Darlings, When It Comes To Bitches, NOTHING Beats An Upper East Side Bitch!!!!!!!!!!

                                            Girls, as long as we are speaking of bitches--a subject near and dear to us all!!!!--I must apologize!!!!  Because of the little drama you are now about to hear, I could not get out this week's Bitch Of the Week post, so I shall make up for it, right now, by saying, that had I been able, there would have been absolutely no question about whom was selected--Hurricane Sandy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             It was precisely because of THAT bitch, that my little drama unfolded, one that gave my hives, elevated my blood pressure slightly, and silenced--that is right, girls, SILENCED!!!!--my Inner BARBRA for Two Whole Days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Bet James Brolin would wish he could have been here!!!!!!!!

                                             Anyway, here is what happened.  I am on several prescription meds, but two--Dilantin and Klonopin--are essential.  The first I take because, at an early age, I was diagnosed with Petit Mal (epilepsy!!!!), and had a seizure when I was five, which was triggered by an allergic reaction to phenobarbital that was given to me, while I was sick with a cold.  Before you could say Brooke Hayward, I convulsed, went into a coma, and, when I finally came to in the hospital, I later found out two days had gone by.  The whole thing was like a dream.  I remember sitting at my play table, coloring in a book, when I could see blackness descending over my eyes, like night over the city at the start of "Edge Of Night."  I lost my control  and began falling.  I knew I was going to hit the floor, but this is the last thing I remember till awaking in a hospital bed,  encased in an oxygen tent, with everyone looking at me.  I felt it was some kind of  a dream, and I was Dorothy at the end of "The Wizard Of Oz!"

                                             I have never had an incident like this again!!!!!!!!!  And let's just say I never want to!!!!!!!  So, on Friday, before the storm, I took my Dilantin bottle in to my pharmacy, to get refilled, only to discover it was at the point of No Refills!!!!!!  No worry--yet!!!--Jay, who is friendly and charming, gave me a couple for several days--enough to get through the storm, because--silly me!!!--I expected that by Thursday (yesterday!!!) everything would be back to normal!!!!!!!  Was I wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            Now, the Dilantin issue began to rear its ugly head.  So, Monsieur and I, on Tuesday, ventured out--our first time out since Sandy--to his pharmacy, the doctor was contacted, a prescription was promised, and I was told to pick it up on Wednesday at noon!!!!!!!!!  Fine!!!! Except, on Wednesday, just as I was leaving to do so, the phone rang.  It was the pharmacy!!!!  They said they could not fill my prescription--the wholesaler was in Jersey, and they did not have the brand I took!!!!! What????
Thanks, bu no thanks, I thought!  That Pharmaceutical Bitch!!!!!!!  I ought to slap her silly!!!!!  You can bet I will not even go there for moisturizing cream!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              I then went into High Panic Mode, and functional shutdown, convinced I was going to have a seizure, have to go the hospital, lose what brain cells I still have--and I was breaking out in hives!!!!!!!!!   Thank God, Monsieur is saner than I am!!!!!  He said tomorrow morning we would go into the city, with his friend, Ellen, who is glamorous, on the Express Bus!!!!! I said I am taking two books with me, because, with the ride ahead, I very well might finish one, and need to start another!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Lambs, I am telling you, what a day!!!!!!  We were up at 5, and sitting on
Ellen's couch by 6:30!!!!!!!  Now, I love Ellen's apartment, but, I am telling you, no one, I mean NO ONE, wants to be anywhere than their own place, at that hour!!!! But there were some exciting compensations.  I got to see Ellen.s enormously constructed baby Baskets and gifts, and I got to watch her apply her make-up, so I learned some very important beauty tips!!!!!!!!!!  I couldn't believe how fast it took Ellen to look gorgeous!!!!!!!!  Sweeties, it takes me HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 The bus came, we got seats, and it was stop-and-go almost  the whole way.
Almost three hours in to our destination, and then a half hour walk to my doctor and pharmacy, who both happen to be near where I work, so I was using this as a test run for commuting.  Basically, morning and evening rush hours combined, I would be commuting for seven hours!!!!!!!!!  Like, no way, Jose!!!!!!! If I am needed that badly, they can just put me up at the Pierre!!!!!!  I could walk from there, and plan out my wedding and reception with the staff, at he same time!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  We made it to the pharmacy, and their system was down, so we had
to go to my doctor, and get written prescriptions.  The noun is now plural, because, along the way, I decided, with only a week's worth of Klonopin left, (which I take for sleep, and anxiety--can you believe it?????????) I better fill that one, too.  The others I was good on, supply wise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   The prescriptions were issued, and, on the way back to the pharmacy, I ran into one of my lovely co-workers, Amy.  When she heard my tale of travel horror, she agreed--get back home, and stay there!  But, before we could, we made a stop to Gracious Homes, where Monsieur purchased this gorgeous fabric covering for our couch.  Next we went to the optics place, where my Very Expensive, Stephanie March Eyeglasses, are being readied, to see if they were; they weren't!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Now, pay close attention, because this is where the Upper East Side comes into play.  We had to go over there--around York and 86th; can you believe it??? Almost like being back in Queens!!!!--because Monsieur had to visit this glass repair place, to fix one of our pieces that broke during the storm!!!!!   Once there, we ended up having lunch at this Upper East side Diner, packed to the gills for no discernible reason than people being stranded, or having Cabin Fever!!!!!!!!!  The route to the bathroom was longer than the expanse of the diner, and we had to sit next to an alcoholic meeting with his sponsor!!!! How cheerful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    It is funny about the Upper East Side of Manhattan.  It is overrated, as far as I am concerned, and, no, darlings, I am not saying this over jealousy over  not living there. I don't think I would, even if I could!  I am strictly a Dakota Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!  But, I am telling you, next to Hollywood, I think there are more bitches per capita there (UES) than anywhere else!!!!!!!!  Which is why, whenever I find myself there, which is not too often, my Inner Bitch takes over--the shoulders pull back, the nose goes high in the air, and the attitude is don't you DARE mess with ME!!!!!!!  Let me tell you, it is hard work, being a bitch!!!!!!  It is physically draining, and I was glad to get out of there so I could finally De-Bitch!!!!!  I don't know how those gals who live the 24/7 do it--no wonder they look so constipated!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   Then we had to start back.  If I time the trip from waiting for the 5th  Avenue (Manhattan, now!!!) bus, to walking in to our Bay Ridge door, it took two-and-a quarter hours!!!!!
And this was because it was NOT rush hour, so add on another hour (or more!!!) to that, and you have roughly another three-and-one-half hours!!!!  Seven hours to commute, for a seven hour work day!!! I would be hospitalized with exhaustion, after three days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      It was only 3:15, and we were so tired from this draining trip we crashed, like we had worked a double shift!!!!!!!!!!!! I am telling you, that MTA better act fast!!!!!!!!!

                                                      But I got the meds I needed, so my health is intact, for the moment!!!!

                                                      I tell you, right now, I am feeling like Miss Mona, waiting for "The Bus From Amarillo!!!!!!!!!"