Who are these boys in this photograph? When I tell you, you will say, "Of course!" but if they were never identified, I am not sure they would be recognized.
The younger one, on the left, is Tyler Clementi, and the older one, to the right, is his brother, James, also gay. In the current OUT Magazine, James writes a tribute to his brother that speaks for Tyler in a way none of us who have been can, because of something we cannot possibly possess--a familial, genetic connection.
And, darlings, just because much has not been written on here of late about Tyler, does not mean he has been absent from my mind. But with things coming to a head as they seem to, it is time to step up once again!!!!!!!!!!!
As the Clementi family slowly began stepping into the limelight, to promote their Foundation, and support the struggle of other LGBT youth out there; as the siblings, James and Brian, were known, I learned, as many did, that James, too, was gay. I remember thinking, "Well, if Tyler's older brother was gay, why didn't they talk about it?". Now, James Clementi eloquently answers that question.
The more I read about all of the Clementis, the more I come to realize what a class act they are. James writes of feeling both protective and paternal towards his baby brother. But, not having come out till he was in his early twenties, he admits he did not feel ready to be the role model Tyler needed, though incidents did force that hand. He felt Tyler would follow the same time line as he, emerging gay in his 20s. But Tyler had other ideas. As James said, he always seemed like "the stronger one," so he was a bit more ready to confront these issues of coming out and such head on.
James candidly writes of the outpouring of support and love that came to Tyler, and them, from strangers (including yours truly, who was so upset by this I felt compelled to write a note of my own!), protest rallies, and political lobbying. And he makes an interesting point--Tyler was at the start of his sexual journey, so, at 18, and libido flowing, all he wanted to do, so he said, was "hook up," get as much action as possible. Which makes sense. But James wisely knows, as we all do, that eventually it is not enough, or the novelty wears off, and one begins seeking love. James writes of how deserving Tyler was of this--much more than he realized--but I believe that, in time, Tyler would have come to this realization, and would have found someone. The joy which James writes of Tyler having brought to everyone during his brief stay on Earth speaks of the joy he would have continued to give, which was tragically snuffed out.
Mr.Clementi is unstintingly candid, writing of how he still has difficulty sleeping, holding a job, letting go, moving on. And who can blame him? I cannot urge you enough, darlings, to read this piece, and if you know someone struggling, make sure they read it. If anyone can speak for Tyler it is James, being not only a sibling, but closer to his peer group than many having written about Tyler, including, again, yours truly. Indeed, of all I have read about Tyler Clementi, none has struck me as more moving, or elicited from me tears, as this testimonial.
The most insightful thing in the entire piece is a sentence halfway through. I am certainly going to use it as a mantra for myself in times of duress, and I urge others to. It would certainly make an apt slogan on a sampler. It is when James, speaking in the piece, says to Tyler--
"You were never alone; it just felt like it."
Thanks so much, James. For those of us who have spoken out in support of both Tyler and your family, you have now become the Gold Standard!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, James!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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