When The Poster Is Sometimes Better Than The Movie, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

                             Girls, it all started with John  Gnagy and "Learn To Draw."  This was a famous 50's interactive TV show, where this flannel shirted, goatee-wearing artist type named John Gnagy, would teach viewers techniques for drawing.  He even went into such things as shading and depth.  I remember he once drew a picture of a tropical island, with a moon.  I tried to follow along, but, honeys, you should have seen the results!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Nevertheless, because of this show, whenever I was asked, back then, what i wanted to be, when I grew up, I would say with absolute certainty, "I want to be an artist!"  Meaning I wanted to draw and paint, like John Gnagy.

                                Not long after that, I discovered horror and monster movies, the magazine "Famous Monsters Of Filmland," and a new  ambition was born--I was going to be a movie poster artist.  Especially for this genre.  I would cut the ads out of the papers, save them in a shoebox, and try to draw them.  My inability to replicate proved I was never going to make it in this line of work.  But it demonstrated that I had an eye for a good poster, when I saw one.  Which brings us to "Reptilicus."

                                 This was an English-dubbed, Scandinavian-made film, about a giant prehistoric monster that ravages Copenhagen, Denmark. Its locale was about its only novelty.  When it was released to theaters, in 1962, its poster was so enticing, I just HAD to see this movie, because I just KNEW it was going to be SO scary.  And I learned an important part of movie poster art, especially for the genre--the poster was not a success, unless it featured a cowering, cleavage endowed, barefoot beauty.  This goes all the way back to Fay Wray in "King Kong," in 1933.  And wouldn't you know I wanted to be the helpless, barefoot beauty, at least in terms of acting it out??????   I practiced a lot, darlings, I can tell you!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Imagine MY horror, three years later, when I actually saw "Reptilicus" on TV!!!!!!!!
Though still prepubescent--i was around 10 or 11--I was smart enough then to spot a piece of crap, when I saw one.  "Reptilicus" looked like one of those paper Chinese things you put on your fingers--with a dragon's head, attached to it.  It spat this glop that looked SO artificial I thought it was painted onto the film.  But the terror--there was none!!!!!!!!  Because the film was SO poorly made, you could see all the sets were miniatures, and the monster no larger than a toy!!!!!!!  PLUS--there were times when--and there was no attempt at concealment, here--when you could see the monster was on a dolly, being hauled across the set by techies off screen, pulling it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  It was my first encounter with false advertising, or maybe the Art Of Advertising, because the poster was so enticing it made you want to see the movie!!!!!!!  And then, when you did---what a disaster!!!!!!!!!  From then on, I looked at movie posters for the genre carefully, and learned this rule of thumb--the better the poster, the worse the film!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   The only poster to  equal "Reptilicus," was the one for the 1957 film, "The Deadly Mantis!"  I just love those words--"THIS WAS THE DAY THAT ENGULFED THE WORLD IN TERROR!"  And the poster was SO busy, with a menacing insect advancing, two lovers clinging, and militia shooting away!!!!!!!  Again, it looked SO frightening and exciting, but when you see the finished product, all you get are shots of a real preying mantis up against microscopic slides, making artificially dubbed "Zzzzzzzz" noises, as it supposedly flies through the air!  And wait till you see it demolish the Washington Monument--what a hoot!  Especially when they keep saying it is headed for New York City--he probably could not get a room at  the Plaza, or tickets to "The Music Man," with Robert Preston and Barbara Cook!!!!!!   Then, for all this, it is destroyed in a climactic scene that, visually, at least, looks like it comes crashing through a car wash!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Ah, the days of the great movie posters!!!!!!!  And all I wanted was to be a part of it!!!!!!!!!  And so I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have immortalized it all, here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!