Darlings, I just want to thank my girls, who supported me and Tyler Clementi by reading the reams of words I wrote covering this case, ever since the story broke back on September 22, 2010. Maybe now, healing can begin for the Clementi family, and Tyler can truly begin to Rest In Peace.
But there is one more thing I would like to see.
The day of his sentencing, I want to see Dahurn Ravi stare the Clemetis in the face, and tell them that he is sorry. He owes them that. And for him to not do so speaks of how right the jury was to convict him, and what a poor excuse for a human being he truly is. In my book, he is a sociopath.
But for everyone who stood by me--Monsieur, the walkers over the GWB back on 10/16/10, the people in my Dignity community, the creators of last summer's Brooklyn Pride play "...sorry...", I just want to say thank you.
It is, as one sage said, a watershed moment. Ironic it happened on what turned out to be the 49th Anniversary of my First Holy Communion!!!!!!!!!!
Despite the victory, I am sure a sense of weariness prevails. Now it is for us to see how influential this case will be as future situations of such similarity crop up--or are stopped.
For all the Tyler supporters out there, I thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is also a cautionary tale for parents. Apparently Tyler's mother said something unbearably cruel to him when he came out to her. Something that cut very very deep. She now has to live with that for the rest of her life. For the life of me I cannot understand how any mother can say to a child "I'd prefer it if you were dead." I really just don't get it. You either love your children or you don't. I know That Tyler's mom DID, but how she must wish she could take those words back, and how they must eat away at her now.
ReplyDeleteI am sure there is not a day Mrs.
ReplyDeleteClementi does not mull in her mind that moment, and how she might have handled it differently. Theough, the way I udnerstood it, she said she was shocked, and needed time to process it. Nowhere did I hear she would have preferred him dead. If I am wrong there, please enlighten me.
Parents do sometimtes say such things to their children. Actor Dan Butler built a whole one-man show around it, which I saw; it was very good.
But many children do survive such things. I offer two examples from my own past.
When I was about 12, my mother was drivng me to my friend, Mark's, birthday party. Our families had been friends for years. We pulled in to the driveway, and I started to get out of the car, when my mother pulled me back, and said, admonishingly, "Now, when you go in there, don't start talking about thngs like 'National Velvet' or 'Lassie, Come Home,' because these boys are BOYS!" I hav never forgotten this; all I remember is I did not have a good time that day.
During grades 7-12, which I have alluded to more than once n this blog, my mother and I would argue. I would plead to be put in a different school, a special school, but she would not hear of it. When frustrated, whe screamed at me on three occasions, "We never should have had you. I should have had an abortion."
I am not sure I can forget or forgive this. I don't know if my father ever knew of this. But I do know that in the 1950s knitting needle era, my mother would hever have been able to go through such a thing. And she was married to a Catholic.
Everyone is entitled to think what they please. I hold for her to verbalize such to me was unconscionable.
Obviously, it gave me issues, but I did not kill myself. But there was also a lot of Scarlett 0'Hara/Neely in me. I can't say the same for Tyler. But, then in addition to all this, I did not have my sexual adventures filmed and broadcast at learge.
I think it was a culmiantion of everything that sent Tyler over the eddge. The webcam thing was the proverbial nail in the coffin. I still say if this last had not happend, Tyler would be with us.
As for me, I continue to survive and fight in my own way, and for others.
Now, it is time to watch something frothy--like the "An American In Paris" ballet!
Wow, I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Believe it or not, I went through it with my mother as an adult, after my parents had retired to Sarasota, Fl. It was one of those gated communities where everyone cares what the neighbors think. I was pushing 30 at the time and visiting my parents. While at the pool, I met an older couple who were friends with my parents and the conversation somehow turned to old movies. Later that day, my father walked in and said, rather proudly, that he had just run into these neighbors and they told him how impressed they were with my knowledge of classic film. My mother with horror exclaimed "Oh no! Don't tell me you were talking about Bette Davis and Jean Harlow with them!". She was genuinely upset. My father told her to get over it! She was never like that before or after she moved back up here after my father died in 2002. Guess it was just that "keeping up appearances" thing! Enjoy that fabulous ballet!
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