As Pokey Prothero, in Mary McCarthy's "The Group,:" would have said, "Who'd a thunk it?" It all goes to prove that more things happen in our Ridge Boulevard neighborhood than we realize. After trying to get rid of those "lickey lickey" places, maybe someone got a little too much, indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However, I have a more logical explanation for our mystery. It has to do with our mysterious upstairs neighbor, with the mullet, whom I have dubbed "Big Boy," and keep quoting that line from Philip Roth's "Portnoy's Complaint." I know some of you must know it by heart, but for those just discovering this blog, I include it once more--
"Oh, do it to me, Big Boy! Oh, shove it in me, Big Boy!
Big Boy! BIG BOOOOOYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!"--
---Philip Roth, "Portnoy's Complaint"
This has been going on, for the better part of the year. Sometimes, to repeat, I stand on the stairwell, going up, hike up one of my pants legs, like Claudette Colbert in "It Happened One Night," and call this out in the hallway! Monsieur tells me to stop, says that I am torturing this individual, but I beg to differ. How could he possibly know whom I am talking about??????????????
Heh-Heh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am told when Monsieur occasionally leaves for work by himself, Big Boy passes him, without any qualms. But, if we are together, if I am there, he crosses over to the other side of the street,
passing us, until he can walk far in front of us!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, now, what has he got to be afraid of, darlings??????????????
Well, this morning, I don't know what came over me. As Mrs. Lovett says, "Bright ideas just pop into my head!" I felt inspired by Veda Ann Borg as Miriam in "Mildred Pierce." Miriam is the girl Ann Blyth's Veda shares the dressing room with, when it is her turn to work in Wally's Club. But, in the opening scenes of the film,. when Joan/Mildred first walks in to Wally's, Veda can be seen in the background, on stage, singing "You Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby," in this sultry, 1940's voice. So, I simply picked up Miriam's cue; I advanced to the stairwell, looking up, and began singing the song, just like Veda Ann Borg. I suppose it was a success, because, once we got onto the elevator to go down--we live on the fifth floor--we went up, to the sixth, which meant that Big Boy, terrified beyond belief, had heard us--me, really!!!!--and ran down the stairs and out the door, as fast as his legs would carry him!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, then as we neared 76th Street, we saw those panties! I am convinced Big Boy was SO terrified he lost his panties in the course of running to the subway. No, dears, I did NOT pick them up! I only handle panties of those I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just don't know what this poor man is so scared of. Why, I am as harmless as....
Mother Bates in "Psycho." I wouldn't hurt a fly. I will just sit there, like her, with my hands folded, and then they will say--
"Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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