Now, you may well ask, what does King Tut have to do with a bus trip to Shady Maples, in the Amish country of Pennsylvania????????????
Well, darlings, it all started with Queen Nefertiti, so dubbed by us. This was a woman who, with her husband on a walker, was gathered in front of the municipal garage at 85th Street, off 5th Avenue, in our beloved Bay Ridge. This woman left her husband, sitting by the side, and latched on to us, as we listened to her chat about King Tut, the Egyptians, the exhibits she saw on such, cloning and this messianic guy called Real!!!!!!!!!!!! Who?????????????
When the bus took off, the husband was left behind. I think he was glad, for, as we drove down the street, I saw him moving in his walker faster than any disabled person I have ever seen!!!!!!!!! I can't say I blame him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I prayed we would be seated away from her, because I was not about to listen to this, for three hours; I needed to relax. My prayers were answered, because we were seated near the front!
As for Shady Maples, it is a GI specialist's dream for getting patients, because if you eat everything in sight, there will be a trip to the ER. I have been to buffets in my time--including the creme de la creme, The Court Of Two Sisters, in NOLA, darlings!!!!!!!!--but the food arrangements were so overwhelming I could not take it in. The starch, the sugar! My God! My cholesterol! My early stage diabetes!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to consolidate. Maybe thirty years ago, I could have gorged with no problem, but not anymore. I went single course, with a slice of roast beef and gravy, roasted pork, corn squash, baked beans (really good, but I wouldn't dare eat more!!!!) and broccoli. Desert was just as overwhelming, but once I saw there was egg custard--a childhood favorite, I had a small bowl of that. Oh, and I did eat some fruit--honeydew and pineapple to wash an oatmeal cookie down. I was full, not stuffed.
Wish I could say the same for my beloved!!!!!!! Oh, my God, it is a wonder he can walk this morning!!!!!!!!!! Our reptile friend, Gojira, joined us on this excursion, and let me tell you, I saw him glowering at my beloved, as he heaped food on his plate! Which was nothing, compared to the plates of other visitors, heaped as high with food as a Staten Island dump!!!!!!!!! And you should have seen the size of some of them! Mama June was a lightweight, compared to them!
The design is faux elegant, smart enough to fool the "Honey Boo Boo" crowd, but not a queen, like me!!!!!!!!!! It was clean, ostentatious, but worth the experience.
Then there was the downstairs gift shop, which was surreal. Imagine, the toy department is next to the gun and weaponry department. Great message for kids!!!!!!!!!!! This wan not like when I would roam E.J. Korvette's, at the Brunswick Shopping Center on Georges Road, when I was a child!!!!!!!!!!!! No guns were sold there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The whole thing was surreal, what with the Amish walking and working in period garb, with others looking like something out of "Deliverance," as an instrumental version of "Blue Velvet"--I kid you not, darlings!!!!!!!!--played throughout the store. See why I have to stay in New York? It gets scary outside of there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! New Jersey is civilized, so help me God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After this, with snow coming down, we rode through lovely farm country, which once again aroused my fantasies about being Michelle Pfeiffer, as Rose, in "A Thousand Acres." Then we went to charming Kitchen Kettle Village, more genuine and less ostentatious than Shady Maples. Though we did buy some Cinnamon Bread and Chocolate Chip Cookies there. At the Village, we came with with kitchen utensils, and a jar of Black Bean and Corn Salsa!!!!!!!!!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!
We did not get back to Bay Ridge, until &PM, which was fine for us! En route, a raffle was held on the bus, and as befitting a gay couple, we won color coordinated items--my beloved a red change purse, and I a red tote back, with the L and M Tours logo!!!!!!!! I can use it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I handed in my suggestion envelope, it said "A trip to Lourdes!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't know if that will happen, but I promise you now, darlings, that if it does, I will return with YouTube videos of me doing key scenes from "The Song Of Bernadette" in the actual locales!!!!!!!!!!!!
"What is the Holy Trinity? I said, what is the Holy Trinity!"
And Gojira is just fine, loves! He may be large, but he knows how to pace himself!!!!!!!!!!!!
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