Today, darlings, is what should really be called the Gay Super Bowl-- TONY Awards Sunday, which Theater Queens on both sides of the Hudson will be tuning in to, tonight at 8PM. The suspense is killing me, but, before I get to that, girls, I have got to tell you about yesterday, because it's a wonder Monsieur and I survived to this morning!
Career gals like us, who get older, need our rest, especially if I cannot stay awake during a program like "My Brother, The Serial Killer!!!!!" I mean, you know? So on Saturday, we actually slept until the ungodly hour of 9AM! We had to get dressed to see the Girls (Lola and Stinky) and Cujo; the Girls were home, but Cujo was sleeping off a big party the night before. When I walked past his house at 7PM Friday evening, there was quite an array of people out front, the old man's daughter was dressed in a gorgeous outfit, and a huge black limo was awaiting. The front door was open, and I could hear Cujo barking, and giving everyone directions to his specifications. After which the crowd stood up for him as he walked out the door, and into the limo, the door held open for him by the chauffeur. You can bet Cujo had his own seat--hell, he probably had the whole vehicle to himself--so I was not too disappointed not to see him yesterday; it must have been quite a night.
But, on Saturday, what a day we had with Auntie Alvin! We called, and decided to have him come out to Bay Ridge. I was getting my hair done, that morning, by my favorite hairdresser, Boris, because I have to look my best for the TONY Awards! Then, we were scheduled to meet Auntie Alvin at Anapoli's, on Third and Bay Ridge Avenues. Well, he parked well into the Seventies, not far from us, and, as we watched him walking down the street, slowly approaching us, we realized he did not have a clue as to where he was going, or what he was looking for! Had he flipped out? He finally saw us, and we had a wonderful meal. Then, we went to Costco's in Brooklyn, which I hate, because it is like a big warehouse; but I learned something important. On the corner, across the street from it, is an establishment I just have to go to--and maybe perform in--called "Peyton's Play Pen." It is a Gentleman's Club. Yeah, right! I saw a couple of the girls coming out of there, and I can tell you what line of work they are in. But gentlemen go for all kinds of types, so maybe I could perform there, and maybe Auntie Alvin could attend one night, and get lucky!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While we were at Costco's , our glamorous friend, Ellen called, wanting to know if we wanted to go out for dinner, and then spend the evening. She was also bringing our elegant friend, Chris, which meant plenty of film talk, and maybe some fun movies.
To kill time, we went to Monsieur's favorite store, Century 21. Give me a break! But Auntie Alvin needed an umbrella stand--he also needs a dentist, as there are now only two teeth on the bottom!!!!! We thought it would be easier for Auntie Alvin to park in the store's garage. I could see him getting skittish, about spending the money. Then, there was the question of finding the garage; we kept telling him it was on 88th Street, but he keep driving like he did not know where he was going--and driving with Auntie Alvin can be scary, even when he does know. Finally, after about three tries, we found the garage, parked, and shopped. Auntie Alvin found his umbrella stand, I was bored, and Monsieur found the most beautiful set of bed sheets for only $12. Then, we had to go back to the car and learn the mechanism of the garage paying machine; it turned out we got out for free, since, as a group, we had spent over $50!!!!!!!!! But, then--oh, my God, darlings!!!!!!!!--Auntie Alvin had a melt down in the parking lot! He got HYSTERICAL, because he could not find his purchase receipt. Monsieur told him he had placed it in the shopping bag, and to come to the car, and he would show him, but Auntie Alvin just kept on shrieking, like a bedraggled Rumpelstiltskin. I thought the agony would never end.
Somehow, we made it over to Ellen's, and Chris was there to greet us, and off we went to our favorite Brooklyn summer place--the Spumoni Gardens! The meal was superb, and Auntie Alvin got in a nice snooze. After the meal--where some fat bitch patron sitting next to us got incensed at a waiter over her bill, and because the waiter would not do separate checks--I am telling you, I felt so sorry for the staff, I was ready to do my Angelina Jolie routine. But, unlike Demarchelier, I did not have all the facts.
We parted company. Auntie Alvin got in his car, and--somehow, miraculously, made it home, to Lower Manhattan, and his birds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We went back to Ellen's, and watched, among other things, "Killer Bees!" with Gloria Swanson, which I will save for another post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, girls, I know what you are all wondering--what does all this have to do with the TONY Awards??????? Well, tonight we are going back to Ellen's, with the same group of players, plus some others--but not Auntie Alvin!!!!!-- to watch the ceremony! We are going to nosh, gossip, and watch the show, where I had better see Celia Keenan-Bolger win, for her heartrending performance as Laura, in "The Glass Menagerie," and Jessie Mueller, for her career defining performance as Carole King, in "Beautiful!" If I don't hear both those names announced tonight, my foot might go right through the screen, and I will be the Biggest Fucking Bitch for all next week! I might have to name myself Bitch Of The Week!
Plus, I have something very special prepared, before the TV goes on, to get us in a TONY mood. Sure to bring the house down, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even my beloved knows what it is!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, girls, curl up in your best, and watch the TONY'S. We will talk about Celia and Jessie tomorrow, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder what they are going to wear???????????? I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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