Girls, Sometimes A Grapefruit Is Just A Grapefruit!!!!!!!!

                           Think how film history would have been altered even further, if Mae Clarke, after getting it in the kisser with the grapefruit, in 1931's "Public Enemy," had thrown her slice back at Cagney!!!!!!!!!!!  Well, the times were just not ready for that, and I am not even sure they are today, but something I watched recently suggested that they had better be.

                              I have always admired Judith Light as an actress.  I love her as Judge Elizabeth Donnelly on "Law and Order SVU," and I loved her on Broadway recently in "Other Desert Cities," and was so happy she got the TONY Award.

                                Last Sunday my friend David, in Chicago, (as opposed to my beloved, David, with me in Bay Ridge) asked me if I had ever seen this TV movie from 1993 called "Men Don't Tell," in which Judith Light plays a spouse who is abusing her husband!!!!!!!!  I was incredulous.
The husband abusing the wife has been dramatized countless times, and still is; and while the other definitely happens out there, I had never seen it dramatized.  And I knew if anyone was skilled enough to handle this difficult role, it was Judith Light!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  But, before we go any further I have to ask--when did Peter Strauss become so buff????? With his moustache, he is almost hot looking in this film. He never grabbed me that way before.

                                   This is a disturbing movie to watch, for one reason because it violates a lot of preconceived notions about women. Watching a woman abuse a man is in some ways more upsetting than vice versa because it violates....predictability.

                                        Both leads are not afraid to go to some very dark places, in order to explore their parts.  As a result much can be learned from this film, some obvious, some not.

                                          Most obvious, is, while it is difficult enough for women to report domestic violence, it is even moreso for men.  There is still that notion out there, however antiquated,  that a man should be able to "control his wife," as if control is essential for a successful relationship.  The most heartbreaking moment, I thought, was when Peter Strauss, as Ed McAffrey, calls the Help For Battered Women Shelter, seeking help for himself, as there certainly were no such places for men. But the woman thinks he is being flippant and funny, and hangs up on him!  On one level, it is understandable, because of the violence against women in this country; on another, it pleads the case that the issue with men needs to be addressed, too.

                                            Despite the gender switch, the dynamics are almost the same. Laura McAffrey (Judith Light) lashes out, then apologizes, things calm down....until she lashes out again, each time, with more fury.  What is different, dynamically speaking, is, with the abusive husband, during the calm, there are profuse apologies and offers of gifts.  With Laurie ( and maybe the film is saying this about women) she offers apologies, but not so much gifts, as sex; that is, bartering with her body, and then at times turning things around so that she is the victim.  Which she is clever enough to know society will more readily believe.

                                              What is interesting and disturbing is that, in some bizarre way, Ed and Laura compliment each other.  Ed's father, Jack (excellently played by James Gammon) abused his late wife, who tended to gloss things over, a trait she passed on to her son, who became the passive recipient partner.  Meanwhile, Laure has been raised by Mama Ruth (excellent performance by Carol Baker) a real piece of work, who criticizes everyone and everything--won't take her daughter's Christmas cookies, berates her while she is doing her hair, at which point I would have torn the bitch's hair out by its unnatural roots!!!!!!!!--and has passed this on to her daughter. So Laurie becomes the abuser.  These two children join martial forces as adults--and it's a perfect storm of a collusion.  What is interesting is, as, monstrous as Judith Light makes Laurie, she also invests some humanity in her. At one point, when Ed suggests leaving their boy, Alan, with her mother, Laurie counters, "And have her tell him, everything he does is wrong???"  Throughout, you get these little kernels from her that she knows and understands something is wrong; she just does not, because of years in her environment, have the impulse control to help herself.  So you feel sorry for and hate Laurie at the same time.

                                                  No more so, than when she starts on her young daughter, Cindy, which is what compels Ed to take action.  And also makes clear that, as an  abuser, Laurie needs to lash out.  Had Ed walked out on them, she would have directed this uncontrolled rage at whomever was available at the time--in this case, the children. Often, the abused parent stays to act as a buffer between the abuser and the children. 

                                                      It is only when Jack hears the truth out of innocent Cindy (excellent performance by Ashley Johnson) that he believes his son is telling the truth. And when the police talk to Cindy, Ed is finally cleared.

                                                        As my friend says, the ending is a bit like the ending of "Days Of Wine And Roses."  Ed's lawyer friend, Chuck, gets married, to a sweet girl named Susan, and Ed is the Best Man.  Laurie is not present, and, neither, thank God, is Mama Ruth!!!!!!! But Laurie does show up ("I was on the invitation list," she says), looking like Maleficent, the Evil Fairy!!!!!   She still cannot grasp that she is the problem; her own  worst enemy.  Ed says that until she gets help, he is going to continue as he is and protect his children.  Laurie is left alone, and the viewer is left to wonder what she will do.

                                                        It could go either way. She could eventually seek help. But my guess is she will not. She will probably take solace from Mama Ruth, argue with her, meet a men, or maybe a string of them, marry more than once, until they have had enough, continuing this way, till she lands in the slammer, or gets charged with murder!!!!!!!

                                                           Kudos to all involved!!!!!!!!!

                                                           Not even cold cream could have saved this marriage!!!!!!
But a trip to Bergdorf's could save me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!