It was April 12, since I wrote the last one, girls, so, what better time for another than Pride Week, when guys are looking for guys? Oh, I know, girls are looking for girls too, but I leave that to those better informed in that department than I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course, even when pictured above, waiting for a phone call, we have to look our best. Ending up as a male gay spinster can be terrible. If you think the female ones are pathetic, the males are worse. The best example I can think of is the male librarian, in the 1982 film version of "Sophie's Choice," with Meryl Streep. You do NOT want to end up like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, let us take a look at the above suggestions, and see which are best to follow.
96. Be Flexible. If He Decides To Skip Dancing, And Go Rowing On The Lake,
Go--Even If You Are Wearing Your Best Evening Gown--First of all, girls,
remember what glamorous boating did for 'Tippi' Hedren, in "The Birds."
Sure, you want to dance, girls, but if you want the guy, showing up in a boat
in a designer outfit will really impress him. Hell, it may even help him
catch more fish. And the more fish he catches, the more of a man he feels,
so, it is all win, win, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
97. Hide Your Phi Beta Kappa Key, If You Own One. Later On, Junior Can
Play With It--This one I would approach with reservations. While every
husband wants an Ivy Leaguer, or Seven Sisters graduate for a wife, don't
shine the light too brightly yet. Let him know you know who Dorothy
Kilgallen is, and, of course, Jackie and Lee, but don't bring up Virginia
Woolf, or "The Awakening," by Kate Chopin, until after the wedding
ceremony is completed.
98. Turn Wolves Into Husband Material, By Assuming They Have Honor--Now,
I know this may be more difficult for some than others. It requires quite
a bit of acting skill, the most you will ever need, here, so my suggestion to
those less skilled is to start by taking a basic acting class! Then act your
way through this scenario!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
99. Resist Making Him Over--Before Marriage, That Is--This may be one of
the most important essentials on here. Sure, he may slurp his soup, and, as
frightening as it may seem, he may not know the difference between
Versace, and Balenciaga! Especially if he is a gym rat; they hardly know
anything, because all they think about are their bodies, which is the only
item they have to offer. So, bag the body, then do the whole Pygmalion
thing--and it can be done--afterwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
100. Learn Where To Draw The Line, But Do It Gracefully--Yes, girls, we are
the princesses, we know what it is all about, and that it is about us, but,
again, this is something not to be revealed, till after the ceremony. And
don't EVER let him into you bedroom--not because of premarital sex,
darlings, but because you don't want to intimidate him by all the designer
clothes in your closet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
101. Remain Innocent, But Not Ignorant---Think of Maria, in "West Side
Story. That white dress look, with a red belt in the middle is perfect!
Before the wedding, every outfit you go out in should be some variation
thereof. And, of course, you can demonstrate your interest in haute
cuisine, when you lure him to a high end place, which is essential for
landing a man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wo Hop, downstairs, in Chinatown, is for
an evening out, after the kids have arrived!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, there you have it, girls--and guys! The Pride Guide To Possibly Scoring This
Weekend! Or at least, at some future time in one's life!
Have fun with these methods, and Happy Pride, dears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember, this could be you, too, someday, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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