Girls, it has taken me a week to process what happened at the birthday lunch, last Sunday, for my beloved, with Uncle Ernest. Which was held--where else??????--at the Second Avenue Deli?????????????
Now, I jut love Uncle Ernest, but the fact is, he is a wounded bird!!!!!!!!! At close to 85, he still thinks about scoring with chicks, and having a sex life--both my beloved and I are used to this--but we were not prepared, this time, for what we did hear!
Uncle Ernest is a vehicular menace!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last February 25, he was in a car accident. Both of us were aware of this, but we were not aware of how bad it actually was. He told us he got confused on a road that was out of his comfort zone, resulting in him running into a car on the side, which injured the driver enough to send him to the hospital in an ambulance, and then he side swiped a truck! But, wait, dears, it gets better. Uncle Ernest just kept on going--he left the scene of an accident!!!!!!!!--and now he is going to be sued--by the guy, the insurance company, or whatever. Plus, although he did not get a scratch, Uncle Ernest's own car had to be repaired, to the tune of eight thousand dollars!!!!!!!!!!!
How many girls on here think Uncle Ernest should stop driving???? Yes!!!!!!!!!!!
But trying to reason with Uncle Ernest is worse than Carol Burnett as Eunice, trying to reason with Vicki Lawrence as her mother, Thelma Harper!!!!!!!!!!!!
The man is richer than Midas! And he won't pay for our wedding! Because, he thinks, since we're still working, we are richer than he!!!!!!!!!! He does not realize how difficult it is being a career girl, in this age!
"Do you think your sight, or your hearing had anything to do with the accident?" my beloved asked. Like, duh!!!!!!!!!!!! But Uncle Ernest maintained it was his "mental condition," which I wondered about for a few days, eventually concluding he meant his sense of confusion over being out of his comfort zone! To which I wanted to ask him, "Then why did you go out of it??????"
I think it is time to talk to Uncle Ernest about the Jewish Nursing Home, overlooking the boardwalk and ocean, at Coney Island!!!!!!!!!! But this guy is coy; I see the twinkle in his eye when he manipulates us, thinking he is fooling us, when I have his number!!!!!!!! I know when he is playing us for fools, refusing to admit anything is wrong, or that he does not need such care!
I mean, he needs a makeover! I would be embarrassed to take him to Sally Hershberger, because his hair was askew, his eyebrows needed trimming., and he under dressed, in a shabby button down shirt. True, he had a winter coat, and he was clean, but as Time marches on, who knows??????????
So, next month we have another birthday luncheon with Uncle Ernest, celebrating his birthday!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see what he pulls next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just hope he doesn't hurt or kill anyone, included!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay tuned, girls; you might see us all on the news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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