Girls, You Haven't Got Time For The Pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me tell you, lambs, with all the highbrow fiction reading I do--even rereading Philip Roth, for God's sake!!!!--I hit an impasse every now and then where I just need something FUN to cleanse my mental palette. Like one of Lauren Weisberger's books. Or Candace Bushnell. Or a nice relaxing serial killer story.

There was this book staring at me from supermarket racks for months now, called "The Bride Collector" by Ted Dekker. I picked it up, one day in line, and discovered it had a serial killer, and was loaded with praise by those who seemed to know the genre. So when I found myself yearning for fun, I thought of this book, went out, and bought it.

Now, if any of you have ANY intention of reading this book, don't go any further. Come to think of it, maybe you should, because my purpose in writing this is to save so many of my girls the trouble of reading what turned out to be an unsatisfying story.

"The Bride Collector" starts out with a gripping premise. Women are being bumped off in an unusual way. They are abducted, drugged, then grilled into through the soles of each foot, to have bodily fluids drain. I know, darlings, not too pretty, but we are not talking high fashion, here. The killer then strings them up, Christ like and nude, wearing nothing but a bridal veil over their faces. Hence his nickname.

I entertained the notion of the killer being a woman for about a second. But two much evidence piles on enough to indicate a male, like many serial killers. I was dying to find out not only who he was, but why? What made him into a serial killer?
And why this particular gimmick?

Alas, Dekker never bothers to give us these essentials, making the book dull and repetitious. It also makes fools of the police and FBI, for the ones who turn out to solve the case are a group of patients at a mental hospital. Before you can say, "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest," they are on the road, and catching the killer themselves. Who turns out to be a former therapist who worked at their institution.

And his issue? He came on to Paradise (yes that is her name!!!!!!!!), one of the female patients there, and she slapped him. There is also a sentence about him being from an abusive family.

Paradise smacked his face when he tried to jump her. Poor baby!!!!! Go home and read Playboy, or watch "Fatal Attraction." But to become a serial killer over THIS!!!!!!! I just don't buy it. And what kind of abuse? If every person from issue filled families were serial killers, people would be out there killing everyone in sight. I might not even be alive right now, writing this.

Does Dekker bother to elaborate on any of this????? No!!!!!!!!!!!
According to his bio, he has written about twenty books, many in this vein. His follow up to this has a great title--"The Priest's Graveyard." But after reading "The Bride Collector," I am not even going to bother, and don't you, now!!!!!! Dekker may be prolific, but he is a hack!

Unlike Richard Molinari (sp?) whose "The Rosary Girls," and especially "Merciless" cannot be beat. The latter cries out to be filmed. If you want satisfaction, try him. Dekker will only frustrate.

The same way a bad manicure will, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!