Honestly, darlings, you'd have thought I was at a sex club! I mean, I haven't been in a room with that many men, since...The Day!!!!!!!!!! And sex clubs are so passe now; they used to be found in out of the way places, like Corona, Queens, or in Manhattan, down by the river, on West 26th Street. Believe me, I know!
Now, they just operate out of well manicured apartments! Even on Park Avenue! Like the song says, "What ever happened to Class?"
Well, darlings, last night just about every queen within a fifty mile radius of the city--including yours truly--was crammed into the Theatre 80 St.Marks, on--where else?--St. Marks Place. This used to be one of the greatest movie revival houses in the city; during the Eighties and Nineties, I saw there "The Wizard Of Oz," "Wuthering Heights," "All About Eve" with "Sunset Boulevard," and the ultimate Robert Mitchum double bill-- "Night Of The Hunter," and the original "Cape Fear."
Now, the place is a stage theater, which it had been, back in the Sixties; the original production of "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown," with Bob Balaban, Gary Burghoff, and Reva Rose (what ever happened to her????) opened there.
But last night--oh my God, darlings!!!!--we saw "Mildred Fierce!"
Ryan Landry has penned a clever parody. Even the show tune melodies he redoes are spot on. What I want to know, lambs, is how he got the rights to the title, because "Mildred Fierce" was the title of Carol Burnett's movie parody, on her show! With the great Vicky Lawrence as Veda!
And speaking of Veda, loves, let me say outright, I could have played it better than Penny Champayne!!!!!!!!!!! With that faux Bette Davis wig, which did not even resemble Veda, and the muscular upper arms of a porn star, this Veda was a one joke gal--the joke being, "Look at me, I'm all decked out!" Big deal! And she looks as old as, if not older, than Varla Jean Merman, who plays Mildred, and, not surprisingly, knows what she is doing, as far as parody!!! More power to her!!!! To play Veda requires blending innocence with sociopathy, even if parodied. And one has to have a basic understanding of the character--which is that poor Veda got a bum rap! She was just a poor, misunderstood girl, with goals!!!!!!!!!!! And don't you forget it!
By these standards, Grace Carney was much more on the mark, as Kaye, the younger daughter, who dies, early on. She was so good, she got me to thinking about the original story--does Mildred actually neglect Kaye? I never thought so, until this parody, where this aspect is played to the hilt. But in both versions, there is that line of Mildred's--"Well...Kaye doesn't need as much thinking about!--that now makes me question it, in another light. Was this negligence? Or what I always thought, which was that Kaye was a contented and self-sufficient child, who would have done well, on her own, and did, for her short time on Earth???? Veda, on the other hand, required pampering, as all spoiled brats do! I should know, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because the audience is not given a strong enough Veda, "Mildred Fierce" is never as good, as it could be. A pity, because, Chris Loftus as Burt, Olive Another, as Ida Corwin (playing it more like Diane Ladd, than Eve Arden!!!!!), John Pirronti as Wally Faye, and author Landry, tripling in the roles of the now White maid, Butterball, Mrs. Forrester, and night club cohort Miriam, all superbly embody their parts.
And I just LOVED the name of the restaurant, "Mildred's Pie Hole," and its ad slogan, "Get on down to The Hole!"
But how in hell was the decision made to cast R.J. Manley, as Monty, here named "Monty Brigadoon," (cute!) and played by Manley as a combination of Truman Capote and Leslie Jordan!????????? He is as short as them both, for one thing! What he does best is embody what is wrong with the project--"Mildred Pierce" is campy enough on its own! All you need is the characters to be played as they are, with the lines simply exaggerated a bit more! And, in some cases, this is done, which is when it works best! But, though it is funny bringing on a Bette Davis lookalike as a policewoman, brilliantly played by William York, come on!!!!! Aren't we going just a bit over the top, even for queens?????
There are too many details overlooked, that I was so looking forward to see reenacted here. Starting with Mildred walking, at the start, into Wally's smoky nightclub, with Miriam (played in the film by the superb Veda Ann Borg!!!!) in the background, singing, "You Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby." And Veda, in that same club, should have sung "Waiting For the Oceana Roll," instead of the silliness she does. Monty ought to have been a lot more Zachary Scott-ish, (even Harvey Korman got that!!!!) and, I confess, I was waiting for the harps on the soundtrack, when the seemingly (but not for long!!!) penitent Veda returns home! These moments are parodies, in themselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Still, a good time was had by all, because, I am telling you, this was drawing as much of an audience downtown, as Celia and Company are uptown, at "The Glass Menagerie." I had to fight my way out of the theater, with audience members clamoring to get into the next show, which began at 10:30!!!!!!!!!!!
To my girls, who are single--if you want to meet a man, THIS is the venue for it! A whole, veritable fire trap, roomful of them! Go for it, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Mildred Fierce" is certainly entertaining and fun. But I missed the parodistic brilliance it ought to have had!
And I STILL say Veda gets a bum rap!
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