Girls, I Am Telling You, Not Since "The Red Shoes" Have I Been So Artistically Entranced!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             I swear to God, darlings, if this film got a mass distribution, future generations would talk about this film, the way the aspirants in "A Chorus Line" speak about "The Red Shoes."  Not that it is that much of a masterpiece.  But it's clever by how it ropes in all generations, with its title being a homage to Hitchcock, and its plot an amalgamation of "Glee," "Sleepaway Camp," "Friday The 13th," "Camp" (the movie based on "Stage Door Manor"), "Phantom Of The Paradise, "Carrie,"  and, lastly, "The Phantom Of The Opera!"  I am telling you, girls, after seeing this, you will talk about it for weeks.

                            It also has Melanie Leishman, as this film's Randi Kleiner, though there is no mother here to make dishing Liz Silver as much fun as it was to dish Randi!!!!!!!!!  Melanie is a Minnie Driver lookalike, which is odd, because her daughter, Camilla Swanson, is played by Allie MacDonald (who does not resemble Driver, at all!!!!) as an aspiring ingenue, who is well past the aspiring ingenue stage.  Come to think of it, so is Minnie Driver; in the film's best sequence, the opening, she plays the standin for the Christine Daae role in "The Haunting (wink!wink!) Of The Opera," and is murdered in her dressing room, after a performance.   One gets the impression that Kylie Swanson, Driver's character, was not so much an ingenue, but one past, and desperately trying to stay one ,by appearing in roles she is too old for!  You know, like Bernadette Peters!!!!!!!!!!

                             Ten years later, Kylie's children, having been raised by Meat Loaf, (Can you imagine?????) are kitchen cooks at a performing arts camp, run by him.  To jump start his defunct career, Meat Loaf's character, Roger McCall, decides to revive, with the campers, "The Haunting Of The Opera," directed by the camp's rising Hal Prince, Artie Getz, played by Brandon Uranowitz, (Your Anus is more like it!!!!!!!) and to invite a Broadway producer, Victor Brady, (James McGowan) hoping for a quick Broadway transfer!!!!!!!   Before you can say "Gaston Leroux," the body count is rising, and the blood is flying.  A killer is one the loose!  A killer who hates--can you imagine, darlings???--HATES--Musical Theater!!!!!!!!!!!!  It will be no surprise ruined to tell you that, of course, it turns out to be a heterosexual male!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               And the parent/Daddy issues in this film!  I swear, if I did not know for sure that Sylvia Plath was dead, I would swear she had ghost written the screenplay!  Which never gets the mileage out of the other campers, (so they don't make good use of the whole Randi Kleiner thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and this accounts, despite the action packed description given here, for the movie being rather slow moving!

                                This film was meant to be a classic for future generations of artistic aspirants, after the present one moves on!  I would love to be around to see the effects of this movie on the arts!  No more "Spring Awakening," after this!

                                  Here is the film's Official Trailer, featuring Minnie Driver, in what is her Moira Shearer moment!

                                  The only bad influence is that, years from now, generations will not know who Moira is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!