"On Y Danse, Tous En Rond," Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                    The French would throw up their hands in exasperation, and cry, "Sacrebleu!"  As Henry Higgins says, in "My Fair Lady," "The French don't care what they do, so long as they pronounce it properly."   As for me, I have always questioned the French sense of hygiene, which is no hygiene, no bathing, and, with the men uncut, you can be sure they are unclean, which is why, during my jet set years, you never saw me flying over for sojourns with handsome European men.  I like things fresh and clean, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

                     Fresh is hardly what I would use for last night's abomination of "Rosemary's Baby."  Even Satan himself would be insulted by this, and I don't blame him.  I hope Mia did not watch.  As for those who did, well, we were just paralyzed with stupefaction.

                     
                     Let's talk about this.  It starts off with who devotees know as Terry, jumping out the window. Except, in this case, Terry is Nina, an Egyptian girl and devotee of Cotic Christianity.  She, apparently has already been impregnated by the Devil, because the action begins with her running from her husband, Jacques, screaming, "You sold me!"  While he tries to break down the locked door, we see Nina writing, on a piece of paper, "The name is an anagram."  Then she takes the plunge.

                     This turns out to be the apartment Rosemary and Guy will eventually inhabit.  Meanwhile, on the other side of the globe, ex-dancer Rosemary is pregnant, but has to have an induced miscarriage when there is no embryonic heartbeat detected.  As things continue, this version seems to imply that there is no serendipity; that the witches were reaching all the way across the ocean for Rosemary and Guy.  But why?
Nowhere is the issue of Rosemary's lapsed Catholicism brought up; she is presented here as more of an agnostic.  By the way, in New York, she has been supporting Guy so he can try and become a writer, but, from the way Patrick J. Adams plays him, Guy has no ambition to be a Jonathan Franzen; he has the manner of a petulant Yuppie kid!  Besides, anyone who writes knows if he was serious about his career, he would have stayed in New York!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                       The whole thing should have been done as an animated cartoon, with Sweet Polly Purebred from "Underdog," as Rosemary, and Boris Badanov and Natasha Fatale as the Castevets.  It would have been a lot more interesting.

                        Jason Isaacs and Carole Bouquet, as faux French socialites, just don't cut it.  I wouldn't be taken in by these two for a second, and neither should have an ex-New York City ballet dancer, who, with her artistic exposure, would have had some degree of access to the world Rosemary is thrown into, and which should elicit more than a "Gee whiz!" type of reaction from a former dancer.

                            As for Guy, as stated, Patrick Adams is not nearly as hungry or venal  as John Cassevates.  In this version, you believe Rosemary would sell him off, before he would her!  Come to think of it, that might not have been a bad idea.

                              There is no Laura Louise!  Or Dr. Sapirstein!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And Hutch has been combined with Rosemary's girl friend Elise into some chick named Julie!!!!!!!!!  Julie?????????  Come on!!!!!!!!

                               And the Parisian locale?  The whole thing looks like Stanley Kubrick's "Eyes Wide Shut," or, at best, Polanski's "The Tenant," and not "Rosemary's Baby."

                                So  far, what have we got?  Terry is changed to Nina, husband Jacques survives, but is seen skulking about Paris like some sort of homeless thing, trying to warn Rosemary and Guy.  Even to taking a shot--with a gun--at Roman, which, first stretches the story out, as Ira Levin did not write this, and shows that these witches, at least, are not immortal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   The whole Nina-Jacques thing, with Rosemary finding pictures and clues that help her begin to unravel just what kind of a hell hole--even if on the Eighth Arrondissement-- she has gotten herself into, is at least an interesting gimmick, but several  other ones are so awful they go beyond camp to just being plain BAD.

                                      I love animals, but when, early on, the Castevets give Rosemary, as a gift, the stereotypical black cat, I took one look at it, and asked, "Is that thing real, or computer generated?"  The second question I asked was, "Couldn't they get a cat that could act?"  Animals are sometimes good at upstaging actors.  And some, like Toto in "The Wizard Of Oz" give award caliber performances. But when this cat, at one moment, is seen, eyes only, staring in the dark, it is about as scary and arresting as the show logo for the musical, "Cats."

                                      Then, there is the menage a trois that Rosemary witnesses at the party....or does she?????????  I think we are supposed to infer this is her psyche foreshadowing and trying to warn her what she is in for, but she doesn't have a clue.  The sex scene is hilarious--like when Christina Raines' coot of  a father had bedroom sex with the two fatties in "The Sentinel."  Oh, my God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Which brings up a whole other problem. The interpretation of this version operates on the assumption that it was all predestined.  How could the witches have reached out to Guy and Rosemary in New York, when they didn't even know of them?  Why would they be interested in them...then????????  Also, when Jacques shoots Roman, he demands that he be given what he was promised.  We know here Guy is selling his wife for a writing career!  What did Jacques barter for?  CEO of a major company?  Too bad he doesn't dress like it!!!!!!!!!

                                              But, hey, guess what, in this version, for those of us who know and love the REAL story, the Trench Sisters not only are mentioned, they make a brief appearance!!!!!!!!!  For those who may forget, the Trench Sisters were two Victorian spinster siblings who were occasional cannibals. They cooked and ate several children, including a young niece!  I know at least half a dozen people they could serve up, but you wouldn't catch me eating a bite!!!!!!!!  In this version, they are seen killing a man and dismembering him, in the bloodiest sequence of the evening (more graphic than the so-called Devil devouring the prostitute's heart!!!!!!!!!!) that hilariously recalls the masturbating lesbian scene with Sylvia Miles and Beverly D'Angelo, again from "The Sentinel."  Looking more like two Goths enacting a verson of Genet's "The Maids" than Victorian spinsters!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Watching this version of "Rosemary's Baby" is like eating a bowl of overcooked pasta saturated in cheap Ragu brand tomato sauce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    Where the hell is Sylvia Miles, when she is needed?????????????????