I Am Determined This Blog Will Not Become "The Bell Jar," But, Girls, I Have To Be Honest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                            "And they left behind a legacy, vested in their children, that put the odds against survival ineluctably high."--Brooke Hayward, "Haywire," 1977

                                              Lately, girls, I have to wonder whether Brooke Hayward's statement is equally applicable to me.  While David's working from home has caused me not to be on here so much, the other side of the coin is I am facing some health issues, which are cardiac related.

                                              Apparently, I am prone to arrhythmia, which makes my heart beat irregularly.  Two weeks ago, as reported, it went out of whack to the point of my being hospitalized.  Medication and such has helped, but my cardiologist is pushing for this procedure, to be performed by an electronic physiologist, to put it plainly.  I do not see him until the 9th of September, so whether I have this done, or when, is still to be determined.

                                                  But it explains why I have not been on here lately, as I don't want this blog to be a downer, and I have been grappling with all kinds of fear.  Sometimes I feel euphoric, and feel everything will be all right; other times I am so scared I do not know what decision to make.  Until last night, I just lost the feeling for writing, but it has mysteriously returned, so I feel I must take advantage of it, while I can.  Because I could go into another funk again.

                                                       There was a minor scare this week, when the pulse reader I purchased was giving sky high numbers.  Over time, I am convinced--my reading this morning was 74--that something was wrong about the way I was using it.  I do a reading in the morning and afternoon, so I am accepting 74 as the normal reading.

                                                         The irony is my weight has never been lower in years, the diabetes seems in control.  Everything seemed to be going right--then this.

                                                            So, if I vanish again, there will be an explanation.  Just like I do with the dentist, if I come through the procedure, it will post it on here vigorously.

                                                              What helps is I keep visualizing the look of determination on Vivien Leigh's face in "Gone With The Wind," as she ascends the stairs, about to do something she never expected--deliver someone else's child.

                                                                 I, too feel I am venturing into unchartered territory.

                                                                  Keep your fingers crossed, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!