Darlings, This Was The "Lace" Of Its Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

               
                                             "Incidentally, which one of you bitches is my mother?"
                                                 --Phoebe Cates, as Lili in "Lace" (1984)
                   
                              That phrase was a hoot in both the 1982 novel, and 1984 TV miniseries.  Of course, the story did not fool me one bit, since I saw how it was cast.  In "Lace," four girls, at an exclusive boarding school, have
licentious affairs with men.  One of them gets pregnant, and bears a child, who is given up for adoption, and they all vow to keep the secret of who is her mother.  The doctor who treats her delivers a clue, when he says that, of all the girls, she was the one he least expected!  So, when the movie version of "Lace" was shown on TV, I knew, from the cast list, who the mother was, right from the start--Bess Armstrong as Judy Hale!

                                Bess, and her goody-good image, never fooled me, and made her ideal for playing bitches, because you always knew there was mendacity behind her smile.  Sh e was like the prime time Diane Dykeman!!!!!!!!!  Look at the TV show, "On Our Own," where she got her start.  Now, Lynnie Greene, her costar, was supposed to be the star of the show, because she walked off with it.  But something must have been going on behind the scenes, because, when the show was cancelled, Lynnie was gone, and Bess, with her very limited talent, was all over the place!  What a bitch!  So, no, I was not surprised when she turned out to be Lili's mother!  In fact, I expected it!

                                "Lace," with that line, and its secrecies and quest for revenge, was supposed to be so shocking for its time!  Shirley Conran ALMOST became the new Jacqueline Susann, but then "Lace" did not have the campy verisimilitude of "Valley Of The Dolls!"

                                  But who knew that, fifty years before, such stories were being written???? I had no idea,
either, until I was led to "Thirteen Women," which became a Myrna Loy movie in 1932, produced by--get this!!!!!!!!--David O. Selznick!

                                    Even trash was high class, back then!  And this was made during Myrna's bitch period--when she was playing things like the daughter in "The Mask Of Fu Manchu!!!!!!!!!"   You know, when I think about it, Myrna was the Gwyneth Paltrow of her time; she would have been more interesting with a career as bitches, than she was in her "perfect wife" mold, though she had more acting chops than Gwynnie to score success at that!  But "Thirteen Women" is a hoot!

                                      Myrna plays a Eurasian woman, who was socially excluded by white girls at her private school!  (Now, why they didn't cast Merle Oberon, whose life this practically was, is a mystery to me!!!!!!!!!  But Michael Korda got even with her, when he wrote "Queenie!!!!!!!!!!")  In adulthood she--do you believe this???--joins forces with a swami, to have the girls killed, or kill themselves!  No one knows who is doing this, though when it comes down to killing Laura's (Irene Dunne) young son, Bobby, Myrna is tracked down, and does an Anna Karenina in front of a subway train!

                                        If this isn't "Lace," circa 1932, I don't know what is, darlings!!!!!!!!!  I cannot wait to see this piece  of trash, with Myrna as a magnificent bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!  To think, it predates Morgan Fairchild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Everyone thinks the "good old days" were so virtuous!  Here is proof they were not!

                                          Rock on, Myrna!  You magnificent bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!