I Had Such High Hopes This Might Be The Picture Of The Year! It Was So NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           I could be wrong, but the last Woody Allen film I remember seeing is "Blue Jasmine."  I could be wrong, but I have reached the point where I have stopped following him with each film he makes.  The golden days of "Annie Hall, " "Interiors," and "Manhattan" are gone forever.  So, just start by accepting that!

                            The one thing I cannot accept is that, at 82, this talented geriatric has such a hard-on obsession for Tennessee Williams' "A Streetcar Named Desire."  He is like a twenty something first year drama student--the Justin Timberlake character, in fact!!!!!!!!--discovering this play for the first time, which would be understandable, except Woody is decades beyond that stage.

                            It worked in "Blue Jasmine," because, while Cate Blanchett was playing a Blanche Du Bois figure, she was also playing someone bearing a strong similarity to Ruth Madoff!  We love ya, Ruthie!!!!!!!!!  How ya doin'????????????

                             Here, Allen has reconfigured the plot of Williams' play to the visually stunning setting of Coney Island in the 1950s.  Although there are two fabulous performances by Kate Winslet and Juno Temple, the real stars of this film are the renowned Santo Loquasto, with his set designs, and Vittorio Storaro, with his cinematography.  Girls, the shots of the red lit from the outside bedroom window is so gorgeous that, for a moment, one can overlook the reality of the light and sounds of this place being so obtrusive no one could sleep here at night.  Then, in the Winter, when all is isolation, how depressing this place of fantasy can be.  


                              "Wonder Wheel" does have its moments, showing the reality beneath the Technicolor fantasy that is Coney Island--and still is, having been there recently.  People in this film keep referencing how Coney is "on the skids," so this story must have been set during the last of its golden days, when the Parachute Jump actually worked. I remember in the Sixties and Seventies no one decent went near the place. It became Brooklyn's own version of Goat Alley.  Or, worse yet, the South Bronx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                But getting back to the 'Streetcar' connection.  The problem here is that it is all discombobulated.  The classic shot of Juno Temple's entrance beneath the Wonder Wheel suggests that she is going to be Blanche.  Juno's character, called, Carolina, seems set up to be the Blanche figure.  Her father, Humpty, is obviously the Stanley Kowalski stand in, and let me tell you, he is no Brando.   No one is, or could be, but something like a young Mickey Rourke (if you can remember that far back; I don't think Mickey can!!!!!!!!!) was what the role called for.  Belushi is a big fat schlep.  No wonder Ginny (Kate Winslet) isn't quite happy with things.  At first, one might think this is Stanley and Stella, and that the pyromaniac kid, Richie, here, is the baby from the Williams' play, all grown up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Except here you have two kids--Richie is from Ginny's first marriage, and Caroline, an adult, is Humpty's (Belushi) daughter.

                                One last word about Richie.  If he is the baby, grown up, then Woody and the writers have it wrong.  As one who knows the Williams play, I can tell you that, once that baby realized what was going on around him, he would have recognized he was gay, and gotten the hell out of there, ending up in New York, yes, and as a writer, not a pyromaniac.  Maybe Williams intended the baby to be a swipe at Truman Capote.  Oh, and in this film, Richie's pyromania is never destroyed.  It is just a useless plot gimmick, and not at all funny!!!!!!!!!!!

                               Ginny has an affair with Mickey (Justin Timberlake) who is, obviously the stand in for Harold Mitchell, Mitch, in 'Streetcar.'  His character gets the biggest laugh in the film--at least from me--when he first tells Ginny he is working a summer job as a lifeguard, while being a student at NYU, where he is going for his Master's in--get this--European Drama!  I howled out loud!  First, it was amazing Timberlake could actually say it.  Second, having a Master's in Drama myself, I could see him doing a degree in some aspect of it, but, to my knowledge, there are no separate departments in European Drama!  Universities were much more rigid, then, so his is about as believable as Ginny being so hot for Mickey, because, Justin Timberlake has no sex appeal at all.  Isn't there a young Dermot Mulroney out there, because that is what is needed!!!!!

                               The funny thing is, good as Kate and Juno are, their characters are the problem, as they consistently go back and forth as to who is Blanche, and who is Stella.    Ginny and Mickey get all hot, like Stanley and Stella, but, then toward the end, Ginny has a breakdown monologue worthy of Blanche, and that will be used in the future by acting students to come;then, when the film ends, she is like Stella, trapped in this static existence.  Carolina, younger, would seem to be Stella, but Mickey reaches out to her, like Mitch to Blanche, and when she finally disappears, to be killed (which is never revealed) by her ex-hubby and his mob pals, it is like Blanche being carted off to the mental institution.

                             So, which is which, Woody????????  And why play around with these characters, as if they were on a game board of your choosing?  You can still work with actors, but you and your writers don't know a story, for shit!  Excuse me, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!  It's just so much of this film is beautiful and the actresses top notch that when it falls apart, it is so upsetting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Stop while you can, Woody!  Mia must be having the last laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!