As far as I am concerned, darlings, Season Fifteen of "Law And Order SVU" began last night. That thing aired last week was like a bad case of clams on the half shell going down the wrong way, or giving one food poisoning. And food figured, to an extent, here.
Last night's episode, entitled "American Tragedy," was one big campfest! It should have been called "American Campfest," because it was a hoot! Cybill Shepherd plays celebrity chef Jolene Castile, clearly a stand in for Paula Deen. While walking back to her palatial Upper West Side digs, she is approached from behind by--gasp!--a non-descript Black kid in a hoodie!!!! Before you can say KKK, Cybill has pulled the trigger on the kid, ending his life.
Which is a neat way of getting in the Paula Deen controversy, plus the George Zimmerman-Trayvon Martin episode. But it was Cybill's night to shine, because the writers fairly outdid themselves coming up with some lines that would make Paula Deen herself blush!!!!!! Consider--
"He wuz gonna rape me! He wuz gonna rape me!"
Oh, come, on, honey, a big thing like you?????? Why would he want to?????
And Cybill, let me tell you, has gotten a bit hefty (now, to be fair, haven't we all???) over the last several decades. She will never stand on that diving board again, as she did in her star-making turn in Peter Bogdanovich's 1971 film, "The Last Picture Show!!!!!!!!" My God, if she even tried, the thing would break in two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"If we wuz down home, I'd a' been given a metal!"
"New York is all Blacks, liberals and Jews!"
"I ride the jungle trains of New York!"
Now, Jolene, first, how come you didn't describe gays in your assessment of the New York populace? How about lesbians, transsexuals....and actors???? And if you feel that way about the subway, what the hell are you doing riding it????? Things not going so well in TV land, Jolene?????????? Even more, if you are such a down home Southern gal, and feel this way--what the fuck are you doing living up here, in New York????????? Do you think we want nuts like you?????? We have enough of our own, home grown, to deal with!!!!!!!!!! Go back to the South, sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am saving my favorite moment for last. Just after Jolene admits she has a temper, things can get pretty hot, tension wise, in the kitchen, and she sometimes lets it out, she says they all have a drink about it, the next day, and laugh!!!!!! Not the dark ones, honey; they are not even allowed to use the bathroom; they have to go across the street! Then she says my favorite line--
"I love all my employees! I have a gay Chinese assistant!!!"
Like, this is suppose to give you some street cred? First you enrage the Black community, darling, now you are going to degrade all of Chinatown???????? B.D. Wong should have made a special cameo here!!!!!!!!! This is one celeb chef who just does not know when to quit! Even Paula never went this far!!!!!!!!!
But you have to hand it to Cybill, for delivering these lines,with a straight face! I regret there were no scenes showing her cooking on TV; that would have been something! The restaurant scene at Chez Jolene was obviously meant to make up for this, but it wasn't as effective!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And because the writers were trying to get in the George Zimmerman-Trayvon Martin thing, Jolene came off more as a remorseless, cold bitch, whereas Paula simply came off as dumb Southern trash who somehow made it outta there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot tell you how much fun this was to watch, while noshing down on a red velvet cake, with white cream cheese icing, and a silver fork!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If only there had been a surprise cameo from Paula Zahn!!!!! Just think, dears,--two Paulas, for the price of one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment