Monday, January 20, 2020

This Should Have Been Called "The Psychotic Pole Dancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


                                 Let's go back to my Psycho Movie binge watching in our sumptuous room at The Willard Hotel, in Washington D.C.

                                  But before doing so, let me digress ahead a bit. While safe in our own residence, I tried to watch a movie called "The Wrong Friend," and I learned something very important.

                                   Female psychopaths are much more interesting, and clever, than males.

                                   "The Wrong Friend" was this sociopathic guy, who assaulted women, then tried to worm out of it.  He was played by this actor going nowhere--because no one in these movies ever seem to--but he did bare a striking resemblance to Rick Donovan.

                                      Now, for gay men of a certain age, that name is sure to mean something, and arouse even more.  But, despite this, he was not allowed to display any of the charms that Rick had, so just because one resembles a sex symbol, does not a sex symbol make.

                                      The sad thing was, all this psycho had was looks and brawn.  Female psychos are so much smarter and clever.  They use their minds, and their emotions to burrow into those of whom they are going after, to entrap them where it ultimately does the most damage--psychologically.

                                        Of course, there are exceptions,  Joseph Cotton as Uncle Charlie in "Shadow Of A Doubt," and Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates in "Psycho."  But this is High Grade Hitchcock, not the Biodegradable Crap constituting these fun movies.

                                         Now, back to the movie at hand.  I guess the filmmakers could not make up their minds on a title, I watched it under the title "The Psycho I Met Online," but I have also seen it listed as "The Psycho She Met Online."  Had I been consulted, I would have opted for "The Psychotic Pole Dancer," which would, I am sure, have garnered more viewers.  But, since when do these creative types listen to me?

                                         As for the story, even if I spoil it for you, you know it anyway.  Its template seems to be 1992's "Single White Female."

                                         Chelsea Hobbs, reminding me of Kelly Martin, plays Karen Hexley, an EMT, whose redneck looking husband is hospitalized from a car accident.  In fact, one of the opening scenes has Karen on the job, bringing in her hubby on a gurney.  Talk about taking one's work home with them.

                                          Now, Charity Shea, plays a shady character named Miranda, but whom we later find out, goes by the name, Cheyenne, which, by the way, is perfect for a pole dancer!  She is seen tracking someone down on her computer, saying with finality, "Now, I have found you."  Do I have to tell you what is coming?  I am sure you know, already.

                                          Karen has all the things Cheyenne wants, a stable, handsome hubby, a house, a real career.  Cheyenne's life is portrayed as living like a skank, with a boyfriend who is, obviously, some kind of drug dealer.  It is soon learned that Karen is the person she is tracking down.

                                            Karen and Andrew are in a financial bind.  They have bills to pay, especially with the hospital, though, since Karen is an EMT and is connected there, I do not understand why she hasn't better insurance.  But, remember, in movies like this, one is not supposed to ask such questions.  I just cannot help it.

                                              To combat financial difficulty, Karen comes up with the notion of offering the extra rooms in their house as, basically, Air B'N'B's.  You can hear the music in the background of your mind when the husband wisely asks, "And invite some weirdo into our home?"

                                                And, boy, is he right!  Cheyenne, now masquerading as career business woman, Miranda Breyers, sees Karen's ad, and answers it.  Turning on the charm all psychos seem to initially have, Miranda and Karen connect.  She gets the room, saying she in town on business.  Right.  The thing is, Charity Shea's looks are classy enough, to pull this off.

                                                The plot heats up.  While Karen is at work, Miranda goes through every item in the house, looking for evidence of something.  The second chink in the armor comes when she wants to spend more and more time with Karen, and the latter gets, understandably, squeamish.
But the real reveal comes, when, crossing a street, Miranda spots a trampy woman from her past, who calls her by "Cheyenne."  It turns out the girl is working at a strip club in town, and Cheyenne knows the biz, so, before you know it, she tells Karen she is extending her stay, while working as a pole dancer.  She looks to healthy and robust to be in this profession, but, hey, this is fiction.  She does not look as trampy as the other girls.  But she should.

                                                  Cheyenne's/Miranda's double life is accidentally spotted by Karen's friend, and former sorority sister, Aubrey Hunt, well played by Alexis Maitland.  She tells Karen, who confronts Miranda, and at last there is the Big Reveal.

                                                     Karen and Miranda have the same mother.  When Karen's father was in the Army, the mother had a fling with Cheyenne's dad.  When Karen's daddy got home, to find his wife pregnant, all he asked was that, once the baby is born, it is put up for adoption.  Which it was.

                                                      Miranda, with psycho resentment, tells Karen of her horrible life--a series of foster homes and bad families, leading to drugs, prostitution, and what she is doing now.  By re-connecting with Karen, she hopes they can renew their sibling relationship--which never existed, anyway; but what does that matter to a psycho???????--and Karen agrees to try, but Miranda, of course is much too possessive and demanding.

                                                       The whole thing culminates in blood.  Miranda sneaks back into the house, having moved, shoots Andrew, but the police arrive, and, in front of Karen, Miranda charges at the officer, looking as frightening as one of 1958's "She Demons" in full make-up, and the officer, with no other choice, shoots her dead.  So much for sisterhood.

                                                        What made me sit through this crap?  I am a sucker for Psycho Movies, but, for the level it is on, Charity Shea and Chelsea Hobbs deliver pretty good performances.  Better than the Rick Donovan guy in "The Wrong Friend."

                                                           The stories are invariably the same.  But it is a chance to check one's brain in at the door, reveling in glorious trash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                            To each his own, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, isn't "The Psychotic Pole Dancer" a better title?????????????????????

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