So, Girls, What Did We Learn From "How To Make A Monster???????????????????????"

                                         We learned two things, darlings.  First, that it actually is possible to humanize camp, and that Michael Landon was already too big  for his britches, as he did not return to his original  role of Teenage Werewolf.  AIP had no trouble getting Gary Conway to  recreate his original Teenage Frankenstein.

                                          The film's premise is human and simple, and, up to a point, one can sympathize with Pete Dumond,  played by Robert H. Harris, who, noted earlier, as I said,  played Henry Bellamy, in the 1967 classic of every gay's youth, "Valley Of The Dolls."  And I am still Neely, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!         "NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  O"HARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

                                             Pete is in a position all too many of us have faced, and still do.  He has been his studio's top make-up artist, for twenty-five years.  He is especially adept at monsters.   He is clearly gay, but I question his relationship with his assistant,  Rivero, played by Paul Brinegar.   I don't think there is  any kind of sex thing between them,  just some good,  old fashioned, symbiotic domination.

                                                A new regime comes in, and Pete is given a pink slip.  As Mama Rose said, "Thanks a lot, and out with the garbage!"  One instantly feels sorry for Pete.  But then he takes some extreme measures.  Retirement turns him into a serial killer.  Because he goes after, not only the  two moguls who canned him--and they deserved it, for saying monster films are out, but beach party musicals  are in!!!!!!!!!!!--but even a cop on the lot, who is closing in.  Hey, the two genres have always co-existed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                This is where suspension of disbelief comes in.  Because, by means of some chemical make-up base, that has a  hypnotic  component, he transforms the  Teenage Frankenstein and Werewolf actors into acolytes, willing to do his bidding; that is, kill.  Trouble begins when, in Teenage Caveman make-up,  Dumond has to kill  a cop on the  lot,  and, eventually, his assistant  Rivero.  I really hated him, at this point.

                                                  The tragic truth is revealed, at the end.  If you have not seen it, please stop reading here.  When the story moves to Dumond's home, it is clear he is beyond spinsterhood, if not sanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Frames of all his creations, (actually those of actual AIP makeup artist,  Phillip Scheer!) including everyone's favorite, Cucumbo, adorn his walls, now in  glorious technicolor, a  la "The Wizard OF  Oz"-- in what looks less like a  residence, and more a Movieland Wax  Museum.  And he calls his creations "My children!"  When they and  Pete are  destroyed by fire, you have to feel sorry.

                                                    This actually had  some thought to  it.  The  title was  multi-meaning--Pete's termination deranged him, and turned him into a monster, the young actors are playing monsters,  and  we see how the make-up job is done.  Quite ingenious,  in its own, quiet way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       But the best reason to see this is for that technicolor glimpse of Cucumbo, on  the  wall!  If only more had  been done,  with  him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          See Cucumbo,  in  the background???????????????????????