Where Was Joan Rivers, You Miserable Tramps?????

That is the first question I have to ask, girls, about last night's Academy Awards broadcast!!!!! Guess those two old broads are no longer wanted, so stayed home, like Monsieur and yours truly, to watch it on TV!!!!! How they were needed on the Red Carpet!!!!!!

I mean, who was that TOQ (That Old Queen) interviewer???? I thought it was David Hyde Pierce, who is getting to look like an Old Queen, himself!!!!! And that Brian Grazer!!!!! Hey, Mr. Producer, I'm talkin' to you, sir!!!! That hairstyle???? Oh, my God!!!! I hate to sound nasty, but even by the standards of a Raving Queen, that spiked hair said F-A-G!!!!!!!!! And over aged, to boot!!!!!!!!!!!

The best onscreen display of male homosexuality--no, it was not George Clooney kissing Billy Crystal!!!!--was that male screenwriter, who was definitely channeling Stanley Tuccci (who he is probably hot for, and understandably so!!!!), doing that fabulous leg parody of Angelina Jolie!!!! It was priceless, darlings, and, take it from me, only a TRUE homosexual could have executed that move so skillfully!!!!!!

Speaking of Jolie, when she did that, it was scary. For about five seconds, I thought she was going to start singing "At The Ballet" (from "A Chorus Line") and then fall over backwards!!!!!!

Can we talk about Jenifer Lopez' lack of taste????? Not to mention, dress, for that matter????? Too many hanging boobies, I say!!!!! But Jen wasn't the only one; how about Viola Davis???????

How gawkier could Emma Stone have looked???? I thought that red thing around her neck was going to choke her, like Isadora Duncan's scarf!!!!!!!

Wasn't Octavia Spencer enchanting, darlings????? I cried real tears for her; I was so happy for her!!!! She and Jean Dujardin (Best Actor for "The Artist") made the most heartfelt speeches.

Christopher Plummer--Damn it, it is about time!!!! The man was all suave elegance and taste in accepting his award, which, by the way, broke Jessica Tandy's record for being the oldest actor awarded an Oscar!!!!!!!

Meryl--MERYL!!!!!!!!!!!! What more can be said???? There will be a separate post for this one, girls!!!!!!!

Was it just me, darlings, or weren't "The Artist"'s men especially hot looking????? That Jean Dujardin was certainly appetizing--until I remembered he was French, which means he is uncut, and does not take a bath!!!!!! Yuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Henry Higgins was absolutely right--"The French never care what they do, so long as it is pronounced properly!!!!"

Uncle Marty--Scorsese!!!!! Didn't he look FAB, darlings????? After all those luscious shots of "Hugo," I have GOT to see this!!!!!!!!

A split shot of deceased Elizabeth Taylor?????? After all SHE gave???? She deserves much better!!!!!!!

My head is spinning, from all the champagne after hours at the Chateau Marmont!!!! I just got in on the Red Eye--even if it is the one in my head!!!!!!

So, that is my take on Oscar 2012, girls!!!!!! (Oh, Natalie Portman and Colin Firth were class!!!!) Now, I have lots of film catching up, to do!!!!!!!

And who will design my gown next year??????????????