This Week, A Fun, Fictitious, Somewhat Obscure Bitch, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       This week's winner of the Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is not actress Carolyn Jones (we LOVE Carolyn, girls!!!!!!!!!!) but an obscure character she played, on an obscure television show, called "Bracken's World," named Paula Shannon!

                                         "Bracken's World" was a TV series that premiered in September of 1969, on NBC, Friday nights, at 10 PM.    It was big, lavish, and purported to give an insider's view of Hollywood to us industry outsiders.  It ran for a season-and-a-half, being cancelled, sometime in December of 1970.

                                             However, it did not take much to realize two things about it.  This show was trying to ride on the coattails of the already camp popularity of the 1966 novel and 1967 film, "Valley Of The Dolls."   I am surprised Jacqueline Susann was not recruited to write scripts.  Maybe she was, but I bet her price was too high. Smart girl, that Jackie.

                                              The show was actually a portrait of a bunch of losers.  Eleanor Parker, who got top billing, and looked great, played Sylvia Caldwell, whose father, David, had once been the head of the studio being portrayed, Century Pictures, and who is now SO content to work as Executive Secretary to the current head, Mr. Bracken.  He never appeared on camera, but, foreshadowing "Charlie's Angels," was heard only in voice.  I have no idea who did his voice; if any of you girls do, kindly let me know.

                                                And remember, in 1969, Eleanor was a very mature looking 47, not like what you would think of as someone that age today. So, it was highly unlikely she was giving this studio head any head!!!!!!!!!!!  But you should have seen the office she had--Oscars on her desk, a gigantic room--it would be the envy of any Exec Sec working today.  I bet even ANNA would be impressed!

                                                  The ones giving head were the starlets--Laraine Stevens as Diane, Linda Harrison as Paulette, and Karen Jensen as Rachel.  Laraine's character, Diane, who had the potential looks, was being groomed as a future Grace Kelly.  Laraine herself had the looks too; too bad her career did not go anywhere.  But neither did Linda's or Karen's, who were just your typical Hollywood sexploitation babes, and who are now very likely working as maids cleaning rooms in third rate Hollywood motels!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    The men were no better. Dennis Cole, with his obviously dyed hair, had some potential, but that hair made him look as gay as all get out; the sort that collects women's panties because he wears them!!!!!!!!!!!  Like lots of allegedly straight men.  Then there was Peter Haskell, as director Kevin Grant, who was the studio sycophant, and Sylvia's "Yes" man.

                                                     None of these people were going anywhere on this show, and none of them went anywhere, afterwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      Now, the episode featuring Carolyn Jones as Paula Shannon was called "King David," and its meaning was twofold--it was how Sylvia's father was referred to, when he ran Century Pictures, and it was the name of one of the films that Paula did for David at the studio.

                                                       Apparently, Paula had a checkered history at the studio, and with Sylvia's father.  She is less a Norma Desmond, and more a self-destructive Garlandesque figure--or at least Garland, as perceived by the public, back then.  You have got to see that awful wig they put on Carolyn Jones throughout the episode; it's like a bad hat from a bargain basement store.  And Carolyn, who was playing this post-Morticia Adams, was too old to be wearing the short skirts Paula is seen in. Or maybe that was just part of Paula's character.  But Jones is the best thing about the episode--every look is withering, every line of dialogue she utters drips vitriol!!!!!!!!!  You just GOTTA love her, darlings!!!!!!!!!  She is one of the great, obscure bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        The Testimonial Dinner scene, where she accuses David, to his face, of starring her in formulaic pictures and putting her on pills, not to mention ruining her first marriage, when it is perfectly obvious she did a fine job of it, herself, is priceless!!!!!!!!!  So is the pockmarked hunk named Tom, who may look great from the neck down, but couldn't a decent make-up man do something about that face?????????????  Carolyn's skin looked better than his!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                          The only disappointing thing about the episode is its abrupt ending. Paula really does not get a comeuppance; if I understand it right, the studio writes her off, takes her off the picture, and pays for her to reside at the Motion Picture Country House, where Sylvia's father, David, (played by the great character actor Jay C. Flippen!!!!!!!) resides, and where she just plays her last scene as a good sport, resigned to her fate, which is not in sync with what went before.

                                                            Maybe someone, like Eleanor Parker, thought Carolyn was stealing the show, that audiences would be clamoring for more of her character.  And that would be right!  Paula Shannon should have been bought back again and again.  Definitely, Carolyn's best turn since Marsha, Queen Of Diamonds, on "Batman!"

                                                             Paula Shannon is one bitch you just gotta love dolls!!!!!!!  A role model for ME, you better believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                              And with more pizazz than Paula Zahn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!