Darlings, I Was SO Pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, as Frankie Valli once sang, "Oh, What A Night!" There Monsieur Davide and I were, huddled within, while a snowstorm raged outside. I am telling you, it felt just like "Doctor Zhivago," only without my make-up case and hairstylist I did not feel at all like Julie Christie, which is you know how I just HAVE to feel like every minute!!!!!! With nothing before us but the long, dark evening ahead we turned inevitably to........horros.........television!!!!!!

Would you believe it???? Not a single "Law and Order" episode on anywhere!!!
Not even "COPS," or a nice serial killer. I was fit to be tied, darlings!!!! So I began channel surfing, when I discovered at 8 o'clock that ABC was going to air "The Sound Of Music." Now, I have firm rules on viewing that film, honey, but, at best, I thought it would be fun to view the opening scene, with those gorgeous Austrian vistas, and Julie doing her iconic twirl.

Now, this is why I was pissed, darlings!!! Because when I got to the film, rain soaked Charmian Carr (as Liesl) was already climbing through the window, meaning we were pretty well into the film. It turned out that they had started the broadcast at 7PM, which pissed me even further, because, with a four hour time slot, that meant the film was being shown uncut!!!!! Which it sometimes is not when it airs, and I like my films, as opposed to my men, uncut!!!!!

So, my mind began to wander. First, why was TSOM on at Christmastime???? I mean, it is familial, and Catholic as all get out, but there is not one single reference in it to the Yule Tide season. Trust me; I have seen the film at least a dozen times--the last about four years ago, at a special screening at New York's Ziegfeld Theater!!!!!

Which is one of my cardinal rules about viewing this film--it HAS to be seen on a screen!!!! Not necessarily the Ziegfeld, but a movie theater screen of right size!!!! And NO sing along; I have to see the film as a film, to enter into its world and be taken away, not to interact with a bunch of Von Trapp wannabes at some campfest!!!!!!

Darlings, let me tell you, my first viewing of this film was iconic!!!! The date was November 26, 1965. The film had opened in New York on March 2, as a Reserved Seat attraction, which meant it wouldn't get to my suburban tract for about two years!!!! And after "Jack and Jill Magazine" did their fabulous picture spread on it, I was all hyped up to see TSOM. I had the soundtrack album, and damn well knew all the words to all the songs!!!!! When my birthday came and went that year, and I was not taken to the film, I just gave up. But as I have learned my entire life, good things DO come to those who wait!!!! The day after Thanksgiving, at my aunt Jane and uncle Donald's in Linwood, New Jersey (not far from the Atlantic City boardwalk), my parents announced, when we got in the cat, that we were not going home right away. They had a surprise!!!! I had no clue, girls, let me tell you.
We drove to the boardwalk, marched up onto it, and when I saw we were standing outside the theater with that famous film poster, with Julie skipping in her pink dress, and the kids in their yellow playsuits, I knew what I was in for, and, honey, I am telling you, I was SO excited!!!!!! My parents and I should have known something then; but how could we?

The lights went down. The 20th Century Fox logo appeared onscreen. But the film begins in a silent blackness, through which wisps of windy sound begin to slowly permeate, then fade in to snowdrifts over frosted mountains. There is silence, as the camera pans across a fantasy landscape, but is actually real!!! Music slowly filters in, builds, and then the camera spots something in the distance....and VOILA!!!! It zeroes in on the twirling Julie, who begins to trill, and the film is off and running!!!!!

This was the greatest opening film sequence I had seen up till that time. Even the film's detractors admit it is now one of cinema's most iconic openings. But seeing it when it was new and fresh took my eleven-year-old breath away!!!!!
So did the on location shooting, the seven Von Trapps (more on them, later!!!!), the songs enacted on the screen--darlings, I was spellbound. So much so, that when it got to the music festival sequence, and Christopher Plummer urged the audience to sing "Edelweiss" with them, I stood up in my seat and did, because I thought that was what you were supposed to do. My parents had to pull me down, reminding me we were in a public place, so lost was I in this Von Trapp world.

"The Sound Of Music," despite it being what it was, and is, also bears the unique distinction of making me aware of the Holocaust for the first time. The idea of having to leave your home and country, because of what you believed in, or did not, was pretty profound; on my own, I did some research, and the world opened up with horror to me, making me sensitive to this day of all who suffered this plight during this time!!!!! Do not overlook the film's usefulness, darlings!!!!!

But back to more Raving Queen worthy topics!!!!! When the film ended, much to my dismay, I clung to my seat, because I simply did not want to leave the theater and that world; my parents literally had to pry my hands lose to get me out of there!!!!!! Here, finally, was a more positive depiction of the childhood I felt I should have had, as opposed to "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane," wherein I wanted to be the the entitled Child Star Bitch, which I thought would top the frightening ordinariness of my suburban life. Of course, back then, I did not have enough insight to realize, as I do now, that, had this panned out, I might have ended up a dessicated, drunken harridan, like Bette Davis therein. And, girls, you know what Vivien Leigh said about Bette; when Joan dropped out of "Hush....Hush, Sweet Charlotte," and Vivien was offered her role, she was reputed to have responded, "No, thank you. I could just about bear looking at Joan Crawford's face at seven in the morning, but not Bette Davis." That was NOT going to happen to me, darlings!!!! I knew the importance of cold cream, even then!!!!!

"The Sound Of Music" offered a more desirable childhood, one I felt I richly deserved--one lived in gorgeous surroundings, where you wear stunning clothes, look perfect, sing, and get famous. And I could sing, darlings; still can, except when a cold or acid reflux flares up!!!!! This was what I now wanted, NOT the suburban drabness of Highland Park, New Jersey, which I knew from kindergarten on up, that I was superior to, anyway!!!!!

With the soundtrack album back then, came the souvenir programme book. And on the back of it was the photo of Julie and the Children in front of the Von Trapp Villa, during the "Do Re Mi" sequence (my favorite in the film, next to the opening), standing and singing, profiled, arms outstretched. I can still see this photo, and I remember how I would focus on Angela Cartwright and Heather Menzies, because back then, girls, I SO wanted to be them. Well, the next morning, after seeing the film, I proceeded to march back and forth in front of my house, enacting this sequence, much to the amusement of the neighbors, and the consternation of my parents. I was determined to make MY life as much like "The Sound Of Music" as possible. And though I eventually ceased the acting out, and went on to other pastimes, I do not think the bubble officially burst on this possibility, until 1973, when Heather Menzies--yes, Louisa Von Trapp, darlings--posed nude in "Playboy!" I mean, I was shocked. You might have thought this would have made me heterosexual, but not with MY prior history, girls!!!!!

Nevertheless, "The Sound Of Music" was one of the iconic events of my childhood, and still is a treat whenever I view it under proper conditions. Last night, while the conditions were somewhat skewered (though Monsieur Davide's TV screen has the clarity and illusional perspective of a movie theater screen--the closest to such on any one of my acquaintances' sets), it would have been fun to see that thrilling opening sequence, and who knows maybe more!!!!!

But it was NOT to be, which is why I was damned piss!!!! But I am telling you, girls, if you have NEVER seen this film on a screen, you simply MUST. And I predict you will get that chance in 2015, when the film celebrates its 50th anniversary!!!!
We will all go, wear our hats, and twirl!!!!!!

Innocent as a Rose, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!