Lily Voigt Is Really The Worst Bitch In "Valentine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

               
                                                   "Jeremy Melton: Dance with me, Lily?
                                                     Lily Voigt: Ewwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!"
                                                     --opening scene of "Valentine" (2001)
                             

                                           Before getting into Lily, darlings, let me say that "Valentine" really is a terrific tale of bullying, cruelty, and the consequences thereof.  Though the film touches upon it, for real satisfaction I suggest you read the Tom Savage novel, on which it is based.   The peer group is upped to college, the back story of the killer is horrifying, and the prank is worse than what is done in the film.

                                             But not if one is a sixth grader.  Like these kids are, and, like we all have been.  Resident geek Jeremy Melton, (all the names are changed, too!) played by a young Joel Palmer, bravely enters the arena of adolescence, via his first school dance. All the girls he asks reject him outright. Only Kate Davies lets him down easy with, at least, the promise of "Maybe later, Jeremy."  I get it.  I was Jeremy myself back then. A response like Kate's would be heaven to those of us like this, even if it does not happen.  My favorite response is Paige Prescott, who responds with, "I'd rather be boiled alive!"  Thirteen years later, when she morphs into Denise Richards, she actually gets her wish.  What goes around, comes around, I always say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              Now, on first sight, the worst bitch might be Dorothy Wheeler, who precipitates Jeremy's tragedy.  She is fat and pudgy, the worse thing a girl that age wants to be, and she is, like Jeremy a wallflower.  Nevertheless, she agrees to dance with Jeremy, and all goes well until they are caught making out under the bleachers by a group of bigger sized male bullies.  Even though they still call Dorothy "Buffalo," she goes along with their notion that she was attacked by Jeremy, after which he is grabbed, pantsed, and mortified before the entire dance. Dorothy's conflicting look on her face suggests she knows she is wrong, but, as a kid, what can she do?  When she grows up, she admits the truth to her friends, saying what she did got Jeremy sent to a reform school.  Even the mature Paige admits, "We were so horrible to that kid."

                                                Right, except, as stories like this prove, you should have been right at the time, because Jeremy has not forgotten, and is out to get those who humiliated him.

                                                  So, you may well ask, with all this, why is Lily the worst bitch?

                                                   Darlings, look how she dresses!!!!!!!!  White beads, and some ersatz 1940's hooker outfit?  If I had been Jeremy I would have rejected her; who dresses like this, anyway?  And in sixth grade?  Lily was just as out of the league as Jeremy was, which is why she is the worst.  She deserved to be dissed, but wasn't, because she had acolytes to protect her.  And she really is the most unattractive of the four--at this age.  Dorothy, though chubby, has a prettiness one guesses will emerge with age.

                                                     Lily, at this age, has nothing.  Someone should have told her, if you are going to be a bitch, you ought to have some asserts enabling you to have something to be bitchy about.  Lily does not realize what a loser she is.

                                                      Well, someone just did tell her.  I did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!