Girls, Let's Talk Marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Talk about cracking me up!  Back in 1958, McCall's Magazine, that acme of women and domesticity--we even used to get it in our house, when I was growing up!!!!--did an article on "129 Ways To Land A Husband."  For women, I am sure it is strictly passe, and some of the suggestions are laughable, but they might work great for gay men!  Or would they?  Let's take a look at the most outrageous suggestions listed, and see how they play out.

                 1. Get A Dog, And Walk It.--Not a bad idea.  The problem is, most of the dogs you meet are
                      cuter and better behaved than their owners.  You could fall in love with the dog, but
                      the owner could be a real troll.  My advice is to ditch the owner, and stick with the dog!

                  3. Attend Night School--Take Courses Men Like.--Are you kidding me?  Girls, if you do this, you will be in a class with straight men who don't know a thing about theater, literature, arts or crafts.  It will be strictly cars, and woodworking.  I mean, if you want a hormonal rush from being around greasy straight men, then fine.  But this is NO way to land a husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                   6. Read The Obituaries, To Find Eligible Widowers.--This was the scam Martha Beck and Raymond Fernandez used, and it got them executed at Sing Sing.  Not only will you be suspected by said widower's family and friends of going after his money, if the guy is a wheezy old thing on an oxygen tank, one stop short of a nursing home, what is in it for you?  You have a better chance finding an apartment this way, than a husband!!!!!!!!!!

                    9. Sit On A Park Bench, And Feed The Pigeons.--This is fine, if you are Ruth Buzzi.  And look at the trolls she met.  Anytime I did this, I got a lot of reading done, which was not a waste.
But no one ever sat near me.  And if they did, and came on to me, I would suspect them to be a scam artist or a sex hustler.  You can do better than that, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                   12. Become A Nurse Or Stewardess; They Have High Marriage Rates.--With more gay men working as flight attendants and nurses, this just might be your ticket.  I mean, some of those hot doctors in their scrubs are scrumptious.  The trick is being choosy.  If you play it right, you can end up a moneyed alcoholic on Great Neck, Long Island--a single gay man's dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                      To be continued tomorrow.  This was either to have been the longest post I ever wrote, or not.  I have decided to break it up into sections, to keep you in suspense, and let the suggestions sink in.

                        Happy Hunting, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!