Thursday, October 4, 2012

Thank God For My Inner Barbra, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                           Girls, let me tell you, first of all, I am all for religious freedom, whether it be Bernadette at Lourdes,or Satanists at a Black Mass, just so long as they don't sacrifice any babies!!!!!!
Let me further tell you, that navigating the central strip of the Times Square subway station at 42nd Street--the one that gets you, from, say the IRT to the BMT, with more than just another hundred people getting off the train, is tough enough.  But it is even tougher when one is faced with religious proselytizing amid this melee, which is what happened to me last night.

                                             Amidst all this confusion, I saw this guy in very Orthodox Jewish garb, and I first thought, "Boy, is HE lost!"  I thought about going over to see if he needed help--just like Sister Simplice, darlings!!!!!!!!-- but, as it turned, out, he came over to me.

                                               "Are you Jewish?" he asked, meaning he was pretty certain I was.

                                                 Which I am not, but I get this all the time. Hey, I have been living in
New York City for close to 30 years now, and I was raised in Highland Park, New Jersey, so I am not surprised by this in the least.

                                                    But, as soon as these words came out of his mouth, I knew what he wanted, and what I was in for. He was a member of that group Jews For Jesus, and he wanted to, as the saying goes, show me the way!

                                                      Poor Jesus!!!!!!!  Hasn't he enough to cope with, besides these guys????  And doing this act in the world's foremost subway station, at the height of rush hour???????
What is he thinking???????  Bet he was booted from every other venue he has been at.  Just like that faux nun I happen to know, Diane!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       Work has been aggravating for me lately, so by the time I get to this junction, I have had it.  All I want is to get on the R train, and zone out, with some rewarding reading time, before I get home to my beloved Monsieur.  The last thing I need is someone trying to convert me.

                                                          I did not plan the following, girls; it just came out of my mouth. But, after he asked me the question, I thought nothing of looking him straight in the face, and saying, with all seriousness, but in my best show biz Jewish voice--
                                                                                   "Ah'm Barbruh Streisand!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                            I am telling you, lambs, it stopped him dead in his tracks! His jaw dropped, he looked at me, unable to say a single word.  Then I smiled, and walked on.

                                                            I just couldn't help myself, darlings!!!!!!  It just came out of me.
I mean, for at least two weeks now, I have been singing "She Touched Me!" and whole chunks of the "Funny Girl" score, most especially I'm The Greatest Star!" and "Who Taught Her Everything She Knows?"  This may have something to do with BARBRA'S  upcoming appearances at the Barclay Center in Brooklyn, where those of us who want to see her cannot even afford a ticket.  But I want to stand alongside her onstage and sing those two aforementioned numbers. Let's see how BARBRA handles that!  First time she will ever be upstaged, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                             It just goes to show as long as one has their Inner Barbra, you never know when it will come to your aid!!!!!!!!!!  It certainly helped me out last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                              Kids, I know I'd be divine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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