Darlings, When You Cannot Find A Marathon, Have One Of Your Own!!!!!!!!!!!

What a day we had yesterday, girls. It was hotter than that cat on a tin roof. Once Monsieur and I got our act together, we headed into the city do some gift certificate shopping. Of course, we spent more than planned (including tickets August 19 to "Follies"), but who doesn't??? A needed pair of new shoes, a nice Modern Library edition of "Wuthering Heights," and a Season 8 "Law and Order SVU" DVD set. We headed home fast after that, because I was about to have the vapors, and I wanted to see have my own private marathon, since the cable stations have come to the Dog Days Of Summer, and aren't offering any!!!!! Nerts to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we settled in happily, and what fun!!!! Because the Season 8 set contained two gems that we really had fun with--"Choreographed" and "Responsible."

The first involved Chris Sarandon as a maniacal, horny (is there any other kind, darlings???) dance choreographer, whose company is being financed exclusively by the modeling career of his glamorous wife, Danielle. That is, until Danielle is murdered. Imagine, Chris Sarandon as an icon of the dance world. That is Surprise Number One. Surprise Number Two comes with the arrival of Bernadette Peters as Stella Danquiss. Yes, girls, Bernadette Peters!!!! Only, she is more Bernadette Lazzara than Peters here, because, honey, Stella is tough, sassy and straight outta Queens!!!! Ozone Park, to be exact. And, honestly, you can tell Bernadette is having the time of her life, playing this role!!!! Bring back Stella soon!!! The best guest attorney, since Tovah Feldshuh as Danielle Melnick!!!!

And I am telling you, you have GOT to see the hospital cat fight between Chris Sarandon, the choreographer, and Bob Saget as Glenn, hubby of the woman Chris' character is cheating on. Not since Ann Bancroft and Shirley Maclaine went at each other in "The Turning Point" have I seen such bitchery!!!! Would you believe these are two straight men???? They are more like two guys in a gay bar on Saturday night, butching over who will take home the room's hottest trick!!!!!! You just HAVE to love it, girls!!!!!!!

Just like you just have to love that other gem, "Responsible", which is an ironic title, since no one really is. It revolves around the drunken death of a private school girl at a party where alcohol is illegally served. Sarah Drew is brilliant as Becca Rice, honor student hiding a secret, whose piece of work Mom, Lillian, played by Laura Leighton, a Mrs. Robinson wannabe, is sleeping with all her daughter's male classmates, in a misguided ploy to make her daughter popular. Poor Becca gets screwed all around; she could have gone Ivy League, but her liver and brain have been fried, it turns out, by alcohol, which Mom has been plying her with since age 12. At least that bitchy Regan gets what is coming to her--arrested, and then hauled back after mocking out Judith Light as the judge, only to drink more and get killed in an accident. That Regan--a REAL Diane Dykeman type!!!! She came to a bad end, just like that kind!!!! I know those types!!!!!!!

You have to feel sorry for Becca at the end. She has no future, is still unpopular, and will have to fend for herself, now that Mom is going to jail. And let me tell you, once those female inmates find out she has been trifling with minors, they will tear out every strand of her gorgeous hair!!! You can count on it!!! What a story, girls, and what a nice way to spend an afternoon.

I am telling you, Sundays will never be the same!!!!!!!!