When Tennessee Williams wrote Tom Wingfield's beautifully poignant end speech in "The Glass Menagerie," where he says, "Blow out your candles, Laura," he could not have anticipated the disgusting act of Gwyneth Paltrow.
Poor Blythe Danner. Gwyneth's mom must be hanging her head in shame, or shaking her head in resignation, throwing up her hands, and saying, with resignation, "What can I do?" After all, the woman is 47 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In what I consider still her finest performance, as White Trash Ginnie in "Flesh And Bone," back in 1993, she delivered, at one point, the telling line, "It's not my face the boys want to see." We all understood what she meant, girls! And if any of you don't, consult a biology textbook or an encyclopedia!
The "Goop" Queen--because that is what she does, a lot of goop, which is a synonym for junk--has exceeded imagined boundaries by issuing a scented candle, complete with holder, labeled, "This Smells Like My Vagina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I mean, gag me with a spoon! All gay men run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Obviously, Miss Paltrow has a very high opinion of her vagina. I don't understand that, but she is entitled. But why would she want to share it--or its alleged scent--so freely with others?????????????
My hope is that this is not sold in stores, because it will not sell. Instead, you will have obscenely curious patrons of all sexual orientations, picking this up, and sniffing it, to.....well...smell for themselves!!!!!!!!!!! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it is, hopefully, limited to her GOOP website, then only certified Gwyneth cultists will buy it. And, while I, thankfully, have never met any, I know they are out there; younger women who will, upon maturity, evolve from Gwyneth to Martha Stewart. Both are high end bitches, but even Martha has more propriety than this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey, Gwyneth, if you are still ovulating, why don't you just market your used tampons? I am sure enough nuts out there would but them, preserving them under a bell jar! In which case, these folk have mental problems far exceeding Sylvia Plath's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which Gwyneth, herself, played!
How do you solve a problem like Gwyneth? Not like Maria!!!!!!!!!! The best solution would be to have her withdraw completely from the spotlight. Others have, and I respect their choice. And some of those I miss!
Gwyneth would not be missed, except by those, like Blythe, who, in spite of it all, love her. I, for one, could well do without her!
Gwyneth, honey, couldn't you have been a little more subtle in your marketing? Couldn't you have called the candle, "See You Next Tuesday?"
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