Will Somebody Call My Agent???????????????

Girls, I am telling you, agents are just like lawyers--they are never there when you want something, but when they want something from you, oh boy!!!! I haven't been around the track long enough to believe that "What-can-I-do-for-you?" stuff. It is about what YOU (meaning moi) can do for them.

First of all, I should have been cast in that 'SVU' episode about the sociopathic kid. And there is still all this background rumbling about Miss Rachel Berry, aka Lea Michelle (though I prefer Lea Salonga!!!) coming to Broadway to do "Funny Girl!" That has been MY role, since Barbra originated it in 1964!!!!! When the show plays, it had better be ME up there, or else heads will role.

Being at the theater last night with Monsieur (more on that later; so stay tuned!!!!) reminded me that "HAIR" is returning this summer to the wonderful St. James Theatre, where its superb score will dispel the bad vibes left by that atrocious "American Idiot." I don't know when performances begin; they may be loading in and rehearsing right now, so what I WANT to know is why has no one contacted me about performing "Frank Mills?" THAT has been a staple of mine, since 1978, when I first performed it, LIVE, on--when else???-- September 12, in front of the Waverly!!!!! The only year I missed was 2001, for reasons well known to us all!!!!

There aren't many, besides myself and Shelley Plimpton (mother of Martha) who can project the virginal innocence required to perform the song!!!! That's right, girls; you heard me!!!! Now, Allison Case in the 2008 production did indeed project this, but the moment was undercut by Diane Paulus' staging; she had Allison begin the song sitting down, then getting up, walking to stage center, and finishing it there!!!! That is NOT how it is done. You turn, face center, and just sing it plaintively. That's all. No movement, no choreography. Song and performer should do the work!!!!!

I don't know what the "HAIR" people or my agent are waiting for. I am available; I don't want to do the whole show, just this number!!!!!! Honestly, the next time my agent asks me to do some reading of some obscure piece from nowheresville, I am cracking down, and saying "NO!" In this business, honey, it is all about the work, but what some don't get is it is about the work I should be doing!!!!!

So all you agents out there--stop talking to Kirstie Alley about yet another weight reduction reality show, and start talking to ME!!!!!!!

And I can STILL do Lana Turner's famous walk down the street from "They Won't Forget!"