Darlings, This Is One Dead Bitch I Will Be Glad To Rake Over The Coals!!!!!!!!!

Now, girls, let me explain!!!! I have nothing against Hermione Gingold or Margaret Hamilton. I LOVED Hermione in "Gigi," and my father and I adored her onstage as Madame Armfeldt in "A Little Night Music." Having seen many subsequent productions of the show, I can safely say no one nailed Madame Armefeldt like she did. (Angela Lansbury might have, but I did not have the fortune of seeing her.)

As for Margaret Hamilton, long before I absorbed the Judy Garland mystique from "The Wizard Of Oz," I identified with the Witch!!!!!!!! You just HAD to love her!!!!!!
I mean, that green makeup--yummy!!!!!!!!!

I still recall, after my first viewing, at the age of 4, on the morning after, I drove my poor mother crazy. Hauling my toy broom out to the front room, I repeatedly climbed atop the rim of the sofa, which I was small enough to walk on, took a running jump and rode on my broom, far out into space as I could go, crying, "To the Emerald City, as fast as lightning!!!!!!!!!!" I stopped eventually, because, as you might expect, my poor mother had had it.

So, no, neither Hermione or Margaret are going to be named Bitch OF The Week, though they are pictured, for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!

The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is---Alice C. Santamarina!!!!!!!

Mrs. Santamarina taught French during my years at Highland Park High School (1969-73), but I think she was there before the Pelopenesian Wars. My sister graduated HPHS in 1958, and in her Freshman year book, 1955, Mrs. Santamarina is pictured. By time I arrived at the school, on September 3, 1969, she had been teaching there at least 15 years, if not more!!!!! Honey, she was OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this was enhanced by her viperous personality, and crone-like looks, which is where the pictures come in. For Mrs. Santamarina looked like a cross between Hermione Gingold in "Gigi," and Margaret Hamilton as the Wicked Witch in "The Wizard Of Oz." As I said, nothing against these actresses; Miss Gingold was lovely in her own way, and Margaret was, off screen, a real sweetheart. But the combination of looks, combined with Santamarina's persona, did not work in her favor!!!!!!!!

She clearly favored the girls, over the boys. Now, this was typical of many teachers during this time, but Santamarina took it to the extreme!!!! Whenever she corrected or reprimanded the boys, it was with a vehemence that bordered on outright hate. With the girls, her tone was firm, but fairly meted.

I will never forget poor, unfortunate David Sager. He was two years ahead of me, a junior, and, being he was only in French 2, was clearly as unsuited to languages as I was to the sciences. Nothing wrong with that. When Mrs. Santamarina taught, she had two approaches. If she was explaining a new concept, she would stand by the board, in front of the room, writing and explaining. If merely discoursing, or lecturing, she would walk up and down the aisles, among us, past our desks. Well, one day in the spring, she was doing the latter, when she stopped at David Sager's desk. Apparently, the textbook page, opened and exposed, had some markings done on it in pencil. All that was needed was for her to say, "Mr. Sager, we do not write in our textbooks. When the terms ends, I want to see those markings erased." And that would have been that. But NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! This witch proceeded to scream and harangue David for minutes on end, humiliating him profoundly, and pretty much embarrassing herself in front of the rest of us, who had to witness this. At one point, had I been the person I am now, I would have stood up, and screamed, "Would you just STOP???????" Santamarina needed a good belt in the mouth, and I wish I could have given it to her, and, I hope, at some point, someone did!!!!!!!!!!

I also recall Debbie Dykeman--Miss Cheerleader Bitch (may she rest in peace) sitting in the front of the room, looking so surface pretty in her Swiss Miss dresses, and Santamarina would walk up to her and caress her chin. from time to time!!!!!!! Even though Debbie never brought in the grades, she was treated a lot better than those of us who did.

But the capper for me with this Ancient Bitch came later in my high school career. From the day I set foot in the place, I set my heart and mind on being elected to the National Honor Society. In my junior year, I was nominated--I certainly had the grades and other criteria--but, when it came to selection, I was excluded!!!!!! (The aforementioned Roberta made it!!!!!!!!) Now, I was disappointed rather than devastated, because Arna Zucker, one of the "women of my dreams" of that time period, did not make it till her senior year, and she was brilliant!!!!!! If it was good enough for Arna, it was good enough for me!!!!!!!!! Well, Senior Year came; I was again nominated, but again, with even more selected than last year, I was excluded. I was devastated AND furious!!!!!!!! I even went to Santamarina after school, demanding to see the list of those who had made it. She was so damned imperious, but she begrudgingly showed me the list!!!!!! I wish now I had had the courage to attack her. Well, perhaps this makes up for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was Mrs. Santamarina for as long as I knew her. No one really knew if there was a Mr. Santamarina. I kind of agree with Monsieur, who, when told this story, said there probably was, but he probably walked out one morning to go to the store, and never came back. I could not blame him. I DO know she had no children, because, one time, while reprimanding one of the boys, she said, "My five year old nephew behaves better than that!" Never mind about her own behavior--WITCH!!!!!!!!!

I never thought of her as a lesbian. She was too unattractive to be lipstick, and not butch enough to be Beans n' Franks. But, according to my sister, when she was in school there, the rumor was Santamrina and Betty Koenig (who taught Spanish, and was the head of the Foreign Language Department) were a couple. Gross me out!!!!!!!!!!! It just might have been possible.

Several of my classmates could attest, and have, to her resemblance to the Wicked Witch Of The West. Some years back, when I had dinner with one of my favorite teachers from that time, Mr. Knoll, who taught English and Film, I asked him about her. He told me she was dead. Before I could stop myself, out came the word "Good!" I think he was genuinely shocked.

I know it is ill to speak of the dead. But I am speaking of things done when she was alive. As Charles Dickens said, "these are shadows of things that were." But those shadows sometimes have a way of reaching out and grabbing at us. I am sure every one of MY girls has some aspect of their past that every so often comes back to bite them, metaphorically speaking.

Mrs. Santamarina was long overdue for this type of tribute. She certainly did not merit it as a teacher! Fern Weiss and Ellen Weitzer aside, she did more harm than good to most of her students. The Nina, The Pinta, and The Santamarina, as I always said. She looked as rotted through as one of Columbus' ships!!!!!!!!!!! And the Flying Monkeys were cuter than she!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here is to Mrs. Santamarina, this week's Bitch OF The Week!!!!!! Rest in peace, while you can, doll!!!!!!!!! Because, when I cross over to the Afterlife, if our paths cross, I will nail you to the wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C'est ca, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!