Last night's much hyped 'SVU' episode was one big fizzle, I can tell you! At least it was enhanced, however briefly, by the appearance of Stephanie March (pictured above) who, with her hair and glasses, gave the program some much needed glamour. And, darlings, once I get my new Stephanie prescription glasses, I will be as powerful and glamorous as Alex Cabot herself!!!!!!! So watch out!!!!!!!!!
But what a mess. It started out with Ken, Fin's son, announcing to Munch over dinner that he and his partner, Alejandro, were to get married. All fine and good; as Munch says, go easy with Fin; he is a decent man, but this is not easy for him.
After the meal, the fiance, Alejandro, is snatched from the street, put in a van, and thrown into some slum apartment, facing a gang or something, who instruct what looks like a young initiate to beat the guy with a baseball bat. Trouble is, the guy is dating Alejandro's cousin, Marisol, so he knows who Alejandro is. And he does not look like he wants to do it.
But Alejandro turns up at the hospital, badly beaten, and goes to worse, what with surgery and a coma. The scum that did him dirt are hauled in, and before you can say wrap up, they shift to another story altogether, because this is barely twenty minutes in.
In another part of town, a single man, Rick Sims, is abducted and attacked the same way as Ken. Are copycats afoot? Is it gang membership time? Sims, protesting he is not gay (a bit too much for my taste, though this turns out to be true) teaches math at a private school--or did till recently, when he was fired for having relations with a male student, named Luca.
Luca (Dylan Minette, in what turns out to be an underwritten role) does not belong in this Upper East Side private school world, and he knows it. He is a kid from Jersey, whose father has a blue collar job at Hunt's Point. These two must be addicted to commuting, I can tell you!!!!!!!! I could not understand what a kid like Luca was doing in such a school; it's not like he was exceptionally bright and aiming for the Ivies, as he was not taking any honors or AP courses. Consequently, he is viewed as an outsider, though no evidence is given that he is bullied or abused by his peers. But it seems Luca has accused Rick Sims of sexually molesting him, and it turns out his blue collar father abducted and assaulted Sims as payback for molesting his kid. Daddy goes off to the slammer, where he belongs. Sims keeps insisting he is not gay. Luca's story changes about the molestation every time they question him. Clearly, something is not right here, and by this time Luca has become this story's version of Mary Tilford from "The Children's Hour."
But just wait till Joanne Parsons (played in best Jane Adams style, by Jane Adams) gets in on the act; the drama really notches up. A mousy spinster, who lives in a house inherited from a great aunt, located in Brooklyn---one that would make any of us out there envious; and on a private school administrator's salary yet--would you believe Luca points the finger of blame at her next??? Oh, and guess what she teaches???? English Literature, of course! Which is why they contrive to have her character walk into Prospect Park Lake with stones in her pockets, a la Virginia Woolf (too bad this was not seen!) and winding up in the psych ward. The most shocking thing of this episode is not Martha Stewart's appearance (more on that later!) but Jane hiking up her skirt to show the birthmark on her thigh. Believe me, this is not someone sexy or sophisticated. Amy Adams could pull this off, but not Jane.
Guess what, girls???????? Before you can say, Radclyffe Hall and "The Well Of Loneliness," it turns out Jane/Joanne is a repressed lesbian, who keeps forming intense attachments to women she makes friends with, and then is disillusioned when they do something, like marry a man!!!!!!!
It happened at Joanne's last school, as Olivia finds out, and it happened at the current one with another teacher named Natalie (Betty Gilpin).
And guess what, again!!!!!!! It turns out Natalie has been switch-hitting, playing up to Joanne's fantasies of a lesbian romance, but two timing her with young Luca. Shades of Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett in "Notes On A Scandal."!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can things get any more contrived? You better believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because Luca fancies that Natalie really loves him, and when she tries to tell him no, she is none too tactful, after which he goes off the deep end, takes her as hostage and stabs her, intending now to kill himself. Amaro (Danny Pino) comes in and reasons him away from this, and I can only hope he is dragged off to jail for all the misery he caused his family and people at school. Though his scumbag father, rotting in jail, thinks it is great his son was molested by a "hot" woman!!!!!!! What a pig!!!!!!!!!
Oh, did I mention Martha? If you blinked, you missed her! She plays Eleanor Hastings, the headmistress at the school Joanne left. Why is she not on the guest roster at the start. of the show is beyond me. I am not in love with Martha, believe me, but courtesy dictates she merit some "And Special Guest Star" billing. What were they thinking?????????
That last question is what must be asked overall of the writers, who seemed to be concocting a witch's brew as they went along--a little Lillian Hellman, some Zoe Heller, a bit of this, a bit of that. It did not add up to much, darlings, and thank God we were allowed to see as much of Stephanie as we were allotted.
Dylan Minette, as Luca, was not a very interesting actor, but you cannot blame him. The role was vastly underwritten. Still, Luca was not hot enough to cause all this sexual frenzy within a school. A young Jake Gyllenhaal, yes!!!!!!!!!!! But Minette is not in that league. And as a perp, he has no spine!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bring back Gayle Rankin, so superb as Holly Schneider in "Theater Tricks"!!!!!!!!!! Now, THERE was a perp with spine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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