Time To Warn My Girls, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Listen, now, lamb chops, and LEARN!!!!!!!!!  We all know that "Looking For Mr. Goodbar" has both gay and straight connotations, but, I am telling you, when S and M is added to the mix, the ante for murder is upped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Who would have thought I would have learned all this from "Behind Mansion Walls," which chronicles murder among society's upper crust, like it is trying to be a modern day, Gothic version of "Laura?"   Only, without the romance!!!!  Hosted by that flamer,  Christopher Mason, who always looks like he needs a high colonic!!!!!   He looks like the type who needs to heed the warnings of this blog post, because I just know Chris is a big, old bottom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Yesterday, his program chronicled the saga of Herb Baumeister, who has the distinction of being Indiana's most notorious, and prolific, serial killer.  And, honey, he distinguished himself in so many unusual ways!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              For starters, he did not kill women!  Not all serial killers do (ie; John Wayne Gacy) but more do so than most.   For another, Herb was married--to a woman he met in college named Julie--and had three children:  a son, Erich, and two daughters, Marnie and Emily!!!!!!!   And, thirdly, all--I am telling you, ALL--his victims were gay men he met in bars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               And to add to all that--first Red Flag--he was a Republican!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Now, I do not want to seem judgemental, but, frankly, I have never understood the S and M scene.  Yes, loves, in my time, I have met many a gent who have even pointedly said they wanted  to give my back side a swat or two!!!!!  Do you think I would let them????????  Or tie ME up???????   Not THIS Grade A,  Raving Queen bitch, honeys!!!!!!!!!  As I made it clear to these so-called "tops" who were SO intimidated by my bitch attitude towards them, they took off, like scared poodles. These were the kind of guys you would see Saturday nights, dressing and talking tough, but on Sunday afternoons, back in the day,  there they would be at the Spike Brunch, dishing about flowers and recipes with an effeminacy that would make Truman Capote seem Butch!!!!!!!!!!   These types never fooled me, with their faux masculinity, I can tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               I know I am digressing a bit, but just indulge me.  There was this guy, named Ron, I met, back in the 80s, when I first lived in Bay Ridge, who wanted me--ME, darlings!!!!--to be his "Master!!!!"   What he wanted to do was come over, have me tie him up, and then lock him in one of my closets!!!!!!!!!   I recall that, aside from this, Ron was cute, sweet, and I thought I could talk him into a so-called more "traditional" evening.  Well, he showed up with all his paraphernalia, which I could not believe, and wanted me to tie him up with all this rope!!!!  I told him I could barely make lanyards back in the days of Summer Day Camp, at Highland Park High School!!!!!!  And now he wants THIS??????  Plus, the one closet I had was so cluttered, it took me at least three quarters of an hour to make a space for him!!!!!

                                                And for a bottom, Ron was pretty bossy, in a prissy sort of way!  Every time I tried to tie him up, he would try and tell me what to do!!!!!  Which certainly did not sit well with ME--would he have pulled that routine with Meryl Streep, hons????  I had had it up to here with him and his bossy ways, I was good and angry, so I pointed to the closet and said, "GET IN THERE!"  Then I did the only thing I could do after that--settle in for an evening of Saturday night TV!!!!!

                                                   This was when NBC was running "The Golden Girls," "227," and "Empty Nest."  Well, I was all nice and comfy, watching "The Golden Girls--I just ADORED Rue McClanahan, loves!!!!!  There I was, and there was Ron--in my closet, not making a sound, and presumably getting off on it all--when my phone rings.  I go to answer it, and the caller is--of all people--my father!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Which was doubly surprising, not only because of the situation I was  in, but because he almost always called me on Sunday evenings--a work night--when he knew I would be home.  At the time, darlings, he was living in Vero Beach, Florida!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     So, here I was, and there he was.  Even he was surprised to find me at home on a Saturday night, and said so!!!!  What was I supposed to say--"Oh, I had no plans, I'm just watching "The Golden Girls," there is a man tied up in my closet......"   Just the thing my devout Roman Catholic father would want to hear!!!!!!!

                                                       After fumbling through a conversation, and then hanging up, I decided this was too boring for words. I got Ron out of the closet, untied him, and ordered him to come with me to the then New Royal Diner, where we had coffee and desert, I put him on the train, and sent him, presumably, out of my life.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      Except, for the next few weeks, (and this was before I had an answering machine, girls!!!!) I would be home, and get these calls from Ron!!!!  "Master Michael!" he would beg!!!!
"Please!!!!!!!!"  Apparently, I had done something right, and he had loved the whole thing!!!!!!!!!

                                                       The calls kept up for about a month.  It got to the point, where, as soon as I heard Ron's voice, I had to hold the receiver away from me, or otherwise he would hear me  struggling to hold in my uproarious laughter!!!!!   I, of course, kept putting him off and putting him off, and, eventually,
the calls stopped, and that was the last I saw of Ron.  I hope he is all right today.

                                                         The point of all this, loves, is to chronicle as far as I ventured into the S and  M scene, which was hardly at all.  It was not for me, darlings, and I am telling you, it is not for YOU!!!!!!!

                                                         It was apparently perfect for Herb Baumeister.  While he purportedly had a "normal" childhood, (his father had been an esteemed physician, which gave him a start with money, and came back to bite him later on!!!!)  by adolescence, he had developed an "antisocial personality," and was diagnosed with schizophrenia!!!!!  At this time, he was doing the dead animals thing characteristic of all serial killers, and one time he was caught--get this, dolls!!!!---urinating on a teacher's desk!!!!  Personally, I hope that faculty member taught Math, and not English Literature!!!!!!!!  I also hope the school gave him or her a new desk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         Herb made it to adulthood, marriage and children.  I have not been able to determine what drew him to gay men (to whom he was, obviously, initially attracted), but, then, some guys are just switch hitters!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                          The answer, I think, lies in the earlier, diagnosed schizophrenia, which, of course, Herb never got treated for.  While he was attracted to the young men, his homophobic tendencies and guilt took over in a murderous way, once the encounter ended, and he had to eliminate, for himself, the source of that guilt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                           Which was why, in this area of Indiana during the early 1990s, gay men began vanishing at a noticeably alarming rate!!!!!!  Eventually, around 1993, one of Herb's intended victims managed to escape.  The young man told police how he met this guy in a local gay bar who went by the name of "Ron Rosen."  "Ron" invited the guy back to his posh estate, where he tried to murder him  with a combination of S and M and autoerotic asphyxiation!!!!!  Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He was convinced "Ron" had killed his friend awhile back, and suggested that if the cops wanted  to know who was offing all these gay men, they should investigate "Ron Rosen."

                                                            And so they did, at one point with the young man helping to point the way, from what he could remember, as the trip to and from he made was by night.  It led to an estate outside of Westfield, Indiana (What is it about towns named Westtfield???? They seem to  produce murder!!!! Remember, girls--and you heard it first, here!!!!--Westfield, New Jersey was where John List, back on November 9, 1971, murdered his entire family!!!!!) called Fox Hollow Farm --not Crow Haven Farm, darlings; THAT was a  made-for TV movie with Hope Lange!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                            This turned out to be the home of Herb and Julie Baumeister, and their three children--Erich, Marnie and Emily.  Just your average, wealthy, suburban couple.  Herb made his money in merchandising, but things were not going that well, in either business or marriage.  No wonder, as Herb was certainly much more preoccupied with other matters!!!!!!

                                                              According to the young man, the house was  a Rorschach personality test, with rooms reflecting masculinity and femininity so contrastingly, the guy first thought he had hooked up with a drag queen!!!!!  There was even this one room, done in pink, with all these campy mannequins in campy poses!!!!!!!!!!  Shades of David Lynch, darlings!!!!!!!!!  If that had been ME, this is when I would have beaten a hasty retreat!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                And Herb had carte blanche to pursue these "other matters," because, during the summers, Julie would take the children to a lakeside retreat, owned by Herb's mother, Elizabeth!!!! So, while the cat was away, this mouse would play--with fatal consequences for his playmates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                 Things really got interesting in the Fall of 1994, when, on the estate property, son Erich found a human skull!!!!  Herb tried to pass it off as one of his father's anatomical remnants from medical school (yeah, right!!!!!!!!!!), which, at the time, Julie bought into!!!!  But by the time the police showed up with warrants, they had identified "Ron Rosen" as Herb Baumeister, and he himself had fled mysteriously to Ontario, where this pathetic  coward took his own life, by shooting himself in the head!!!!!!   I wished he hadn't, because, if caught,  he would have been tried, convicted, and housed with those who would have pounded him good, giving him a deserved taste of the horror his victims had faced!!!!
I am sorry this did not happen.  His body was found in Ontario's Piney Provincial Park; the suicide, as recounted in a note left alongside  his corpse, was  supposedly motivated by  his failing marriage and business.  Not once did this schizo homophobe mention his victims!!!!  God forbid anyone, even after death, should know he had been, in  any way, homosexual!!!!!!!!!!!!!  See how Republicans think, darlings??????????????????????

                                                                   Herb was sick, girls, but what I want to point out to you is that, within the S and M community, there are more Herb Baumeisters at large than one may realize!!!!  Remember the Bear Stearns guy, back in the 90s, who was prowling the bars here in town late at night, and threatening his surviving victims, often maimed, with additional physical harm, and  possibly more, if they told anyone about anything???????????  I hope by now this guy is dead or castrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                 Darlings, I am telling you, writing this post has made me feel SO dirty, I think I will have to take a shower!!!!  I promise you the next one will be more cheerful and affirming!!!  But I had to warn my girls, about Herb, and others like him, whom, I am certain are still out there.  When you are asked out on a date, at least the first time out, you meet in a public place, and settle for nothing LESS than high tea!!!!!!!!!

                                                                  Remember what the song in "Funny Girl" says--"Good girls do just what Mama says....when Mama's not around!!!!!"

                                                                      Well, this is YOUR Mama, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!