The Post I Did Not Want To Write ....But Must!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  I said I would discuss impacting "Family" episodes on here, but I never thought one would get to me the way "The Competition" did.  Not since "The Sleepover," or "A Dollar, A Dream," on "Cold Case" has an episode struck me to the core.

                                   It was first aired on March 8, 1979.  I know I did not see it, then, because, at the time, my family was facing a drama of its own--my mother, terminally ill, in the hospital dying of lung cancer.

                                   I wasn't interested in anything much, then.

                                   "The Competition" features the usual fine work of Sada Thompson, James Broderick, and, of course, Kristy McNichol.  But a couple of brush stroke performances by a very young Mare Winnigham, and Nancy Malone, as her mother, make the story, and raise questions I will ask on here, and I want to hear from readers about them.

                                     The set up is simple.  Quentin High School is having an American History Competition, something like what we baby boomers remember like "G.E. College Bowl."  The winner, here, gets to represent the school in the city wide regionals. So far, so good.

                                       Buddy, apparently, is the second best student in History in her class, second only to Merilee Kalisher (Mare Winningham).  When first seen, outside the library, Merilee is bent over, alone, and studying furiously.  Buddy and Audrey go up to talk to her, and, while Merilee acknowledges them, she is nervous, awkward, as she does not talk much to people.  When Buddy suggests she and Merilee study together, Merilee says, "But we're competing against each other."  Then, with genuine terror, she says, "I don't think my mother would like that. She likes to quiz me herself."  This was the first WTF moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Buddy and her friend Audrey (Louise Foley) buy an ice cream.  As they watch Merilee walk off by herself, Buddy expresses sadness toward her, because Merilee is always alone, all the time.  I began to wonder.

                                           On the day of the competition, the dynamics are really spelled out.  Willie goes in to the auditorium to get good seats.  In walk Merilee and her mother.  The mother is billed as "Marsha Kalisher," but the actress playing her, Nancy Malone, sounds like she says "Martha Kalisher," when Kate introduces herself to the mother.  Whose treatment of Merilee is less reassuring, and more like a prize animal at a county fair.  She clings to the child, drilling her mercilessly, telling what not to do, what to study more of, and, most important, not to fuss with her hair, for she is clearly nervous.  The last exchange between the mothers has Merilee's saying that, luckily, her daughter is the top student in her history class.  Kate replies the children are not expected to know everything, and Mrs. Kalisher chillingly responds, "Well, Merrilee has been taught to expect that of herself."
Again, WTF?????????????????????

                                          So, on to the competition.  Merilee is nervous and fidgety, but she manages to beat one contestant out of the competition.  Now, Buddy steps up, alongside her, and Merilee is clearly fussing with her hair, looking like a deer in  the headlights.  Buddy gets her question right, and then it is time for the deciding one.   Merilee is even more nervous.  She answers, and is told one of her answers is incorrect.  You can see sadness, disappointment, and, what's more, fear, on the girl's face.  Buddy answers correctly, wins, and is the school's rep.  Merilee steps downstage, and the emcee tries to comfort her, but the girl is not having it.  She is terrified of facing her mother.  When she does, the Lawrences, Buddy included, congratulate her.  She accepts the compliments graciously, but then Mrs. Kalisher comes over to congratulate Buddy, saying, acidly.  "Well, Buddy, you've done very well; your family must be proud of you."  When Merilee is congratulated, the mother reminds her that she did not do as well as Buddy, and storms off, leaving a terrified, almost abandoned Merilee, to follow after her.

                                          The next day, Buddy's English class is interrupted by the principal, who announces that, early that morning, Merilee Kalisher died.  As Buddy and Audrey look to the empty seat, the principal says, "I feel I must tell you she committed suicide."  Buddy is devastated.

                                          She returns home, and tell her mother, saying it is her fault for beating Merilee in the contest.  I get Buddy here; I would have reacted the same way.  I have known three suicides in my life, and the one most impacting, a colleague and friend  named Paul, 30 years ago, I did not blame myself for, but kept asking myself if I could have done anything to save him.  If I had had an inkling of how deeply troubled he was, I would have stepped in.  But that was then, this is now.

                                            Kate tells Buddy something wise, which I agreed with.  She says whatever drove Merilee to do the deed began long before she knew Buddy or the competition.  True.

                                              Buddy is deeply sorry.  She goes to Merilee's house to offer condolences to Mrs. Kalisher, who has obviously been crying.  She is cold and reserved.  She thanks Buddy for her thoughtfulness, saying it was not necessary.  Then she says she hopes this won't spoil Buddy's victory, as she was the winner, yesterday and the victory is hers.  Buddy is puzzled and leaves, but not before she sees the mother sobbing grievously.  At this point, I felt such sadness for her, though I have questions, which I will get to, later.

                                                 Kate is upset and tells Doug how Mrs. Kalisher treated Buddy.  Doug reminds her the mother is upset too, and all the blame cannot be put on her, for Merilee must have been a deeply disturbed child, to do what she did.

                                                   Buddy decides she wants to drop out of the city wide contest, and quit school.  Doug tells her not to, that competition is everywhere, and it is not about hurting people, but doing the best you can.  He says Merilee's need to win had nothing to do with high school honors, or a trip to Washington DC, but was an endless series of contests she was expected to win every day.  He says her life must have been a pressure cooker.  And that people who kill themselves don't do so over one failure, but a pervading sense of such everywhere, and in themselves.  Especially a failure to win love--like the love Merilee wanted to win from her parents, and, especially her mother.

                                                       After that, Buddy decides to re-enter the city regionals.

                                                       That's it.  Now, I have some questions I would like answered.

                                                        David--my David--said the mother had a screw loose.  But where? How?  Merilee was obviously a bright child, why was she pushed so?  The mother knew she was bright, so why didn't she let up?  Why did she feel she had to be this way with Merilee?  Did she even love her?  Her tears are genuine, but is the sorrow for the child she lost, or is it all about her?  I can't stop wondering about these questions and would like to hear from readers on them.

                                                           Here is the entire episode for you to peruse.  The acting, especially by Mare and Nancy Malone, is exceptional for such small roles.

                                                             Still, the one thing I know, from experience, and from watching this.

                                                              Suicide not only harms the one who does it.  But those who are left behind.

                                                                 Think about it, girls, and get back to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!