Here's A New Idea For Broadway, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, after reading Michael Musto's "Village Voice" piece on religion, or, his travails at being raised Roman Catholic--which I and a lot of my girls experienced--there was one glaring omission which kept him from staying on the right path. Nowhere did he mention watching Jennifer Jones in "The Song Of Bernadette," and, let me tell you, the best remedy, as I have said time and again, for Catholics of any spiritual level, is a good, STRONG dose of Jennifer Jones in this film!!!!! It will have you on your knees, darlings!!!!!!!! And for PROPER purposes, at that!!!!!!!!!!!

I also adored the photo of the gun toting nuns, which I will do my best to bring to you! That photo has, indeed, inspired me!!!!! After all the mistakes being made on Broadway lately which I have written about, here is a foolproof idea for success, that hews closely to an established theatrical fact.

The fact is-- nuns sell tickets!!!!! Put an actor or actress onstage in a nun's costume, and box office receipts come pouring in. From "Dialogue Of The Carmelites," to "The Sound Of Music," to "Nunsense," and Charles Busch's "The Divine Sister," nuns are boffo at the box office!!!!!!!!

So, now that we have "Sister Act" on right now, how about--"Sister Get Your Gun????" I am surprised the Fringe Festival has not come up with this.

What you do is you mix together "Annie Get Your Gun" and "The Sound Of Music." You set the entire thing in Nonberg Abbey. The gun toting nuns enter, and set to a liturgical, choral style, open with "Doin' What Comes Naturally!" Maria is played as a gun toting Annie Oakley type, but dressed as a postualant--singing "You Can't Get A Man With A Gun" in a very delicate Julie Andrews-nun style. Buffalo Bill is played by a Honcho Priest, and when they do "Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better") it becomes more a contest of Divinity than gender. Of course, Act One has got to end with "Climb Ev'ry Mountain," and Act Two has to end with Annie and Frank leaving the Abbey to a choral rendition of same by the nuns. No children here, this time!

Sweeties, I am telling you, it cannot miss. But don't get the idea you can mix any set of musicals together. How about "Follies" and "Oh, Calcutta!?" I don't think so. I mean, nude geriatrics????? Grossness plus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But if someone stages "Sister Get Your Gun" it will be the hit of the season!
Maybe this would get Dolly Parton to Broadway at last!!!! Imagine the size of those vestments!!!!!!! Not to mention they would have to be sequined!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Sister Get Your Gun" could revolutionize musical theater. I would keep my eyes open to see if it comes off, and then pounce on those tickets, which are sure to be hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See all my girls in the choir loft soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!