I Have A Deliciously, Awful Idea, Dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          First, let me make one thing perfectly clear.  I never went in for the "Sing Along" thing with movies, so I refused to go to any "Sing Along 'Sound Of Music's."  When I go to see that film, I want an artistic experience, especially with the recent passing of Charmian Carr, and--I still can't get over it!!!!!!!!--Heather Menzies!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Those girls had the roles of their lifetimes.  Out of memory for them, it is time for a screen revival.  Somewhere in Manhattan!  Come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          Now, my idea may seem more outrageous, but, really I think it would be more fun, and less disrespectful to an artistic film classic.

                          I am certain Ted Chapin, and the Rodgers And Hammerstein Foundation would not go for my idea, but here it is!

                           Take the stage script of the show, as done in 1959, unlike today's productions, which try to incorporate the movie, and add a bit of 'Rocky Horror' to it.

                            I call it "The DEMENTED Sound Of Music!"

                            It is done entirely by casting.  Much of it, of course, drag!

                            Maria is played by a counter tenor twink, with the musculature of a chorus boy!

                            The Mother Superior is played as some sexual harridan, showing her fish net stockinged legs, any chance she gets, and speaking and singing like a character out of Luchino Visconti's 1969 film, "The Damned!"

                             Her associates are all heavy and hirsute, enacted by San Francisco's Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence!

                             Best of all, are The Children!  The three older girls--Liesl, Louisa and Brigitta, are played by Sissy Steffie types, that is, oversized men each dressed like Shirley Temple!  Marta and Gretl can be played by female midgets, while the boys should be cast as the butchest things in the bunch.  Males will be needed for this, although if there any talented, young, aspiring beans n' franks lesbians out there, they would do well.

                              Captain Von Trapp.  What to do about him?  How about a tranny?  But one who is a "chick with dick??????????????"

                               Rolf is easier!  A young, twenty something leather boy, in harness and chaps!

                               The Baroness?  Fabulous!  Either a glam drag queen, like Hedda Lettuce, or an
oversized one,  like Dvine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Max Detweiler?  Peter Dinklage would be perfect!  If he is not available, then someone of his height!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Franz and Frau Schmidt should be played with no sense of mystery. They openly dress in brown, with red arm bans, and a white background, bearing the swastika.  The Von Trapps still play it, like they have no idea.  Just like in the movie!

                                  The Other Nazis should all goose step daintily, like the closet queens all are. Maybe they should be given a reprise of "No Way To Stop It!"

                                  At the very end of the show, when the family marches over the mountains, and the chorus hits its final note, the Mother Superior holds up a political banner,  crying "Freedom!" and showing a picture of Angela Davis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   I am telling you, people would be clamoring for tickets.  Forget that "Hamilton" hype!  Even that Lin Manuel-Miranda would be in line to audition--for anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Those hills will not just be alive, darlings!  They will be flaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     The time has come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!