"Megalopolis" Is Not "Metropolis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Not By A Long Shot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                                 

                                    Girls, I am telling you, even if Futurina, the female robot with the lewd wink from Fritz Lang's 1927 film, had appeared in Coppola's mess, yes, she would have livened things up, but not enough to save this movie.

                                     Francis Ford Coppola is finally going off the rails.  He used to make good, or at least halfway decent movies.  But if he thinks this is going to be his magnum opus he is sadly mistaken. The sadder thing is both David and I have heard about this film for years, and the idea that such a prestigious film was playing in our neighborhood made us both excited and suspicious. Nevertheless, we rushed to the Alpine.

                                         We ended up wasting two hours and 18 minutes--138 total--of our lives.  And can't get them back.

                                          I will admit that the visuals--cinematography and art direction--are great.  What is lacking is a cast of performers or a script to back all the artwork up.  I mean, darlings, Adam Driver is so dour, he comes off as a prisoner locked in solitary confinement, having been forced to read the complete works of Joan Didion.  I had no perspective on who his character was, or what he was doing in this film.  The same with the others--Shia La Boeuf, Chloe Fineman, Giancarlo Esposito (all I kept thinking about while he was on screen was that he was in the original Broadway cast of Sondheim's "Merrily We Roll Along," back in 1981, and I saw him in it--twice!), Dustin Hoffman in what amounts to a throwaway role; how disappointing.  However, the best and liveliest performance to come out of this film, unexpectedly, is Jon Voight, who plays his role like a parody of Charles Laughton in 1933's "The Private Life Of Henry VIII."  I think he read the script, threw up his hands, thinking what the hell; he will do as he pleases, and take the job.  Coppola lets him get away with it, and it turns out to be the only sensible decision the director made.

                                              The film is victimized by misplaced ambitions.  Coppola apparently wanted to use NYC as a backdrop, to draw an analogy with the fall of the Roman Empire.  In other words, he wanted to make his explanation of American to itself.  What he was too ignorant or egotistical--maybe both--to realize was that his goal had been achieved almost half a century earlier, by another director in another film--and that was Robert Altman, with his 1975 masterwork, "Nashville."  Which holds up beautifully.  I am certain "Megalopolis" is already on the canned shelf.

                                                Do not, and I repeat, do not waste your valuable time on this insipid crap!

                                                Whether "Megalopolis" turns out to be the worst film of the year remains to be seen.  But, darlings, I can tell you already, it is a top contender!

                                                   Even daughter Sofia was smart enough not to get near this mess!!!!!!!!!