How Much Crap Can A Theater Critic Stand????????????????????

                                        The ones who get paid six figures and up have to stand for a lot more, so perhaps I, who am not paid, should be grateful for small favors.  I do this out of love and passion.  When young, it was my sole ambition to be a theater or film critic.  You see, I was--or so, I thought--destined to walk into "The New York Times," and say, "Here I am!  Not unlike Joyce Maynard at 18.  Well, life intervened in my case, and so here I am, still writing, and not intending to stop.  Am I trying to procrastinate writing about "The Lost Boys?"  Is it that bad?  You bet!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         I never saw the movie, and, even after viewing the musical, I do not care to.  Forget the Peter Pan metaphor of the title--those wanting the real thing had best go to J.M. Barrie, Mary Martin, or even Cathy Rigby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          There are two impressive performances in the show--Shoshana Bean, playing, yet again, another put upon mother, and Benjamin Pajak as young Sam Emerson, a burgeoning gay young man, and, with Bean, one of the best voices in the company.  Pajak has proved himself twice in the recent revival of "The Music Man," where he played Winthrop, and in "Oliver!" at ENCORES, where he played the title role giving one of the most plaintive renderings of "Where Is Love?" I have ever heard.  The entire cast is filled with wonderful voices, but having to sing The Rescues' (?) lackluster score, where one song sounds just like the other, being the case today in most modern musicals that the audience walks out not caring one bit about the show or the characters in it.

                                         And the book, by David Hornsby and Chris Hoch, derived from the 1987 movie, is simplistic at best.  A single parent family moves to a new town to start over--and becomes involved with vampires?  Are you kidding me?  Who cares?  And, for connoisseurs of vampire literature, if you think Anne Rice played fast and lose with vampire methodology, wait till you see what is done here!

                                          The show runs over two hours but seems longer.  There are technical effects, and flying to tease the audience, but really, why should Michael Arden get a credit?  From the results, it looks like he has directed nothing, that the actors are all just doing this themselves.  Better to have had Eve Arden, if that was possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             I am sorry, but if more shows like "The Lost Boys" keep coming in to Broadway, then Broadway is going to lose.  And if that happens, thus begins the cultural decline that some are avidly hoping for.

                                               Well, not on my beat, darlings!  I still hold out for art, charm and entertainment, not to mention quality music.

                                                   To shows like "The Lost Boys" I can only say--Get Lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  

                                                 

Darlings, You Can Still Have Your Daily Fun And Watch These Twisted Bitches On YouTube!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          I think "Twisted Bitches" would have been a better title, but I have to admit "Deadly Women" sounds more sinister.  It can be seen on YouTube, with Candace De Long, she of the many wigs and alopecia, in all its lurid glory.

                           These pieces of trash are so bad some will want to throw something thorough their television screens.  I am going through episodes, and while they all meet my standards for sickness, there is not one who has stood out for me yet.  And of course I am waiting for them to do Sante and Kenneth Kimes.

                           And why do so many of these women look like Tyne Daly????????????

                          Girls, you have to know what is out there.  And, straight guys, you have to know what to avoid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           "Deadly Women" teaches all that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           If you are living with a "Deadly Woman," get out of there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          And if you are the neighbor of one--MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Here Is To Another Kind Of Birthday Celebration, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                        Forty-nine years ago--and you know what comes after that! --tonight, darlings, "ANNIE" opened at the then Alvin Theatre, which is now the Neil Simon.   How well I recall the hoopla surrounding this show.  When I finally got to see an excerpt presented on the TONY Awards that year, I was so excited, I bussed into the city from New Jersey and stood two hours in line for a ticket.  I had never done that before.  But I was so impressed.

                          To think when this happened Andrea McArdle, the original Annie, was all of 13.  Now, she must be 62!!!!!!!!!!  As for me, I was all of 22, and now I am 71!!!!!!!!!!!  Where has the time gone?

                          There are, of course, some Annies I have not seen.  I would love to play the part, but most of all, I would love to see Leslie Jones do Black ANNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How about Liza?  Or Christine Pedi?  Or BARBRA as Miss Hannigan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            This was one of the last shows when musical theater was really musical theater.

                             Because of that, and its classics stature, when it turns 50 next year, there should special celebrations!

                               Maybe even a Broadway revival!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Patti!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           She kept her promise, darlings!  Now, let's not keep our distance!!!

                          Theater Queens in the tri-state area, if this is not a holiday, then pop out those champagne corks and let us celebrate.  Today is Patti LuPone's birthday, and, as one saw her do "Evita" back in 1980. I cannot believe Patti is 77.  Hell, I cannot believe that in November I am going to be 72!!!!!!!!!!!!

                        Patti has done so much with the gifts she has been given.  She is the Rose of "Gypsy" for my generation, who were not old enough to see Ethel Merman.  She is THE "Evita!!!!!!!!!!!!"  And she redefined Reno Sweeney in "Anything Goes."

                        I have seen at least half a dozen, if not more, shows with Patti.  Thank you, dear, for each and every one.

                        Now, go out and celebrate--"a matinee, a Pinter Play, another Vodka Stinger!"

                       Or whatever tickles your fancy!  "I'll drink to that!"

                      Have a Happy Birthday, Patti!  The theater community on here salute you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Can't There Be A Toddlerville For Us Adults????????????????????????

                              The idea came to me the other night, girls, while driving home from a birthday party dinner.   Alongside the highway we were driving on back to Bay Ridge, appeared a colorful logo that read "Toddlerland."  I started to wonder why there could not be such a place for adults.

                                Don't we need exercise?  Don't we need colorful and alluring ways to get us to do it? This works with children; what makes people think it will not work with adults?

                               I propose building places like the one pictured above, and other examples, but big and strong enough for adults to crawl through, climb on, and use.  Wouldn't it be fun to go down a slide again?  And think what it could do for those back muscles, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Yes, I think it is high time there was a Toddlerland for adults!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 It could be called "Teetersville."

                                For those having problems with balance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Should I Try This??????????????????

                               I read recently that Bay Ridge has fifty coffee shops within it.

                                Our neighborhood, which roughly runs 38 bocks, from 65th to 103rd Street, is cherished by all who live here.

                                 When I heard the above, an idea, straight out of the late Julie Powell, crossed my mind.

                                  What if I were to visit all 50 coffee shops, over a period of time, posting about each one on here, and saying what I think?  No, I am not going to turn this into a book like "Julie And Julia," but I will share my posts.

                                     So, what do you think, girls?  Let me know, so I can make a decision whether or not I should do this.

                                      Of course, all coffee consumed, would have to be decaff.  And it could be fun discovering new places.  Or learning which ones to avoid.

                                        So, let me know if I should commence on this great coffee expedition.

                                         It could be the most adventurous reading since "King Solomon's Mines!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Join Us Tonight At 8PM, As The Sven Squad--Yes, The Sven Squad---Presents The 1989 Domestic Horror Comedy, "Parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                            I had really never heard of this film, when it was announced.  I was around in 1989; how could I have missed it?  Anyway, with the recent passing of Mary Beth Hurt, it is almost a fitting tribute to this wonderful actress that this film will be shown.

                                               The Sven Squad--Gwengoolie, Nostalgiaferatu, and The Imp!--are running the show tonight, though I am sure "Svengoolie" will make a cameo appearance.  I am glad, because, over the past several weeks, the Squad has not been seen, and I was afraid they had unceremoniously retired.  So, I am glad the show is being turned over to them this week, for their monthly appearance.

                                                   As for the film, girls, it is rare, but I am at a loss.  There is nothing I can tell you about this film except that its mixture makes me recall "Killer Klowns From Outer Space,' with its blend of horror and humor.  I have a feeling, especially with this cast, which also includes Randy Quaid and Sandy Dennis, that this could be fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     No plans tonight, dolls!  Then tune in to this special showing of "Parents" by The Sven Squad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                          You just might discover a new horror favorite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!