How Much Did Sara Miller Really Know About Her Son, Colin's, "Departure???????????"

                              This question still haunts me, girls, and I would love to have some reader input here.  But first, you have to watch the most difficult "Cold Case" episode of all--"Wishing"-- which is actually a reworking of Steinbeck's "Of Mice And Men." I watched it again, the other day, sending me into a tailspin of depression.

                               To explain, Colin Miller, and his caregiver, Nathan Hicks, are Lenny and George.  Mac, a high school classmate, is Curly, and his girlfriend, Leah, who changes her behavior to help Colin, is Curly's wife.

                                 And Colin's death recalls George shooting Lenny.

                                 But what the show presents is a no-win situation.

                                 Colin Miller is a special needs teenager.  His father walked out on Sara and the boy, once he discovered he had a special needs kid.  Nice, huh?  Sara works menial jobs to provide for them, but cannot afford the kind of schooling someone like Colin needs.  So, he is left to the mercy of the public school system, which hasn't any.

                                    Into their life comes Nathan Hicks.  He is on the cusp between high school and college, but needs a job to save up for his education.  He works for Sara and Colin, but, in the process comes to care for them both.  He is devoted, not romantic, to Sara, who discovers the cancer she had years back has returned, and this time it is terminal.  Nathan loves Colin, and is willing to take care of him after Sara is gone.  But fate deals cruel hands--because of a misunderstanding between he and Leah, Colin is handed a sexual assault charge, beaten by Mac and his cronies, and left by the tracks.  The tracks are often shown in this episode, as a foreshadowing.

                                   Sara goes into the hospital, and Colin is confined to the violent ward of a psych unit, where he is drugged so heavily he barely knows anything.  But he still has his beloved rabbit, Mr. Wilson--just like I would have Baby Gojira!!!!!!!!!  Nathan drops out of college, returns to Colin and Sara, gets Colin out of the mental hospital.

                                      He tells Sara he wants to adopt and care for Colin,  And she agrees.  Because they know he would never make it without both of them.

                                       But the system denies Nathan his request, not just because they feel he is too young, but also too inexperienced to care for a person with Colin's special needs.  Then, there is the matter of that sexual assault charge.  To this day, I wonder, if that had not been there, would Nathan have been granted Colin????????????

                                         The unusual thing about this episode is that the opening scene, word for word, is played out twice--at the beginning, and once toward the end.  Colin is getting ready to go to the movies with Nathan-- "Jurassic Park,"-- Sara and he are talking about Colin's situation, and Nathan says he will "handle  it."   A look passes between  them, as the boys leave.  Pay close attention to Sara, in those shots.

                                          They go to the movie, as planned.  They even walk home, along the train tracks, not an uncommon thing for them to do.  Colin reminds Nathan of his skill at "wishing"--hence, the episode's title.  He explains how he wished for Leah to love him, and she did.  How he wished for Nathan to come to him at the hospital, and he does.

                                            Nathan then makes a "Sophie's Choice" type of decision.  He tells Colin to wish his mother strong again--as strong as a train.  He places Colin on the tracks, telling him to close his eyes, and wish real hard.  Colin's exercises his faith in all sincerity, as Nathan backs away, seeing a train light  in the distance.  He watches, distraught, as the ongoing train strikes Colin.

                                             Now, I can guess what happened.  Nathan returns home, without Colin, explaining there was an accident.  Sara cries, but I wonder if she really knew?  She dies after Colin's death--the cancer would have taken her, anyway, but I maintain the absence of Colin and knowledge of his death--which does not arise until Lily and Company step in, years later--killed her.

                                              So, what is it, girls?  Did Sarah know?  Did she know what Nathan was going to do, before they left the house on March 6, 1993?  Nathan's decision at the tracks seems to be a snap judgment, so I don't know.

                                                But I am convinced Sara died, knowing the truth.

                                                What do you think, girls????????????????

                        Colin, by the way, was played by an actor named Damien Midkiff, who should have received an Emmy for this performance.  "Wishing" was first aired, back in 2005.