Darlings, You Just Could Not Keep Joan From Rotten Daughters!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Poor Joan Crawford!  She just did not excel, on screen or off, in the Mother-Daughter relations department!  As was further demonstrated at last night's Chelsea Classics screening of
"Berserk!"

                                      Girls, when Judy Geeson, as Angela  Rivers (daughter of Monica, played by Joan),
appeared from behind the curtains, atop the trapeze podium, high above the circus audience, Monsieur, who sat next to me, spontaneously screamed out, "Oh, no!  NOT another crazy daughter!"

                                        Honey, he had a point.  They should have called this one "Strait-Jacket Redux."
Joan is around, murders start happening, Joan is the prime suspect, but it turns out to be the nutso daughter--again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         The trouble with this film is, it is SO disappointing!  It has all the right elements in place--gaudy color photography perfect for the circus atmosphere, Joan camping it up, trying to still look sexy as she wears those leotards (she is not half bad, loves!!!!), and coming on to hunk Ty Hardin, who is at least 25 years younger than she!  The scene with her in the white nightgown is priceless; it is like she is playing Miss Havisham to his Pip!!!!!!!!

                                           What the film lacked was momentum; namely a good writer and director.  As campy as it was, "Strait-Jacket" was scripted by Robert Bloch, who knew how to camp it up with Joan, but, as author of the Norman Bates classic, "Psycho," knew something about genre construction.  So that film worked!!!  And everyone LOVES it!  This film should have worked, but everything is just a bit off!!!!!!!!!

                                           Judy Geeson's Angela is not only off, psychologically; her whole performance is off.  She first shows up, having been expelled from her exclusive private school, accompanied by headmistress, Miss Burrows, the most repressed looking lesbian, this side of Miss Claudia Fern in "The Bad Seed," or Miss Judith Fellows in "The Night Of The Iguana!!!!!!"  Judy acts all sweet and British, like she is trying to channel Hayley Mills (whom I bet the producers wanted for this role, only Hayley was too smart to accept this crap!!!!), which is fine, but, when it comes time for her to lose it, she really does not convey that, and her big dramatic, expository  speech, is delivered so fast, one can barely understand it. Not to mention, there is absolutely NO psychotic passion to it!!!!  Before it can be processed, she runs out into the rainstorm, and, from the looks of it, just falls down dead!!!!  Maybe from having to work with Joan Crawford!!!!  What really happens is, Angela trips, during the storm, on a wire on the ground that short circuits--and is thus electrocuted!!!!  This is so badly staged it is almost incomprehensible, with a long shot of Joan cradling the dead daughter, like she is the Pieta!!!  What a mess!
They have GOT to be kidding!!!!!!

                                         Unfortunately, the filmmakers are not.  But because everyone--even Joan--seems tired, performances seem "phoned in," so the camp value this film should have is never realized!!!!

                                           Still, there are a few unforgettable moments--Joan in her outfit; her classic line,
"We're running a circus, not a charm school!"; the sexual tension between she and Ty Hardin, as Frank Hawkins, which is hi-larious; Miss Burrows; and the great cat fight between Matilda (Diana Dors) and one of her performer cronies!!!!  If the rest of the film matched these, a camp classic might have been born!!!!

                                           However, I am telling you,  the REAL reason to see the film, and the best acted moment on screen, is the scene involving "Phyllis Allan And Her Intelligent Poodles!"  These canines out act the humans.  Not to mention, you have to see Phyllis' green, 50's style dress--it's like she is impersonating Paige Jonson on an old Chock Full O'Nuts commercial.  And, darlings, just to hear Joan say this aforementioned phrase  alone is worth the admission price!!!!!!

                                             Would you believe the screening was virtually sold out??? I was astonished, as Chelsea Classics have shown so many better films.  What is it about this one that fascinates everyone???
I think it is word of mouth; people hear about all the GOOD elements I have expounded upon, think it is going to be another "Strait-Jacket," then, once they see it, are disappointed, and never return!!!!  Which is pretty much how I felt.  I have no need to EVER  sit through this one again!!!!

                                              But with Hedda (Lettuce) and my fellow queens, a fun night was had!!!!

                                               Can you imagine how much better this film would have been--and campy, too???--if the killer had turned out to be Miss Burrows, who had the lesbian hots for Joan?????   Audiences would have really been driven "Berserk!"

                                                 Meanwhile, I cannot wait to see the remake, with Meryl Streep, and Amy Adams!!!!!!!!!!!