Darlings, The Scariest Part Of This Film Is Madaame Zena!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me tell you, this morning I found myself thinking about fun houses--spook houses, if you will--those favorite amusements of mine, both past and present. Which, of course, led me to thinking about Tobe Hooper's film "The Funhouse," which--can you believe it, darlings??????--turns 30 years old this year.

What a film that was. Sandwiched between a rather conventional tale of wise ass teens deciding to spend a night in an enclosed fun house, only to be pursued by a creature, you had Gary Conway and Wayne Doba in this bizarre father and son love-hate relationship. Doba plays a creature who looks something like the Elephant Man, is somewhat retarded, but has feelings, and you feel sorry for him. Conway abuses him terribly, blaming him for the wife's death, and has this line where he says, " I do NOT hate the sound of your voice," but you know he does. There is some tragic depth here.

Now, this is disturbing enough, already, but then to add to this, you have the character of Madame Zena, played in her usual fashion by--guess who???--Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!! Sylvia, consummate professional that she is, gives it her ALL-- even though you know she could easily have walked through this part, having basically played it dozens of times. Well, darlings, the Monster is human and has his needs, so when he needs "action," what does he do????? He goes to Madame Zena--who not only suffers the indignity of his pre-ejaculatory issues, but charges him????? I mean, can you believe charging him!!!!!!! Both are pretty desperate in order to have sex with each other, but let me tell you, you have GOT to be pretty desperate to have sex with Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!!!! You wouldn't catch John Simon, I can tell you!!!!!!

To me, this is the SCARIEST moment in the movie!!!!!!!!! Sex with Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!! Not me, honey!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank GOD I am Gay and have a Gorgeous Monsieur!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, girls, if you are on a bad date, remember it is not the worst thing in the world!!!!!!!! Sex with Sylvia Miles, is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!