Come On, Darlings, Light This Fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, the fun just continues!!!!!! Last night, after recovering from a migraine, and a book group session that fizzled when the member we wanted to roast did not show, I was cuddling with Monsieur, when on came the "On Fire" segment of "Law And Order: Criminal Intent." Now, I am not as partial to this segment of the franchise as I am to 'SVU', but it is STILL set in New York, the acting is first rate, as has come to be expected overall, and it is SO fun, girls, to see how fat cute, cherubic Vincent D'Onofrio gets with each episode.

And this one was something. It starts out with a spinsterish church secretary, Margaret, working away one evening, when, suddenly, a Molotov cocktail flies through a nearby window, setting fire to the church, St. Gerald's, with the flaming Margaret
running into the street, screaming, when the firefighters arrive!!!! Burnt to a crisp, darlings! Like Joan Of Arc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who caused the fire? And why? Before you know it, churches are being set aflame all over, but the investigators think it is a cover up for St. Gerald's being the main target.

Then we meet the Reid family. Yuppie scum Justin, and his sex kitten wife Noreen, whom he shags in his father's bathroom, right before dinner!!!! Real class, yeah!!!! Justin is SO big on proving himself--saying how he moved away, became a broker trainee, and was making six figures before he was able to drink. Then he moves back to the old nabe, with trophy Noreen, and buys the biggest, most vulgar house on the street, just to show off to the neighbors how superior he is to them!!!!
Which would be like me going back to Highland Park, New Jersey, and purchasing a house on Harrison Avenue!!!!! Which I don't need to, because, as I have said, from the moment I was born, I knew I was superior to everyone in that town!!!!!!!

Show off Justin even offers to donate $100K to repair the church he grew up in, and feels such affection for. A REAL Christian!!!!!! Yeah, right!!!!!!!!!!!

But then we met Justin's step mom, and Glenn, Justin's half brother. Regina, the step mom, is played by a mature looking Theresa Russell, who is doing an impersonation of Kathleen Turner, when she was once attractive. So much so I thought maybe Kathleen was wanted for this role, but they could not meet her price. And looking like the cow she is, how could she play this part???

Anyway, it seems there is something funny, conspiring, between Justin and Regina, like she has egged him on all his life, like an ersatz Lady Macbeth. Perfect casting for Theresa Russell. Meanwhile, half brother Glenn gets sloughed aside by everyone, even though he has health problems, and behavior ones that make him seem impaired, or what in less PC times might be called "retarded!!!!"

The one left in the dark, even by the end, is Mr. Reid, who has no idea how bad things were under his roof.

Things start unraveling with Justin's roommate, Charlie, whom the detectives question, and for all intents and purposes looks like their perp. But then charlie is killed in a way suggesting he was about to start another fire--though there is not a burn mark on him!!!!! Aha!!!!!!!

With the aid of some skillful math, the truth is pieced together, with the suspects gathered in the church for a denouement.

It turns out Glenn set the fire. Margaret's death was unfortunate in that she happened to be there. But she was the cause of things, sending to Glenn records giving evidence that Justin is not his half brother--but his actual father. It seems the firsr Mrs. Reid died when Justin was a teen, and then Daddy remarried Regina (just as nasty as "Little Foxes" Regina). Teen Justin had trouble accepting her as Mom, so, one weekend, with Dad away on business, Mommy appeals to his hormones, seduces him, and becomes pregnant, with Glenn. Glenn is born somewhat prematurely, and has lifelong respiratory problems, but this is skillfully covered up by Regina. he calls Regina "You witch!" which is the least of it, and now Father and Son begin to eye each other with mutual hate. Which Glenn cannot be blamed for, after Justin admits to killing Charlie!!!!! And Glenn's inconsolability over that death makes me wonder how close he and Charlie were. Huh, loves!!!!! And Glenn had set fire to the church--he worked for a cleaning outfit--to cover Margaret's secret, then went on an arson spree, thinking to throw everyone off the trail.

I was so glad when they clamped the cufffs on that scum Justin and bitch Regina. I would like to have seen Mr. Reid and Noreen taken them both apart!!!!!
And Glenn gets hauled off, too, for setting the fire, and causing Margaret's death!!!!!!

Such sick fun, darlings!!!!! And rare that everyone gets their just deserts!!!!!!! That Regina was one sick, calculating bitch, and no one plays one better than Theresa Russell!!!! Except me, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"L and O' CI" may not be as inspired as 'SVU' or "The Golden Girls," but when those are n ot available, it is a wonderful wind down!!!!!!!!!

Now, wind this down, dolls!!!!!!!

Girls, Let's Talk About "Pixies"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, darlings, I am NOT talking about Tinker Bell, who, by the way, was not only my favorite Disney character, but the only one who was genuinely a Babe!!!!!!!!!!!

Since 'SVU' failed to provide this week, I turned to my own stash, loves, and watched an old episode called "Pixies."

It was designed, I think, to rip the lid off competitive female gymnast programs (wouldn't we rather have seen males, girls?????) but it was a hoot!!!!!!

Two sanitation workers find the body of a young girl stashed in a dumpster, dressed in expensive gym garb, and even more expensive running shoes. She turns out to be Christie Myerson (no relation to Bess, dolls!!!!) who was in a gymnastics program with a man named Ilya Korska, played by Philip Casnoff, who was clearly borrowing his Russian accent from the one he heard David Carroll use every night, when they both appeared together on Broadway in "Chess."

It turns out Christie had more secrets than a 50's game show panelist. For starters, she was 19, instead of 16. She lied about her age, so she could train with Korska--like being a New York actor, and saying you have real credits, so you can study with Austin Pendelton!!!!! Her age was being protected, and her career advanced, by Kyle Huber, a wealthy donor to Korska's foundation, who was sleeping with her. Evidently, Christie really wanted to get ahead--so she gave head!!!!!!
Suspects flow right and left--Korska, Huber, Christie's parents, especially her stage-like mother. But it turns out to be one of the few perps on the show I have ever felt sympathy for, Lori, played by Kate Mara.

Lori and Christie would run together every night, before turning in. Lori is desperate to succeed, but her reach exceeds her grasp, and everyone knows it, but she. Korska, suspecting Christie is up to something, asks Lori to spy for him, promising her Christie's star spot. Lori complies, but when Korska finds out about
Christie and Huber, he demands Christie break off with him. She does, because Christie wants to win, and you would think at this point Huber would be the killer.
But, no!!!!!!!!!!!

Lori and Christie go for their usual nighttime run, and Christie says how she has broken off with Huber, so she can retain her star spot. Instead of going after Korska, Lori, after getting mad at him, goes after Chrisitie, calling her a "Whore!", which is heard by an old woman in an upstairs apartment nearby, when Benson and Stabler question her. Lori then picks up a brick, goes after Christie, throws it, and it hits Christie, killing her.

Poor Lori, when interrogated, says she has no idea how the brick flew out of her hand. Yeah, right! Just like I have no idea that you have to remove the cozy before serving tea!!!!!

Lori says Christie ruined everything for her, because it came so easy for her. Lori had to struggle with her weight, and Christie didn't. The activity made Christie stop menstruating, but not Lori, and Lori wanted what Chrisite had. So she killed her, but lost it all, even the respect of Korska, who, at the end, calls her "an imbecile!"

Honey, I could relate to Lori. It was just like in school, when Diane and Roberta got everything I wanted, and should have had!!!!! However, I did not go about killing them. Nor did I ever think about it. I just went on despising them for the rest of my life. And letting my girls know all about it. I DID try to confront that Santamarina bitch on Honor Society, but could only go so far. So no heads were bashed, which, now that I look at it, was probably a good thing!!!!!

You just had to feel sorry for Lori. She wanted something so bad, but could not face that she was not talented enough. Unlike moi, who knew I was superior to EVERYONE in Highland Park, New Jersey from the moment I was born!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Pixies" was fabulous, girls!!!!! A dose of humor and malice!!!! Just the thing for a cold, rainy night!!!!!!!!

See you at the gym, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Aren't They A Pair!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I have to say, Monsieur was right!!!!! Last eve I was bemoaning the fact that I could not find a bitch for today. He said, not to worry, they always turn up!!!! I mean, I was so devastated, I did not even watch 'SVU' last night. But no loss, because it was just the two repeat episodes about Olivia and Calvin. Calvin's mother, Vivian, was pure trash, and, besides, I am more interested in social deviants!!!!

As late as early this morning, I had no bitch!!!!! But lo and behold, Monsieur was right!!!!! For not only did I find one, but two!!!!! Duo bitches are rare, but they do turn up!!!!!!

The winner(s) of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award are Susan Brock, and her daughter, Rachel Brock!!!!!!

Let me first say, I find it interesting that they turn up, in light of our recent viewing of the 'SVU' episode, "Totem." That is the one where Lisa Banes plays Elaine Frye, the Sexual Predator Mother From Hell, who abuses her two daughters. One of them, June, escapes, while another, Katie, lives on to take the abuse that is unfortunately dished out to her, which, in the end, turns her into an abuser, causing her to murder one of her sister's music students. Nice, huh????

Now, I don't know if the 'SVU' writers knew about the Brock dames, but if they did, there is no doubt they figured into the story as well. But here they are.

Susan Brock, aged 49, and living in Arizona--another White Trash state, darlings!!!--began systematically abusing a neighbor boy (who cannot be identified, as he is still a minor) when he was still 11. She started by giving him presents, then began working up to sexual contact by the time he was 13. The abuse went on for at least three years, before it was reported.

But wait, girls, it gets better!!!!!!

Susan's daughter, Rachel Brock, 22, is accused, unknowingly at the time to her mother, of molesting the same boy, from when he was 13!!!!!!!!

Can you believe it, darlings!!!!! Tag team Mom and daughter!!!!! I am surprised they did not have a three way. Spank these bitches' monkeys!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rachel, who began abusing the boy when she was 18, did everything from oral sex to sending nude pics and sexting him. Disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Susan went on trial, and has been sentenced to more than twelve years in prison. Honey, I hope she serves every day of that sentence, and that those broads in the slammer work her over good!!!!!! Her attorney tried to argue the lame excuse that she was abused by her stepfather, adding, that she is NOT a pedophile?????
Oh, really?????????? Fortunately, the jury did not buy that crap!!!!!!

Rachel's conduct is equally heinous, and I believe at some point the gals discussed it, like two sickos. They probably WERE planning a three way!!!!!

Rachel has not gone on trial yet, though she should. With a mom like this, I have no doubt it will be revealed she was abused at some point. The cycle of sickness continues!!!!!!

Fulton Brock, Susan's hubby, a county supervisor, is divorcing her, and washing his hands of this scum!!!!! Good for him!!!! He says he will stand by his daughter, which is somewhat admirable, given he probably had no idea Rachel was being abused too, which I can tell you she was!!!!!!

As for the unfortunate young boy, still only 17, he had to testify at Susan's trial, and relive the trauma. "I hope never to feel or think about Susan Brock again," he said, adding he was thrown into an inescapable depression. No wonder.

Not only was he subjected to the abuse, but, girls, these women were SO ugly!!!! Rachel looks like a fat pig desperate for anything, which is very likely why she did it, while Susan has that classic psychotic look; she is most certainly another Hattie Dorsett!!!!!!!

No, loves, you could not ask for two better Bitches this week!!!! Take the key, and lock them up, and throw it away!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I know, you want to me to report on what Anna is doing. I have been meaning to have lunch with her, and when I do, I will!!!!! But, meanwhile let us hear it for the Brock Bitches!!!!!!!!!!

So long, Granny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Let's Start The Day With A Birthday Tribute!!!!!

Darlings, today happens to be the birthday of our "Darling," Julie Christie!!!! Or so I found out this morning. Well, everyone has a birthday, but you can imagine how astonished I was to find that Miss Christie today turns the ripe old age of....70!!!!!!!!!

Lara is 70??????????????????

You better believe it, girls!!!! Let me tell you, it was astonishing enough to me nine years ago to see Julie playing Granny in "Finding Neverland." To think of her now playing grandmothers!!!!! But she did it with so much glamour and aplomb, she made being Granny look good!!!!! In fact, you could not ask for a better looking Grandmother than Julie Christie.

And now she has reached 70!!!!!!! And has set new standards for that age. When I was small, darlings, 70 used to signify slowing down, being white haired, and sitting in a rocking chair. Hell, my father turns 96 in 16 days, and he doesn't even do that!!!!!! So Miss Christie is still young by comparison, and I have no doubt if she reaches 100, it will set new glam standards.

So a Happy Birthday wish to Miss Julie Christie!!!!! Have plenty of champagne and cake on hand. Maybe red Velvet. Or Angel Food--frosted Pink!!!!!!

Lick the bowl, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, What'cha Gonna Do, When They Come For You? Bad Boys!!!!!!!!! Bad Boys!!!!!!!!!! Bad Boys!!!!!!!!!!!!

"How can you do it?" asks Monsieur.

How, I am constantly asked can someone as erudite and literary as moi, darlings, watch something as trashy as "COPS?" Well let me tell you something, girls---I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! This show is a hoot, in the same sense that "Judge Judy" is. This is a true social documentation of America, and, honey, if you think America is scary now, wait till after you have watched cops.

First of all, it never takes place in New York, I guess they figure, though ficiton, "Law And Order," with its franchises, has the market cornered. Most of the shows take place in White Trashland--Texas, Florida, Georgia-- with duggies denying everything, "Ah Doan Kno', Man," says the coke addict, with the bag seated next to him. "I ain' got no drugs!" You just gotta love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The other night, the show outdid itself, when it ran a segment called "Naked Cops." Now, before my girls get all hot and bothered, thiniking they are going to see hot naked cops, let me tell you very few of the cops on this show are HOT. Many are full figured, and, darlings, it is a wonder to me how they catch anyone, because by the time they have the suspect collared on the ground, they are huffing and puffing so furiously they seem just one step away from a trip to the ER!!!!!!!! Honey, if the ballet kept to these standards, there would be no ART!!!!!! Perhaps the boys in blue should be hitting the dance barre, not the pub!!!!!!!!!!! And cool it with the donuts!!!!!!!!!!!!

The subject of "Naked Cops" was suspects, each of whom arrested, was, for unfathomaable reasons, naked. Like Jeffrey, who called himself Brian, but was sleepinhg nude in a stolen car. What was that about??? At least, he had shorts to put on. There was this other guy, in a vacant lot, no clothes on him, no sign of them anywhere, higher than a kite, covered in blood. It took sic cops to get him down, and they had to disninfect themselves from the blood, though they wore gloves.

You just have to laugh at the trashiness of it all, which is America!!!!!!!! Thank God my girls and I live in a sophisticated area. The areas these people live make the characters on "Mamma's Family" seem sophisticated by comparison. Eunice was a fashion icon compared to some of these babew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But for unwinding after a long day, you cannot beat "CO{S." It will make you grateful for what you do NOT have to deal with.

Like yours truly, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, What Have We Come To???????????????????

Darlings, remember, several weeks back, when I told the new staff how they could fix "Spider Man: Turn Off The Dark"--which no one has listened to me on, yet!!--and one of the first things said was to bring the homosexuals back to the theater. Well, someone is listening to me, just not the right show.

The makers of "High," the new Broadway drama, starring that Bovine Cow, Miss Kathleeen Turner (no offense to cows, dears!!) have listened a little too strenuoulsy.

First, they have Kathleen Turner--playing a NUN!!!!!!!!!!! Honey, next to "The Divine Sister," this has GOT to be the campfest of the seaason!!!!! Second, it has a young man in it, who at times appears nude, so much so that in the ads they make sure to advertise that the play features full frontal male mudity.

Why???????? They want an audience???????? Do you think they will get one if it is Kathleen Turner, in the nude!!!!!!!!! SCAAAAAAAAAARY!!!!!!!!! I would run right out of there, let me tell you!!!!!!!!!!! Though, as I said, having her play a NUN is a HOOT!!!!!!!!!!!

So why telegraph the male nudity?????????? Because they now that every gay man on either side of the Hudson, Theater Queen or not, will be scrambling to get in, just to see a young hot ting onstage. I mean, what does this say about the desperation of gay men going to the theater????? The same thing was done with Daniel Radcliffe in "Equus," and let me say it would not surprise me if I suddenly walk into a performance of 'How To Succeed,' and find this principle being used. The trick with that show is--when??????? My suggegstion would be the washroom scene, with "I Believe In You!"

Girls, imagine, Birthday Suits on Broadwaqy, to promote Broadway!!!!!!!!!! What is it going to be next???????????? Not me, loves, because I do NOT do nude scenes!!!!!!!!!

And, of course, you know I am going to see "High" at some point. With the Cow and Buckskin, what could be bad??????????????

Moo Moo, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, The Scariest Part Of This Film Is Madaame Zena!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me tell you, this morning I found myself thinking about fun houses--spook houses, if you will--those favorite amusements of mine, both past and present. Which, of course, led me to thinking about Tobe Hooper's film "The Funhouse," which--can you believe it, darlings??????--turns 30 years old this year.

What a film that was. Sandwiched between a rather conventional tale of wise ass teens deciding to spend a night in an enclosed fun house, only to be pursued by a creature, you had Gary Conway and Wayne Doba in this bizarre father and son love-hate relationship. Doba plays a creature who looks something like the Elephant Man, is somewhat retarded, but has feelings, and you feel sorry for him. Conway abuses him terribly, blaming him for the wife's death, and has this line where he says, " I do NOT hate the sound of your voice," but you know he does. There is some tragic depth here.

Now, this is disturbing enough, already, but then to add to this, you have the character of Madame Zena, played in her usual fashion by--guess who???--Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!! Sylvia, consummate professional that she is, gives it her ALL-- even though you know she could easily have walked through this part, having basically played it dozens of times. Well, darlings, the Monster is human and has his needs, so when he needs "action," what does he do????? He goes to Madame Zena--who not only suffers the indignity of his pre-ejaculatory issues, but charges him????? I mean, can you believe charging him!!!!!!! Both are pretty desperate in order to have sex with each other, but let me tell you, you have GOT to be pretty desperate to have sex with Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!!!! You wouldn't catch John Simon, I can tell you!!!!!!

To me, this is the SCARIEST moment in the movie!!!!!!!!! Sex with Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!! Not me, honey!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank GOD I am Gay and have a Gorgeous Monsieur!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, girls, if you are on a bad date, remember it is not the worst thing in the world!!!!!!!! Sex with Sylvia Miles, is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!