Yesterday was Gay Pride, darlings, and, as is often said at Christmas, why can't the feeling last all year??????????
Which, of course, is idealistic, I know! But what if people you thought you knew suddenly reject you, simply because you matter of factly tell them you are gay?????????
I want to share two examples of this, which happened to me. One was in 1998, and the other was just this year. The latter was actually more hurtful, as will be told.
Back in 1998, I reconnected with a fellow I was friendly with, in college, named Gary. Back in our freshman year, we were thrown, by chance, into the same English class, sharing an interest in theater and literature. We were also, early in the semester, taken out of class, and put in accelerated ones, because of our abilities. Gary was extremely bright. He had been valedictorian of his high school class, and he was the same, in college. It was clear then he was headed to academia, and not only did he go into it, he has succeeded at a time when it is virtually impossible to do so!
Now, back in freshman year, I came to college with a load of baggage. I was shy and withdrawn, and thought of myself as one step removed from Laura Wingfield in "The Glass Menagerie." Even though, inside, I was bursting to make all those Life discoveries!
Gary, at the time, made me look like an extrovert. I remember him always looking down, never at anyone in the eye. I wondered what made him so withdrawn.
But that was then, this is now. Or, at least, 1998. I came across a published book, with Gary's name on it as author, and, curious to see if it was he, got on the Internet and searched.
I got my answer. It was he. I also found out some pertinent details, which I will share, because of their importance, in the context of what happened.
I contacted Gary first--email. He wrote back, excited to know I was still out there, saying how over the years, he wondered about me. He even said he makes occasional forays into New York, and could we go to the theater?
But--he also said he was married, to a woman he had been engaged to--get this--for 14 years!!!!!!! (What was that all about, I wonder? That is longer than some marriages today!!!!!!) and had four sons--all of whom were adopted!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to wonder about all this. Anything was possible. I just chalked it up to Life Experience. But, when it came my turn, it was a much different outcome.
In detailing my life then, I mentioned, outright, that I was gay. I was dating someone at the time, who turned out to be one of my classic mistakes, but did not stop me from being gay, or wanting a relationship. At the time I wrote this, things were peaceful on my front.
I sent what I thought was an honest email. A week went by, and I suddenly realized I had not heard from Gary, who, up till then, responded almost immediately. My suspicions went up, but I decided to give it another try. Nothing. To this very day.
Looks like Gary had some issues he could not deal with! But why condemn me for what are his faults?????????????
That was Gary, in 1998. Now, I offer Linda, in 2014.
If you read on here regularly, you have met Linda, when I wrote about my tragic classmate, Roxanne. Linda--Linda Johnson, that is--was the one from whom I first heard about Roxanne's problems. During the time this was consuming me--about three months ago--I got in touch with both Roxanne, and Linda. I kind of expected not to hear from Roxanne, and I did not. But that did not bother me, because I felt I had an understanding about her. All I wanted to do was what I felt was the right thing by reaching out to Roxanne. The rest was up to her, and I accept that, and still do.
But Linda was something else. Almost the same thing as Gary.
I contacted her on a high school alumni site, because we actually went through K-12 together. Her response was enthusiastic, and she filled me in on what she knew about Roxanne. Of course, she asked me about my life, if I was with anyone--and the word "partner" was used, which I felt gave me an opening of acceptance. So I told her how happy I was, living in Brooklyn, with my beloved, where I worked, etc.
Then it began. First, a non-immediate response. When one finally came, she made a point of saying it was "no big deal," my being gay, because I was a "wonderful person." She said she would write more later--but she didn't. A month went by, and, around Memorial Day, I gave it another try.
Nothing.
To me, this was worse than Gary, for several reasons. She had used the word "partner," so, in today's parlance, to most it means a gay significant other. The other was her making such a big deal of supposed acceptance, as if she was trying to justify it in her limited mind. It is here I should add something. She wrote that, during our adolescence, she had a sort of crush on me, which I was aware of, but did not know how to handle, because, for one, I was gay, and, for another, I was too busy trying to deal with my own issues back then. I recall having been to parties and outings with her, always in a groups, and having a good time, but I always enjoyed social contact. I was looking for nothing more.
So, I had to wonder if this is what triggered her non-acceptance? Having a crush on a gay man? Not being able to see that I was? Well, I have news for Linda. At the time, I myself could not see it. Or, more likely, did not want to.
As I said earlier, Linda's reaction hurt more than Gary's because we had much more contact, having known each other from kindergarten. And I was very kind to Linda, at times when others weren't.
When we were in the lower grades, kids did not want to sit next to Linda, because, for reasons I cannot fathom, she gave off a "fishy" smell. Kids being kids, she was soon being called either "fish," or, because of the popularity of Mrs. Paul's products, "fish sticks." Linda would often plop herself next to me, and while, at times it was uncomfortable, I never let on. As I recall, by the time of, oh about fifth grade, this condition stopped, and surely it was gone by high school.
But anyone with Linda during those years would remember this.
So, Linda, who I thought would be the most accepting, turned out to be the most hurtful. I can only be fascinated by someone being thrown by what, especially now, in our late Fifties, should be so trivial a thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you think, girls???????? All I can say is to expect the unexpected, and that the truth, while it may set you free, can also reveal who your real friends are.
Or, in these two cases, aren't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment