The whole weekend, darlings, was a nightmare--something out of Rod Serling, with a heaping overdose of Charles Busch. What was truly scary, loves, was, once the fabrics and patterns were stripped away--some ,literally, thanks to a hot tub!!!!!!!!--the whole event was just plain BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I am getting ahead of myself Things started simply enough, with a visit to our friends in Morris Plains, Linda and Marilyn. Who, incidentally, sometime later this year, will be moving to even more palatial digs than they are in now! How exciting! I can't wait! And, darlings, you know I will be on hand to help decorate!!!!!!!!!!
Our visit went as always, with a pleasant and luscious repast served up by Marilyn, and a restful visit.
Then things began going South--in more ways than one!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For starters, we ended up near my old homestead--Rutgers Village, just outside of North Brunswick, where I used to visit this couple, the Murrays, back in the late 70's!!!!!!!!! We pulled up at a house that, at first, might look designed for the owner's daughter's (if he had one!!!!!!) birthday party--plenty of pink, and lots of "Hello, Kitty!" In fact, there was a giant "Hello, Kitty!" riding a tricycle, alongside the front door of the house, near where we rang the bell!
Then we entered, and I saw this was no ordinary dwelling. This was Sissy Steffie's School For Submissive Slaves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember the number "Think Pink!" in the movie "Funny Face!" Not even close!!!!!!!! This place would have given Diana Vreeland a headache!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is right--amidst this suburban enclave (pity the neighbors on either side!!! And what must the kids have seen already, staring into the basement ???) dwells a retired music teacher from Milburn, who is a child fetishist!!!!!!!!! The fetish, which he and his cronies share, involve dressing up as little girls of a very distinct 30's period, looking like a cross between Divine as Shirley Temple, or Bette Davis as Baby Jane Hudson!!!!!!!!! I am telling you, these costumes--the details, the fabrics, the colors, the plus large sizes!!!!!--must have cost a small fortune!!!!!!!!!! I am talking at least four figure, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!
To the left, as we entered, was a shrine, with pink tulle, macabre looking dolls, a child's lamp....the whole thing was creepy. It got even creepier, when I discovered the walls (at least the ones uncovered) painted in the most garish pink, and each bedroom stocked with dress upon dress of these
outfits!!!!!!!!!! I mean, don't they wear anything else????????? And where is it kept?????????????????
But the basement, oh, my God girls--SCREAM!!!!!!!!! An S and M dungeon, complete with a sling!!!!!!!!!! Nothing I haven't seen before, loves, EXCEPT--instead of scantily clad muscular men walking around, and their pictures on walls, there was all this memorabilia to infancy--a bassinet, a crib, with white tulle!!!!!!!!!!!! It was not the S and M that creeped me out, girls, it was the adult forays into infancy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ran outta there!!!!!!!! But there was no place to run to. And the living room---where staring right at you is an artist rendered portrait of Sissy in a pink ballet outfit, with a tutu--was inescapable????????? Why couldn't he have had Gene Tierney as Laura???????????????
But that would have constituted taste, darlings, and while this party was high on style, it was short on wit! For, once I began to glance beneath the outfits, at who these denizens truly were, I saw they were (allegedly; I am still out on this one, girls!!!) straight men--some with wives, who ALLOW this--with nothing more interesting to discuss than home repairs, electrical generators, or what they did in the army!!!!!!!!! Ho hum!!!!!!!!!! I might as well have been at a VA convention!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the food was like what you would get at one--the heaviest stuff imaginable!!!!!!!! Lasagna, stuffed cabbage, sausages.......honey, if any of these gals had flatulence problems, there was going to be an explosion to rival the one last week in Texas!!!!!!! With the limited space we had, the lack of air, and the uncleanliness of the place, I feared for my safety!!!!!!!!!!!
This was the killing factor! If they had taste and campiness to match, the party could have been a blast!!!!!!!!! But, once reduced to the ordinary and banal, the party became such, till I could not wait to get out of there!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you should have seen the naked bodies popping in and out of
the hot tub outside. It was NOT a pretty sight, darlings!!!!!!!! None of these figures are going to become future Titan Media stars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only one who had potential was Sissy Steffie, the host!!!!! Who, understandably, was too busy exercising his duties as hostess to socialize!!!!!!! I could tell, from the sheet music on his piano, that if I said "Donna McKechnie" to him, he would know whom I was talking about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But those others?????????? Forget it???????????????????
I could not wait until we crawled out of there, and made it back to the safety of Linda and Marilyn's, where, in spite of what went before, we spent a restful night, in a setting recalling to me the opening scene of "The Song Of Bernadette!" You better believe I was Jennifer Jones, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I write this now, it is like a memorable bad dream! But it happened, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where were the Maysles Brothers???????? What a documentary they could have made out of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And remember, only at the Raving Queen, do you get such musings!!!!!!!!!!!
Ta ta, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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