long enough not to have seen REAL sleaze at work!!!!!!! Whether the outcome is rape or not, let's call the kettle black--neither participant is any Babe In The Woods.

And mark my words, loves!!!!! Before the season is out, we will see this on 'SVU'!!!!!!! Casting suggestions, anyone????????????

"After All, We Girls Have To Look Our Best!"

2012-01-28T07:20:00.001-08:00

And, of course, darlings, the problem is compounded even further, when you are Joan Crawford, past your prime!!!!!!!!!

Sweeties, no matter how many times it is viewed, something can always be learned from "Strait-Jacket". Thursday evening's screening at the Chelsea, featured Hedda Lettuce at her most ribald, and was filled with so many green kids fresh from NYU, who probably had no clue that movies existed before they were born! Or who probably thought in the 1960s, movies were still silent! Anyway, you could tell who the novices were--they all seemed to be sitting dead center--because when it came time for the Battle Of The Dueling Joans, you never heard such hooting and hollering. And when Joan pulled the mask off, revealing the culprit to be daughter Carol (brilliantly played by Diane Baker!) the screams of surprise and puzzlement shook the rafters. It's wonderful how today's youth can still be so naive.

Nevertheless, there are always lessons to be learned from a viewing of "Strait-Jacket," and I want to share some of those observations with you now.

That Carol, I am telling you-- I am surprised no one caught on to her act. And that she knew, after a twenty-year absence, her mother would be the exact same dress size she was before she went into the loony bin. Because Carol had to run in to town to a dressmaker, to have not only Joan's dress duplicated, but one in her size as well. It is amazing someone--the proprietor, a seamstress--was not aroused with suspicion by this request. Added to that, the Cutlers, Aunt Emily and Uncle Bill. They were as clueless about Carol as, say, Auntie Em and Uncle Henry were about Dorothy in "The Wizard Of Oz." All I can say, in Carol's case, where was Miss Gulch when she was needed??????

George Kennedy as Leo Krause--You never would have thought, three years from then, he would have gone on to win an Oscar!!!!!!! Not that Kennedy is bad in this film; not at all; in fact, his confrontation scene with Carol livens things up. Kennedy was just a working man's actor at the time, was probably glad for the job, the pay, and the presteige of not only a William Castle film, but one with Joan Crawford, whom he had a scene with!!!!! It is just too bad, when confronting Carol, that Leo did not smack that White Trash upstart in the face, sending her flying across the way!!!!!!!!! He is the Velma Cruthers of this film; he may be low class, but at least he knows his place, and knows when someone is getting a little too Miss Uppity!!!!!!!!

John Michael Hayes as Michael Fields-- What a hunk!!!!!!! No wonder Joan and Diane both went for him. I bet, once the cameras stopped, Edith Atwater jumped him, too!!!!!!!! Must have been some action, back at the motel/hotel, where they all stayed, during the shoot!!!!!!! But you have to feel sorry for Michael at the end--walking back into the house, after searching for Lucy, finding two women dressed alike, being handed a mask by Joan, and having Diane/Carol admit she planned the whole thing, which included killing his parents. She knew she was White Trash, and she wanted to rise above it. Lucky for Michael; if Carol had succeeded, they would have married, sooner or later her derangement would have shown through, and he would have a real albatross on his back!!!!!! Unless he could get her committted, too!!!!!
As it turned out, no problem!!!!!!!!!!!

Edith Atwater as Mrs. Fields--Oh, brother! In a film that abounds with bitches--everyone in this film--even George Kennedy-- seems to be one, Mrs. Fields takes the cake. She is just so plug ugly; this old heifer is definitely ready for the canner's!!!!!! Which I am sure is what hubby Raymond had been planning, the way he cottons up to Carol, saying "It's all in the family, isn't it?" He is one big horn dog, just like his son!!!!!!!! But, can you blame him; look what he is married to!!!!! You have to hand it to Edith Atwater; she must have learned her performance from outtakes of Faye Bainter in "The Children's Hour"!!!!! But with a much better figure, and dress designer, suggesting she was definitely a graduate of her world's version of Miss Porter's. And that she was right to watch out for Michael, what with all that trash coming sniffing around. She may indulge Michael in allowing him to date Carol, but when it comes to marriage, the real thing, she knows the score, honey!!!!!! And cool as ice, this one!!!!!! If she had been revealed as the ax murderer, I would not have been a bit surprised. She looks ready to ax Lucy and Carol, when they come for dinner. She cannot be topped in the Dueling Joans scene, where she has two campy psycho bitches having a quasi lesbian fight on HER bed in HER Master Bedroom, and she just calmly walks out the door, and phones the police, as blithely as though she were ordering a take-out pizza!!!! Much as I wish this old hag had been killed, maybe Carol was doing Raymond a favor by killing him first; now he is out of his marital misery!!!!!!!!! As for his wife, well, darlings, let me tell you, she is going on to become the Jewel Mayhew of her neighborhood. She and Lucy will become fast friends; she will have Lucy over for tea, and evenings the two gals will get dolled up, go out on the town, drink, and get laid!!!!!!! And.......Michael most likely will bang them both!!!!!!!!!! But let me tell you, marriage is now out of the question for him, forever, after his poor judgement with Carol. Now that he inherits the entire business, his mother will tell him how to run it....and she will sleep with him!!!!!! And if he should refuse...well, with Lucy's help, she will ax him, too, but sleep with his head next to her!!!!!! Just like Jewel!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, Darlings, How Could I Forget?--There is this fascinating 15 minute documentary you can see on YouTube called "Battle-Ax--The Making Of 'Strait-Jacket'." It was filmed about ten years ago, and there are some very insightful comments made by Diane Baker, then 64, who looked pretty damn good!!!!!! The most fascinating revelation was that the picture was SUPPOSED to end with her big hysterical scene--her ranting and hitting the mask at the door, a montage of images, and then a fadeout!!!!!! It would have made for a highly impacting end! Joan was on the set when they filmed it, and, impressed by Diane's acting, but, being Joan, knew, fond as she was of Diane, she could not throw the final moment to her. So, she let Diane have her Big Moment, but then we cut outside, to a shot of Joan clutching one of the house pillars, and sobbing tremulously. As Diane says in the present, "That was not in the script." Then she got it, about Joan. Which is why Robert Bloch, who created "Psycho" let Joesph Stefano add an explanatory lecture to his script, so that audiences, who hadn't a clue then about psychological disorders, being they were so intellectually and emotionally repressed at the time, would understand what was going on. Same with "Strait-Jaacket"; Bloch writes an almost identical scene, featuring Joan and Leif Erickson, where she details all the machinations of Carol's plan; right down to the photograph book, the heads, and the tape recorder of the children's taunting rhyme. With the last shot, being one of Crawford!!!!!!! Oh, no, darlings, SHE was the star, and she was determined this picture would end with THE STAR!!!!!
Which it did!!!!!!!!!

But no matter how you slice it, there is always something to be learned from "Strait-Jacket," no matter how many times it is viewed. We just LOVE that crazy bitch, Lucy Harbin, but then Lucy is not so crazy, as it would seem, and this is one of the few Crawford films, where you can feel sorry for her. I hope those NYU students took away with them the idea that no matter how bad a day you have had, a good stiff drink, or a viewing of Joan Crawford in "Strait-Jacket" can cure just about anything!!!!!!!!!

And that hair band of Diane Baker's is almost as annoying as Joan's bangles, and fools absolutely no one. Just like my grade school variant on Carol, (who at least was from the right side of the tracks!!!!!) Diane Dykeman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How I would LOVE to see this remade, with another Joan...Rivers, and her daughter, Melissa!!!!!!!!!! Wouldn't that be something??????????

Hope To See All My Girls Here Tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

"Everyone will think Lucy is the murderess! Oh, Mommy, I love
you, I hate you!!!!!!! Oh, Mommy, I'm so sorry, I hate you,
I love you, I hate you, hate you, love you, hate you!!!!"
--Diane Baker as Carol Harbin in "Strait-Jacket"

Here being, of course, darlings, the Clearview Chelsea. That night we have so longed for in January has finally arrived--the semi-regular screening of the Joan Crawford classic, "Strait-Jacket!"

Now, for those of you who have been with me awhile, no intros are needed, regarding this film. And no surprises in store, either. So, let's just take some time, and bask in the pleasures of seeing this film, accompanied by a group of screaming queens, and led by Impersonator Extraordinaire, Hedda Lettuce!!!!!!!!!

Poor Joan Crawford!!!!!!!! Both onscreen and off, she never had any luck, when it came to daughters. Sweet little Kay (Joanna Marlowe) dies early on in "Mildred Pierce," leaving her saddled with...Veda!!!!!!! Then there is Angela (Judy Geeson), in "Berserk," who is more trouble to Joan than the circus she has to run, and whose death by electrocution (Angela's) is the stuff of Grand Opera!!!!!! And Joan looks so fabulous in her scanty circus costume and fishnets, I am surprised she was not cast as "Ilsa, She-Wolf Of The SS"!!!!!!!!! She could have nailed that one, let me tell you.

And we all know about real-life daughter, Christina. And Diana Scarwid, a once promising actress, who played her in the film of "Mommie, Dearest," and whose career after that dried up faster than swampland in Florida!!!!!!!!!

No, Joan's track record is not great, when it comes to daughters!!!!! But none can compare, with Carol Harbin, played like a blushing schoolgirl by Diane Baker, in "Strait-Jacket."

You have to feel a bit sorry for Carol. First, she witnesses hunky Daddy Lee Majors being decapitated with an ax, by her mother in 1940's regalia. So, she grows up, knowing she cannot compete with that!!!!!!!! She then turns out to have been raised by two singularly unattractive relations--Uncle Leif Erickson, who, at least is not as bad as, say, Ernest Borgnine, and Ice Queen Aunt Rochelle Hudson, barely able to stay encased in her over sized Playtex girdle, and seething with resentment over Joan, because she can still pull that glam act, while Rochelle will never look as good as when starred opposite Shirley Temple in "Curly Top," or portraying Cosette to Frederic March's Valjean in "Les Miserables." Two former Thirties ingenues cast in the same film, with one more the worse for wear than other! And that happens to be Rochelle!!!!

Who knows what negative crap her aunt must have filled Carol with, regarding her mother. And as Carol became older, and more attractive, morphing into Diane Baker, at her Sixties loveliest, Carol had aspirations of moving up the social ladder. And having a mentally unstable mother just wouldn't cut it; the farm relations can be smoothed over, but not a lunatic Mom.

Added to which--and Auntie may have had a hand in this, too--Carol is just SO repressed that, even though she lands hunky diary heir John Michael Hayes, (as Michael Field) how long is questionable, because it is plain he is getting none from her, and looks so horndog he is ready to bang Joan--or even Edith Atwater as his mother!!!!!!! The only character who, though looking ready for the canner's, is the only one with sense and social propriety; she knows what kind of White Trash is creeping into her house, and while she may offer cordiality, she does not want these visitors on a permanent, familial, basis. As it turns out, darlings, she is right!

Don't you love that final scene with Carol up against the door, clutching her Joan mask, screaming incessantly, while Mommy and Michael look on!????? This social climbing bitch gets exactly what she deserves. The film may end officially with the decapitated Columbia Pictures statue, but I prefer my own followup--Michael, Joan and Mrs. Field go out to the local club, and he bangs them both!!!!!!!!! Much to his relief!!!!!! After all, what has he got to lose????????? His career went nowhere!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I want to meet and greet all my Girls there tonight, as we revel with carefree laughter over this Joan classic; one of the few she made where you CAN feel sorry for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, we just LOVE Lucy!!!!!!!!! Harbin, that is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, This Bitch Shoud Have The Entire Oeuvre Of Philip Roth Stuffed Down His Throat, Till He Chokes!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

That would be as good a start as any for today's Bitch Of The Week, who is in need of a lesson in humanitarianism, as well as good grooming.

The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is New Jersey resident, Anthony Graziano. He is the 19-year-old youth charged with setting afire that synagogue in Rutherford, recently, which almost killed some people, and there are allegations he has done the same thing to others.

Obviously, he has some issues with those of the Jewish faith, so a strong does of Philip's novels and BARBRA's CD's would be a good start!!!!!! Hey, Anthony, how do you think you would have handled growing up in Highland Park, New Jersey????? Are we former Parkites lucky he did not live there!!!! He might have torched the entire town, not unlike, Carrie, after the prom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This bitch is no prom queen or king, that is for sure. And his father, who looks like William Hickey in "Prizzi's Honor", (and does not live with his son or the boy's mother, which speaks volumes there) doing an "O Sole Mio", saying his son could not have done anything. After getting a look at Tony in his prison togs, I am convinced he could have done just about anything. What I would like to know is, where does his anit-Semitism come from????????? Daddy???????????? It has to come from somewhere, because children may be born bad, but their particular badness--like prejudice--is generally learnt within the family unit.

I wonder, with his surname, if Anthony is related, in any way, to former boxer Rocky Graziano, whom Paul Newman portrayed in the 1958 film, "Somebody Up There Like Me." Hey, Rocky, if you are up there now, and this thug IS a relation, I think, even from the Afterlife, you need to knock this guy in the teeth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But cheer up! Maybe in prison he will be assigned a Jewish cellmate, and learn how to keep Kosher. Or maybe said inmate will take a knife, and act like a real moil!!!!!!!!!!

So, here is to Anthony Graiziano, this week's Bitch Of The Week!!!! Watch out, honey; you may get out of prison, with less than you went in with!!!!!!!!!!!

Mazel-tov, you prick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, The "Survivor Classic" Is Back!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-25T12:04:00.000-08:00

"I am the daughter of a father who has been married five times.
Mother killed herself. My sister killed herself. My brother
has been in a mental institution. I'm twenty-three and divorced,
with two kids."--Brooke Hayward
Tom Mankiewicz--"I said, 'Brooke, either you've got to open
the window right now--we were on the tenth floor--either you've
got to open the window right now, and jump out, or say, 'I'm
going to live,'because you're right, it's the worst family history
that anybody ever had, and either you jump out the window, or you
live."
---From "Haywire" by Brooke Hayward

Girls, I cannot begin to tell you how many times, during periods of duress, I have read this passage aloud, or recited it to myself, and it has kept me centered and grounded. As Eleanor of Aquitaine said in "The Lion In Winter, "What family doesn't have its up and down?" Mine might not have matched the Haywards, though we had our own. And then there was my own stuff. Which the above helped me to reign in
and kept me balanced.

After thirty years in the Business, loves, people sometimes call me a Survivor. But, Brooke, honey, has endured through the death of her entire family, which included the suicides of her mother (actress Margaret Sullavan) her sister (aspiring actress Bridget Hayward), and, nearly fifty years later, her brother, Bill (an actor and producer) who shot himself, on March 9. 2008. And she survived not only to tell about it, but, in a way, to recount it again, via the republication of this classic memoir, which set the gold standard for such, and remains still the best memoir, let alone the best one written by a celebrity's child, I have ever read.

For years, I carried the Knopf hardback of Brooke's book from place to place, when I would move, like it was some psychological extension of the Holy Grail, which, I suppose, for me, it was. But things get lost in moves, as will happen, and this item did, and remaindered copies eventually dried up. So I am thrilled Vintage Paperbacks has chosen to republish what I call this Survivor's Classic, for all my girls, who need help, from time to time, and for yours truly, whose memory of clutching this firmly to my bosom, like a lesbian holding "The Well Of Loneliness", is embedded deep in my consciousness. So it would be a nice memento to have.

Brooke Hayward is such a brilliant writer, it is a mystery to me why she never wrote anything else. Yet she has, in a way; this edition of the work contains two features the original Knopf one did not. The first is a Prologue by Brooke's friend, Buck Henry, who, when she was writing it originally, urged her to finish it, even though she was devastated by the sudden death of her good friend Johanna Mankiewicz (Josie) Davis. The second is an Epilogue from Brooke herself, relating some things having happened in the years following her book's initial 1977 publication. My God, can it be 35 years????? Including her reaction to her brother's death, and an account of his service.

Darlings, it is so good to have Brooke and "Haywire" back. This survivor will make you into one. And far more inspirational than that Joan Didion!!!!!!!!

I mean, not even I, girls, had Diana Vreeland pass through my house!!!!!!!!!

Girls, What About "Dance Moms"?????

2012-01-25T08:44:00.000-08:00

Darlings, I am sure some of you must be wondering why I have not written on line about this show. The truth is, for one, I have not seen an entire episode, only the trailer. The second, is, do I really want to????? I mean, let's face it, the dance instructor is no Donna McKechnie or Kelly Bishop, but looks more as though she should be cast in opera ss Brunhilde. I bet you, Donna, Kelly, and Baayork took one look at this concept, and were glad they were not a part of it.

From what I can tell, you might as well call this "Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!" There does not seem to be much variation. Either the Instructor is bitching at her juvenile divas, the divas are bitching at each other, the Instructor is bitching at the Divas' Mothers, or the mothers are bitching each other. You would expect this to get rather repetitious.

Camp bitchiness is one thing, but we have to have variety, girls. I mean, if you think these bunheads from Pittsburgh are going to land in New York, or grow up to be as cast as extras in things like "Burlesque" or "Smash"--forget it!!!!!!! They will end up opening dance studios of their own when adults, doing their barre moves in front of the TV, to the accompaniment of "The Turning Point." Now, THAT might be something to watch!!!!!!!!!!

I promise, darlings, I will this one a look see. But, until, mark my words. "A Chorus Line" I am sure it is not. And where is Debbie Allen, when she is needed????

Five-six-seven-eight!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Where Was Bryce Dallas Howard??????

2012-01-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

Girls, I bet this morning Miss Howard is royally pissed!!!!!!!! And I do not blame her one bit. The point-counterpoint between she and Octavia Spencer is what truly makes "The Help" sizzle, not just in the famous "pie scene," but anytime either of these actresses is on the screen. Bryce perfectly nails racist Queen Bee Hilly Hollbrook; with that faux Jackie Kennedy look, you know we all want to look like her, darlings, and that house--oh, I am telling you, that house!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, then, listen to what comes out of her mouth!!!!!!!!

And thank God that Leo was not nominated, or that abysmal film, "J.Edgar." And that includes the overrated Judi Dench, who, while having been brilliant in other films, is less animated here than the decayed corpse of Mrs. Bates in Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho." Maybe now Leo will crawl back to his hangout spot at Bungalow 8, where he belongs!!!!!!!!!

What about those two Michaels-- Shannon and Fassbender-- for their standout turns in "Take Shelter" and "Shame?"

And how about Albert Brooks as the villain in "Drive"? The word on the street was he was going to practically walk up and tuck away that Best Supporting Actor Oscar!!!!!!!

Not to mention NOTHING for "The Ides Of March," nor any of its stars, including Ryan Gosling? This has to be the most piss poor assortment of Oscar nominees assembled. Who was doing the nominating, anyway???? Republicans???????

At least Meryl was nominated. But, I am telling you, if the Oscars don't start getting with it, when it comes to genuine merit, and at least look outside the Mainstream, they are going to find themselves as extinct as the once glamorous Miss America Pageant!!!!!!!!!!!

There He (Oscar) goes, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, Cut It Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-24T08:24:00.000-08:00

Girls, there is just no telling which way this blog will go. From celebrity tributes, to the Oscars, to....male circumcision??????????

That's right, darlings!!!!!!!! An article I recently read in the gay publication "NEXT", alerted me to the fact that there is a movement afoot among the Gay Male Community, regarding this practice. In essence, they are taking the same stance as women who are Pro Choice--it is their body, and they have the right to decide what is done with it.

But reproduction is quite a bigger step than circumcision. Added to which the act of reproduction is something a woman will experience while fully cognizant, and is capable of remembering. Those, such as moi, who were circumcised, were done so as infants, shortly after birth, so, of course, who can remember anything??? Even me, with my razor sharp memory, cannot go back that far! And thank God!!!!!!!!!!!

Growing up where I did, in Highland Park New Jersey, which was mostly white, and predominantly Jewish, it never occurred to me then that anyone would NOT be circumcised. Would you believe my first experience with such came from....a French poodle??????????

No, dears, I was not indulging in bestiality; I detest the idea. But let me explain.

While growing up, we visited, quite often, Aunt Martha and Uncle Jack, who was my father's brother. They lived in Cedar Grove, NJ, and had a lovely split level house, with a beautifully landscaped garden, into which eventually was put a swimming pool. They also, around the time I reached puberty, acquired a black male French poodle, named, appropriately enough, Pierre.

Pierre was the sweetest thing, and I loved playing with and petting him. But he was also a big old hound for attention, and let me tell you, when a crowd was gathered, and rapidly conversing, Pierre had a unique way of gaining attention. He would lift himself up on his hind legs, and, with one paw, begin frantically rubbing his testicles with said paw, until someone, usually Aunt Martha, would clap her hands at him, and say, admonishingly, "Stop that!" And naive as I was, I really had no idea what Pierre was being ordered to stop.

Until one Sunday, when we were there, Pierre did his thing, and only I noticed. Curious, I decided to see what might happen if I let Pierre go as far as he could, so I stayed quiet. Until, until, darlings, I saw something suddenly protrude, and, before I could stop myself, screamed out loud to all and sundry, "Oh, my God! The dog is getting a hard-on!!"

You never saw such hysteria! The women screamed, Aunt Martha got on Pierre's case, the men harrumphed, and my father marched me upstairs, to get on MY case, saying we do not talk like that in front of people. Of course, I said I was only telling what I saw...and I had never seen such before. Nor did I understand why Pierre's looked so different, aside from he being a dog. It was because he was, in the vernacular, uncut!!!!!!!

As for the human male, not once do I recall anyone who might be called uncut. If they existed, they were certainly outnumbered by all of us who were cut. It wasn't until I got to college that I saw such, and I am afraid my reaction was bad. This Princess had to share bathroom and shower facilities with a whole floor of young, horny teen boys, and, darlings, if you think that sounds fun, let me just say when you are a teen yourself, not to mention shy, insecure and raised in a house where it was like having your own apartment, such an experience may prove rattling. I mean, I had not so much as been to summer camp. Anyway, I was going in one morning, and I saw this guy, drying himself. I have no idea who he was, but now I wish I did, so I could apologize, for, as I noticed his anatomy, I saw a similarity to Pierre. Know what I did, darlings???? I screamed!!!!!!! In fact, I screamed so much that it scared him, and he ran out of there! I don't think he ever used that space again!!!!!!!!!!

But that was me back, then, darlings, innocent as a rose! Bachelor dandies, drinkers of brandies, what did I know of those?????? Today, it is a whole different story, darlings!!!!!!!!!!

I figured it all out eventually. But once I began the gay dating scene, or whatever you want to call it, I found myself judgemental. I just could not cozy up to those who were uncut! It was so foreign to me, and something about it seemed unhealthy. As I became more aware, and would read various literature, I found a school of thought who maintained that those uncut experience greater sexual pleasure. I have no basis for comparison; in fact, in that department I have never felt lacking, and have done just fine, thank you!!!!!!!!! But being uncircumcised places a hygienic burden on the possessor, and the literature states that men who are such are at greater risk for STD's.

Which goes to say, I have never felt dissatisfied being circumcised. And with all the things out there to rail about amidst the gay male community, this is specious, at best. And just how do these proponents expect this movement to gain support??? Confiscate male babies from hospital wards???? Keeping older boys uncircumcised , so that, if when of legal age, they might decide to get circumcised, it puts more of a burden of pain and risk upon them??? This to me is as heinous as the practice of female circumcision.

If parents mutually decide they want their male child to remain uncircumcised, that is fine. Pressure to do or not do that should not be exerted. But I think, in a world where sexual issues, pressures, and diseases abound, putting a child at hygienic risk is not a viable option. I can tell you, were I to have children it would be--sorry, dears!--snip! snip!!!!!!!!

As Neely might have said in "Valley Of The Dolls,"--"Who needs it? I did GREAT without it"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rooney Mara????? Nick Nolte?????? "Bridesmaids'??????

2012-01-24T07:07:00.000-08:00

These names, darlings, are just a few of the annual surprises known as the Academy Award nominations. First, and foremost, for all my devotees, yes, Meryl is in the lineup!!!!!!! How could she not be???????

But, really, Rooney Mara?????? She may get "A" for effort, but the film was overlong and ponderous, and what did she really do for two plus hours but act spooky???? Honey, back in the day, Jennifer Jason Leigh could do the same thing with just an upturn of her eyebrow. Rooney's role is attention getting, but hardly what I would call award calibre.

Ditto Nick Nolte. I had no idea he had come out of the tank long enough to make a movie, let alone utter anything coherent. I never heard of this film, "Warriors," so it must have come and gone faster than the Witch Of The West departs Munchkinland!!!!!!

As for Melissa McCarthy, she may be a delightful comedienne, but "Bridesmaids?" Even by comedic standards, we are not talking art. I don't know, with the nominations sinking this low, it could turn out the Oscars might be held, not at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, but the nearest Olive Garden in the area!!!!!
Is that what we really want, darlings??????????

What else? Well, Meryl, thank God!!!! But where the hell is Tilda Swinton???? And why is Jessica Chastain singled out for "The Help," instead of her better work in "The Tree Of Life"???? Thank God Octavia Spencer got in there; she and Bryce Dallas Howard's point-counterpoint routine is what really made "The Help" sizzle!!!!!

Who the hell is this Demian Bichir, and what on earth is "A Better Life?" That one came so far from left field, it never registered on my Oscar radar.

And I really have my issues with "Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close." A well written work by the great Jonathan Safran Foer, turned into a maudlin piece of treacle; just like "War Horse," except the Spielberg film is at least well made!!!!!!!

Mark my words--Best Actress is going to be the Battle Of The Lifetimers--Meryl Streep vs. Glenn Close. Much as I am in Meryl's camp, Glenn just may win; she has not been up for awhile, and she has never won at all. Watch out, Meryl!!!!!!!!!

I hope Christopher Plummer wins, not only because his was an interesting performance, but because he is still acting at a point when most of these nominees will be hung out to dry by the time their first wrinkle appears!!!!!!

And where the hell is Charlize Theron?????????

And don't even start with me, darlings, on the entire cast of "Carnage" being shut out, not to mention Roman Polanski!!!!!!! Guess literate
bitchfests have gone the way of all flesh!!!!!!!!!!!!

So there are some of my off the cuff remarks about this year's nominees. Feel free to dish, dolls, and of course, as things proceed, you can bet I will give you a full report.

Maybe, by the time the actual awards roll around, I will be on the red carpet with Joan Rivers!!!!!!!! Gown designed by Valentina!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, It's Daisy, Not Maisie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-23T12:14:00.000-08:00

Long before my time, girls (that's right, you bitches!!!!!!!) Henry James wrote a short--which is saying a lot for Henry--novel called "What Maisie Knew." Of course, I have read it, lambs! It is all about a perceptive and sensitive little girl, who witnesses the debacle of her family's dysfunction, culminating, inevitably, in their divorce.

Just look at this painting, girls, particularly the little girl pictured therein. Doesn't she suggest Maisie, from James' novel?????? Well, the truth could hardly be any different, for there is no family dysfunction in this young lady's life. For the young lady in question grew up to be the subject of this blog's first Celebrity Profile. I figured it was about time for some sort of expansion, loves, and, while celebrities such as Meryl, Blythe and others, have gotten enough of their share of printed attention, including from yours truly, I thought it time to acknowledge those deserving, but who do not often get, the attention they warrant.

So, I am delighted to report that the Raving Queen's first celebrity profile will be the radiantly lovely, socially gracious, and loved by all, arts raconteur, Daisy Pommer!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me tell you, darlings, not since Amy Adams, has so much been done for red hair and radiance as Daisy!!!!!!! She is an inspiration to all of us. And, along with everything else, she just happens to be intellectually brilliant!!!!!!! Believe me, I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How many of us aspired to be Figures Of New York, while growing up??????
But Daisy, is, herself, a true Child Of New York!!!!!!!!! And the most captivating one, since Kay Thompson first created Eloise!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was born, some 28 years before, to Richard Pommer, the late, distinguished, architectural historian, and Linda Nochlin, the brilliant art historian!!!!! With such a pedigree, how could Daisy be anything less than fabulous?????? Kind of like Elizabeth Taylor!!!!!!!!!

Daisy has had quite a history, let me tell you. While her parents taught at Vassar, she was, so legend has it, conceived during a monsoon on a romantic trip to Rangoon, while Buffy Sainte- Marie was playing on the stereo. Her mother, girls, hardly had time to register being pregnant, when Daisy sprung into the world full force at, of all place, the Palm Court of the Plaza Hotel. While Mrs. Pommer was being served tea and such by my favorite erstwhile waiter, there, Boris, (I wonder what ever happened to him?) her water broke, she gracefully slid under the table, and, before taking her next breath, Daisy had emerged with such grace and expediency that she landed en pointe, executing a perfect fourth arm position. Her path in the dance world was instantly mapped out for her.

Daisy began to dance while most of us were still being potty trained. It was said Jacques D'Amboise was so awed by her, he gave her private lessons for free. Daisy was not one, however, to rest on these laurels; being too high powered and brilliant, not to mention socially endowed, she was not content to become a proverbial "bunhead," but set her sights high, following in her parents' distinguished academic footsteps.

Did you know, girls, that Daisy attended Brearley????? Yes, darlings!!!!!
I cannot tell you how charmed they were by her there, and she of them. And this is coming from yours truly, loves, who graduated from Miss Porter's!!!!!!! So, you damn well better believe both Daisy and I know what to do with our pinkies, when it comes to tea!!!!!!

This was no Henry James Maisie, sweeties. This was a force of brilliance, unleashed upon a world desperately needing her guidance and inspiration. Daisy was next seen on the campus of Northwestern University, where she, of course, studied Dance--her pirouettes became the stuff of legend--and history!!!!!! I told you she was brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!

But New York was in Daisy's blood, and when school wrapped up, she came back to the town she loved, and conquered it singlehandedly. She did a stint at Channel Thirteen, where she was adored by one and all. I am telling you, darlings, I have seen ex-coworkers come in and bestow Christmas gifts before her!!!! Just like the Magi, with the Infant Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Channel Thirteen, Daisy jumped up the career ladder, where she now holds court at a large cultural emporium in the city. And where she is the most notable person on the dance scene in her division. I have it from good authority that when dance companies know Daisy is going to be in the house, members tremble, for, with her extensive training, came an ineluctably high set of standards, which she brings to every performance she observes. It is said that the sphincters of master choreographers in the city inwardly clamp up at the mention of Daisy being in the house. And this is saying a lot for choreographers' sphincters, most of which are so pliable you could drive a jackhammer in there!!!!!! But that is for another discussion, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daisy was featured in the book, "Redheads," by Joel Meyerowitz, in a stunning bathing beauty shot, (which belies her intellectual brilliance) the like of which has not been seen, since the iconic photo of Elizabeth Taylor in the white bathing suit from "Suddenly, Last Summer." Daisy's photo, has, indeed, been compared to that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, darlings, I am telling you, there is no one to compare with Daisy!!!!!!!!!! Whether she is critiquing dance, reading any of the several volumes of Edward Gibbons' "The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire," or William L. Shirer's "The Rise And Fall Of The Third Reich," or watching a Leni Riefenstahl DVD while executing a perfect move on the dance barre, (and Daisy is equally adept at the social scene in New York's better bars, loves!!!!!!!) she brings with her an inspiration and joie de vivre that is infectious to whomever is fortunate enough to come into contact with her.

So, here is our first Celebrity Profile, Miss Daisy Pommer, one of the unsung social treasures of New York. The Raving Queen and His Court are unanimous in their verdict---

We simply ADORE you, Daisy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who Knows What Evil Lurks In The Hearts Of Men????

2012-01-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

"My children, surely, are innocent of their misfortune."
--Francois Soubirous in "The Song Of Bernadette"

No, darlings that line was not delivered by actor Roman Bonhen (who played Francois) in the 1943 screen masterpiece, of course starring Jennifer Jones, but by Francois himself in the opening pages of the Franz Werfel novel. And as I was reading
Timothy Benford and James Johnson's "Righteous Carnage--The List Murders In Westfield," this line passed through my head, because, as I read the mounting tale of how suburban sicko John List murdered his entire family--wife, mother and three children--my heart went out especially to the three children, for whom I copiously wept, and who, of all the figures in this case, were truly the innocent ones.

It is grizzly to recall that this incident, which put New Jersey on the map in a way unseen since the Lindbergh kidnapping, took place only 20 miles north of where I grew up, (Highland Park) in Westfield. And, as I read further, I came to realize that the List children--Patty, John Jr. and Frederick (oldest to youngest) would, give or take years on either side, be about my age, if alive today. Furthermore, Patty, whose birth date was January 8, 1955, had she been at Highland Park, or I at Westfield, would not only have been in the same graduating class as I, but, with our mutual interests in theater, we would certainly at least have crossed paths.

In the face of such tragedy, and lives of such promise that never had a chance, I feel incumbent with gratitude for the time I have been given, and am continued to be given, even at my ripe old age of 57. Though my professional age is STILL 24!!!!!!

These were my first reactions upon reading this book. The other is wanting to commend Benford and Johnosn for getting us inside the mind of John List, so that we come, to understand--though certainly not condone--bit by bit, his curious reasoning that led him to this twisted outcome.

If it were not for that outcome, or--I am sorry to say--if List had killed himself with his family--one might have felt sorry for him. But what he did makes that impossible. And, secondly, much as I hate to say it, I think the murders were inevitable, that they would have happened, no matter where or what.

It was a perfect storm just waiting to happen. By the time the Lists arrived in Westfield, it seemed as if their fate had been sealed, for already John List's abilities to maintain family support and authority were on shaky ground. And when they finally began to collapse, in Westfield, somewhere around 1970, despite smoke signals of red, hive-like blotches that would appear on List's face when truly angered, or List's overturning a family dining table during a meal early on in his marriage, his glaring malevolently at teen party goers at his daughter's Halloween party, even his kicking a couple on the couch necking, to stop them, speaks of a simmering rage that would inevitably boil over and erupt.

Add to that a checkered history with women; not so much fooling around, as having been fooled. List's mother was extremely domineering and repressed him in classic Norman Bates fashion. His marriage to wife, Helen, was a sham from the start; trapped into it by allegations of pregnancy, which later proved false, and with Helen hiding her history of tertiary syphilis, contracted from her first marriage, which, by the arrival in Westfield had begun to eat away at her physically and mentally, the Norman Rockwell American ideal List had been led to expect, was crumbling all around him. As was, according to neighbors, Helen's sister, and those party goers, the house itself, which was barely furnished, as the Lists could not afford it, and was falling apart around them; even to water leaking from an upstairs bathroom above. The Cunicks, nearby neighbors, were always taking in and feeding the List children, who were often described as wild and disheveled; not surprising, really, since they had no real parental guidance at all. The Lists Of Westfield were slowly turning into that town's version of the Beales Of Grey Gardens!!!!!! And there was nothing pretty or glamorous about it.

Despite that Patty and Frederick worked part time jobs, despite Patty's active interest in theater, and a close, working relationship with her drama teacher, Ed Illiano, no one heeded the signals needed to save the Lists. Patty had told her teacher her father planned to kill them all; the night before, for reasons now unknown, she begged him to come over to their house that evening, in some kind of intervention.

But no intervention would have worked, because List would not listen. As one psychiatrist said, having felt God had abandoned him, he took it upon himself to become God. The only way things might have changed is if the children had been removed from the house the night before. But where might they have gone??? As for the women, while not as innocent as the children, they were also undeserving of what befell them.

It was interesting to me that List had planned to murder them on November 1, which was All Saints Day, and which, to a religiously righteous person like List, would have made sense; especially as, from his POV, he was sending "innocent souls" to Heaven. But a delay in acquiring a stock option led to an eight day delay, which, when time came for him to be tried, decided one juror on his guilt--that despite the rampant OCD that was blamed for his deeds, he nevertheless DID have an ability to change his mind when he felt warranted.

That last phrase is key, for List was a chilling mix of repression and narcissism; the first allowing his rage to boil over and do what he did, the second allowing him to seek escape, never to turn himself in, till captured. Despite the myriad problems mounting up on him, it cannot be overlooked that List killed everyone in that house to get on with his life, because he did not want to be tied down. He is someone who should never have been married in the first place.

Which is ironic, considering that, when found, List had married again, to Delores Miller, and that evidence showed patterns which had surfaced in the first marriage were appearing again, leading many, and I am one, to believe, eventually, Delores would have found herself in danger, if not being offed by List himself. Or that, if List had married when young, there might have been a whole string of family annihilations across the country.

The crime of family annihilation was not a first with the John List case; it nevertheless crystallized it, and I believe List and his crime is the case that coined the phrase. He certainly set the gold standard for it, a dubious distinction, at best.

The book is so good, in fact, I was surprised two questions were left unanswered--what of Brenda, Helen Taylor List's daughter by her first marriage, who did spend some time within the List house before striking out on her own, and what of List's second wife, Delores Miller, whom many regard as his sixth victim. After he is extradited to New Jersey, she is never heard from again. Did she divorce, him I hope!!!!! And how horrifying, having come to terms with someone you chose to marry being a notorious sociopath.

That last word is never mentioned, but there is no doubt in my mind that that is what List was. Nearly four years after his death, his precedence of evil remains unbroken. And I imagine, even after 40 years, his is still a negating presence that haunts the bucolic town of Westfield.

Add this book to your book list, darlings, and cross List off as scum!!!!!!!!!!

And, John darling, too damn bad--you aren't notorious enough to be among a deck of Serial Killer cards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Burn, baby, burn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, We LOVE Joan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-23T03:54:00.000-08:00

"You miserable tramp!"
"If you have a crush on me, you must be gay!!!"
--Joan Rivers

Darlings, I have loved Joan, since I first saw her, as a child, back in the Sixties, on television, in something called "The National Trivia Test," where you better believe I got all the answers right, especially those questions dealing with child stars, as I could have been one, myself!!!!!!!!

When I got older, and could stay up later, the only time I would really watch "The Tonight Show," was when Joan was Johnny's guest host. Though iconic, Johnny Carson was as bland as the Nebraskan cornfield he must have crawled out of. Joan was genuinely funny--and a big old fag hag!!!!!!!

You have to hand it for Joan, for maintaining her sanity during the tragic period of her husband, Edgar's, suicidal death. And you have to give her credit for raising Melissa, who, if such a thing is possible, is even more homely than Sarah Jessica Parker, and has made more of a career out of being a celebrity's child, than any celebrity's child I know. Thank God her mother was Joan, else she would probably be outside hospital ER's, copping doses of meth!!!!!

And even though Joan, having had more face lifts than the six my late, lamented Aunt Katie, had, may look grotesque enough to portray Miss Havisham, her rapier wit and biting voice can still cut through the air with brilliant comic precision. I hope Joan goes on forever, because there is no one else like her!!! Not even yours truly, darlings, though I have to acknowledge a debt of gratitude and influence to Joan, whose ability to maintain a schedule (as evidenced in the documentary film, "Joan Rivers--A Piece Of Work") is uncanny; honey, some days, I have trouble just getting out of bed, never mind flying to Salt Lake City at three in the morning. Not me, loves!!!!! I am in curlers by then!!!!!!!!

Some twenty years back, Joan surprised the hell out of me, in the only time I have seen her live. She was portraying a character, having taken over for Linda Lavin in Neil Simon's "Broadway Bound". I was curious as hell to see how she would handle not only material not her own, but a straight, dramatic role. Well, Joan pulled it off with all the aplomb of her doing her comic act at the Sands in Vegas!!!
It was truly amazing and very moving. So, let me tell you, there is even more to Joan than...Joan!!!!!!

Joan Rivers has been with me throughout almost every stage of my life. So has Elizabeth Taylor, but, alas, Liz has gone to her reward, that great Cartier's In The Sky!!!! I expect Joan will be with me for a good deal longer. And as I transition from Middle Age to God knows what, Joan, I hope, will be along to supply me with laughter on the journey!!!!!!

I love you, Joan!!!! What a tramp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, It Was Dinner With Schmucks The Other Night On "Law And Order"!!!!!!!

2012-01-21T07:23:00.000-08:00

From camp bitchery to male schmucks, there are no lengths to which the "Law And Order" franchises will not go. The other night, 'SVU' and 'Criminal Intent' featured two episodes with such pieces of scum, I just wanted to put my fist through the television set. You know that feeling, girls!!!!!!!! Though at least one of the scumbags had a point!

Let's start with 'SVU'. The episode shown, "Conscience", featured Kyle Maclachlin as Dr. Brett Morton, and let me start by saying if Isabella Rossellini were to catch him hiding in her closet now, she would scream and call the cops!!!!!!!! And I would not blame her, because Time has not been kind to Kyle. He will never be Jeffrey in "Blue Velvet" again.

But, as Dr. Morton, he has more pressing problems than age and career decline. The action starts at a children's birthday party, held in one of these commercial NYC juvenile party venues, with hundreds of prepubescents running around silly. What a nightmare, already! One of these kids, Henry Morton (Dr. Morton's son), runs off, followed by a woman (presumably his mother) chasing after him. Suddenly, she turns--and Henry is gone!!!!!!!!

Now, this being 'SVU', it isn't long before Henry's murdered body turns up in a construction site. Shades of the regular "Law And Order" episode, "Killerz", featuring Jenny Brandt. Keep your eyes peeled, darlings, for, while this one is similar to the Jenny Brandt story, it examines the issues therein in an altogether different way.

There are suspects a' plenty to choose from, and that includes the Good Doctor. But the best candidate is Billy Turner, a known pedophile. Meanwhile, across the street from the Mortons, live the O'Haras (not of Tara), namely Jake (played by Jordan Garrett, in a performance to keep your eyes on), and his mother, played by Johanna Day. Young Jake is all empathy and condolence to Dr. Morton for Henry's death, and he just laps it up, but let me tell you, after a few minutes of young Jake's butter-wouldn't-melt-in-his-mouth routine, I was beginning to wonder.

It turns out Jake has behavior problems, and, thinking it would help, his mother sends him to one of these Tough Love camps for problem kids, where he alleges the others abused and sodomized him. But when the SVU team talks to camp officials and members, guess who they discover did all the abusing????? Jake!!!!!!! So, at the very least, they know Jake is a pathological liar.

If only it were that easy. For, under interrogation, Jake chillingly reveals his true colors, saying how Henry saw him in the act of killing a neighbor's cat (red flag, darlings--serial killer aspirant on the prowl!!!!!), and threatened he was going to tell. So Jake followed Henry to the party, where he lured him away, and did the dastardly deed. When asked what was the last thing Henry said to him, before he was killed, Jake gives a chilling response--"I want my Mommy!" Sick kid!!! Dr. Morton is devastated, but still thinks the troubled Jake still deserves a chance.

Everyone wants to try Jake as an adult--including myself--but he is remanded to family court. Due to his age, and the fact that he is a cute kid who knows how to manipulate everyone in sight (I am telling you, if Jake had been less than cute, it would have made a difference, because American justice, especially when it comes to children, goes only skin deep!!!!!!), Jake is going to be remanded to a juvenile psychiatric facility, where he will remain till the age of 18, when he will be released. Things take a turn here, when Jake turns, stares Dr. Morton straight on, giving a look, indicating he is not a bit sorry. You can see the horror on Morton's face, as the truth registers--Jake is a dangerous sociopath, a textbook serial killer in the making, (just like Jenny Brandt) who, given the chance, would kill again.

Dr. Morton weighs his options, and, in a scene, where things almost happen too fast, Jake and his mother walk out of the courtroom, followed behind by Morton. Before we can register what happens, he grabs a court officer's gun, aims, and point fires at Jake, killing the boy on the spot!!!!!!!!! Darlings, this was something I did not for a second see coming, and, if I were hooked to a shock register machine, I am sure, I would have broken the apparatus, at this point!!!!!!!!!

And--get this, lambs--we are only halfway through the episode!!!!!!!!!

Now, it is Dr. Morton who is on trial. Among the evidence prosecution tries to work against him is an article he wrote years before, detailing his beliefs, and why, that sociopathic children are incapable of being cured. That they should be given lifelong incarceration, because, if released, they will go on to do their dastardly deeds again and again.

Let me say up front, I am with Dr. Morton on this!!!!!!!! I am not a bit sorry he gunned down Jake, though I do not advocate vigilante execution. Unless, of course, I am directly attacked, darlings, because no sick bitch is gonna get the best of ME!!!!!!!!! But Morton is right--if released at 18, Jake most certainly would have killed again. As proof, I offer the real life South Jersey case of Sam Manzie, whose parents recognized early on how disturbed he was, and who correctly tried to get him housed somewhere, for both his and society's good. But they were turned down, and as a result, Sam, at 15, went on to murder and sodomize his 11-year-old next door neighbor. Now he IS incarcerated for life, but, due to bureaucratic negligence and denial (no one ever wants to believe that minors can be evil!!!!!) an innocent child had to die, before the correct action was taken!!!!!!!

The jury here has to decide--did Morton act as a grieving father, or as a psychiatric vigilante?????? I guess they felt his grief was palpable, which I did, and they issue him a "Not Guilty" verdict. I would have voted the same way, let me tell you!!!!!!

In the telling final scene in front of the courthouse, Elliot Stabler goes up to Morton and asks him just when he decided to kill Jake. Knowing he cannot be retried, Morton is forthcoming, saying he decided to do it in court, when Jake gave him that evil look, and, measured against the evidence, he realized truly what Jake was. "Even though you knew it was wrong?" asks Elliot. Morton's answer provides for one one unforgettable ending. "Yes," he says, rightfully. "But one things is certain. Jake O'Hara would have killed again. And I never will." Then he walks off!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I can say, darlings is--WOW!!!!!! Go Dr. Morton! Again, neither I nor this episode is advocating vigilante style execution; what it is pleading is the need to recognize the signs and dangers of juvenile socipathy, and that such an illness cannot be cured with a Band Aid, or even psych medications. Had Jake been permanently consigned, he never would have been killed, and he might have gotten some help.

So, who are the schmucks, here????? Jake, of course, Dr. Morton, to a large degree, Jake's mother, to a lesser, who really cannot be blamed for her inability to discern her son's true nature, as she hadn't the tools or guidance, plus he was pulling the wool over her eyes, too. The bigger of the schmucks I maintain was the entire Justice System, who cannot see beyond the visual innocence in a child, and thus comes down easy every time, despite indications that warrant the opposite.

What a story, darlings! Then we turned to 'Criminal Intent' in continuance of our Dinner With Schmucks!!!!!!!!!!!

This episode, entitled "Yesterday", featured two pieces of scum, Rick Morrissey (Danton Stone) and Jay Lippman (Jim True-Frost). And Johanna Day, featured in the aforementioned story, also appears here as Jay's wife, Ann.

A woman's body washes up along the Bronx River. It is two decades old, but carefully wrapped, and well preserved. Marks on the women's body indicate she was tortured, and the autopsy shows she had been raped. Chemical residue on the body leads Goren and Eames to discover this body was placed in the river, after being moved from somewhere else. Their search leads them to a deserted house, once owned by the Morrissey family. The parents have moved away, but their adult children, Rick and Sally, still live in the area. Sally is a functional adult, trying to put her life together, or maybe keep it so. Her brother, Rick, is a problem to her and everyone--a drug addicted loser, who cannot keep a job, drifts from place to place, and is not above being dependent on others, chiefly his sister, for monetary handouts.

But there is another figure in this story--Jay Lippman, an arrogant, snarky corporate type (you know the kind, girls!!!!) who works for a high powered engineering company, with the wife, the suburban house--all the trappings America says one is supposed to have, and which he fervently, almost pathologically, believes. It seems Rick and he met during college, when both were in their Chess Club; Jay was Chess Master, and Rick his protege. An unholy, and unbroken, alliance, was formed between them, when Sally, then still in high school, said she wanted to date a college man, and Rick fixed her up with Jay. Not knowing what the outcome would be, Jay drugged and date raped Sally, word got back to Rick, and, while no real charges were pressed, and Sally never said anything, Rick was given something to hold over Jay.

As it turned out, he had a good deal more. Once Rick began with Sally, it unleashed in him a sexually sadistic side that was used to calm him whenever stress became too much. So, Rick was enlisted to help Jay find, and then dispose, of these series of victims, binding one to the other in a kind of Leopold-Loeb connection.

Once they hear Sally's story, Goren and Eames go talk to Jay at work, and Goren gets his number right away--all about entitlement and control!!!!! Uhm, hmm!!!!!!!!!!! The tables are turned once Rick turns up dead. Jay, tired of having this twenty year albatross around his neck, decides it is time to cut Rick loose. So, he lures the gullible, addicted, brain-addled Rick, to the top of a building in construction (and Rick is dumb enough to go!!) and pushes him off, making it look, as it does to most, that Rick committed suicide!!!!!!

Goren and Eames are not buying this for a second. They have spoken to Jay's wife, Ann, and learn of his little flaw--when things get too much for him, he goes off missing for several days, and returns, as relaxed as having been at a spa!!!!!!!! What I want to know is, how come Ann takes this so blithely???? She just matter of factly thinks Jay is working off steam with an affair somewhere????? And that is OK, with her???? If only it were that, darlings!!!!! Well, girls, if she wants to keep the house and ride the gravy train with Jay's money, it had damn well better be OK with her, which is how Jay gets away with it.

But now, with Ann's admissions and Rick's murder, they can haul Jay into the interrogation room, where things get really interesting. The minute this arrogant prick takes his seat and scowls, it is apparent he is on the verge of cracking, any second. And Goren, in his best Vincnent D'Onofrio fashion, splits this guy wide open, psychologically, saying how he was nothing but someone who was unloved and abused by his family, and had no friends; at least till he got to college, and discovered two things he was good at--math, and chess, which, incidentally, are both about manipulation and control. How the only person he was able to hook up with is loser Rick, whom he used as a patsy. And how, whenever Jay would go mysteriously wandering off, suddenly a young woman somewhere would go missing, only to turn up raped,tortured, and murdered. Jay is a serial killer-rapist.

Poor Jay! Boo Hoo! He breaks down, crying, "I couldn't help it," "You have no idea what it was like," meaning his life had been so hard; he had done everything to make it perfect and eradicate his imperfections, but he just couldn't!!!!!! Yeah, Jay, I feel real sorry for you!!!!!!!! Roll up his sleeve, stick the needle in his arm, and good riddance to this arrogant schmuck.

Brett Morton, Jay O'Hara, Rick Morrissey and Jay Lippman. Real pieces of work; genuine schmucks, superbly embodied by the actors who played them.
Dinner was served up well, girls, but I wouldn't want to eat the leftovers!!!!!!!!!

See you in court, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We Have To Check Again, Darlings!!!!!

2012-01-20T06:32:00.001-08:00

What is it with this damn computer???? Will it publish. or what??? Get your act together, bitch!!!!!!!!

Girls, What Is This, All Of A Sudden, With Every Actress Wanting To Play Miss Havisham??????

2012-01-20T05:11:00.001-08:00

I am telling you, how many times can they film "Great Expectations?" Doesn't anyone realize that David Lean got it right, back in 1947???? Recently, I spoke about, and showed you a photo, of Gillian Anderson, looking far too Cate Blanchett and Tolkeinesque in the role!!! Actually, if the still had not said otherwise, I would have said Gillian was portraying the title character in an adaptation of Hans Christian Andersen's "The Snow Queen." Which, actually, would be a good role for her, and is a story whose adaptation can always be improved upon, as none that I have seen have yet gotten it right. And just happens to be this fairy's all-time favorite fairy tale!!!!!

Well, now comes word another "Great Expectations" is being planned, and guess who is playing Miss Havisham THIS time?????? Are you ready, darlings??????

Helena Bonham Carter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have got to be kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor Miss Carter. At one time, say twenty years ago (at least) she was one of the freshest faced ingenues we had, in films like "A Room With A View" and Howards End." But something happened along the way. Not just age, and marriage to Tim Burton, she got inexplicably blowzy, her bosom expanded (due to pregancy, and its aftermath). No longer an ingenue now, and having played Mrs. Lovett more like the Beggar Woman in her husband's abysmal film version of the great Sondheim musical, "Sweeney Todd," it got to the point where, if you needed someone to play a harridan on film, call Helena Bonham Carter!!!!!!!!

But Miss Havisham is not a harridan. And, being British born, I am sure Miss Carter has a working knowledge of Dickens; it must be in her blood.

Miss Havisham is a revenge seeking repressed spinster, hellbent on breaking the hearts of the male sex, which she wants to do, but cannot, as she has become a withered recluse, virtually a living corpse. So she uses her beautiful ward, Estella, which, while I have always wanted to play Miss H, darlings (honey, I lived it!!!!!), I wouldn't mind a crack at Estella, as it would be such delicious fun to break men's hearts!!!! Heh! Heh! Heh!!!!

With Carter cast as Havisham, I dread to think who is going to play Estella!!!
Lady Gaga, maybe????? Casting is so moronic these days, it would not surprise me one bit!!!!!

But, back to matters at hand! Anyone who knows their literature knows that repressed spinsters do NOT have ample bosoms!!! They are flat and angular!!! Especially so, in Miss H's case, as she has been living for decades isolated from th daylight, wearing the same tattered wedding gown she was jilted in, and having stopped those famous clocks of Satis House at 8:40. For Noel Coward, life began then; for Miss Havisham, it ended!!!!!!

The casting of Helena Bonham Carter here is completely wrong!!!! Now, if she were playing Madame Thernardier in "Les Miz," I think she would be perfect. I hear they are casting that one, Helena, why dion't you go up for it??????

And, truthfully, how many "Great Expectations" and Havisham interpretations, beyond Lean's, have gotten good reviews???? None!!!!! You think filmmakers get smart, but, with this, the 200th anniversary of Dickens' birth coming up, they figure Charles is now a cash cow again!!!!! Wrong!!!!!!!

Hey, I just had an idea!!!! How about Joan Rivers as Miss Havisham???? I mean, with those face lifts, she looks it!!!! Besides, she's got no bosom--never had--and she IS a withered crone!!!! (But we love her!!!!)

What A Tramp, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, We Need To Talk About This Film!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-19T10:27:00.000-08:00

Girls, I wish I could say I was genuinely blown away by Lynne Ramsey's film, "We Need To Talk About Kevin," but, truthfully, I was not. I was more blown away by Lionel Shriver's novel of the same name, which I read several years ago. I think it works better on the printed page, because she uses an epistolary style. The novel is a series of letters Eva writes to her ex-husband, Franklin. Within these letters, you see what happens. And there is a tradition here. Within the realm of child pathology fiction, "The Bad Seed" in many ways set the gold standard. In the novel, the little girl's mother, Christine Penmark, writes a series of letters to her husband, delineating the situation as it progresses, but never mailing them. When she decides to do what she does (overdose Rhoda on sleeping pills, and then shoot herself) she gets rid of the letters, so that her husband will never know the truth. Which was her big mistake.

If any of what I have said in the above, darlings, sounds familiar, it casts a pall over the film, for as I watched it, I had this chronic, nagging feeling of "been there, done that." Even without having to read the book, one can sense what is coming, although the final atrocity (which Eva discovers only after she returns home from the school shooting) elicited genuine outcries from the audience, whom I could tell had not read the book--but these same outcries were raised by me when I did. If there is any novelty to the film, it is its visual style--which abandons the epistolary form of Shriver's novel, for surreal, snippets of distorted time, that, in the beginning, seem too gimmicky and confusing. As we settle in for what we know will happen, this style, combined with the sterile setting of the house--especially the interiors--this family lives in, keeps the viewer at a clinical distance, so the film is not nearly as horrifying in its impact as Shriver's book.

Moreover, with three different actors playing Kevin at three different stages of his life, there is no way for the audience to develop a relationship with the character, and offering an acting performance for us to judge. Each of the young actors ably go through their motions as required, without being especially penetrating or compelling. This would include, too, Ezra Miller, the nearly grown Kevin, who commits the heinous deeds the film leads up to. He is all externals, not letting us see what lies beneath, which is a poor choice, because the denouement is all the more incomprehensible. But maybe that is the point Ramsey is trying to make.

Or maybe that is the point she is trying to make about the audience. Having been saturated with similar enactments on the "Law And Orders," or "Cold Case," or "CSI," I have to wonder--have we become so immune to human horrors that, when they do occur, we are now able to react with a kind of detachment, rather than shock or outrage????? If so, this says more disturbing things about our society, and perhaps one's reaction to this film is proof of that. Ironic to me, was that, at the time I viewed this film, I was reading Timothy Benford's book on the John List case, "Righteous Carnage", which did elicit the shock and horror this film did not, not only because I was responding to something that had been a big deal in my New Jersey based past, but because, by today's standards, List's act still epitomizes cold and calculating evil. Not that the evil of Kevin is not apparent; the film simply does not offer any insight into it. Which begs the question of whether that is indeed the intended point, or an otherwise specious excuse. I leave that one to you, darlings!!!!!!

The real reason to see the film is a riveting performance by Tilda Swinton as Eva, the mother. Who, interestingly, despite Swinton's hardened looks, comes off as a more sympathetic figure than she did in the book. Eva clearly made every effort to bond with her child, even if she wasn't the warm, fuzzy, Mary Poppins type. It just did not take. And we are made to feel her frustration and horror on all levels.

The film examines also the suburban underbelly. Losing just about everything, forced to sell her affluent home and downsize to a house in what is obviously the Wrong Side Of The Tracks, Eva, in remaining in her community, becomes the town scapegoat. The scene where she is walking down the street, and a townsperson chats her up, then smacks her hard across the face, saying, "I hope you rot in Hell, you motherfucking bitch!" struck me as disturbing as the shootings at the school. Evil flourishes in all guises.

It may sound like I am highly recommending this film. I do, but with caution. Swinton's performance is the glue holding it all together, but the film is unsettling due more to its detachment than to its ability to provoke.

Nevertheless, when you come out of it, you are going to want to see "The Sound OF Music," or something along those lines!!!!!!!!!!!

The hills are still alive, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Cross This Bitch Off The Social Register!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-19T07:55:00.000-08:00

It used to be, girls, that getting into the Social Register, being labeled a socialite, meant something. I am not so sure anymore. Because if this week's winner of Bitch Of The Week qualifies as a socialite (and she has been indeed labeled such) then world social standards have come way, way down!!!!!!!!!!!

The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is Kim Kardashian!!!!

Honey, the word "media whore" could have been invented for her. When it comes to attention seeking, not only does she outdo yours truly, she outdoes one who truly outdoes moi--Angelina Jolie, who, as we know, darlings, is no shrinking violet, herself!!!!!!!

From her scandalous sex tape, to her 72 day marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries (the record holder is still Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine for two weeks!!!!!!!!), to her ersatz, egocentric reality show, "Keeping Up With The Kardashians," Kim is everywhere at best, and a bitch to all!!!!!! You have to wonder how she keeps in the public eye, and who watches her reality show, because it sure is not me, lambs!!!!!!!! I have enough on my own plate turning out my OWN brand of reality show, which is this blog!!!!!!! I could care less about Kim, but she manages to get the word out, nevertheless!!!!!!!!!!

Why???? It comes down to two quotes--Jude Judy's--"Beauty fades, but dumb is forever!" and P.T.Barnum's "There is a sucker born every minute." I think Kardashian's celebrity comes from the latter--a lot of gullible folk out there (the type who would end up on Judge Judy's show, in fact!!!!!) who think Kim is the be all, end all, of glamour, or whatever their notions of glamour may be. God forbid these people have ever heard of Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, or the like. With nothing to compare Kim to, no wonder viewers laud her to this exalted status.

Well, she won't get more exalted than Bitch Of The Week. Which she gets by riding the coattails of American ignorance. I can't fault the American populace for being gullible, but I can fault Kim for knowing that she is, in fact, screwing the American public, in addition to whomever else she has screwed.

In fact, she and Snookie should team up for their own Reality Show. Two who got ahead by simply doing nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice work, if you can get it, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, This Is Like Me Getting Ready For Work, In The Morning!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

"...So I was making lasagna for Michael Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor, and Halston..."

Girls, I am telling you, you have GOT to see the YouTube presentation called "Shit!Liza Minnelli Says." Actress Christine Pedi, who has impersonated Liza in some "Forbidden Broadway" shows, continues her dead on routine in a sketch that has her chatting with (allegedly) Lady Gaga, talking about Gene Kelly, Ann Miller, Debbie Reynolds....even Chita!!!!!!!!!! No darlings, not Cheetah, the chimp from the Tarzan movies (though he was an MGM contract player!!!!), but Chita Rivera, who is still going strong, and with whom I saw Liza perform in both "Chicago" and "The Rink."

The Ann Miller bit is my favorite, loves. I adore when she says, "I can't find my lipstick!" Honey, I go through the same thing every morning!!!!!!!

You have GOT to hear Liza's phone chuckle, her musical advice to Beyonce, and some of the musical interludes are a hoot!!!!!!!!! As if this isn't enough, you can see Christine impersonate not just Liza, but Carol Channing and Joan Rivers in a presentation called "Telephone", bedecked with scantily clad gay chorus boys shimmying and sashaying up a storm, which should raise some eyebrows, at the very least!!!!!!!!!

It's almost enough to make me do a presentation entitled "Shit! I Say!" But how to compartmentalize all that shit???????? And what designer should I scream about???? Ralph Lauren???????? Vera Wang??????????

But, of course, I don't need to do such a presentation, darlings, because I do one every day on here!!!!!!!! Permanently consigned to print!!!!!!!!!!! And where I don't have to worry about my hair or nails, like Liza does, though let me assure you, loves, I look a hell of a lot better than she, and not for one second EVER do I write this blog in my underwear!!!!!! Always fully dressed, dears!!!!!! Just so that you know!!!!

And after seeing Christine's dead on impersonation of Joan ("Whaaaaaaaat
A Traaaaaaaaamp!") Rivers, I am not surprised Joan herself does not get into the act, because, with her talking, believe me, lambs, the shit would never stop.

But I urge you to see Christine Pedi do Liza. If you need some laughs, or a great pick me up, this is it!!!!!!!!

Hey, Christine, I have a great idea for you!!!!!! IF you can talk the producers into it, or if you just do a presentation of it yourself, do Liza playing Arachne in "Spider-Man:Turn Off The Dark," suspended high above the audience, singing "Maybe This Time!" Sure to bring down the house!!!!!!!!

Have to go now, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls,Let Me Tell You, This Is The Most Scrumptious Cupcake This Side Of The Magnolia Bakery!!!!!!!!

2012-01-18T07:24:00.000-08:00

Despite, darlings, how I felt about the production debacle that was the revival of "On A Clear Day You Can See Forever," I nevertheless singled out the two performers who together make the evening tolerable. Now, I would further like to single out one of those performers.

Namely, loves, David Turner, who, in this show plays, not Daisy, but David Gamble!!!!!!

From the minute he walks onstage, he is just the most precious little thing! To think he is in his late thirties, because, you could have fooled me, dolls; he looks as fresh faced an ingenue as yours truly!!!!!!!! And he truly is!!!!!!!!!

Not only that, but he can pilot a plane, having a pilot's license. Imagine, dears, being locked in the cockpit (wink!wink!) with him!!!!!!! Airline sales would soar through the skies!!!!!!! To think he was a resident of New Jersey, graduating from the same school Tyler Clementi did--Ridgewood High, but in the year of Tyler's birth, 1992!!!!!! Educated at Williams College, a master on the keyboard, David Turner is Renaissance, honey!!!!!!!!!! He could be my arranger any time!!!!!!!!

But let's get back to him in the show. He is so warm and engaging, you just want to wrap your arms around him!!!!!!! And he has the task of singing what is unquestionably the BEST song in the entire score--"What Did I Have?"

I have to admit, having never heard anyone of the male gender sing this, I was curious to see how it would come off. After all, as both a Baby Boomer and Theater Queen, I cut my teeth on Eydie Gorme's brassy rendition. I have been singing it for years, myself, girls, because Eydie taught me how!!!!!!!!!!

David's take is so interesting; he comes in soft, then builds, then goes soft again, for a big, explosive finish that not only stops the show, but practically reinvents the song. Darlings, as many times as I have heard Eydie do it, and later, via the Cast Album, the great Barbara Harris, no one ever elicited tears from me before, with their rendition. But David brings a poignancy and heartbreak to the song that had me sobbing!!!!!!!! I am sure mine was not the only wet hanky in the house, girls!!!!!!!!!! And shut up, you filthy minded queens!!!!!!! I am talking about tears HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are two things you can do, girls!!!!!!! I have it on record that there is going to be a CD of this production. Which in the case of some people (like Harry Connick, Jr.) may make it sound better, and can allow you to hear both David and the great Jessie Mueller without having to listen to the godawful script. So listening to the CD won't take as long as seeing the show.

Or, if you want to see either live, you could "second act" it, because that is when the better songs and moments do come in. Then you only have to see half of this mess, and without paying a dime!!!!!!!!!!

I don't quite know David's story, darlings, but for all my single "girls" out there, I think he is on our team. I don't know if he is available, as he seems to be rather reserved about that, not to mention he is probably dealing with stage door groupies every night!!!!!! I should be one of them!!!!!!!!!

But, short of being a groupie, I am telling you here and now--David Turner is someone to keep an eye on. Listen to his voice and bask in his charm; this young man is going places!!!!!!!!!

His next stop should be a cabaret act. Because an evening with David Turner would be entertainment magic!!!!!!!!!!!

See all my girls there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, THIS Was A Literary Event!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-18T07:04:00.000-08:00

Girls, not since last November, when I was seduced by Jeffrey Eugenides' "The Marriage Plot", have I been so riveted to a book as when recently reading Haruki Murakami's "1Q84." Clutching this voluminous text (925 pages), reading it with all the fervor of a high school student cramming for an AP exam, Monsieur practically had to tear it out of my hands at times.

Reading this novel is like riding a roller coaster. You get on, things start slowly, then, before you know it, you are racing to find out what happens next. What with walking into another dimenisoned version of our world, an Asian serial killer with an agenda, a prodigy authoress, a fanatical, cultish, religious Leader, and ties binding two folk to elementary school days, reading "1Q84" is like putting together an interlocking jigsaw puzzle, where all the pieces finally come together in place.

Sweeties, if you think I am going to tell you what or how, forget it; you have to read it for yourself. But, despite its mammoth length, I have not read so satisfying and well structured a novel in a long time. This is the kind of work that keeps the faith to those of us still interested in serious, literary fiction.

I know of several people before me who have read it already, or who have it on their to-be-read shelves. All I can say is, get this off the shelf quickly, and start reading, because once begun, you will not get get off "the ride" until you complete it.

My one caveat--while Murakami throws together an interesting mix, including a reference to Faye Dunaway and "The Thomas Crown Affair," he offers no mention of his culture's leading export--Gojira (aka Godzilla to the more plebeian!!!) I can tell you he is pretty peeved about it. But it could be worse--if Rodan or Mothra had been mentioned, there would have been hell to pay!!!!!!

If you have tickets to 'Clear Day', turn them in, save your time viewing that mess, and take up this book instead!!!!!!! How surprising that one of the first reading experiences of the year turns out to be the most satisfying!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I am telling you, it will have you craving miso soup!!!!!!!!!

"Now, Different Is Nice, But It Sure Isn't Pretty, Pretty Is What It's About!!!!!!!!!"

2012-01-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

All my girls know that lyric is sung by Bebe Benzenheimer (originated by Nancy Lane, back in 1975), singing "At The Ballet", in "A Chorus Line." But it might just as well have served as the title of last week's episode of 'SVU', entitled "Theater Tricks." Girls, you have just GOT to meet Holly Schneider, played to a tee by Julliard trained actress Gayle Rankin. Honey, when it comes to theatrical bitchery, Holly makes Eve Harrington come off like Rebecca Of Sunnybrook Farm"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Theater Tricks" begins on the opening night of "Ninth Circle--Dante's Inferno," an interactive presentation, where the audience walks through and witnesses all the Circles Of Hell. They could have accomplished the same thing with some of the men I used to date!!!!!!! Anyway, one actress, Megan, is portraying this medieval Italian ingenue, named Francesca (when was the last time you saw that name, darlings, outside of a spaghetti sauce jar????) who is having an adulterous affair with Giovanni, who looks about as medieval as your average NYC gay sex party participant, what with his taut, body, tight pants, and even tighter chest, encased in a leather halter. We've all seen it before, loves. The "dramatic" confrontation takes place, when, suddenly, someone in a goat mask, barges in, and attacks Megan, while someone from behind holds her down. The whole thing looks staged, but what we the viewer realize is what those in the scene don't know is that Megan is truly screaming for her life; the audience does not get that, thinking it is just part of the show, and Megan is doing a convincing job of acting!!!!! At the end of the evening, she is found by her sleazoid director, Ted Scott (played by an equally sleazoid looking Fisher Stevens!!!),, curled up in shock on the set. Let me tell you, darlings, if Fisher Stevens can STILL get a job, there is hope for all of us!!!!!! And doesn't he look terrible, darlings???? Way too much partying and drugs!!!!!!!!!! At first, I thought Megan was dead, but she is in shock. She tells about being raped, and the SVU team is called in.

The first thing I want to say is that I knew the interactive presentation was inspired by the recent real life one, based on "Macbeth", entitled "Sleep No More". The second is, why would anyone with good cultural sense pay to see some ersatz imitation of Stanley Kubrick's "Eyes Wide Shut," when they can just go out and rent/buy the DVD of that rather exasperating film??? At least this episode was not dragged out as long as that!!!!!!!!!!!

Olivia and Company are stumped, because there is no shortage of suspects. The director, as mentioned, is as sleazy as they come, not above, doing private "scene work" (wink!wink!) with his actresses. One of Megan's groupies, a guy named Jason, is a computer geek so addicted to voyeurism, he bugs not only Megan's place, but his own, where he lives with his elderly mother (a clear sign something is wrong with him!) and can be seen rubbing her bare feet!!!! (Ewwwwwwwww!!!!!!) Not to mention that one of the patrons at the theater event turns out to be a judge, who is into kinky sex. They find out he was wearing the goat mask, and he was the one who "raped" her, while an overzealous theater critic (and probably a frustrated actor, himself) was in a hawk mask, holding Megan down from behind. The critic, by the way, is played by a rather aged Grant Shaud, who used to be kinda cute when he played the producer Miles on "Murphy Brown," but, girls, let me be the first to tell you, Time has not been good to him!!!!!!!!!!

Except, as the judge maintains, it was not rape, because Megan, he says, asked for it, as her fantasy. It turns out Megan's pic has turned up on an Internet site called "Sugar Babyz," where young girls troll for wealthy older guys to be their Sugar Daddy. And the judge produces a slew of emails Megan wrote to him. But when the SVU squad confront Megan, she acknowledges it is she in the picture, but she knows nothing about these emails, as she did not write them, and she has never met Judge Gerald Crane (played by Kevin Pollack). The judge lawyers up--and get this!!!!--his legal representative is his ex-wife! Guess she got everything she wanted in that divorce settlement, darlings!!!!!!! Remorseful he did rape Megan, because, while he admits to kinks and fetishes, he says he does not like to hurt women. They had even agreed on a safe word--"Dixie!"--if she wanted him to stop, but the word never came up. So the judge is both remorseful, and concerned for his career.

That word, "Dixie," provides another clue to the puzzle; it was the name of the first play Ted Scott directed in New York. Which suggests Ted was in on the rape, but he denies it, saying someone is trying to set him up. Despite Ted's sleaziness, he is, at this point, telling the truth.

Because, when they go through the Judge's dating history on the website, they find someone who knows both the Judge AND Ted. The judge describes her as being "plainer than most", and their discovery shocks them--it is Megan's roommate and friend, Holly Schneider.

With the show permanently shut down, due to the crime, the team goes to the theater, where they find Megan in her dressing room cleaning stuff out. Holly is helping her. When they say they know who the perp is, Holly shows concern, then relief, as they at first suggest it was Ted. But Megan presents a good case that it could not be he, sleazy though he be. The detectives then turn their gaze on Holly, who begins to squirm. Megan is uncomfortable. Slowly, it is revealed to Megan, that Holly had had sex with the judge, AND Ted, and that she has had such with many others, being a big "star" on the "Sugar Babyz" website. Holly says she had to do something to pay the rent; it is intimated Megan is getting financial help with this from her parents (Megan is most likely from a wealthier family than Holly) and Holly is not. Though Holly acted out with both the Judge and Ted (because she wanted the role Megan got!!!!) she still feels degraded, and wanted some kind of revenge. So, she set up the whole thing on computer, victimizing not only Megan. but the Judge, and even Ted Scott!!!!! Sick bitch!!!!! Not even Eve Harrington went this far!!!!!!!

So, two girls move to NYC from the Midwest to be actresses. One is pretty, and one not so. Honey, that scenario went out with "My Sister Eileen"!!!!!!!! What Megan did not know, was Holly was a seething time bomb of resentment towards her--because she happens to be prettier. Holly says it was supposed to be HER audition, that Megan was just along to help her run lines. But as soon as Ted saw Megan (after Holly had fellated Ted, to her disgust!!!!!!) he wanted her--and Holly was out in the alley, with the other rejects!!!!!!!! She even turns her resentment on Amanda Rollins (Kelli Giddish), asking her how long she has been in New York, and already she is a detective???? The intimation being that Rollins got her post because she is pretty. Holly is really hung up on looks!!!!!!! Rollins cuffs her, and, as she drags her away, the sweetly naive Megan asks Holly, "Why? I was your friend!". Holly delivers a chilling answer. Fed up with how she thinks things have come so easy to Megan because of her looks, she tells her, "I thought it was about time something bad happened to you in your life!" Darlings, take the key and lock her up, and throw it away!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, darlings, let me tell you, as one who has trod the boards a bit, the theater is a rough life, but not nearly as rough as this. Holly's criminality is simply a case of poor judgement.

She is damned lucky she got arrested, because let me tell you, with her self-esteem issues, coupled with her sexually addictive behavior, Holly was headed down the same path as Theresa Dunn in "Looking For Mr. Goodbar." Sooner, or later, one of these degrading hook-ups would have done her in!!!!!!!!!

I mean, anyone who would have sex with Fisher Stevens has got to be desperate, considering how terrible Fisher looks these days! And unconventional looks are not that much of an acting deterrent anymore; with women, the move to such was started back in the Sixties by BARBRA, while today actors like Philip Seymour Hoffman and John C. Reilly prove you do not have to be centerfold material to be a good actor!!!!!!!!! And how about Jonah Hill?????

Holly's whole plan was for naught. Megan tells her at one point that she (Holly) is the better actress, and I can believe that, but what Holly cannot do is assess herself objectively. She should never have gone up for something like Francesca in this thing, because, I don't care who she screwed, or how many times, there was no way she would be cast at all!!!!!! She simply was not the type!!!!!!!!
But, as Holly said, she was tired of being the Ugly Duckling, so she went for glam roles!!!!! But, girls, let me tell you, she should have set her sights on character or comedic parts, where she would have had a chance, because, like the song in "Funny Girl" says, "If a girl isn't pretty, like a Miss Atlantic City, all she gets in life is pity, and a pat!!!!!!!!!!"

Poor Holly! IF she weren't such an evil bitch, you could feel sorry for her. I swear, I think she might have been a werewolf, too, because in the final, revealing scene, I swear her eyebrows were bushier than usual. Wonder if it was a full moon, loves???????????

The other thing, and believe me, I know, is getting cast in an interactive theater production is nothing to get jealous over. If Megan had been cast on Broadway, in something with the cachet of, say, "August:Osage County," OK. But the kind of show portrayed on here is usually done in really crappy venues, is often not union sanctioned, meaning the pay is abysmal. Nothing to get jealous over, darlings, believe me.

Just to let you know, Holly got 25 years in prison, so her acting career is finished, unless, when she comes out, she can horror grannies!!!!!!! And the judge was charged, but, due to the circumstances, he will plead out!!!!!!!!!

Theater was never like this when I was doing it, darlings!!!!!!!! But you just have to love AND hate Holly!!!!!!!! She is one of those perps I wish they would bring back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stick with "Gypsy," or "Valley Of The Dolls," girls!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, What This Show Once Had, It Don't Have Now!!!!

2012-01-15T09:55:00.000-08:00

".....how it will astound you,
that the glow of your being outshines every star!"

Those soaring lyrics--when was the last time you heard the likes of them, darlings????-- are from the 1965 Burton Lane, Alan Jay Lerner musical, "On A Clear Day You Can See Forever," which, because of the cast album with Barbara Harris, is beloved among Theater Queens. Several weeks ago, I brought home a copy of this CD, and Monsieur and I just listened, basking in its whimsical glow!!!!!

So, last Fall, when I heard it was to be revived, I got excited. And when I heard it was to be reconceived with more than a subtext of Gay, I thought, "Oh, no! How???" But Monsieur prevailed on me to be objective; maybe it would work. Then came Ben Brantley's review, confirming to one and all that it did not. Still, Monsieur was intrigued enough, and I entranced enough with the score, especially a couple of songs, to risk an evening spent at the St. James Theatre, viewing it.

Alas, the evening is not a waste. It is just not what one would expect. I am not even sure it is 'On A Clear Day', for no longer is this a whimsical fantasy, touching upon ESP and reincarnation, but a dark, altogether morbid, meditation on death, loss, grief, with the central figure now being, not the Daisy character, but Dr. Mark Bruckner-- played by Harry Connick, Jr. as a nasty, self-centered and self-serving schmuck that I had absolute hatred for, by the time the evening ended.

It doesn't help Connick that the writers have reconfigured him this way. It especailly does not help that Connick is not fit to sing on a Broadway stage. While he can channel that Sinatra style that works fine in the smaller cabaret venue, he cannot adapt this to the Broadway stage, for, while he has a nice sound, he cannot project enough to be heard at times. And any time he sings with any of the other actors, who are much more adept in the Musical Theater department, they drown him out!!!!! Brantley, in his review, said he sang the exuberant, hopeful title song like a funeral dirge, and he is right!!!! This is made even more clear when he is joined in the number by Drew Gehling, as David Gamble's boyfriend, Warren Smith, and this young man takes over and shows Connick and the audience how the song SHOULD be sung. Not to mention, Connick brings no passion to the compelling "Come Back To Me," one of the score's highlights. By Act Two, I was ready to shout out, "Get him off the stage!!!!"

Let's get the bad stuff out of the way, first. Michael Mayer (who directed "Spring Awakening"--ugh!!!!) had, like most Theater Queens, always had a fondness for this show, because of the score. But, to support the story concocted--which recycles other stories like the movies "Portrait of Jennie" and "Always," which was a remake of the 1943 "Heaven Can Wait"--he had to jettison most of the original score, because Melinda, in this version is not a period damsel from the 18th Century, but an aspiring and successful Big Band singer from the 1940s. Where is the romantic, whimsical fantasy we wanted????? Gone!!!!!!!!!!

And the songs replaced are pastiches from all over--some forgettable ones from the forgettable Streisand film version, some from the MGM musical, "Royal Wedding." which I still have not seen. More objectionable than this was the lack of courage on the part of Mayer and librettist Peter Parnell to truly "Gay up" the show. Yes, Daisy, is now David Gamble, a gay young man, with a boyfriend, Warren, but his past life is still a woman, Melinda Wells, which allows Bruckner to have a straight romance onstage, because God forbid Harry Connnick Jr. should have a gay one!!! Nowhere is this more apparent than as the curtain comes down on Act One, and the two men lean in to kiss--but never do. As a supposedly (but apparently not very) more enlightened theater audience gasps! in shock. These gaspers would better have saved their breath for "Spider Man:Turn Off The Dark," where they apparently would have a better time!!!!!! In fact, I noticed some of them walked out at Intermission, not returning for Act Two. But if Mayer and Parnell had had the courage to make their love story onstage COMPLETELY gay, this might have made for an interesting re-look at this show. But God forbid Harry Connick (a big old Republican, darlings!!!!) should come off as a fag!!!!! Personally, I think Mayer and Parnell really WANTED to do the show this way, but, to get it produced, with Connick on board for box office, they had to allow Star and Producers to tie their hands!!!!! In other words, another kiss ass sacrifice to Art!!!!! Up theirs!!!!!!!

There are, however, two reasons to endure all this--David Turner and Jessie Mueller, as David and Melinda, both of whom stop the show!!!! David is such a delicious cupcake (more on him another time, girls!!!!) that I hated when he was offstage. He also gets assigned what is my favorite song in the score, "What Did I Have?" which I have never heard a man sing, so I was both intrigued and nervous. David nails this song like you wouldn't believe; in fact his take was so genuinely moving it brought tears to my eyes, and not even Barbara Harris or Eydie Gorme did that!!!!!! It is unfortunate David's past life is as a woman, but it is fortunate to have Jessie Mueller in the role, who stops the show on several occasions, with her electrifying to-be-watched-for Broadway voice, especially in the classic song "Ev'ry Night At Seven." (Which is from "Royal Wedding", darlings!!!) When the curtain came down, the actors took their bows, and I saw David and Jessie walking off together, I saw the two REAL stars of the evening pack up this show, and just walk off with it!!!!!! They are reason enough to see it!!!!!

As stated, Drew Gehling, as Warren, knows how to sing Broadway, too. And so does Sarah Stiles, as Muriel Benson, who needs, though, to tone down that shrillness, as she tries to decide if she is going for Megan Mullally or Alice Playten!!!! Personally, Sarah, I would stick with Alice!!!!!!!

The script is, at times, offensive. There is veiled homophobia, and a verbal retort from Bruckner to his colleague, played by Kerry O'Malley that is so hurtful the audience gasped more over that than the aborted Act One kiss!!!!!!!

I don't know what they really thought they were going to get away with, with this 'Clear Day.' The show isn't even visually attractive; updated to 1974, the cheap looking sets and costumes are garish to the point of psychedelia!!!! There is no elegance here at all!!!!!! As you can see, the creators did not get away with much. The only thing they succeeded in doing is creating a couple of star making moments for David Turner and Jessie Mueller that have to be seen!!!!!!

Catch them quickly, before this show closes, two weeks from today, loves!!!!!

Darlings, Such High Camp On 'Criminal Intent'!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-15T07:10:00.000-08:00

Let's see, girls, what night was it? Thursday, I think!!!! I had met Monsieur at the Strand, solved "The Instructions" problem, we dined, then settled in at home for a cozy evening, which meant stretching out in bed, relaxing with some nice social deviants and/or serial killers!!!!! In this case, it was "Law And Order, Criminal Intent," which featured two episodes of such high camp--one of which I had seen before--that I knew all my girls would just have to be informed about, because you have just GOT to see them, darlings!!!!!

The first, previously viewed, was called "Identity Crisis," an interesting mixture of Dave Pelzer's disturbing book, "A Child Called IT," and Alfred Hitchcock's "Shadow Of a Doubt." What a twisted tale of sickness this one is, lambs!!!!!!

It starts out in the past, with two little boys, the Burris brothers, Tommy, and his younger sibling, Anthony. They live in the White Trash section of Hershey, Pennsylvania, which already gives them problems right there. But there is no father, because it becomes apparent that Daddy has split a long time ago, because his wife, their mother, is clearly schizo!!!!!! Added to which, this sick bitch abuses the younger son, Anthony, by placing a heated electric iron on his arm. The other boy, Tommy, she invites into her delusional world, where she dresses up in cheap gowns, costume jewelry, and fake tiaras, looking like a social reject from one of Truman Capote's Sixties parties!!!! Nice, huh?????

As the story begins, the boys are in the kitchen, downstairs. Tommy is putting balm on Anthony's horribly burnt arm!!!!! Should this bitch fry, or what????? Well, wait!!!!!

At the time this is going on, nutso Mommy is whopping it up above, having some kind of delusional party of her own in the tub, dressed in her ersatz costume, making noise, allowing the water to flow out of the tub, onto the floor, and through the ceiling. The boys go upstairs, to try to put a stop to this. One of them goes into the room, and something happens. A walled heater suddenly comes loose, falls into the tub, and the abusive hag gets sizzled to a crisp!!!! Good riddance!!!! The last thing we see here are the boys covering their eyes or ears, to drown out their mother's dying screams.

Now, twenty years later, we meet Graydon Vanderhoven, and his socialite wife, Lukie!!! They are Upper East Siders--where else, darlings???-- and are dressing for some big social event, where Lukie is going to be honored. Graydon may be all dolled up, but something about his manner suggests he does not belong in this social whirl!!!! Leave it to a North Sider from Highland Park to recognize that one, darlings!!!!! When he receives a phone call, he becomes agitated, but agrees to go out and meet the caller. Who does it turn out to be, but the adult Anthony, and who does Graydon turn out to be, but the adult Tommy Burris!!!!! Seems the brothers have been separated and estranged--partly by the abuses of the foster care system, and partly by Graydon/Tom's desire to lose his White Trash Identity, so that he can live the High Life he feels he is entitled to!!!!! He (Graydon) agrees to make peace, offers to take Anthony to dinner, and talk. But as they walk, Graydon lags behind, and when Anthony turns, the last thing he sees is his brother, firing a bullet, killing Anthony, yelling, "I'm never going back!"

What are Goren and Eames to do???? They have a body, but the perp has vanished. When they talk to Lukie, she tells them about the call, and about Graydon going out. She happens to mention they are both Princeton alums, but he backed out of the social to meet a mysterious caller. When she got home, the place was ransacked, and Graydon was gone....and it seems for good!!!!! Lucky Lukie!!!!!

The detectives are stumped. Meanwhile, Graydon is out on the Island, representing himself as a novelist named Tyler Chisolm, but still a Princeton grad, and putting the make on his realtor, Julianna, a gullible Princetonian, who buys his story and falls in love with him!!!! The High Life beckons again!!!!!

Julianna is smitten, but her father is wisely suspicious of this guy and his credentials. Graydon continues to lie his way into their circle, and his story can't be broken. But Goren and Eames are not to be underestimated, for they have established the Princeton Connection. Lukie tells them she was a grad there, and when she met Graydon, he said he was and she believed him, because, among the many details he knew about the school, was the secret recipe of this dish made by an elite social organization, known as the Occidental Club.

It is here the detectives learn a couple of things!!!!! They learn that Graydon Vanderhoven was really Tommy Burris, and the reason he knew what he did about Princeton, was he worked in the kitchen there!!!! He was smart, audited some classes, but never matriculated. They also delve into the Burris past, and learn about abusive Mommy, the case that resulted in a near conviction of murder for Tommy, and that the victim in the present, was Tommy's younger brother, Anthony. They track down Anthony's wife, in a trash supermarket in Connecticut, where she works. She says Anthony's early life problems, and the foster system, plus loss of his brother, made him "damaged goods," and he could not keep anything together--job, marriage, anything. He was seeking out his brother, as he had not much time left, having been diagnosed with terminal lymphoma. So Graydon killed his brother for nothing!!!!!

Goren and Eames learn several more things. While working at Princeton, Tommy always called himself Count of Haugwitz, and he was fired, when a Russian professor questioned his heritage, and he got violent. Goren notices a plaque on the wall--a memoriam to five young men from Princeton, who died in a mountain climbing accident. The names on the wall match surnames of these men's widows. It becomes clear that Graydon/Tommy, under the delusion that he is royalty, and using his Princeton knowledge, has gone after each of the widows, bilking them out of money, so that he can live the High Life, then running out on them once he has drained them financially. And Julianna is the last one on the list!!!!!! It is clear to Goren, whose mother was disturbed in some way, that Graydon/Tommy has clearly inherited his mother's illness. This is confirmed, by a photo found of the boys and their Mom; she is decked out in her party regalia, and has Tommy bedecked in a royal outfit. Anthony stands, staring sadly, clearly on the outs, not having been invited into this game of delusion. Clearly, Mommy recognized Tommy had symptoms of her own illness, and she aligns with him, while abusing the more "normal" Anthony!!!!!!!

Time is running out, before Julianna gets conned. They bring both she and Lukie in. Lukie will not compromise her social reputation, so she clams up. Eames gets Julianna to admit she saw "Tyler" one day out in a boat, holding a gun, looking as though he were going to kill himself. When he sees her, he throws it into the water. Julianna indicates the spot, and they find the gun; it is the one that killed Anthony. So they bring Graydon in.

This is where the tragedy comes home, darlings!!!! They tell him they know he is Tommy Burris, and they know the victim was his younger brother, Anthony. They play for him the interrogation tape of the cops getting the younger Anthony to testify against his brother, saying it was Tommy, who killed his mother. But Goren tells him he (Tommy) did not do it. What really happened was Tommy was downstairs, and Anthony was upstairs. His mother was trying to coax him into the tub with her, as some sort of twisted amendment for her abusive burns, and, in their struggle, the heater was accidentally loosened from the wall, and fell in the tub. So, Tommy took the rap for Anthony, who would have been charged otherwise, as no one would have believed it had been an accident. Then foster care split them up, and, as he got older, and without his brother to look after and keep him grounded, Tommy's illness got worse, till he evolved into the madman he is today. They tell him that Anthony wanted to see him, not to upset his precious lifestyle, but to explain he had not much time left, and just wanted to put things to right. That his brother never stopped loving him. Tommy breaks down, to a fadeout. Yeah, right. Crocodile tears, honey!!!!!

It just goes to prove, ever since "Cinderella," you gotta watch out for those nutso Moms. And if you are living with one, get outta there FAST!!!! Become a nightclub singer, a transgender person, just get away ASAP!!!!! That is the moral of the story, in order to avoid the tragedy just seen. And learn to recognize the symptoms by a mother's distorted fashion sense!!!!!!

Now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if this were not enough, the evening also offered "Masquerade," which I had never seen, and my girls, you have got to see this, because it is a HOOT!!!!!!

Basically, this is a retelling of the Jon Benet Ramsey story!!!!! Here, she is called Amberleigh Harner, and let me tell you, darlings, I should have been cast in this role, because I have been doing that Pink Princess act for years!!!!!!

Added to which, Amberleigh's mother, Beth Harner, standin for Patsy Ramsey, is played by--are you ready, girls??????--Liza Minnelli!!!!! I kid you not, darlings!!!!!! LIZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In this retelling, Amberleigh is some kind of child performer, and Beth a former beauty queen. Liza plays it, darling, like Mamma Rose from "Gypsy" on anti-depressants, which, knowing Liza, may very well be the case. I thought they were going to go with her as the aggrieved stage mother, put out that her daughter was acting up, and wanted out of the biz. Very similar to Patsy Ramsey's case. I still feel Patsy did it, out of the aforementioned, and because John Ramsey was sexually abusing his daughter, and Patsy was jealous of that daughter because she was getting some, and Patsy wasn't!!!!! Never mind concern for your daughter, bitch!!!!!

Like in the one before, it turns out to have been a tragic accident. Beth Harner's next door neighbors, the Royces, have profited from her misery, because Nat Royce (Bill Irwin) has made a career of writing books and articles about Amberliegh's case.
The murder happened on Halloween, and, at a party at the Harners that night, son Jamie Royce, got into a fight with Amberliegh, pushing her into unconsciousness, thinking he killed her. He told his parents; Mom tells him to hush up, and Dad goes to dispose of the body. BUT, it turns out Amberleigh was not dead, and, to protect his reputation, and guarantee career success for himself, Nat Royce smashes the child's skull, insuring she is dead. He then lets his son go on believing his guilt, leading him into a state of drug addiction and homelessness, which Daddy does nothing about, so that his career and reputation be preserved!!!!! This daddy is the one who needs to get his skull bashed in!!!!!!!

These revelations take place in the final scene, set in a mausoleum, where Beth has gone to pay her respects for her daughter, whose 10th Halloween anniversary it happens to be. Now, Liza may have camped it up throughout, but when she realizes her daughter was still alive, but her neighbor killed her, the look of shock, horror, and revulsion on her face was so palpable that one could not help but feel for her. Then they drag off that smarmy Nat Royce.

But wait. The show might have been better, and should have ended this way, if, after Royce was hauled away, Liza walked up the mausoleum stairs, back to camera, stopping halfway. She turns, does a Fosse pose, the camera closes in, and she goes into a rendition of "City Lights!" Now, that would have been a finish!!!!!

This was a hoot, girls, and you have to see it!!!!!! The only thing that tops this is the YouTube presentation, "Shit!Liza Minnelli Says!!!!!"

"Come have a cigarette with me, darling!!!!"
"Ann Miller! ANN Miller!!!! ANN MILLER!!!!!!!!!"
"Darling, I love you, you're fabulous....OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Love to all MY darlings, darlings!!!!!!!!!!

Will It Work, Darlings????

2012-01-15T05:42:00.000-08:00

Girls, I love technology, but when it does not work, screw it!!!!

Girls, I Am Not Afraid Anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

Let me explain, darlings!!!!!! Several posts back, I mused on how I was going to handle the daunting task of reading Adam Levin's mammoth 2010 novel, "The Instructions." Mainly because I had purchased the paperback edition, which was so enormous, I did not see how I could carry it about with me, or how its condition would hold up, long enough to last finding a place on my shelves. At the time of purchase, I had been looking for a hardback edition, but at the time it was all the Strand had!!!!!!

Well, girls, as the saying goes, good things come to those who wait!!!!!! I had to meet Monsieur last eve in front of the Strand; being that close, naturally, there was no way in hell I was NOT going to go in. On a hunch, I went to look for a hardback of the book.......and found one!!!!!!!! It is in a lovely shade of blue, in pristine condition, which means it will last for whatever duration it takes me to read this enormous tome, when I choose to do.

So, now, there is no reason to be afraid of "The Instructions" anymore!!!!!!! Who knows--maybe this will steer me to even greater reading glory--"Gravity's Rainbow," "Infinite Jest" and, of course, "Ulysses."

Just wait till you see my book shelves after this year, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heavens To Betsy, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-13T07:29:00.000-08:00

"Kill her, Mommy! Kill her! Don't let her live!
I won't, Jason, I won't!
Get her, Mommy! Get her! She can't hide! No
place to hide! Kill her, Mommy! KILL HER!!!!! KILL HER!!!!!!!!!!
I will, Jason! I WILL!!!!!!!!!!"
--Betsy Palmer as Mrs. Voorhees, in "Friday The 13th"

Betsy Palmer, that is, girls!!!!!!! Who, like Patty Duke with Neely in "Valley Of The Dolls," has come to accept that what she will be remembered for in the end is her star turn as Mrs. Voorhees in the original "Friday The 13th film, back in 1980. Can you believe, lambs, that is now 32 years ago????????????

Bet they are gearing up for some celebration in Blairstown, New Jersey where the Original Classic was filmed. Maybe a special communal screening of the film. Wouldn't that be fabulous????????

I can tell you, if I were going to be home tonight, you can bet this is what I would be watching!!!!! But, alas, it is Friday, and the Raving Queen is obligated to go out on the town, giving my girls something on which I can report.

So, for those of you not going out, watch Betsy tonight! If you have never seen it before--you are in for a treat! What a hoot! If you have, revel in a true classic and brilliant turn from an actress at her career zenith.

Of such strange things are acting careers made!!!! Wonder what role will
eventually define me, darlings??????? Stay tuned to find out!!!!!!!!

Darlings, This Bitch Must Learn When Class Is Dismissed!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-12T11:38:00.000-08:00

Girls, what a week it has been for bitchery. I thought I was going to have to name the US Armed Forces, what with Danny Chen being driven to suicide by hatred and harassment at the hands of superior Army officers, let alone that lovely bunch of Marines publicly urinating on deceased Taliban soldiers. What happened to the Armed Forces being "fun," as in "Gomer Pyle" or "McHale's Navy?"

However, this week's winner, while he may be luscious to look at, proves that pretty packages often conceal bitchery. And I am not talking about some group of ex-cheerleaders!!!!!!! I am talking about the Winner of the Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award, actor James Franco!!!!!!!!!!

I have always admired Franco's work, as well as his passion for intellectual stimulation, what with pursuing a degree in English at Yale and now in some kind of MFA Program at NYU. Except it seems things are catching up with James, who either cannot keep his class and work life together, or who needs to take a break from one or the other in order to perform successfully.

According to the dish, darlings, James was taking a class called "Directing The Actor II", taught by an instructor named Jose Angel Santana. Well, it seems Santana gave James a grade of "D" because he missed 12 of a total of 14 class sessions. In other words, he only made it to two classes.

Hey, Jamie, go stand in the corner, and put on that dunce cap! Other celebs have taken courses, and have not had their profs fired. Apparently, Franco was so pissed, he saw to it that a capable instructor lost his job. Hey, Jamie, just wait another five to ten years, when your career may not be as hot as it is now, and think back on this!!!!!! I hope Prof Santana has the last laugh in all this!!!!!!!!!

Will this stop me from seeing a James Franco, vehicle????? Not really, but, honey, if he wants to work with ME, he has to learn to do MY way--or else!!!! Well, he will find out soon enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I say reinstate Prof Santana. And James, before taking another class, let's see if you can play fairly--with Milton Bradley's classic, "Go To The Head Of The Class!"

And remember, girls, I HAVE to be Bonnie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, This Just Shows How Dumb The IMDB Movie Data Base Is!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-12T08:38:00.000-08:00

One of the first things I do in the morning, darlings, while sipping my morning coffee, is go on IMDB, to find out, first, whose birthday it is today, and, second, who may have passed on. The names I saw this morning really did not resonate with me, but one glaring omission did.

Today happens to be the birthday of the actress formerly known as "the Viennese cupcake," none other than Miss Luise Rainer!!!!!!! Who, with faculties still intact, and a rather active social life in this town, (though not as frantic as the Raving Queen, darlings!!!!!) reaches the grand old age of......102!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, those running IMDB probably have no idea who she is!!!!! She just happened to be the first actress to win the Best Actress Oscar twice in a row, back in 1936 and 1937, respectively. The first prize went to her Anna Held in "The Great Ziegfeld," chiefly for the "telephone"
scene", where a still in love Anna gallantly congratulates her ex, Flo Ziegfeld, (William Powell) on his upcoming engagement (or is it wedding????) to Billie Burke (played here by Myrna Loy!!!!!!) But the real gem came the following year; darlings, you have to see her as O-Lan in the film version of Pearl S. Buck's "The Good Earth." As Irving Thalberg's last worked on production, it was given all the visual sweep (the locusts plague scene is classic!!!!!) and epic scope MGM could muster, but in having Paul Muni (good, but not as much so as Luise) playing the farmer, Wang Lung, not to mention Charley Grapewin (yes, darlings, Uncle Henry from 'Oz" as a coolie!!!!!!) as the patriarch, it was victimized by the political incorrectness of the time (not even Anna May Wong ended up in it!!!!) that was still in place by the time "Flower Drum Song" came along!!!!!!!!! But don't let any of this stop you from taking in Luise Rainer's spectacular performance; the one thing you will come away from this film, remembering, and one of the few times that an Oscar was given justly!!!!!!!!!!!

So I think attention should be paid to Luise on this day. Maybe some Viennese pastry, or strudel, darlings!!!!!!!!! I can just see the look on Monsieur's face, when I ask him to make it!!!!! Better go to the bakery, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Luise!!!!!!!!!! Here's to you reaching 103!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It Just Goes To Show, Girls, Some Things Should NOT Be Musicalized!!!!!!!

2012-01-11T08:15:00.000-08:00

With "Follies" due to close on January 22, we Theater Queens have been spoiled rotten by having it so accessible. Anything that follows will pale by comparison for a long time to come. But there are some things that should just NOT be musicalized. I am not talking about "The Shaggs, Philosophy Of The World," which turned out to be straightforward, conceptually sound, and engrossing. No, I am talking about something currently playing at the Public Theatre, as part of the "Under The Radar" Festival. It is a rock musical, entitled "Goodbar."

If the title sounds familiar, especially to my girls of of a Certain Age, yes, this is, indeed a musical version of Judith Rossner's barroom classic, "Looking For Mr. Goodbar." Which in turn became the movie with Diane Keaton, which still has the power to disturb. As does Rossner's book, which only became more fascinating for me, once I discovered the real life case (the murder of teacher Roseann Quinn) that inspired it.
In fact, I could show you the very apartment building this crime took place in. As for the bar, where the pickup took place, it was then called "Tweeds," but I knew it as the "New World Cafe". (Having since been torn down, another piece of New York City history left to the dust bin.) But it was definitely Old World--dark, sleazy, the perfect setting for Rossner's story, looking as though time had stood still. I was told it was then a place for hookers and johns to meet up. What did I know? I simply went there, to take in the atmosphere, and chow down on a half way decent burger, having in the back of my mind, the idea of writing a ghost story set there, which never came to pass.

I have a hardback of Rossner's book, and read it again several years back. It still has tremendous impact!!!! But a musical??????? Over time, I have contemplated some strange musicals myself--how about "The Killing Of Sister George?" But this????? Never, in a million years.

If it did not have a rock score, I would be tempted to go. And this factor makes me question the whole project. The story is of such a set time and place--Manhattan in the 1970s--that any musical treatment should affect that era's sound, not that of today. Which, unfortunately, I think it does. And the concept, while following the story sketchily, is more of a concert performance, a la "Hedwig And The Angry Inch," which, despite John Cameron Mitchell's brilliant work, I was not crazy for, as a show. So, while the subject matter of "Goodbar" intrigues me, its treatment might provoke me to storm out of the place!!!!!!!!!

I always thought a documentary film, delineating the similarities and differences between the novel and the real life case would be interesting. But so much time has passed, and Rossner has left us, that the people who would need to be heard cannot.

But who am I to stop my girls????? If you feel daring, go and try this out, and let me know how it fares!!!!!!!! Personally, I will stick with the stage version of "Valley Of The Dolls"!!!!!!!!!!!!

As long as I play Neely, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, "At Seventeen" I Said "Screw You" To The Truth!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-11T07:03:00.001-08:00

Honestly, girls, there is nothing like being made to feel old!!!!! Yesterday, I was mentioning Janis Ian and her classic song "At Seventeen" to a colleague in their early 40s...and they had never heard of either one. Excuse me???????? Not only is it Janis's signature tune, but it has become the anthem for adolescent angst--and those who endured it--everywhere!

And this started me thinking. Some years back, I read an article, (whose topic and author I cannot recall) which had a passage comparing those who had it all, at seventeen, with those who grow up to write songs like "At Seventeen." The message being that having is at seventeen is fleeting, and that those who did not can go on and make vastly more substantial contributions in life, as Janis and others have done. (And that includes the Raving Queen, darlings!!!!!)

So, naturally I had to listen to the song, which I could not tell when the last time I did that was. After giving it a listen I said, "Honey, I lived it." Then I looked at the lyrics, and got a vastly different take. For I discovered that while I related to it, and have enormous compassion for those who literally did live it, I did not, really.

"I learned the truth at seventeen,
That love was meant for beauty queens,
And high school girls, with clear skinned smiles,
Who married young, and then retire."

Let's start with this. In order to learn the truth, you have to "accept it." Well, darlings, I may have known "the truth,' but I did not accept it at all, no siree, and still don't. That's why I threw myself into everything, forcing everyone to notice me, goddammit!!!! Even if I did not get the popularity of Diane or Roberta (the "high school girls with clear skinned smiles" are clearly the Dykemans!!!!!), I shoved myself in everyone's face to let it be known I was here, queer, so they better damn well get used to it. And for those who never did, I say stick it!!!!!!!!

"And those of us with ravaged faces,
Lacking in the social graces,
Desperately remained at home, inventing lovers on the phone,
Who called to say come dance with me,
And murmur vague obscenities,
It isn't all at seems,
At seventeen."

I remember the first time I heard this lyric, I asked, "Why are the obscenities only vague?" Honey, I was not about to waste my time on THAT; I wanted some real obscenities!!!!!! What good is vague anything?????????

"The brown-eyed girls in hand-me-downs,
Whose name I never could pronounce,
Said 'Pity,please, the ones who serve,
They only get what they deserve.'
The rich relationed home town queen,
Marries into what she needs,
With a guarantee of company,
And haven for the elderly."

"Pity please the ones who serve?" This is a reference to the acolytes for the more popular, who do the latter's bidding as a way to hang out with them, even if they really aren't. Like that "Single White Female" type, Debbie Germann, who so WANTED to be Debbie Dykeman, she did everything she (Dykeman) did, right down to cheerleading and duplicating hair color!!!!! Well, she was never more than an acolyte at best; she probably fetched Debbie Dykeman's towels, gym bag, whatever, thinking she was "in", only she really wasn't!!!!!!

Do you think I was going to be satisfied being an acolyte????? Screw that!!! If I did not get adoration, then I told--and still tell--these people to shove it, because I knew I was beyond all of them from kindergarten on up!!!! Oh, and just so you don't think I am only dissing the girls, there were some male counterparts. Like Mark Rosenberg (whose nickname, interestingly enough, was "Blob") an oversized sort who played football AND did Drama, only to end up in White Horse, New Jersey (what a godforsaken place!!!!) looking every bit his age (as attested by the 30 year reunion), and who is married to a blowzy looking thing he must have banged on his way up to becoming an attorney!!!! And like Diane, Mark seemed insecure at the reunion, choosing only to cling to those who knew him back in the day. I used to resent Mark back then. Now, like with Diane, I found out there was nothing left to resent!!!!!! This New York Princess is too good for them both, and if they think they are going to gain an audience with ME, let me say I will give them as much attention to them now, as they gave me then!!!!!!!! So there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, that part about "the rich relationed home town queen...." that is unmistakably Roberta!!!!!!!!!! While researching the song, I read an online comment from someone who said their sister was one of the types who married into what she needs, and it turned out to be a nightmare...both for her, AND the husband!!!!!!!! And what with her little run-in with Mr.Medoff, maybe if Roberta had paid more attention to Erich Von Stroheim's "Greed" than that she was raised on, she might be singing a happier tune today!!!!!!!!!! You thought you would have it forever, didn't you, Roberta?????? Well, guess what??????????? You were wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Remember those who win the game
And lose the love they sought to gain,
In debitures of quality, and dubious integrity,
The small town eyes will gape at you,
In dull surprise when payments due
Exceed accounts received at seventeen."

Darlings, if this is not the most confounding lyric!!!!!!!!! OK, I get that, as I have stated, those who initially were popular/successful/whatever at this stage lose ground when they get older, failing either to maintain it, or to fulfill the early promise so readily displayed. But what the hell are "debitures of quality?"
As for those small town eyes, well, that is why many of us leave such places; they never stop gaping at you in order to assure and assert their fitness for the community by declaring you unfit, when you are, not because you are inferior, but because you are NOT!!!!!!!!!! But, again, what the hell are "debitures of quality?"
Can any of my girls tell me, PLEASE????????????????????????????

The rest of the song is pretty straightforward, although why would one, to paraphrase Janis, "repent for lives unknown?" Do you think I repent for any of those I have just mentioned???? Not a chance!!!!!!! Do you think any of them repent for others, let alone themselves????? No way, Jose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, yes, that article's author was right. It is much better to be an artist later, and accomplish something substantial, than to have had it all in youth, only to have those memories permanently discarded in an attic, like one of Miss Havisham's wedding gowns!!!!!!!!!!!

But generations owe Janis a debt of gratitude for defining what for many is a difficult part of life. And in this era with more of a focus on bullying, the song might also serve as a battle cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right On, Janis!!!!!!!! While you did not teach me "the truth" (I found out that on my own!!!!!!!) you taught me to "Screw it!"

See you at the next candlelight vigil, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, How Are We Expected To Believe This???????

2012-01-10T11:18:00.000-08:00

Several days ago, when I reported on the "outing" of Kristy McNichol, I never doubted its veracity for a second. I just did not think it came as much of a surprise to anyone.

Well, the latest I am reporting now did take me by surprise, added to which I doubt its veracity. In fact, I do not take it seriously, at all!!!!!!!!!

Charlie Sheen is saying now, he is "not crazy." That's right; he is saying he has given up his goddesses, and wants to settle down and live a somewhat normal life!!!!!

Hey, Charlie, who are you kidding??????

The first thing I want to know is--what happened to the goddesses, after he ditched them????? Was there a nice cash settlement????? And where can these two go; they certainly cannot go home to Mom and Dad, who must be hanging their heads in shame, knowing what their daughters reduced themselves to. Let's face it, if Miss Porter's or the Ivy League was not in their futures to begin with, they surely are not options now!!!!!!!

The way I see it, they can jointly write a book about their experience. Or they can jointly host some kind of reality show, where they relate their experiences, giving advice and interviewing other former goddesses, or goddess wannabes.

Mark my words, these two will laugh all the way to the bank. Maybe their staff writer will be Joan Didion!!!!!!! Now, THAT would be something!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Charlie Sheen sane?????????? Not on your life!!!!! Hey, "Fear Factor" is back; that would be perfect for Sheen. It would fit him like a glove, as both staff and audience would fear to watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't you give up YOUR goddesses, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Oh, I'm Frightened, Auntie Em; I'm Frightened!!!!"

2012-01-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

Now, darlings, rest assured, no witch is holding me prisoner in her castle! When you have been around enough queens who think they can hold you in their dungeons long enough, you can bet I take no prisoners, nor do I EVER become one!!!!!!!!!!

Yet I must confess I am frightened. Making superb headway through Haruki Murakami's "1Q84," absorbed in its 925 exciting pages, I am nevertheless looking ahead to other reading projects. It pains me to say this, but I have coming up a project so daunting I have considered purchasing a Kindle or a Nook! No, I am not talking about "War And Peace," or Proust; you know I have read those, loves. In the case of Tolstoy, twice.

But I am scheduled, very shortly, to read Adam Levin's mammoth novel from 2010, "The Instructions," and, girls, I have no idea how I am going to do it!!!!!!!! Now, let me explain!!!!!!!!! It is not the book's length that has me daunted so much, as the weight and heft of it! I have a paperback edition, with a spine that is a solid six inches thick!!!!!!! How am I supposed to carry this around, and keep it in some semblance of good condition???? And if I leave the book to be read only in the comfort of my home, well, home life is complicated these days, not to mention it could take me a good decade to finish if I read it that way!!!!!!!!

And forget about the Nook or Kindle; this book is one that has not been formatted to such. Proof there is no substitute for hard copy, but this copy is harder than most!!!!!!!!!!

Can any of you out there advise me???? You know how much I revere books, but I am telling you, I have thought of tearing it into sections, and reading it that way. But then I could not proudly display it on my shelf when done.

I don't chide Levin for writing such a gargantuan book. From what I hear it is quite a satisfying read; one reader wished it had gone on for another thousand pages.
Why didn't I buy this when I could still get a hardback????? A book this size in such an edition would last!!!!! I am not so sure I can say the same for the paperback.

So you can see my dilemma, girls!!!!! Trapped by my insatiable passion for reading literature, yet hit with a work that is too daunting physically!!!!! What in the world am I to do?????????????????????????? I know; if the paperback falls apart on me, I will write a letter of complaint to the hardback publishers, demanding they send me a copy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will I get through "The Instructions"????? Only time will tell, darlings!!!!!!

Stay tuned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, This "No Exit" Was Not Sartre's!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-10T07:16:00.000-08:00

Girls, the other night, "Law And Order Criminal Intent" ran an episode I had seen once before, but did not have as visceral a reaction to it as now. Maybe because it was so long ago that the Tyler Clementi tragedy had not yet taken place. While the episode deals with suicide, it is not bullying (well, to a degree, but more workplace than social) but guilt, sycophancy, greed and the consequences thereof.

"No Exit" begins with a group of young people contacting this guy, Carmine, who works at a high profile finance company. As they contact him, we see a series of shots, showing each member of the group, getting ready for their evening; they seem as outgoing and carefree, as if going to a party. They pick Carmine up, in a deserted place, and drive to an even more deserted place. This turns out to be on a set of railroad tracks, where, at 9PM each night, a train comes passing by. Slowly, inexorably, Carmine comes to understand that he is with a group who have all made a suicide pact with one another. Only he hasn't. Suddenly, the lights blare in the distance. The sounds pick up, and as the train bares down, we see, a boy and girl kissing in the back (they were in love, and their parents did not want them married), the driver tosses the keys and locks the doors, so no one can get out, his seatmate next to him looks horror stricken, as though having second thoughts, and Carmine is out of his mind, and frantically trying to escape, kicking at the doors!!!! But the train comes--CRASH!!!!!!!--that is it!!!!!!!!

Cut to Goren and Eames at the scene. They point out that this train usually carries gaseous toxics, so not only would the group have offed themselves, they would have created an explosion big enough to take with them a substantial portion of that section of the Bronx!!!!!! It was just fortunate the train that eve was not carrying any cargo, a factor I don't think the suicides were aware of. As they examine the bodies (which, as far as I am concerned, are much too intact, considering the manner of death they opted for!!!!), they deduce by the soles of Carmine's shoes that he did not want to be there; he was frantically trying to escape, judging by the glass shards on his soles.

The victims parents are called in, devastated, and unable to comprehend how the young adults, who did not really know each other, managed to hook up. One of the parents remains behind, and says his son, Robbie, he knew for a fact wanted to do this, that there had been a history of depression, and a series of attempts. And his parents did not want him to marry Jeannie, his girlfriend. He then shows the detectives a video/email Robbie made, clearly announcing his intentions, assuring his father he is not to blame and that he loves him. Cold comfort, I say!!!!!!!!

As Goren and Eames work through the case, they come upon more pieces of scum than you can shake a stick at. They first learn that the young people--five-- met via a website called "Terminal Decision", set up to inform people who wish to end their lives the best methods and geographic locations for doing so. One of those mentioned is the GWB, which, when I first viewed this, had no overt meaning for me, but now, in the wake of Tyler Clementi, I felt my stomach tighten at the mention.

The detectives confront the owner of this website, a real sleazoid, who, of course spouts about Freedom of Speech, but, honey, this is pushing the envelope. Just like a pedophile advocate site would. When they go into the postings by the group members, they find these postings, allegedly by Carmine, about how he "sees Edie's shadow" everywhere at work, how he feels guilty about not doing anything about
Edie's situation, which led to her death, also a suicide. Though hers was a solo act, off the top of a building. Edie turns out to be Edie Silverton, who worked at the same firm as Carmine, and whose suicide still haunts the place, because of its mysteriousness. After talking to the Silvertons--Edie's parents--who declare Edie never really mentioned Carmine--they add Edie was being harassed by her boss--overwork, verbal abuse, to a point where she was driven to do what she did. That she did not know Carmine tells the detectives that Carmine was set up; someone impersonated him online, and put him in that group car, knowing what it was, knowing he did not--in order to get rid of Carmine.

It gets better. The detectives discover the Silvertons were going to file a wrongful death suit against Leonard Timmons and his company, but then dropped it. And as the investigation widens, Mr. Silverton becomes concerned that he is being implicated in the murder of Carmine, which he had nothing to do with.

What tips the scales is a scene we see out of town. Hubert Skoller, (Ayre Gross)the sycophantic right hand man to Leonard Timmons, (Darrell Hammond) is summoned to straighten out the mess, surrounding both Carmine and Edie's deaths. Skoller clearly hates what he is doing, but for self-preeservation he has gone along, and continued to go along, with Timmons. It seems Edie and Timmons had an ongoing sexual relationship, and when she wanted to end things, the egocentric could not handle it, so he made Edie's work life miserable, to the point where she felt she had no other option, but to end her life. Now, Mr. Skoller sets himself up as the pillar of the firm, kind, humane. Edie had gone to him for advice, and he did nothing for her, because to do so, would curry disfavor with Timmons, and he would lose everything he had. Pig!!!!!!! However, the one point in Skoller's favor is there is some remorse; the whole situation is eating away at him.

So much so, that, as Goren and Eames investigate him, they discover an escalating depression, time too much spent in getting his affairs in order. It becomes apparent to them---they do not know how-- that Skoller is going to commit suicide. As Eames says, in "posing" as Carmine, killing him in the suicide car, writing about "guilt" and "seeing Edie's shadow everywhere," Skoller was writing about himself. The reason he did not do anything sooner was because he was still under thrall to Timmons, holding the carrot of affluent lifestyle security over his head, like a horse being tortured. In other words, Skoller was too much of a sycophant.

Which all comes out in the big showdown in the waiting room. Resentful of having to cover up the affair Edie was having with Timmons, then having to do Timmonas' dirty work, in allowing him to abuse Edie, driving her to suicide, not to mention getting the Silvertons to drop the lawsuit, and setting up Carmine to be in the "suicide" car, in order to get rid of him altogether, Skoller finally explodes at Timmons, before being hauled off to the slammer. Timmons explodes back, knocks over a chair, and, while not hauled off, it is made clear he will be facing charges of perjury and obstruction. So these two scum got their comeuppance, deservedly so!!!!!

This episode is disturbing, to say the least. I have heard for years of "the Hemlock society," but a website that almost encourages its users to off themselves is reprehensible. The sad thing is, there are elements of truth to this, I am sure.

The problem with suicide is that it creates more. It does not just destroy one life, but many. I speak from experience, having known someone who, 23 years ago, took their life, albeit under different circumstances. I have never forgotten the impact it had on his family, and all of us who knew him.

And watch the opening scene very carefully. Just as the train is advancing, we get a glimpse of a young man in front, with wire rimmed glasses. Take a look at the actor's face. It is clear to me he (the character) is having second thoughts, horror struck that at this point there is absolutely nothing he can do. Which, as far as I am concerned, accounts for two murders in the car that night.

Just think if that train had been toxic. Those people would not have killed just themselves, but hundreds in the area. If they made a decision to end it, it should have been with the consideration of not ending the lives of others. Something which the episode makes you think about.

Oh, and darlings, this is the episode where cute Jamey Sheridan wears an eye-patch, which made me want to see him in a pirate suit. The character says he is suffering from Bell's palsy; I found out it was incorporated into the script, because Sheridan himself was suffering from the very thing.

I am telling you, darlings, this is the most disturbing episode I think I have seen in the 'Criminal Intent' series. You owe it to yourselves to see it. If you know someone who is struggling with the issue of suicide, it will make you do something about/for them!!!!!!!!!!

And if you know one of these Leonard Timmons types, bitch slap him across the room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The same goes for that repulsive sub-species--the workplace sycophants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweeties! Sweeties!!!!!!!! Sweeties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-09T13:22:00.001-08:00

"Wheels of fire,
Rolling down the road.
Best notify my next of kin,
This wheel shall explode."
---theme song from "Absolutely Fabulous"

Girls, I am telling you, with all that has been going on, even some things do slip past my radar. So, when Monsieur told me last eve that we were going to watch an episode of "AbFab" (ie; "Absolutely Fabulous"), I thought he meant one of the classic vintage ones.

But, no, loves, Jennifer Saudners and Company have shot a couple of new segments, to commemorate the series' 20 Year Anniversary!!!!!! Can you believe it has been 20 years since we were introduced to Edina Monsoon, her daughter Saffron, and Edina's friend and colleague, Patsy Stone???? Who, you may recall, maintains she has not eaten a thing since 1973!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, from the get go, there was no question that I was ready to play Edina!!!!!!! I mean, I AM Edina!!!!!! My favorite of the vintage episodes is the "Birthday" one, where Edina turns 40, and comes down the stairs head first!!!! Now, I actually remember seeing this, initially, before I did turn 40, and I swear when that did happen, I seem to recall making a similar entrance as Edina!!!!!!!!!!!

My friends, Tom and Steven, would make a fabulous Saffron and Patsy. Monsieur would make a great Mother, and my other friend, Joe, I always said would be great as Bubbles!!!!!!!!!!

And they were all back, in this present day episode, looking, well, ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS. Especially Julia Sawalha, as Saffron, who has lost some weight, and it is very becoming on her. But then so was the weight. I have always loved Julia, and was so glad to see her playing Saffy again. Jennifer Saunders has certainly gotten heavy; I felt so much better about myself, after seeing her!!!!! But then, I remembered something about her battling breast cancer, so treatment, meds, all of the above, could have had a hand in the weight thing, too!!!!!!!!

I could not believe Saffron had been in prison for two years. Something about fraud, and she maintained her innocence, and I believe her. And how about her lesbian inmate/visitor, Baron???? I thought at first it was Chloe Sevigny!!!!! Imagine her turning out to be Patsy's former drug dealer, which explained why she befriended Saffron in prison. But they got rid of her, in the end!!!!!!!!!!!!

The clothes, honey, the clothes!!!!!!!! I want to wear some of those long, flowing things Edina was wearing!!!!!!! They hide a multitude of sins!!!!!!! I should be wearing them, anyway, since I AM Edina!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, my God, it was such a treat to have everyone back, looking so terrific!!!!!! Let's hope they keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!

Pats, Pats, Pats, we NEED you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I Think This Should Be Meryl's Next Role!!!!!!

2012-01-09T10:06:00.001-08:00

Now, darlings, I would never think of telling the Divine Meryl what to do!!!!!!! I am not even sure she would be interested in this, especially since it would be another biopic. But, having portrayed Karen Silkwood, Julia Child, Anna Wintour (sort of), her current role as Margaret Thatcher in "The Iron Lady," not to mention that her role in "A Cry In The Dark" had a real life component, Meryl may not be adverse to what I am about to suggest.

Which is that she should play Anita Bryant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, darlings, I am sure Meryl does not stand with Anita on spiritual or sexual matters!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, we are talking about MERYL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But what a challenge!!!!! A singing beauty queen, homophobic, right wing evangelist???????? If anyone can do it, it is Meryl!!!!!!!!

With my limited acting experience, I have always been fascinated by the idea of getting into the mindset of someone I despise. And I am not talking about serial killers; despicable as they are, I find them much too fascinating, so getting under one's skin would not be a problem for me. I am talking about if I were to portray someone along the lines of, say Bernie Medoff!!!!!!!!!

Which Meryl would have no problem doing!!!!! But personally, I would LOVE to see her play Anita Bryant!!!!!!!! For one thing, it would be great to hear her do "Paper Roses," and some of those Orange Juice commercials. For another, it would get Little Orange Bird, who worked with Anita in those ads, out of retirement, and, you can bet we all knew he was gay, girls!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone is bucking for Meryl to get the Oscar for playing Margaret Thatcher. But I am telling you, if she played Anita, she would win hands down!!!! And what a hoot of a film it would be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Meryl, if you or your staff read this, think about replicating Anita beneath the Florida Sunshine Tree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Darlings, To A Still Ongoing Trailblazer!!!!!!

2012-01-09T09:43:00.000-08:00

"As I walked out over London bridge,
One misty morning early,
I overheard a fair pretty maid,
Was lamenting for her Geordie!"--
"Geordie" (Child 209)

Ah, the hushed silence, the soulful twanging of the guitar, and then the clear, lyric sound of that voice filling the concert hall, or room being listened in via CD....who else could it be, but Joan Baez?????

Today, girls, happens to be Joan's birthday, and over 50 years later, that voice is still pouring forth, spreading both beauty and social consciousness. How well I recall those innocent days of twanging my guitar back in ninth grade, reading "Daybreak" (her first autobiography) and wanting to hit the coffee house circuit, but with my dulcet tones, just like Joan!!!!!!!!!!

The idea of Joan being in her seventies is rather hard for this Baby Boomer raised in the Sixties to wrap his head around. Not only is Joan going strong, but so is her mother (who must be about 98,now!) her sister Pauline, and her son, Gabriel Harris, now married with children (I think) himself. Her poor, gorgeous sister, Mimi, who was married to Richard Farina, died years before of brain cancer, but Joan is still with us, and shows no signs of letting up. If her voice is not as crystalline as it was when younger, well, first of all, hon, whose is? but, second, she is in remarkable shape, and I am thrilled to still hear Joan out there, doing her thing.

Hell, if it wasn't for Joan, the Baby Boomer generation might not have developed social consciousness, because, when the issues came up, Joan was always there, not pleading a personal agenda, like, say, the Reverend Al Sharpton, but pleading for acceptance, tolerance, and end to whatever social indifference was out there affecting individuals detrimentally at the time.

Stand back, darlings, because I will be singing Joan Songs all day long. That's right--"Geordie," "House Carpenter," "Fennario," "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right," "With God On Our Side," "The Lily Of The West," "Banks Of The Ohio," "Engine 143," not to mention "Long Black Veil"--all the favorites which I know by heart!! By this point, my Monsieur, if he has read this, must be heading for the hills!!!!!!!!!

What kind of cake to have in Joan's honor??? Poppy seed????? Three Milk cake??? I wonder!!!!!! You can bet something will be ingested tonight, in honor of Joan.

Or maybe not!!!!! Perhaps we should starve for Peace!!!!! I mean, let's face it, does Joan Baez eat????? I have never been sure!!!!!!!!!!

Not that you would get that impression from ME,darlings!!!!!!!!! So here is to Joan Baez on her 71st birthday. She came out of nowhere, a barefoot Madonna with a glorious voice. There may be designer shoes on those soles now, but the voice is still glorious!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Joan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Mama Meryl Must Be Wringing Her Hands!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-07T08:10:00.000-08:00

Of course, I am talking about the Divine One, Meryl Streep, darlings!!!!! No, she is not wringing her hands over any of her children (though we are dying to know the truth about eldest Henry--who is cute--is he, or isn't he???), because those kids are well behaved, let me tell you. And Meryl watches them fiercely, like a lioness watching her cubs!!!!!!!! No dingo is going to eat her by-by!!!!!!!!!!

It is just so sweet, and indicative of her graciousness, that Meryl is the same way with her costars. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Stanley Tucci, Amy Adams, Ann Hathaway, Emily Blunt...once having worked with Meryl, they become one of her Chicklets, and Mama Meryl fiercely protects them as well!!!! And they rally around her!!!!!!!!!!

I know you heard abut Lindsay Lohan!!!!!!! Back when filming Altman's last, "A Prairie Home Companion," both Meryl and Lily Tomlin could see the train wreck that was ahead for nevertheless talented Lindsay Lohan. Both cornered her for some Girl Talk, to set her straight. But did Miss Lindsay listen to any of them????? Oh, NO, not Miss Lindsay!!!!!!!! She knows everything!!!!!!!!! Can you believe she dared not listen to Meryl????????? As I have said, when Meryl takes the time to take you aside and tell you something, you had better listen!!!!!!!!! You know damn well I would!!!!!!!!!! Come to think of it, what has Lindsay been up to, lately???? Not much, I can tell you!!!!!!!!!! Until we hear from her at the next rehab place.

Some people have compared Lindsay to my alter-ego, Neely O'Hara from "Valley Of The Dolls!" Who, in turn, was said to be based on Judy Garland!!!!!!!! Well, let me tell you something, darlings--Neely, Judy and I may have had our ups and downs, but one thing we all had in common that Lindsay doesn't is that we were all BIG talents!!!!!!!! And I still am, girls; I am waiting on that "Funny Girl" revival, which I will let you know about, as soon as I hear!!!!!!! Lindsay had talent, but she was never gonna be a BIG talent!!!!!!!!! Now, it looks like she ain't gonna BE at all!!!!!!!!! If only, she had listened to Meryl!!!!!!!!!

Well. dolls, I am sad to see the same thing seems to be happening to Amanda Seyfried, young, talented, who impressed on "Law And Order SVU" and as Meryl's daughter, in "Mama Mia!!!!!!" I am still impressed by her rendition of "Honey, Honey!"

Amanda, decked out in dark hair color and slut makeup, is set to play the lead role in an untitled film biopic of porn icon and "Deep Throat" star, Linda Lovelace. A whole bunch of A-listers seem to be attached to this--Peter Sarsgaard as hubby Chuck Traynor (hey, with two mouths to feed, I guess he has to take just abut anything!!!!!!), Demi Moore, Adam Brody, Eric Roberts, Sharon Stone, Hank Azaria, Robert Patrick, Bobby Canavale, and Chris Noth!!!! Hey, I am surprised Sharon or Demi did not lobby for the Linda role!!!!!!!!!! Maybe they did, but were told unless they took other roles, they'd be herded to the cow pasture!!!!!!!!!!!

Amanda, what the hell are you doing??? Do you really think this is going to do anything for you???? I am sure Meryl said pretty much the same thing, when she heard Amanda had attached herself to this project!!!!!!! I can tell you--not only would Meryl have turned down the Lovelace role, she would not have gone anywhere NEAR the project, and I am willing to bet she advised Amanda not to, either!!!!!!!!!

But some of these young actresses think they are going to be hot forever, not realizing that unless you are a Genius like Meryl (which few are!!!!) you have maybe a decade at best to get it right, before heading for the stage, cable, or regional theater!!!!!!!!!!! So, while we are glad Amanda is not drugging herself to death like Miss Lindsay, we do wonder what the hell she is doing in a role that seems more tailor made for the likes, say,of Alyssa Milano??????

Or--here's a thought--how abut Amy Fisher????? Even Meryl would approve that one, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!