This Is A Lesbian Coffin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            You can tell, darlings, because of the ornate design, and the skull on top.

                             Now, our neighbor, Florence, in the building across the street from us, I am convinced is a lesbian vampire.  I know she is a lesbian, because she is very in your face--about that, and trying to find out everything about you, while painting herself in a mysterious light.

                              Also, Florence turns up at the oddest times, mostly at night.  She is seen skulking home in the early hours, and, despite the cheerful, cherubic countenance she tends to present, one knows that danger lurks beneath. I know nightly she emerges from the shadows, to transfix unwary victims.

                               When she arrives home, she crawls into her self-styled lesbian coffin, like this one, and that is it for the day.

                                  But, as the sun goes down--and it seems to be going down sooner these days--I feel fearful.  I know that that coffin will slowly squeak open, a hand will reach out, and, just as Lugosi's Dracula slowly emerged from his coffin, so will Florence.

                                   Her terror is powerful.  Not because she is a vampire, but because she doesn't look like one of Dracula's Thirties wives.

                                  And she is no Gloria Holden, in "Dracula's Daughter," either.

                                  She may be history's first non-glamorous vampire!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  And twice as deadly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!