Oh, Heaven Help Us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me tell you, after living through the idiocy of last theater season, that is, the debacle which was 'Spider Man', one would hope seasoned Broadway professionals, having witnessed firsthand the Rise and Fall of Miss Taymor, would take a lesson, and offer us some quality fare this forthcoming season. Not that there might not be, after all, though this just in serves as an indicator that nothing has been learnt.

Next season, we will be presented with (for however long it runs, and I am saying right now it will not be long!!!!!!) a musical version of--are you ready, girls????--"Rebecca" by Daphne Du Maurier!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, loves, I am talking about THAT "Rebecca," which became the iconic David O. Selznick-Alfred Hitchcock movie, featuring Joan Fontaine, Laurence Olivier, and, in her iconic role as Mrs. Danvers, Judith Anderson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first thing I want to say is--why has no one approached me about the role of Mrs. Danvers?????? That was always the scene stealing role in the story, and you bet I could have a field day with it. Especially if the creators--and I insist on this, not only for me, but for whomever plays it--writes her a showstopping number!!!!!!! This cold net me a TONY Award!!!!!!!!!!!!

The second thing needing to be said is--what the Hell are they thinking????
"Rebecca", with its atmospheric direction and A-list cast, is perfection that cannot be improved upon. So why bother??????? And look at the commercial failure of the "Jane Eyre" (a genre precursor of "Rebecca") several seasons back. Not only did it not do well, each involved a pivotal house fire, as well.

Which brings me to something else. The musical was budgeted at $16 million, chiefly because of its plan to recreate onstage the burning down of Manderly. Now, they have lopped off $5million of that by doing away with the stage effect of a collapsing staircase in the blaze. If you ask me, by the time this gets mounted on Broadway, Manderly will be a miniature house suspended in midair on wires, or on a table so far upstage it will look like a camera long shot. They will light a nightly match to the miniature, and--WHOOF!!!!!!!!!!!

Who are they trying to kid? The theatergoing public??? Maybe, but after all the scandal over 'Spider Man,' theatergoers are not to be fooled that easily.
And who would be foolish enough to take this project on???? Not Our Miss Julie; having been bitten once, even she would not be this foolish. Susan Stroman? This did not seem like her kind of vehicle. My guess? Rob Ashmore, who is riding high with his successful back to back revivals of "Promises, Promiese" and 'How To Succeed.' He is due for a falling, and if he takes on "Rebecca," he just may get it. But then, so will anyone who does, if Ashmore is not chosen.

I know what you are asking, darlings--will I see it?????? Honey, if it runs long enough, I will go, because this could be the most exciting piece of crap since "Carrie." Which, regretfully, I did not see!!!!!!!!!

Once upon a time, we were excited about a theater season, due to upcoming hits. What has it come to that now we are excited about the flops????? If the Theater Gods deign to smile, they will not allow this travesty to happen.

I dread it. Because, mark my words, this show will open with these
apocryphal words set to music--

"Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderly again."

See you on the Rialto, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!