Five Minutes To Curtain, Mr. Gyllenhaal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Now, girls, listen up, because I know you are all just going to swoon at the news!

                                    Tonight, at 8PM, at the Laura Perls Theatre, Jake Gyllenhaal, he of the wavy hair, dreamy eyes, and winning smile, will make his New York stage debut in a play called "If There Is, I Haven't Found It Yet,"  by Nick Payne.  This play was performed in London, several years back, and is now being brought here, with a cast headed by Mr. Gyllenhaal, and that great actor, Mr. Brian F. O'Byrne!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       The play deals with an overweight teen named Anna, who is mercilessly bullied by her peers for being overweight.  When her mother transfers her to the school where she herself teaches, thinking things will improve, they only become worse.   Michelle Gomez plays the mother, Annie Funke (change that name fast, honey, if you want to stay in the biz!!!!!!) plays Anna, while Mr. O'Byrne plays her father.

                                       Then, out of the blue, of course, steps in to the scene Teen Angel--or, Uncle Terry, Mr. O'Byrne's ne'er do well brother, played by Mr. Gyllenhaal.  And Uncle Terry, to be sure, has a galvanizing effect!!!!

                                         Honey, no one plays a ne'er do well like Jake!!!!!  He did it superbly in the film "Brothers," with Tobey Maguire.  Hell, he could play a serial killer, and, with all his charm, get the audience to root for him.  Do I hear "Shadow Of A Doubt," in the background????????

                                          How I wish I could be there at this First Night, to cheer Jake on!!!!!
I am sure those cheers will be heard all over the Rialto, when he steps on stage!!!!!!

                                           And, personally, I am happy for Jake.  From what I have heard, stage acting is something he has wanted to do, because--can you believe this, darlings???-- due to   his stunning good looks, AND the fact that he can actually act, Hollywood hasn't quite known what to do with him!!!!!  Can you imagine???????  Only in Hollywood, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Marilyn Monroe had a similar problem, too.  Let's hope Jake's transition is smoother than hers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             For so many of us, Jake will forever be known as Jack Twist in "Brokeback Mountain!"  Can you believe that was seven years ago????????   So, all eyes will be on Jake, as he embarks on this next career chapter!!!!!!!

                                              Oh, Jake (sigh!), take us all to Brokeback Mountain!!!!!!!!!

                                               And that is Brokeback, lamb chops, not bareback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!