Darlings, I have to tell you about this article I read in OUT Magazine, by Ilya Marritz (who, with a name like that, clearly wants to be Melina Mercourri in "Never On Sunday!!!") related to Tyler Clementi. Among its more disturbing features--or, rather, features that disturb ME--is referencing all having taken place or not as an alleged "cover-up" to Tyler's life. Ilya, doll, whom are we to judge!!!!!!!!
Don't you think I want answers???? Don't you think I have time and again tried to put myself into Tyler Clementi's place? I can clearly visualize the physical aspects--I think we all can--but whom, outside of Tyler, his family, or those who knew him, can place themselves, or at least validly attempt to, inside his mind?????
And that is where the answer lies. But right now, for sundry reasons, it is not being spoken. Whom are we to deny the family their grief????? When they want to be heard, or IF they do not, that is their choice. I have read that a classmate of Jane Clementi, Tyler's mother, wants to do some kind of documentary film; and if and when that happens, I think a lot will be revealed. But there are some conflicting things that can be reported with some certainty.
The tragedy of his death rests on not just what was done to him, but in its resulting of depriving the world of a sweet, socially aware, gifted, if painfully shy, young man, who had much to contribute to the world.
This guy, Paul Zilber, who had a brief brush with Tyler prior to Rutgers, makes much of the fact that he had a political consciousness. Why shouldn't he; he was clearly a caring individual. But he also makes something of the fact that Tyler "cursed," saying in a message of an inflammatory anti-social group, "They're so fucking retarded." Give me a break; what is wrong wit that???? Tyler was 18, he knew life, he knew the lingo, he was a KID, why should this be used as some kind of evidence against him?????? Does it take away from the sweetness of his being????? His talents???? His apparently vast intellectual potential???? Of course not!!!!!!!
So many people--and I am one--are trying to come up with answers for Tyler Clementi, but the fact remains that ultimately there may not be any. One can speculate--I can empathize with Tyler, having been shy myself at his age, but then, as I have mentioned, there is that famous graduation photo of him hugging his classmate, which certainly would not have happened with ME!!!!
And I am sick and tired of people alleging he was bullied elsewhere--at home, in school, etc. The Clementis do not deserve that. It may all be true--but it may not.
You want to know what I think? And it comes from MY personal experience????
I think Tyler was a bright, sweet, normal in all ways kid, who was a doer and a joiner. He liked to participate, but he possessed a vulnerability that held him back, to a degree, made him reserved, which kids mistake for social awkwardness. Maybe he WANTED to be the life of the party, but had not reached his potential for being such. And part of arriving at that involves being comfortable with who you are, and yes, that includes sexuality. I think Tyler was in the process of finding that comfort, but his perpetrators' video rape--for that is what it was--violated a sense of developing well being that caused him to turn inward, resulting in self blame (that statement of his about "revenge never ends well for me" validates that, as far as I am concerned!!!)--violated that journey he was on, reducing an already fragile ego to such a low point he took the only option he THOUGHT he had.
That is why I will not stop with Tyler. He had the right to continue on that journey, and it was taken from him!!!!! That is why I will not blame the Clementis for what they have or have not done. Darlings, until you are in their situation (one which I am sure they wish on no one), you have no idea how you can act.
As the Raving Queen I have only my own certainty and beliefs in and about Tyler to keep me going. Until other aspects come to the fore, I am standing by them. Just as I stand by the Clementis at this most painful juncture in their entire lives; things will never and have never been the same since last September 22.
It comes down to this--don't judge Tyler or his family. Stand by them. So that other tragedies like this may be avoided!!!!!!
Because if I hear one word said against these unfortunate people, I will bitch slap you bitches who say it!!!!!!
Slap! Slap!
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