This Picture Represents A Dream I Had Last Night Of Rejection!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              I am haunted by two central themes that often turn up in dreams--as regarding last night--the rejection of myself by my childhood friend who passed in 2017, and those of relations, mostly cousins, who will probably have nothing to do with me, now that my father has passed.

                              In the first dream, I was in my friend's childhood house.  We were alone, but the spectral presence of his parents, especially his selfish bitch of a mother, who thought I to be the cause of all her son's problems, was palpable, as he told me he had to move on, and get married, even though he realized he was gay, and just couldn't accept it.  I told him it would lead to misery and ruin.

                                 Which it did.  I never understood the relationship he had with the partner he lived with for over 40 years; to this day, I am not sure if was an actual gay relationship, but a roommate one.  Though I did not realize it at the time, from the time we graduated eighth grade, and stepped into the building of our high school, we were on different paths already.  As for adulthood, I have said, for all intents and purposes, our last really good time together was in 2011.  He died in 2017, but, for all intents and purposes, our friendship ended six years before.  He left me long before he left this world, so maybe that is why I don't miss him so much, as he had distanced himself already.

                                    The second dream was familial.  My niece and I were in the house of my aunt and uncle, parents of said cousins, and I was confiding in her about familial rejection.  When all our parents were alive, I think they exposed us to all, because they wanted to give us the same sense of family they had had.  It was like they were telling us, "Be nice to each other, because you may need each other later in life."  Certainly, there are memories we all share.   But today no one seems interested.  Or am I the only one what feels shut out?  Once I hit my twenties, I certainly did, and that feeling continued.

                                     In the dream, after talking to my niece, I go up to my grandmother's house, where all these cousins are sitting, and confront them, turning tables and chairs over.  I don't know if there was an outcome, but I know it felt good.

                                        Just as it feels good now, writing it all down.

                                         Thank God for David!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Well, darlings, there's my therapy session for next week!

                                            And Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            And fear of cataract surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!