Here Is How To Bring Musical Theater Back To New York!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Girls, I am telling you, Theater Queens would flock to it, in droves--"Kill Her, Mommy!," a musical adaptation of the 1980 classic, "Friday The !3th!"

                                           Back in 2005, librettist and lyricist Hunter Bell, along with composers Jon and Al Kaplan did a musical Off-Broadway called "Silence!," based on the book and film, "The Silence Of The Lambs."  I was always sorry I never saw this, and meant to, but I changed my mind today when I saw that Hannibal Lecter's opening number was a solo called "If I Could Smell Your ***t!!!!!!!!"

                                              Imagine, having to sing that?  Or not?  On the other hand, maybe I should track it down; what an attention grabber for an audition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Of course, what I am proposing would not be as vulgar.  It would go something like  this.

                                                  The whole thing would  take place inside a camp cabin.  The entrance door would be up center, through which characters, especially Mrs. Voorhees" would make their entrances, and exits.  Six beds,  three on each side, would comprise the Camp Chorus.  Boys and girls mixed, all of "Annie" age.

                                                    The songs, at least what I have thought up so far, would go something like this--

                       1.  Opening--"The Ballad Of Barry And Claudette--"  Barry, Claudette, Baby Jason, and Camp Chorus.

          

                        2.  "Hi, Boy!--"Annie (the first present day victim).

                         3.  "They're Opening That Place Again?-- "Trudy and Cafe Crowd.

                       4.  "You're All Doomed!--"  Crazy  Ralph (the role  I would audition for!).

                      5.  "Back To California--"  Alice.

                      6.  "Sleep With Me, Even Though I Am Such  A Loser!--"  Steve Christy.

                     7.  "I'm So Stupid, I'm Gonna Get Killed!--"  Ned.

                     8.  "Strip Monopoly--"  Brenda.

                     9.  "'Oh, Lizzie, Lizzie, You'll Always Be Plain'--"Marcie.

                     10.  "Just A Night On The Town!"--Sandy, The Diner Waitress.

                   11.  "Kill Her, Mommy!--" Mrs. Voorhees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                   12.  "Decapitation Ballet--" Alice and Mrs.  Voorhees.

                   13.  "Finale--" Company, with actress playing Mrs. Voorhees taking bow, with decapitated head,  held in  hand!

                     Hey! "Friday, The 13th!" Thirteen musical numbers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                     All right, start writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                     Now,  as for casting, well you've got me as Crazy Ralph!  MY choice for Mrs. Voorhees  would be Ann Morrison, the original  Mary Flynn in "Merrily,' who has the sense of humor, vocal chops, and understanding of parody to pull this off.  Though my age, she looks 20 years younger, which, with all else, would make her the perfect Mrs. Voorhees.

                     How about Celia Keenan-Bolger, as Trudy?

                     Kate Burton, as Sandy, The Diner Waitress.?

                      Victoria Clark, as Diner Customer In  Striped Dress And Cat-Eye Glasses?

                        If this were playing now, I might just flock to it.  Except, I would be too busy on stage,  performing this.  And, of  course,  I would understudy Mrs. Voorhees.

                        "Let's put a show, kids!"  Let's REALLY bring Musical Theater back to New York!

                       More sparkling than "Babes In Arms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"